Where Useless Advice Breeds Counseling

Do you need advice? Advice that only a person pretending to be a celebrity
could answer for entertainment purposes only?
Then you've come to the correct place: GrudgeLine.
Here at GrudgeLine, we've assembled a cracked staff to solved your daily problems.
Please send your question to

Dear Grudgeline,
Help me grudgeline! I was chillin' in the alley, and this some punk got me really P.O.ed, and I pushed him in front of a truck! Where should I bury the body?
Your pal,
Big D

Dear Big D,
Oh my goodness! You killed someone? And you want hide the body but don't know where? WELL, LA-DEE-FREAKIN'-DAA!!! Listen, I've "accidentally" killed hundreds of people, and do you see me boo-hoo-ing? SO, SHUT YOUR YAPPER!
Okay, okay, let me try to help. Here's what I've learned during MY "life experiences." There'll be plenty of time to explain the body's absence, WHEN IT'S HIDDEN IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER! You can get far away, perhaps even over the border, when the body is HIDDEN IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!
While you're gone, I just make myself at home in your apartment. Are you stocked up on beer? You'd better pick some up before you leave, just to be safe.
Your pal,
Matt Foley

Dear Grudgeline,
my college football team has made the playoffs, (we're Division 2 where we have playoff games instead of that BCS crapoff) and i really want to go to the game. We are playing bentley, a team from the boston area that plays in a weak confrence and we are going to kill them. but, i got a ton of papers due, and that whole weekend would be a bus ride from grand rapids to boston, a bar crawl or three, and the game. but no papers done and i dont pass, making most of this semester would be a waste for me, except for last week where i had this girl totally making out with me right at the bar. what should i do???
-the big booty daddy of GVSU!!

Dear Mr. GVSU!!,
Playoff games? Are you kidding? I'll give you four good reasons why I hate using a playoff system to determine championships: 1997, 2001, 2002, 2003! How is it that I can outspend EVERY team in Major League Baseball and still not automatically be awarded the championship trophy? The playoff system, that's how! It makes me sick. I didn't spend over a billion dollars on players' salaries so I'd only win 4 championships! I want them all!
Anyway, my suggestion is to continue making out with the dame.
Hoping you crush that team from, ugh, Boston,
George M. Steinbrenner, III
Majority Owner - New York Yankees

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