Ben Stein's fans are surprisingly humorless

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What is Grudge Match?

A: It's Celebrity Deathmatch meets Crossfire meets Jerry Springer, except that it's better than all three put together (and it pre-dates Celebrity Deathmatch by almost 3 years, but let's not get into that). For more of an idea, head to our What is Grudge Match? page. There is also a fascinating story behind Grudge Match's creation and 5+ year history.

Q: I have a great idea for a match! Do you accept suggestions?

A: We are always looking for original match-up suggestions. Feel free to send as many as you like to us. However, be warned that we currently have a list of possible matches that is very long, so it may be a long time until we decide to use it, if ever. To increase our chances of liking an idea, it is always better to elaborate on them -- maybe include a description similar to our "setting" section of the Grudge Match. NOTE: Due to the high number of suggestions that we receive, we cannot, as a rule, respond to them. We apologize for this, but there just isn't enough time. Thanks in advance. If we decide to use the idea, we'll let you know.

Q: This match is lame! Where's the carnage? Have you abandoned your ways??!!

A: Non-violent matches have always been and will always be a major part of the WWWF. We tried to make this point very clear in the early days when the contest in our second match ever was a board game between evil geniuses . Carnage and blood-letting are our bread-and-butter, but the non-violent contests allow for maximum creativity from both us and the viewers, and are what help separate us from our competitors. If we always did violent matches, there would never have been Boris Yeltsin v. Ted Kennedy, Andy Taylor v. Cunninghams, or Forrest Gump v. Rainman. In other words, we would suck a lot more.

Q: Who are these contestants? I've never heard of either/any of them! Why don't you stick to contestants that those of us outside America can appreciate?

A: We are Americans. (Granted, there are a few Canadians, but pop-culture-wise there is no significant difference since they steal everything from us.) And like most writers, we write about what we know. So that means we write about Americana™. We don't know what is or isn't known in England, Ireland, New Zealand, Qatar, etc. Honestly, having any international readers is an unexpected bonus we never expected. We aren't trying to exclude you. But occassionally encountering contestants you aren't familiar with is going to be an unavoidable hazard while viewing our site. For similar reasons, we probably aren't going to get to that "Eastenders" vs. "Coronation Street" match. Sorry.

Q: What's "WWWF"? What's "Ground Zero"? What's "STGF"? What's "The Rage(tm)"?

A: To catch-up on all essential Grudge Match Jargon(tm), head to the WWWF Glossary.

Q: Who are the commentators?

A: Just regular schmoes like yourself. Learn more about them on the Commentators Page, or find out how they become commentators in our Background Section.

Q: How do I become a commentator?

A: Grudge Match is no longer doing new matches, so good luck with that. If at some point we decide to relaunch the site, and if and when the decision to welcome guest commentators again is made, they will be selected by Grudge Match from people who have consistently displayed funny, thought-provoking or otherwise above-average responses to matches.

Questions Asked With Moderate Frequency

Q: How do you pick the Grudgies?

A: After every match, the authors of the match commentary go through the voluminous response file (it's not unusual to get over 200K of responses) and try to pick a representative selection of those responses which show wit, insight, and/or just the right amount of Sass™. Those responses which are judged to best meet this nebulous standard are awarded the coveted Grudgie Response of the Week Awards™. Please note that all non-Grudgie responses that pass the Muster™ and are posted in the responses are listed in the order received.

Q: No, really?

A: It's all random.

Q: Thanks for posting my response, but why did you censor it? Did you find it offensive?

A: Without condition, we do not censor the viewer responses due to offensive content. Would the same people that brought you a gourmet bake-off between Jeffrey Dahmer and Hannibal Lector ever be worried about offensive content?

What we do do, however, is edit some responses for the purposes of making the response page as enjoyable as possible. We typically shoot for less than 50K of responses. Well, when you start with 200K, there's a lot of cutting to do. So we have to go through and keep the best material. One way of doing that is to keep the better responses and throw out the weaker ones. Another way is to edit some of those responses that we keep. Very often we'll have responses with only one or two good lines in them, so we'll keep those lines and throw out the rest. Other times taking "excerpts" will work well. Or perhaps someone makes several points in a response, but one or more of those has been made by many others with those others doing a better job of it. So we'll throw out those redundant points and keep the unique/funny ones. All this is done in an effort to increase the "humor density" of our response page.

So to make a long story short, if a portion of your response is removed, it is not a matter of what is considered appropriate, it is a matter of what is considered funniest.

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