Where Useless Advice Breeds Counseling

Do you need advice? Advice that only a person pretending to be a celebrity
could answer for entertainment purposes only?
Then you've come to the correct place: GrudgeLine.
Here at GrudgeLine, we've assembled a cracked staff to solved your daily problems.
Please send your question to

Dear Conan the Librarian,
I think you're absolutely hot and would do anything (and I mean.... anything) for a date.
But in case you're unavailable, I was wondering how you got the liscencing to carry a sword within your library? I am so sick of punks making noise and am anxious to dish out some barbaric justice.
Sexually Repressed(TM) Librarian
P.S. Call me!
Dear, (TM) Librarian
I will go on date in exchange for new shiney sword(TM). As to how I got my first sword, I spearheaded a movement to oust my state's current girly-man governor, install myself in his position, and then do whatever I wanted.
P.S. New rule: All [female] Librarians [under 40] must attend to Conan one night a month.

Dear reader,
Hi. My name is Bob. Now, it looks like you have some issues. You're writing letters and then answering them yourself. Not only that, but the characters in your letters cannot keep on topic. This suggests to me that you have multiple personalities. However, with the lack of concentration on the topics, it appears that each of your multiple personalities have schizophrenia. I think we'll start you off with some Prozac. Wait, actually Librium would be a better management tool. Then start reading Baby Steps by Dr. Leo Marvin. After that, feel free to read my bestseller, Death Therapy. They worked for me. My receptionist, Betty, will send you the books.
Best wishes to you and "the fam"
-Bob Wiley

Dear Grudgeline,
Dear Grudgeline, I want to take the world starting with Asia. How would I go about doing so? Sould I start a revolt in China? A coupe in Japan? I'll give you Britian and her six Domains when it is over!
- Emperor_Joe

Military Man,
Tell Me Why. Rock and Roll Dream? Heat Of The Moment? Desire? Only Time Will Tell.
Are You Big Enough? On The Coldest Day In Hell!
After the War, Who Will Stop the Rain? Don't Call Me; U Bring Me Down. Enough's Enough. Lay Down Your Arms.
The Smile Has Left Your Eyes. Don't Cry. Forgive Me. Open Your Eyes. Turn It Around. Love Now Till Eternity.
Wildest Dreams,
-John Payne,,,,,

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