Where Useless Advice Breeds Counseling

Do you need advice? Advice that only a person pretending to be a celebrity
could answer for entertainment purposes only?
Then you've come to the correct place: GrudgeLine.
Here at GrudgeLine, we've assembled a cracked staff to solved your daily problems.
Please send your question to

Dear Grudgeline,
I'm having difficulty in my computer science course at college, this year. Instead of using a high-level language like Java or C++ (which I am used to), I need to program in Assembler (which I am not).
While I know that it's important for me to understand the basics of computer mainframe design, and to be able to count in hex, and while I'm grateful that they didn't start me off in a class where I program in binary, I still find it frustrating to do this type of work when I know for a fact that I won't be using Assembler for a major career outside of college barring the intervention of a major cosmic entity or shift of luck.
How should I handle my current situation?

Dear Afgncaap5,
Don't you whine about it, ye snack-treat-munching keyboard-lackey! Willie made millions in software, but lost it all at the track! Now ahm stuck cleaning up after wee li'l hoodlums day in und day oot! When you've gotten up off ye lazy arse long enough to get some hair on ye chest, come talk to Willie. Until then, Willie don't care!
- Groundskeeper Willie

Dear Grudgeline,
So how much should I offer my neighbor for his daughter's hand in marriage?
- Name withheld by request

Dear Name,
What'll it take to get you to take ol' Gil's daughter's hand in marriage, huh? I mean, she's eating me out of house and home and I haven't even got one! Come on. Give ol' Gil some help, willya? I'll give you what's left of my pants.

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