World Wide Web Fights presents
WWWF GRUDGE MATCH

The Setting

BRIAN: O.K., today's big question: who wins in an old fashioned street brawl between Gary Coleman and Webster? By street brawl I mean a one-on-one street fight using only bare knuckles and whatever weapons can be made from items found in a typical street alley. No hidden guns or knives. One pair of brass knuckles per participant is allowed. Who do you like, Steve?

Gary Coleman, Diff'rent Strokes Webster, Emmanuel Lewis

Gary Coleman

vs.

Webster

The Commentary

STEVE: Brian, there's no question about this one. Gary Coleman in the first round. You have to take into consideration all of the things Gary has going for him.

First, let's not forget where he got his start--on the streets of Harlem. For the first part of his life he LIVED the street fight. He's familiar with the atmosphere, and he knows what it takes to win. He has learned the school of hard-knocks from his older brother Willis, and has probably gotten used to taking punches from him too.

Second, just look at them! Gary must have at least 15 pounds on poor runt-boy Webster. Fifteen pounds of Webster-smashing muscle. Webster's bones are small and fragile, just like toothpicks compared to the might and raw power of Coleman.

Listen, Webster's going to realize within two seconds of entering that ring that his big daddy is not there to protect him this time. Acting cute and innocent won't save him from Gary's wrath. All I can say is that things aren't going to be pretty for runt-boy Webster.

BRIAN: As usual, your simplistic analysis leaves you falling way short of reality. True, maybe Coleman learned a few things on the street, but Webster was raised by Alex Karras, one of the most feared lineman in NFL history. I think ol' Alex taught my boy Webster a few tricks of the trade.

And, yes, Gary has the size. But if this isn't the epitome of a David and Goliath scenario, I don't know what is. Much like the great Achilles, Coleman has one undeniable weakness: one kidney punch and he's praying for dialysis. With Webster's small size comes quickness. Coleman's waste-filled blood will slow him down, Webster can dodge the first few shots, and move in behind him for the fight-ending lower-back rabbit punches. Webster in 30 seconds on a TKO. Willis himself will throw in the towel.

STEVE: Brian, you have nobly defended Webster, but your arguments are as weak as Webster himself. True, there are examples in history of the meek conquering the mighty, but they are few and far between. Much more numerous are instances of the mighty prevailing. Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, the Soviet Union in Czechoslovakia, the 49ers crushing the Chargers. Yes, even in the Super Bowl there were those who said the Chargers had a chance. We have seen that they were fooling themselves. Just as you are.

BRIAN: 'Examples in history of the meek conquering the mighty...are few and far between???!!!!' What kind of revisionist history are you following? Are we forgetting the Revolutionary War, or the British defeat of the Spanish Armada?! What about the Americans beating the mighty Russians to the moon? What about the Miracle on Ice - Lake Placid, 1980?!! Webster got the same heart, and, dare I say it, Eye of the Tiger, as Rocky, Rocky, Rocky!!!

Two words: Joe Namath. Little Webster is guaranteeing a victory.

For Diff'rent Strokes and Webster links, visit Sitcoms Online.

The Results

Gary Coleman (750)

beats

Webster (396)

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Voter Comments

I'm sorry... poor Webster just ain't got the mass...nor is his show any match for "Different Strokes" After all, how many people from Webster's show now hold criminal records??? I rest my case.

-Mike

Here's how I see the match-up going.

The fighting begins, the two savvy street fighters move towards each other like weary jungle cats.

Coleman moves in, and Webster makes the fight-ending mistake. Just one second too slow, he tries to move aside as Gary swings with a powerful left. Webster manages to deflect the blow the the side, but the C. Man manages to connect with little Websters ear.

The blow completely screws Webby's balance and coordination, giving Gary all the time he needs to move in for the kill.

The fight degrades into a match akin to that of a city bus against a frail 93 year old woman.

After 3 powerful blows to the face from a right-left-right combo, Webster is bleeding and reeling. He casts his gaze from left to right, hoping to light upon some useful weapon, but there's no help.

Coleman steps forward and delivers a crushing elbow to Websters face, breaking his nose and right cheek-bone. Little Websters eyes roll to the back of his head as he falls face first.

KO. Coleman. 38 seconds into first round.

-Christopher

I believe Webster will no doubt be victorious in this battle of giants. Webster may seem sweet and innocent, but he will go straight for the dirty kidney shot, and Colemen will be standing in a pool of his own blood and urine.

-Aaron

You both put up very strong arguments for both miniature warriors, but I have to back up Brian on this one. Webster was taught how to fight by an ex-Raider. That can only mean one thing: dirty fighter!

Webster will use his size to duck between Coleman's legs and start hammering at his kidneys. One thing that people forget is that Webster is a black belt instructor in the martial arts (it's true, I saw it on Entertainment Tonight). Should, through some divine intervention, Dana Plato (on a day pass from the jail for former child tv stars) properly fill out a bikini and manage to distract Webster long enough for Coleman to get a few shots in, Webster will drop Coleman with a roundhouse kick to the family jewels (hey, he can't reach any higher).

While Coleman will be writhing on the ground in agony, Webster will take his little size 1 shoe and use it to stomp on Coleman's throat, effectively ending the fight within 2 minutes. Get the paramedics to stand by, this is gonna be ugly with a capital UGH!

-HotBranch!

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