Where Useless Advice Breeds Counseling

Do you need advice? Advice that only a person pretending to be a celebrity
could answer for entertainment purposes only?
Then you've come to the correct place: GrudgeLine.
Here at GrudgeLine, we've assembled a cracked staff to solved your daily problems.
Please send your question to

Dear Grudgeline,
i am trying to start an empire but i just can't seem to get it to go farther than my own front pourch. i just know that if it were i who was ruling the world things would be allot better. Plus, if i'm made emperor i can see to it that all assicoiated with Grudgeline and Grudgematch live forever. i know i'll be a great ruler
-J. Stanley

Dear J,
I C U have a head start on NE advice I'd give 2 U. Take all short cuts u can; especially in your writing. It is nev R 2 L8 2 start. There is really no need 2 B capitalizing a lot of letters--especially at a start of a sentence. It's GR8 that you didn't even complete your own 1st name. You show promise. I M a lit L concerned B cuz U added a U in porch & whatever U did 2 associated. (That extra l in a lot is OK; no extra keystrokes) You're raw; but U R 1 person with GR8 potential! Keep abbrev! I didn't get 2 where I M 2day by spending a lot of time spell checking.
P.S. Or U could just change your 1st name 2 Morgan.

Dear Grudgeline,
This stinks,I am under 13,i want to buy things(like video games(MUHAHAHAHHAHA ALL THE VIDEO GAMES WILL BE MINE(if you help me)))and i only get $5 bucks a week,but that has stopped because my dad got a new car. WHAT TO DO?!?!?!?!?!?
- Person really badly wanting a new video game

Dear Person,
With all-a my plumbing days, I thought I'd-a seen it all. But no, I hadn't. WHERE DID-A YOU DAD FIND A CAR FOR $5 BUCKS A WEEK? Thatsa great! Even someone under 13 should appreciate something like that. Man, if I could afford a car, I wouldn't have to walk, run, and ride dinosaurs everywhere. Plus, rather than jumping on koopas, I could just run-a 'em down like those other Italian stereotyped boys do. Oh, you've given my life some-a hope! Grazie molto!!
-Mario Mario

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