Here are your WWWF Grudge Match Commentators

Meet the Grudge Match Commentators ™

I's here to protect these scrawny commentators. Don't mess wit'
me, fool!

Official WWWF Grudge Match Bodyguard

Paul "HotBranch!" Branchaud
Destined for an unusual childhood, Paul "HotBranch!" Branchaud was born in Uganda, the illegitimate child of Idi Amin and Debbie Reynolds. His parents placed him in Our Lady of Sodom orphanage, where he learned to appreciate the benefits of being an ugly child. His formative years were spent studying at the Academy for the Musically Obtuse, majoring in trombone and accordion ("to meet chicks"). Working his way through school by breeding prize-winning clams and translating ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, Paul saved enough money for a `73 Chevy station wagon and embarked on his first business venture: "He's Dead, Jim" discount funeral services. Immediately prior to finding Grudge Match, Paul was Don King's hair consultant.

Paul Golba
Paul is the self-proclaimed Unofficial Grand Poobah of this Controlled Anarchy and the Voice of Logic in this Land of Insanity. He has yet to figure out if this urge to do the impossible is a product of his paradoxical German and Polish heritage, his New Jersey environment or his obsession with computers. In any case, he is probably certifiably insane by now and should be approached with extreme caution.

Brendan W. Guy
Possessing the same brilliance, ruthless ambition, and sexual orientation of the likes of Alexander and Julius Caesar, Brendan has long known it is his inevitable destiny to be the all powerful ruler of the world. For the moment though he is content to merely study history and political science at Texas A&M, fully knowing that his physical, mental, moral and genetic superiority over everyone else on the planet guarantees his eventual triumph.

John "Thinkmaster General" Hnatyshyn
Voted Time Magazine's most evil man of 1996, John G. Hnatyshyn, gent. resides in Ottawa, Ontario, where he whiles away his time dodging Yeti and training for the Iditerod. He hones his evil daily as an employee of the Canadian federal government.

He cannot be stopped. Abandon all hope.

Steve Levine
Steve, co-creator of Grudge Match and the WWWF franchise, has emerged from semi-retirement to join the fearless Ground Zero leaders at the New And Improved WWWF Grudge Match™. Unlike Brian, Steve had the good sense to get a real job after graduate school. He is currently wasting away his yuppie-wanna-be days somewhere in New Jersey, working for a monolithic oil company while he waits until the right time for world domination.

Dave "1/2" Nelson
Dave was born without a torso, hence the nickname. However, this disability has not kept Dave from realizing his dream of becoming a Grudge Match Commentator. Hired for pop culture knowledge, comedy writing ability, or employment equity, what does it matter anyway? Dave currently enjoys the nicest penthouse office in the Grudge Tower, and for a mere ten dollars, he will have his secretary send out a signed photo of himself, or if out of stock, of jazz legend Thelonius Monk. No coins, please. Dave was born in Toronto, but currently resides in a Japanese fishing village called Owase. The commute to Grudge Central every morning is horrendous!

Shane "Call me Shane" Tourtellotte
Shane lives somewhere in northern New Jersey -- the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle makes greater precision impossible. He is a science fiction writer, currently gaining a reputation in the pages of Analog Magazine. His life goal is to become so famous that nobody will ever misspell his last name again. Failing that, he will settle for being able to buy and sell his Grudge Match™ cohorts with his pocket change.

Joe "Some Dork" Weber
Some Dork has been a Grudge Match Groupie ever since high school. Now residing in Colorado, he maintains the clever, mild mannered facade of a computer geek while secretly planning to take over the world via roach motels. He gallantly rides around on his blue ox, Shep, while hordes of adoring fans go somewhere else. He has recently climbed down the evolutionary ladder to become Reverend Some Dork, and can now perform marriage ceremonies and baptizements (legally). He owns a small but humble webpage which now resides on Tripod due to FortuneCity's "no excessive bad language" policy. Send questions, comments, hate mail, job applications, pictures of your kids or farm animals, eviction notices, top secret stuff you ripped from the government, or your 1995 tax returns to Some Dork. If you send me any money, I promise I won't send it back.

Mark Wentz
One doesn't become "Rochester's Number 2 Citizen" by spending one's time completing biographical works.

If you need me, I'll be at the country club.

Brian Wright
Brian, co-creator of Grudge Match and the WWWF franchise, emerged from semi-retirement to join the fearless Ground Zero leaders at the New And Improved WWWF Grudge Match™. When that crazy plan ended up not ever paying the bills, his wife made him get a real job, which landed him back at Auburn University where he markets the research developed at his alma mater. He still can't pay the bills, but at least he gets half off AU football season tickets.

Commentator Emeritus

Jeff Barton
After over 3 years of faithful WWWF service, Jeff has decided to move on to pursue his dream of being the first canine to win the Kentucky Derby. In the meantime, he is an electrical engineer living in southwest Washington. In his spare time he likes to play fetch with his friends, chase cars, and go for walks.

To learn more about the history of WWWF, including Grudge Match, Ground Zero,
the STGF(tm), and Grudge Match Da Book(tm), read our "Background section" section.