For those clamoring for more...
Superfriends vs. X-Men Responses, Da Sequel
And now, after a brief hiatus since the French
Army-English Soccer Hooligans tilt, it's time for the Tale
of the Tape.
1. Hand-to-Hand Combat Experts,
Superfriends: Batman and Robin
X-Men: Wolverine and Colossus
Advantage: X-Men. Logan and Peter doom the Dynamic Duds.
2. The "powers that be"(It's a crisis situation! You know they
will be there try to capitalize on it!)
Superfriends: Called upon by the military-industrial complex to clean
up their mess.
X-Men: Scapegoated by the military-industrial complex(in the person
of Senator Kelly) to cover their mess.
Advantage: Superfriends. The X-Men are going to get blamed for the
whole episode either way.
3. Women Cast in the Movie/TV version (because sex and
violence are related)
Superfriends: Lynda Carter
X-Men: Rebecca Romjin-Stamos, Famke "Onatopp" Janssen, and Halle
Advantage:X-Men. Do I really have to explain this one to you?
4. Coolest Beam Weapon
Advantage: Push. It's all just special effects anyway.
5. Connections with past Grudge Match/Ground Zero losers
Superfriends: Tight-wearing Freaks, much like Wrestlers
X-Men: Patrick Stewart(alias Jean-Luc Picard) as X-Men
Advantage: Superfriends. Even in the Tale of the Tape, Star Trek
still earns you the open end of the Whoop-@$$ can
So there you have it, it's so simple when you break it down
And the winner... Push! There is no winner!
But wait... X-Men has a connection to Star Trek, and "Star Trek Must
Lose" is the first tie-breaker!
So in the final analysis the Superfriends emerge victorious and the
freaks end up as chihuahua meat. Not that it matters. The chihuahuas
will probably slaughter the Superfriends anyway.
- Richard Baker
Paul and Joe seem to have both forgotten something important: the
match is based on the TV shows, so nobody is getting their ass handed
to them. Outside of a few punches on X-Men I'm having a hard time
thinking of any instance of personal violence on either show. These
shows do follow a very predictable pattern, though, so it's easy to
see what's going to happen.
Professor Xavier won't be showing up, he never does unless he is
asked by an old friend who has turned evil, and in those cases he
doesn't bring anyone else as backup (and he's the smart one???).
Since the other X-Men are here, he is back at the hideout getting
kidnapped or something.
The first thing that happens is that Aquaman is captured. Wolverine
will probably do the honors just so that the Green Lantern can
say "No! Hes wearing yellow tights! My green power ring won't work
on him." Wonder Woman will try lassoing him and then act shocked
when he cuts her lasso. Meanwhile everyone else will be standing
around: the superfriends because the animators are too cheap to move
that many people, and the X-Men because the writers arent that
Despite the fact that has captured the second whimpiest superfriend,
and that his claws are made of admantium and strong enough to cut
steel, Wolverine will be completely incapable of actually hurting
Aquaman because the TV censors have never let him once so much as
Cyclops will eventually get tired of this standoff and fire his
eyebeam at Wonder Woman. Despite the fact that she is three feet
away, she will still have time to announce "I will use my amazing
reflective wristbands to return that eyebeam to you." Fortunately
for Cyclops the show he's in does not require him to stand there like
a dolt after she blatantly told him what she was going to do, so he'd
be able to duck it.
Batman will fumble around a bit looking for his bat-mutant-stopping-
ray until beast explains how it's not actually possible to make one.
Unfortunately for him, both shows have bizarre enough physics so that
not only is it possible, but Robin has it in his belt, putting Beast
out of the match early.
After a long stand off, Superman will suddenly remember that he is
just about as close to all-powerful as you can get (including
impervious to mind control - how do you think he defeated Mtzlplk, or
whatever his name is?) and actually uses this to his advantage by
wrapping the X-Men in a steel girder. When Storm summons a rain
cloud he will, against all laws of physics, pick up the cloud and
throw it out to sea. If Rogue tries to steal his powers he will use
the amazing technique none of her other victims ever seemed to
consider: he will step out of her reach.
Oh yeah, and during all this, for no apparent reason, Zan and Jayna
will turn into a lemur and a puddle.
Of course, in the end the X-Men will escape through an improbably
contrived coincidence that they have an easily reachable button that
let's them escape from just that situation.
- Warren Von
For what its worth, I bet the Superfriends could call on Ace and
Gary, the Ambiguously Gay Duo, for backup.
- MonkeyDog *winces* Shouldn't have used the word "backup."
If we're talking about the X-Men from the animated series, then the
sad fact is that we're talking about a bunch of guys that got thier
collective asses handed to them by a single man. No, I'm not talking
about Magneto. Not Apocalypse either. And definately not Mr.
Sinister. No, I'm talking about Morph.
Yeah, you heard right, Morph. The shapeshifter. The X-Men's
unofficial Red Shirted Ensign(TM) who died in the pilot. Sure he
died early, but like every good hero, he got resurected. And when he
did, what did he do? That's right, he systematicly took apart the X-
Men. Heck, this guy got rid of both Xavier and Magneto for an entire
season! Morph plowed through Wolverine multiple times! Morph
practially butchered the X-Men.
Which is why the Superfriends are going down. Y'see, in the show's
final eppisode, Morph rejoined the X-Men. And this isn't just the
happy-go luck Morph. The new Morph is a battle hardened veteran,
who's faced his fears (litterally) and won. And with the rest of the
X-Men there to back him up, Morph is really going to cut loose.
Just imagine what would happen if Wonderwoman saw 'Batman' attacking
Robin. How would Green Lantern react if he was suddenly attacked by
'Aquaman?' How could the Superfriends go on if they saw 'Superman'
being cut down by Cyclop's optic blast? This is the power of Morph.
And if he was discovered, he could always morph into Omega Red and
start kicking ass that way.
'Sides, in the final episode, Magneto also joined the team. Just
imagine what *he* could do in this match...
- The Animator
The name of the Superfriends leader, Superman, is one translation of
Nietzche's concept of "Overman" or ubermensch.
The leader of the X-men is known as Professor X, or Professor
"Cross". The X is simply an abbreviation of Christ, as in X-man.
Therefore, the X-men symbolize Christianity.
To sum it all up:
X-men = Christianity, Superfriends = Atheism/Nietzche.
Nieztche, the driving force behind the Superfriends, declared that God
Is Dead. Professor "Christ" X, as the son of God, doesn't stand a
- Mr Roboto
In the tradition of males everywhere, I shall vote for the side with
more women. I see four on the X-men side and only three on the
Oh my God, two of those are MEN!!!
I don't consider the Superfriends a major force if it is so hard to
distunguish between their men and their woman.
Long Live the X-Men!!!
- I'm not an Alien!!!
Ok, now it isn't fair at all to bring this match up as the movie hits
theatres, everyone's got the girl playing Rogue and Halle Berry (who
makes a very nice Storm and is far from a lesbian in my book) on
their minds. The simple fact is this, the X-Men are limited by their
powers, while the superfriends are not. What I mean is that, in a
situation where their regular powers aren't enough, DC gives them
something new. Even in situations where they are fine, but just
aren't bringing in the bucks. Look at Superman: Used to just be the
man of steel, suddenly he's dead, and has spawned 4 or 5 new comics,
he comes back and now he's electrical! Where the hell did that come
from? WHO CARES! My point is that he changed with the speed of
Saban's Power Rangers (I'm going to hell for invoking Evil's name, so
appreciate me here) who as we all know, have gone through so many
upgrades and new abilities, yet maintains the same plot. I
personally think THEY should get their asses kicked but, you can't
deny that despite the bombardment we have recieved, we still hear
about them through commercials for their toys and from McDonalds (One
of the evil one's most trusted minions), which only goes to show you
that adaptability, however cheesy it may be, will always beat the
unchanging. The only thing the X-Men have changed is their costumes,
which when the Superfriends are finished, will have to be changed
again (at least the lower halves of them).
OK, let's rundown the factors:
The Rage (tm): this is easy. Wolverine. Period. End of story. The
entire Superduperfriends couldn't pull together half the rage of old
Kanucklehead. Joe's feeble attempt to endow Superman with Rage(tm)
for lifetime celebacy is horribly transparent since NO ONE in comic
books has sex.
Normally, Batman would balance that with his Mentos level cool except
that the Super-friend version of Batman was based on the campy 70's
version, who only beat campy villians without any superpowers.
(joker, penguin, riddler) So, with Gambit on their side, the X-men
take the Mentos cool factor.
Superman really is a non-factor here. Being the eternal Boy Scout
that he is, he won't dare hit a man in a wheelchair, which means that
he's pretty much going to be Professor X's little telepathic bitch.
And why? The bald factor. Superman's arch villian is a bald-headed
genius, who Superman has never managed to catch. Professor X is and
has always been bald and a genius. 'Nuff said.
The Flash is no match for Jean Grey; fast as he is, he isn't faster
than thought. And telekenisis has a mighty long reach.
Green Lantern: Hmm, both Rogue and Wolerine wear costumes that are
mostly YELLOW. After about five seconds, Wolvie gives Green Latern a
new name of 'Captain Stumpy'.
Jubilee follows a long line of X-chicks who have that grrl-power cute
factor on their side. This compares to the Wonder Twins and Marvin,
who are cute in the same 'mangled and killed' sort of way as Westley
I voted Superfriends for one reason, and one reason only. Anna
Paquin. Whose idea was it to cast Anna Paquin as Rogue? Screw this
match, throw that guy in with the X-Men.
- Kopper Golyathe, who will be very upset if this message isn't posted this time... I've been waiting for months
I haven't responded to any matches for quite awhile but this one
caught my attention. Despite their overwhelming popularity (and the
fact that they appear to be winning this match), the X-Men can't hold
a candle to the Justice League (lamely named the Superfriends here).
Remember the Secret Wars series from the 80's? Spider-Man trashed
the entire X-Men team completely by himself and only took about ten
frames to do it. I'm not quite geeky enough to go look it up, but I
remember Spider-Man telling Wolverine, "Those pigstickers may scare
the ladies, but they're a joke to me", right before he landed a
haymaker on Wolvie's jaw.
Of course, Spider-Man isn't in this fight, but the SuperFriends have
one person who can take on the entire X-Men and blow them away just
as bad as Spider-Man and I don't mean Superman. Batman is, of
course, the deciding factor in this fight. Again I refer to the
comics (have you guessed that I have read way too many comic books in
the last twenty years?). I make reference to a graphic novel, the
name of which escapes me, in which a group of new superheros with
tremendous powers appears and starts beating the Justice League to
all of the big battles and taking care of all of the world's worst
criminals. Eventually, the Justice League is being called upon to
disband and let these new heros take over their vigilante duties. Of
course, the new heros turn out to be evil aliens in the process of
lulling the world's governments into a false sense of security while
they slowly exercise their diabolical mind control and start to take
over the Earth. When the SuperFriends go against them they are
immediately squashed and captured, all but Batman. When the Batplane
is shot down in the ocean, they assume him dead and start torturing
the others (including Superman). By the time the book is over,
Batman (with no super powers to rely on) has discerned the aliens'
weaknesses and taken them out one by one, finally rescuing the rest
of the SuperFriends.
Batman always gets overlooked because of a lack of super powers and
because of that really stupid TV show (not to mention the lousy
movies). He beats the X-Men singlehandedly. His mind is too strong
to be overpowered by Professor X or Jean Gray. His suit is grounded
so Storm's lightning bolts cannot harm him. His boots are magnified
so strong winds can't blow him away. He can deflect Cyclops' eye
beams with any number of mirrored gadgets. He has no super powers
for Rogue to steal and precious little exposed flesh for her to touch
anyway. Wolverine is a good fighter but he has none of the combat
skills that Batman has acquired by training with every legendary
martial arts master the world has ever seen. In one of Marvel's and
DC's regrettable team up issues, he fought Captain America to a
standstill. He can disappear into a shadow, he can suddenly produce
any kind of expensive gadget you can dream up, he can beat the crap
out of anyone without super strength toe-to-toe, and he clearly is
more than the X-Men can handle.
Oh yeah, I forgot the Beast. Funny how that happens. I guess all of
the rest of the SuperFriends combined can probably take him.
- Todd McFarlane (I wish)
"...the Man of Steel screwing them faster than a speeding
bullet and shooting them off to the sun."
Um... Joe, could you have chosen a more unfortunate combination of
words for your hero? "Man of steel" might get the ladies' engines
purring, but the "faster than a speeding bullet" will keep them away
in droves. (Hint: that vibration coming from Lois Lane's purse ain't
her cellphone, muchacho!)
If he could control his hair trigger, the "money shot" into the sun
would be cool, but there isn't much demand for a two-stroke engine in
the porn industry.
Superman a superhero? No.
Poster boy for Premature Ejaculation? Probably.
Itıs an unfortunate fact that Marvel cannot make a decent movie out of its characters to save its stock. Examples A-C: Captain America, the Punisher, the Fantastic Four movie that went straight to comic convention bootlegs. These movies are getting abandoned in the Previously Viewed resale ghetto bin of Blockbuster next to Cutthroat Island.
DC, on the other hand, makes great movies. Superman, Batman, solid quality entertainment. The choice should be clear.
But hold your spandex, buster. Letıs look at the past few years. Marvel released Blade, who was a very minor but nonetheless Marvel character, and it kicked some undead booty. Marvel also bought Malibu Comics a few years ago, which published a book called Men in Black they based the movie from. With a Spider-man movie looking to be filmed soon (soonı meaning before Haleyıs Comet returns) it looks like the Marvel tide is turning.
But would that mean that DC is getting the ass end of this metronome? Do recent DC movies have a corresponding rating on the suckometer? Examples A-C: Superman IV, Steel, Batman and Robin. Iıd give that an affirmative.
Thus, the X-Men will be victorious both at the box office and the battleground, and the Superfriends will blow purple Wonder Twin chunks. Hopefully Spider-Man will get filmed before the metronome comes back and a Power Pack movie gets made.
- Kilgore Trout
I voted X-Men just because it is another chance to kiss-up to Rebecca
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to renew my Sports Illustrated
subscription and watch another riveting episode of Full House.
- Capital J
Sure, the Superfriends may have the skills necessary to defend the
world from the likes of the Legion of Doom, but then again, so
does a 6th grader wielding a pointed stick.
While the X-Men were fighting the devastating power of Apocalypse, Mr.
Sinister, and Magneto (who admitedly has pretty lame-ass powers, but
used them pretty well), the Superfriends were squaring off against a
gang of pantless misfits led into battle by a bald guy in a purple
jacket who's only super powers amounted being rich and white (and
possibly keeping Solomon Grundy from trashing the office furniture
during the mandatory Legion of Doom roll call sequence).
Even their choicest lineup consisted of a retarded version of
Superman, a talking ape, the Riddler (who's super power was giving
away vital information to the opposing side), an eskimo, an animated
pile of straw, and some guy in a wetsuit who was supposed to give the
group a leg up against the might of Aquaman! Sheesh! Put simply, the
Superfriends are out of shape, and worthless in any conflict that
doesn't involve rescuing their own teammates from kidnappers more
inept than themselves.
- Troy "guvnor" Wood
I like the X-Men. Don't get me wrong. But I was watching SuperFriends
one day and they were in some sort of Kryptonite cage or
something--the important fact here is that they couldn't get out--and
they were hurtling towards Jupiter and they were all gonna die, when
Batman says, "Robin, hurry, let's get out our little thingamajigs that
will hook onto the bottom of this cage and set us free, which I made
us just in case this event ever happened." Okay, that wasn't
verbatim, but I clearly remember something about how Batman made those
JUST IN CASE THAT EVENT EVER HAPPENED. If he has that sort of
foresight, I think the X-Men are in serious trouble.
The mutants have met their match this time. They may be popular, they
might look good in leather, but the Superfriends will counter their
every move with the most effective weapon ever used in comics:
Hostess Fruit Pies.
The numbers will tell the tale. Heroes using the flavorful taste
treats have bested their opponents each and every time. They simply
don't fail! And nearly every Superfriend has been shown using the
Perfect Pie- Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, Flash, heck, even lowly
Plastic Man! In comparison, the X-men have never once appeared in a
Hostess ad. Want proof? Check out the page that archives the ads:
In the very first microseconds of the fight, the Flash will fling
an assortment of Hostess Fruit Pies, and soon, the X-Men will be too
busy exclaiming "Yum! Delicious, light flaky crusts!" and "So many
flavors! You'll never get tired of them!" to even think about
fighting. While they're chowing down, the Superfriends will save the
day, and then return to share the tasty treats with their former foes.
- The Beatnik
I think the Superfriends would take each other out pretty well. Just
picture this: you're Superman. For the past ten years, you've spent
every week rescuing that idiot Aquaman from whatever boneheaded
situation he's gotten himself into. As you're gearing up for the fight,
you see Professor X and: Eureka! This is the answer you've been waiting
for! You walk over to Aquaman and punch him in the gut, not hard enough
so he dies, but his stools will be matching your cape for a few months.
As unconvincingly as possible you mumble, "Uh, sorry, Xavier made me do
it". The other Superfriends are clued in on this and beat a tearful
Aquaman to death.
Xavier then unleashes the flood of emotions Batman and Robin have for
each other, amplifying them so their attraction is unstoppable.
Unfortunately, since both Batman and Adam West are 55-year-old
virgins, he will accidentally trigger a number of stupid "Bat"-devices
and kill them both. Who knew Bat Shark Repellent was poisonous?
Now the X-Men actually have to do something. But Rogue can
easily fly and catch up to the now-escaping Superman and steal his
powers, rending him weak. Xavier can get the honor of repeatedly
rolling over him until the Man of Steel is no more. Since the least
inept Justice Leaguer left is (*scoff*) Wonder Woman, and the
Superfriends have never been in any kind of real
combat...advantage X-Men! In ten minutes, five if someone takes pity on
Aquaman during his vicious beating.
- Frank Fritter
the underdogs (no not the yappers roughly the weight of a rottweiler)
will win this match.
why you may ask, because he is the ultimate in coolness,RAGE,and power in the comic
he has lost his wife, had rouge as a girlfriend,has a louisiana
accent, is a thief, and, was still cool in the cartoon version.
beside, his power can kill anyone in the super friends
charge a bat-a-rang, throw it back
charge the lasso, throw it back
charge a wonder twin, throw it at the other one
even superman will be turned into super ketchup after a charge
beside, even if they loser, he could still charge up the street they
are on and BOOM, say goodbye super friends
Wonder Woman. My favorite. She has neat little bracelets that can
deflect bullets. I don't recall Beast ever toting a Mack 10. She
also has this keen airplane that is INVISIBLE! Give me a break. It
was rumored that she was the first casualty of the Gulf War (R).
Once she penetrated Iraqi air space, the Air defense bubbas picked
her up and phoned it in to Saddam Hussein: "Your excellency! Our
RADARs have detected a fine ass chick in a red, white and blue corset
doing mach 3!" She was never heard from again...
Full Point - X-men
- Ted Krol (yes, THE Ted Krol - there can be only one...)
Pheonix telekinetically chokes the life out of Wonder Woman with her
lasso of truth. WW's last words: "They're...not...real!"
And that's it, ladies and gentlemen, I'll be here all week. Don't
forget to tip your waitresses.
- Tracer "snikt, snikt!" Malone
Anyone remotely knowledgable about the world of comics(and I qualify
as being remotely knowledgable) will see the DC/Marvel subtext
seething beneath the surface in this match. For decades, DC
superheroes have gotten the best of the deal: the big-budget movies
that actually earn back their production costs(Superman, Batman), the
TV series that last more than one season(the same two, plus even
Wonder Woman), and just greater respect all around. Marvel(home of
the X-Men) has struggled for that respect: their previous high point
was probably the Spiderman animated series of the mid-70s--and even
Spidey got stomped by a spoof superhero here just last year.
Now, however, Marvel is living up to its name, with an avalanche of
box-office bucks. You can see the inevitable comeback that decades
of frustration and Rage produces in this, but there is another
weapon in the arsenal, one no Superfriend will be able to counter.
I'm talking, of course, about The Blue Chick.
You don't even need to know her name. (I'm pretty sure it's Mystique,
but who cares?) One look at her in the trailers or the TV ads is
enough to turn every male head in America. That will definitely
include those males making up the bulk of the Superfriends. While
they're busy using their superpowers trying to figure out whether she
really is naked, the X-Men will exploit their distraction ruthlessly,
cutting a broad swath through their ranks.
They can't hurt Superman, of course, but they won't have to. Torn
between the lusts of his Super-id and the restraint of his Super-
superego, he'll simply explode.
In this equation, X=W+I+N.
- Call me Shane
while i personally feel that the superfriends will beat the living
daylights out of anyone who dares stand against them, im afraid that
they will lose this match. the reason? its because americans are
i think that i am correct in presuming that an overwhelming majority
of people who visit this site are americans. the x-men, created in
hollywood, are american. and the leader of the superfriends, superman
himself, was not only NOT born in the US, but in fact IS AN ALIEN.
and as all americans "know", nothing beats good ol' Uncle Sam(tm).
as for those who protest that americans are NOT xenophobes, let me
provide Hard Evidence to the contrary. as amply shown by previous
WWWF Grudge Matches(tm), any match involving an someone with even
remote connections to the US and anyone else ends in a victory for
the american party.
case 1: Willy the groundskeeper (american cartoon, american creation,
who presumably LEFT SCOTLAND to settle for a meaningless life in
springfield) beat BRAVEHEART (mel gibson, left the US to settle in
case 2: Paul Bunyan beat Taz in a tree cutting contest (ok, admitted,
not very good evidence, but still it was an american who beat a
case 3, CONCLUSIVE IRREFUTABLE EVIDENCE: indiana jones beat JAMES
BOND!!!!??? now, much as i respect harrison ford, NO ONE, and i mean
NO ONE beats the SUPERSPY. btw, i think superfriends should also
hell, if WWWF were to pit the Crocodile Hunter(tm) against
wallygator, you'd vote the australian dude out of the competition.
HEY. that COULD possibly be featured, couldnt it?
so, the superfriends will be voted out by the americans, but somehow,
it does not surprise me.. you voted for clinton.. TWICE!!!
- ajaya panday
Before I start, I must ask of Paul: Are you able to grow 50' tall
(clothing intact, no less), single-handedly defeat Brainiac, AND catch
his escape pod? No? Then, kindly do NOT mock the Apache Chief! Thank
Now that that's done, let's start with the Superfriends' most
disturbing weakness: a person once ranked as the #2 Most-Annoying
Cartoon Character, second only to Scrappy Doo. I speak, of course, of
that gibbering blue monkey wannabe. Whether Gleek's presence created
or merely filled the vacuum left by the Green Lantern, Hawk Man, et al
is unknown to me, but it indicates that the Hall of Justice has low
Another Superfriend soft-spot is the Hall's greater susceptability to
hacking. True, the X-Mens' HQ was subverted once in a "Spiderman"
episode, but that was by an impressively frightening cyborg. In
contrast, who did it take to infiltrate the Hall and allow Luthor to
lure the Superfriends to their near-doom? Some misfit teenager
fashioning himself "Captain Mystery" who even hacked some of Batman's
Worse, a brilliantly hilarious Cartoon Network promo shows the DC
heroes' poor adaptability: melodramatic urgency is applied even to
such "crises" as running out of popcorn in a movie theater. I dare not
guess how easily they would be caught off-guard if not for their
friend, the omniscient narrator.
The one saving grace for the Superfriends is illustrated in the
episode, "Universe of Evil," named for a parallel dimension in which
the native caped crew rushes to the scenes of natural disasters not to
forestall them but to excaberate them. Key scene: in a flood's
aftermath, a high-up gov't official calls up the Hall of Injustice but
can do nothing but spout angry rebukes ("We know who did it,
Superenemies!"). Ponder it: the X-Men have epic troubles with some
xenophobic tin-pot Mediterranean country ("Kenosha," perhaps? Maybe it
was really just in Wisconsin.) that makes giant robots, but these
evilfied (maybe that wasn't a word, but it is now!) Superfriends can
earn the wrath of probably every nation on Earth from a conspicuous
lair and the worst retaliation they face is empty threats from a
End analysis: In a battle against the X-Men, the Superfriends clearly
have fearsomely lethal potential deep within themselves.
Unfortunately, they have never fulfilled that potential in our
dimension as do-gooders, so the Marvel bunch will probably hang these
DCers' tights out to dry. Ah, what might have been...
- Matt Bricker
The clincher for me came when I saw a parody of Bud's "Waaazzzzzuuuup"
commercial [Dead link], featuring the Superfriends. After that, I'll never take
them seriously again...
hmmm... superman's skin can't be cut by ANY METAL (no exceptions) wolverine's claws can cut through ANYTHING (no exceptions) so what happens when the irrisistable force meets the immovable object? my guess is it does something to the ozone layer, and then the greenpeace people show up and start to kick ass.
Wonder Twins: *wretching sounds* The less said about them, the better. Jubilee is a MUCH more kick-butt junior member than either of these twerps. Besides, those two touch and she turns into an animal and he gets wet? That's a sick hidden message to give kids...
- "Mad Dog" Mike
Both of you seem to dismiss the "lesser" superfriends without realizing their importance. According to the opening of the TV show, that indian guy can grow real funking big(tm). The rest of the battle is obvious. Cyclops tries shooting laser thing at him *****squish**** Beast tries attacking him ***squish*** Professor X tries some mind control crap ****squish**** You get the idea. So I give it to the indian guy in about 5 minutes. He then goes on to the highway and crushes some people who obviously don't respect america by throwing litter out of their cars. Lets face it, any fighters whose photo looks like a mutated Brady Bunch cannot win.
- Peanuts "It's 12:21 on the day this is about to change, I hope I get it in on time" Pat
Here are some longer ones for those still with us.
There's some Ritalin in that candy dish if you need it.
Is there a Longest Response Ever award? Anyway, comics are my
expertise. I have been waiting for this match-up for a long time. Not
so much because the X-men rule, but because I am a hermit, and rarely
do I get a chance to slander superman in a public forum. I hate
superman. He is too powerful. He can fly, he has X-ray vision, heat
vision, frost breath, he's bulletproof, he's faster than a speeding
bullet, he has super strength, and he only thing that can hurt him is
a substance from another planet!...DC really went overboard. Every
other comic book character has 1 or 2 distinctive powers, Superman
has EVERY power that there is, or an equivalent. It makes me
sick. Most often, a comic book starts out cool but eventually, like
all things, it grows sucky with the passage of time. Superman was a
ridiculous concept to start with. I could go on but I'm the only one
who cares this much about comics so on with the analysis...
The super-friends are absolutely worthless. With the exception of
Superman (grrr), they are about as mean as a girl scout troop. Let's
look at them individually, and compare them to their X-counterpart.
As you should all know, when two super-groups meet, each combatant
picks one opponent and focuses only on that person.
NOTE:now would be a good time to get comfortable
Aquaman:talks to fish. That's it, he only talks to fish.
Jubilee could probably kick his ass, but I have this mental image of
Storm striking any nearby bodies of water with lightning. Fish
sticks, anyone? No? Me neither.
Wonder Woman:She has a magic lasso and an invisible jet. The X-
men have the blackbird, with it's advanced radar, no jet is
invisible. So basically she has a lasso. Nightcrawler is her
equivalent, and he can "phase" through walls, and I would assume he
can phase through some dumb rope.
Batman:The only DC character who was ever cool. (Remember the
Dark Knight era?)Okay, he has some neat toys, but God help him if he
throws that damn boomerang at Wolverine (these two face off because
they are each the coolest member of their respective organizations).
Wolverine's claws are adamantium, they can cut through anything but
adamantium. Adamantium only exists in the Marvel universe, so our DC
friends are at a bit of unfair adavantage. (Man of STEEL? Colossus is
the man of ADAMANTIUM)
Green Lantern:What the hell does he do??? He's got a ring that
shoots Green Crap(tm). I guess his counterpart would be Cyclops, who
can shoot Red Crap(tm) from his eyes. This is a tough one to call.
Red is a primary color, but I can't really go anywhere with that
without mentioning Brown Crap(tm, my butt) which no one over age 8
wants to read about. So let's look at Star Wars:Episode 1. Darth Maul
had Red Crap(tm) coming out of his light saber. He defeated Qui-Gon,
whose saber had Green Crap(tm) coming out of it. Granted, he was
ultimately killed by the Green Crap(tm), but by Obi-Wan, who usually
uses Blue Crap(tm). And since Green Crap(tm) could not prevail
without the help of Blue Crap(tm), Green Lantern loses (too bad he
wasn't the Teal Lantern)
Flash:why is he there? All he can do is run fast, and Superman
is faster than him anyway. I guess he would be matched to Jean Grey,
who is also there for no reason b/c Professor X can do anything she
can but better, except walk. Anyway, I see Marvel Girl putting a
telekinetic wall around the Flash. He could bang on the walls really
fast, but he's not getting out. End of story.
Wonder Twins:Cowering in fear with that stupid monkey
Superman:Well, we still have some X-Men left over, maybe they
could go warm up the car. Because Superman's ridiculously
overwhelming power will be his downfall. As you may or may not know
(I didn't see this mentioned in the commentary), Rogue's power is not
that she can fly and punch really hard. If her skin makes contact
with anyone elses, she absorbs their life force. This means that if
her skin makes contact with someone who has super powers, she absorbs
their powers for a limited time, and they die, depending on how long
she makes contact. When she was 16, some boy gave her a peck on the
cheek and he was in a coma for about 4 years. Now I vaguely remember
an issue of the Uncanny X-Men that I read when I was about 10 where
the X-Men were getting their asses kicked (I don't remember who was
doing the kicking, maybe the Shi'ar empire, but I gaurandamntee they
were tougher than those candy-assed SuperFriends[sheesh, even their
name is gay]). Anyway, Rogue saw the hopelessness in the situation,
and flew around to each exhausted X-man, touching them and absorbing
their power. The X-men were all left unconscious, but she had the
powers of all of them combined and let me tell you...never, ever, in
any movie, comic book, or television show have I seen anyone kick
that much ass. She was unstoppable. Now you have established in the
commentary that Superman is sexually frustrated, so all Rogue has to
do is work some of that Southern Belle(tm, not the phone company)
charm and get one kiss...Hell, she could even just sneak up on him
and touch him. Done deal. Those sissies should just be grateful that
a Carl Potts/Jim Lee era PUNISHER is nowhere around.
Alright, I know it's entirely too long, but I spent hours of typing
and research on this crap when I should have been working, so please
be kind-don't hack it to pieces when you edit
The X-Men have it all *over* the Justice Leaguers in the superpowers
department. Cool stuff, like teleportation, telepathy, weather
control, and laser beams. Shall we examine the list of Justice League
powers? Shall we? Alright people, but we only go this way once. When
it's all over you may have to think twice about the so-called heroes
to whom America was entrusted in the 80's.
Superman: OK, Supe is the man. Super-strength, speed, flight, he's
got it all. Plus, in the movies at least, he was able to shoot Saran
Wrap (TM) from his chest. And he could go back in time by flying
around the Earth backwards. Or something. Even with this shaky grip
on temporal mechanics, Supe is the undisputed MVP of the Justice
League team. Which makes him the perfect target for that power-
stealin' Southern hottie, Rogue. Come to think of it, Rogue already
has everything that Supe has, plus a beaver (hairstyle, you perverts!)
Wonder Woman: Supposedly an Amazon, right out of Greek Mythology.
Someone evidently forgot to tell her what Amazons do to their right
boobies. It's probably for the best though. Powers: Bracers that
deflect bullets. Since when does an X-Man need a gun? The Lasso of
Truth. Great for bondage games with Black Vulcan, but hardly useful
against someone like Wolverine. The Invisible Jet. You know, as I
write this, all these crappy powers lead me to beleive that the
Justice League kept Wonder Woman around just to stare at her
cleavage. No doubt about it. Maybe she served coffee, too.
Batman & Robin: It's well documented that these two goofs don't even
have superpowers, just an array of interesting gadgets. Big deal.
Everyone thinks Batman is so tough. How healthy can it be to keep a
young boy in a cave? If it were the 60's Batman (the one who felt the
need to Bat-label everything in his own Batcave) then the X-men might
be overcome with laughter for a few moments while Superman gets some
shots in. Otherwise, look for the bat and bird to be dispatched by an
exploding 6 of Diamonds or something.
Aquaman: Hey, I'm the first one to admit that for underwater capers,
Aquaman's got it going on! Other than that, though, he ain't exactly
a hero's hero. "Hey, those guys are robbing a bank! This is a job for
Aquaman! I'll stop them with my...uh...my Fish Telepathy?" Sorry, but
this guy will be Captain Highliner fishsticks in two seconds.
Green Lantern: Moderately cool power, incredibly asinine weakness.
I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard for the X-Men to pick up some yellow
spandex en route to meet with Justice League. And, for the record,
a "magic ring", powerful as it may be, is kinda effeminate for a
superpower, you know?
Hawkman: He has wings. He flies. Are you quaking in terror yet? His
white fluffy wings don't exactly inspire terror, do they? Also, he is
frequently seen with his protege, Hawkgirl. HawkGIRL. That's about as
reprehensible than Batman and Robin's scene.
The Flash: OK, I admit super-speed can be useful. In the 100 yard
dash! The Flash will be unable to contribute any offensive power to
the Justice League effort. He'll be the only one to survive the
encounter, though. He takes one look at the razor-sharp claws of
Wolverine, and he'll be in sunny Ecuador five minutes later.
Now we get to the bottom of the barrel; those multicultural piece of
crap heroes that The Justice League had to include because of AHA
(Affirmative Hero Action) and the NAACSH (National Association for
the Advancement of Colored Super Heroes)
Black Vulcan: (chuckle) He had lightning for legs. That's it. No
epilogue. Lightning-legs. Those inner-city youth better start looking
around for a new hero (maybe Jimmy "Dyno-Mite" Walker) because it's
gonna be BVD -Black Vulcan, Dead. And for the record, Vulcan was the
Roman god of fire, not lightning. Obviously. Idiot writers.
Samurai: In a chilling variation of the Black Vulcan theme, Samurai
had a Tornado for legs. I'm not making this up. Seriously, how did
these heroes ever go to the bathroom? I'd rather have Mr. Miyagi on
Apache Chief: Able to grow to 50 feet tall. In the cartoon, he always
towered over nearby buildings. Must be pretty shrimpy buildings. I
think this guy's got some psychological issues. Years of
discrimination and oppression against his people is obviously
manifesting itself in the form of this bizaare power. Yes, he is
harnessing all his frustration to overcompensate and show the
palefaces who the "big" man truly is. Prime fodder for Professor X.
Apache Chief will quit the Justice League after five minutes. Then
he'll play Gulliver in an off-broadway show. Either that or he'll
open a casino.
The Wonder Twins: Sigh. Where do I begin? These two lame-ass excuses
for heroes are little more than Justice League interns. Their
powers...let's see...one can turn into any animal, the other can turn
into ice. That's great fun at parties (useful, as well. You can never
have too much ice!) but it's hardly a match for the optic beams of
Cyclops. Oh, did I mention that the twins have to touch in order to
activate these powers. Snicker. So *that's* how it is in their
family, is it? Often they will be caught and caged just an inch too
far away from one another. In such cases, they rely on Gleek, their
pet monkey, who very helpfully inserts his head between their fists
as a sort of conduit through which the Twins can activate their
powers. (I'm not making this up, I just have an astounding memory for
the trivial). Gleek has no powers of his own to speak of, unless you
count the ability to be a blue monkey. Let's see you try it, then.
Oh, wait, Gleek also possesses the ability to produce a bucket out of
thin air, (used to carry the Twin who becomes water).
And as sad as this sounds, that's one of the more useful powers among
the Justice League. Gleek will valiantly produce bucket after bucket
to use as projectile weapons. One or two of them might even hit Beast
or something, but it's only a matter of time before the X-men counter
this bucket offense and feast on monkey stew. Sorry, Justice League.
There will be no obnoxious morality play at the end of *this* episode.
- 1/2 Nelson
: : : Superman
: : : aquaman
: : : batman
: : : robin
: : : wonder woman
: : : the wonder twins
: : : the monkey
: : : GL
: : : X-men have (on normal basis)
: : : Prof X
: : : jean grey
: : : wolverine
: : : beast
: : : gambit
: : : rogue
: : : jubilee
: : : storm
: : My take on the fight -
: : Superman uses superspeed and takes out Jean Grey, X
: : and Rogue all before any of them could register a single
: : telepathic thought or move in any way.
: Have you ever seen the super friends? They talk
: about what ever they are going to do before they ever do it.
: Superman will stand there and actually say "batman, i am going to
: my super speed to take out as many of them as i can"
: You don't need to have telepathy either to
: figure out their weeknesses. They will tell you them. GL will say
: "oh no, that guy is wearing yellow and i am vulnable to anything
: WW goes after Storm, and using
: : super speed and super strength, takes her down for the count.
: Umm she never, ever, ever, ever, ever used
: super speed in the cartoon ever. At best she flies around in her
: invisible jet, and her lasso can be controled mentally. She didn't
: have any super strenth. Once again, she would tell the entire
: cast what she is going to do before she did it.
: : The wonder twins and Robin then go after
: : jubilee, with moderate success.
: ahahahaha wonder twins activate, power if
: kitty, strenth of bucket of water. Robin gets taken down nearly
: every episode by people with out any powers.
: : That leaves Wolverine, Beast and Gambit vs
: : Batman, Aquaman, the monkey and Green Lantern. Being
: : sure that Batman could take out Gambit (since he is more
: : agile enough to dodge thrown playing cards),
: This is super freinds batman. He was clumzy,
: lame and at best stood around until superman needed some one take
: away the kriptonite.
: the Green Lantern
: : takes down Beast and Wolverine (just because his
: costume is
: : yellow doesn't give Wolvie a huge advantage.
: ummm yeah t does. I means he has no
: defences against wolverine and no way to contain wolverine since
: wolvie could walk through GL's force feild.
: : Now, even if the Green Lantern alone
: : takes down Beast, Batman and Aquaman still take on
: Wolvie, and if
: : it were just Batman vs Wolverine - Wolverine,
: umm once again, batman is lame in superfreinds, he
: would stand there and look around. Then mention to wolverine that
: he was going to try and punch in in the stomach.
: : Aquaman vs Wolverine - Wolverine, definitely.
: Now this is funny. Aquaman stands in the corner of
: every episode like a bump on a log until water is introduced into
: the story.
: However, stick 'em
: : both in there (quickly joined by Green Lantern and
: Superman, now
: : that's he finished with the other three
: heavy-hitters), the
: : Superfriends score a clean sweep.
: : Let the flaming begin!
: No flaming, but i seriously doubt you have
: ever seen a single episode of the super friends. It is not the
: comic book version. They stand around never throwing a punch and
: always anounce as loudly as they they could what they where going
: do before they did it.
: the battle will go more like this.
: Superman: I hope they don't see that big chunk
: of kriptonite over there behind the lead sheild. If they where
: to bring that anywhere near me i would crumple like a playing
: card house in a hurricane.
: Cyclops blast lead sheild. (for him in the line up for X-men)
: GL: gee golly i hope the guy with the yellow
: spnadex doesn't attack me because my power is totally useless
: against it. Also if he takes my ring i am powerless. Oh and don't
: forget i have only a 24 hour charge time on it and i have all ready
: up 23 and a half.
: Wolverine knocks hal out or rips his ring off.
: Wonder woman: i can't do a thing, all my lasso can
: do is make you tell the truth.
: Batman: I don't do anything unless there
: needs to be an obvious conclusion to be made in which i will
: mockingly consult robin.
: Robin: (i hate batman, he is jerk) That's
: right batman!
: Aquaman: i just stnad here because i have no
: powers on land.
: Wonder twins: We can only activate our powers
: by touching fist, and then we turn into the most useless thing
: we can think of at the time, sometimes actually making the
: situation worse.
: Monkey: (what am i doing here, i have no powers
: and i only weigh 12 pounds)
: You are right, the Super freinds would
: win if all they had to do was knock over the x-men. The X-men would
: fall over with laughter.
: But once they get up again from rolling on the floor,
: they will then wipe out the superfriends. Why? because they will
: still be standing there either explaining what they could do
: before they do each motion.
: the rest of the fight goes like this
: Superman: i will use my super speed to take out....
: as he gets grabed by rogue
: GL: oh no, they did something to superman.
: Aquaman: i need water
: Wolverine: you have got to be kidding, they are
: telling us how to beat them.
: WW: i will take out this flying weather woman. I
: will have to get to my invisible jet. I hope she doesn't realize
: that i can't fly during a storm.
: Storm: ummmm ok..... winds do my bidding.
: Lightning strike that woman.
: Wonder twins: Wonder twins activate, form of
: mouse, shape of ice sheet.
: Gl just sliped and fell on the ice, wolverine pounced
: on him and knocked him out.
: Aquaman: where is the water!!
: Batman: i don't know old chum. What do you
: think robin?
: Robin: (shut up!) yeah water is what we need.
: Cyclops: storm could you do me a favor and just
: sweep these guys away?
: Storm picks up some gail winds and the rest of
: the Superfriends are now gone.
: : Peter
: : "I don't suffer from insanity...I
: : enjoy every minute of it."
: I was cured all right
- An argument on a different measage board.
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