It was the night after Christmas...
The entire family is sound asleep upstairs, the children lovingly holding onto their favorite new toys. Downstairs, only the multicolor lights from the tree illuminate the unopened "Good Guys" doll from the enigmatic Uncle Charlie. Whoever he is, his unwanted gift is going back to the store tomorrow, assuming that the puppy didn't eat the receipt.
Unexpectedly, the doll breaks out of his box and takes a look around. Reading a piece of mail, the doll quietly curses, "Andy WHO? *BLEEP!* He was supposed to deliver me to Andy Barclay! So much for his special delivery Christmas present. Oh well, if you got lemons, might as well make BLOODY LEMONADE." Chucky, after a quick detour to the kitchen for the sharpest steak knife, makes his way up the stairs. He is going to have his Christmas gift one way or the other.
As the toy-gone-wrong heads for the boy's room, he chuckles. First he'll transfer his soul into the boy's body, then dispose of the rest of them. He pushes open the door to the boy's bedroom and WHAM!, gets clobbered backwards and out into the hallway!
"BUZZ LIGHTYEAR TO THE RESCUE!"
Staring in disbelief, Chucky is confronted with a spaceman, a cowboy, a platoon of toy soldiers and a dozen other toys. "That's right!", says Woody, brandishing a small souveneir baseball bat. "You picked the wrong house! Nobody harms Andy!"
"So you guys want to play? Bring it on! HAHAHAHA!"
So does the demon doll destroy the defenders or will the toys trample the tot terror?
PAUL: Whose idea was to have this match for Christmas? Me? Oh yeah, almost forgot. Let me make the best of it. Disposing of Andy's toys and their owners will be Child's Play for Chucky.
Let's look at past history, shall we. Chucky has been beaten, stabbed, bludgeoned, shot, lit on fire, launched through the windshield of a car, dismembered, doused in hot liquid plastic and unceremoniously dumped in various garbage cans, only to survive and keep on the attack. He has risen from the dead thrice, managed to survive rabid parents during the shopping season and tolerated marriage to the most psychotic woman/ nag machine this side of the planet. He takes a licking and keeps on ticking! What exactly are the Toy Story bunch going to be able to do to to stop Chucky? Is Buzz going to shoot him with his laser until his batteries run out? Whoop-de-doo!
When it just looks about hopeless, things can only get worse for this motley crew of plastic. Through four movies, Chucky has chalked up a double digit body count despite being all but knee high to most of his victims. If you thought he was a terror in minature, wait until he gets to use his height advantage on these puny toys. I collected action figures and trust me, Snake Eyes and Major Bludd don't last very long when you step on them. Or throw them out the window. Or flush them down the toilet. Or hit them with an aluminum bat. Or shoot them. Or any of the other cool things that I, er, Chucky will do to them. It ain't gonna be pretty.
Not that it really matters. Cheap plastic crap from Taiwan just doesn't measure up to a doll like Chucky, a product of good ole USA. Whether it is toys or serial killers, you can trust America to produce the best. The Toy Story bunch will fall like a house of cards. I predict a very unmerry Christmas this year.
BRENDAN: Believe me, Paul, only you could think up this match, and only you could back Chucky because to everyone else its obvious that the Toy Story gang is going to win.
You have a cowboy and a space ranger in this match, and you're trying to claim that psycho doll represents America? What is Woody if not the perfect symbol of America's glorious past and how we spread across this continent destroying everything that stood in our way. What is Buzz if not a symbol of America's future as we go boldly forth to take our rightful place as rulers of the entire universe. Together they represent the awesome power of America's Manfiest Destiny, while Chucky represents the awesome power of children crying because they really wanted a Tickle Me Elmo doll.
As for what the Toy Story group can do. Did you not see the movie? They're experienced with both explosives and dispensing vigilante justice, have an entire bucket full of soldiers (who really hurt if you step on them), and took down Sid the neighborhood deliquient, who was positively Golbaesque in his treatment of toys. (Try babysitting a kid like Sid sometime, and then tell me that psychotic dolls hold any terror for you). Compared to that what does Chucky have? The whole pretend to be a toy and then strangle the humans trick isn't going to cut it this time.
Finally it amazes me that you freely admit that Chucky is a doll. Buzz and Woody are action figures, (Buzz even has that special combat grip) and as everyone with a Y chromosome knows, no action figure could ever lose to a doll. That's a universal law more fundamental than gravity, which means that Chucky is going down.
PAUL: After reading that Brendan, I have one question. Do you still believe in Santa Claus too? Get a kung-fu grip on reality, man.
While your "action figures" have been having grand "adventures" in a child's bedroom, Chucky "The Doll" has been busy doing things that make me proud to be an American male. Like killing John Ritter. He deserves the Medal of Honor for that. The little stud killed his own girlfriend, transferred her soul into a doll and convinced her to marry him. That's darn impressive. On the other side, we have a cowboy that dresses like a member of the Village People and a spacegoof that features the same dome top as French priss Jean Luc Picard. And they both hang out with Mr. Potato Head and (gasp) Little Bo Peep. Your toys are a bunch of sissies and we all know what happens to sissies in horror movies.
And let us not forget that your toys cannot move while humans are watching them. I will even assume that Chucky being only partly human won't have that effect on them. If anyone does anything that will wake Andy up, the toys all fall down. Chucky doesn't have this problem and can smash his defenseless opposition like Godzilla in Tokyo. And even if Andy's screams rush his parents into the room, Chucky will just play dumb until they leave and Andy will get a scolding for breaking his toys before losing his soul.
Yes, I'm afraid that the Toy Story bunch will find out much too late that very evil, deadly things can come in small packages. Happy Holidays!
BRENDAN: Hey, as long as I keep getting presents from the big guy I'll keep believing in him.
And yeah, we all appreciate Chucky dropping John Ritter, but lets face it Ritter's not exactly the most challenging target out there. I would give even odds to Doogie Howser, Urkel, Webster or even France in a fight with him.
As for the girlfriend factor, are you forgetting the fact that his girlfriend turned on him and tried to kill him. What kind of stud/bad boy can't keep his own girlfriend loyal to him? Even Hitler was able to keep his girlfriend loyal to him, and he only had one testicle and was believed to be permanently impotent. Chucky's a total loser who has turned to homicide as a way of making up for his failures as a real man (and he should be grateful his girlfriend never saw the shining Lightyear dome, or she would have dropped him even faster to go after a true stud.)
I also must say that it truly saddens me that you confuse purity of heart for sissiness. Purity of heart is the very trait most needed to survive a horror movie and with the exception of Mr.Potato Head (who probably is a casualty, but was a jerk anyway so it doesn't really matter) all of the Toy Story bunch have it making the Chuckster powerless against them. As for the claim that they can't come to life when a human's around, that's completely absurd. They came to life to beat an inhuman monster by the name of Sid, and they will be just as willing to do so to save Andy from Chucky. If Chucky's relying on that (which makes him an even bigger wimp than I thought) he's in for a real unpleasant surprise when he goes dormant to plan an ambush and the Toy Story bunch keep closing in on him.
Chucky's way out of his league here, he's not use to fighting fellow toys, he doesn't know the terrain, and he's almost certainly going to underestimate the Toy Story crew. The only thing Chucky is good at is dying, and he's going to get some more practice at it this time out. Merry Christmas/Solstice/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa!
This page listed at HORRORFIND.COM (under "Horror Movies").
Bob also likes the Celebrity Dead Pool.
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You see, Chucky bears an uncanny resemblance to a Cabbage Patch Kid(tm). I think we all remember what happened during that 80's craze.... parents had to wade through the dead, beating off other blood crazed parents with the bloody limbs of the fallen.... just so their kid wouldn't wake up Christmas morning screaming like a banshee because mommy and daddy didn't deliver the only thing on her Christmas list....... but I digress....
The point is that small children, and more importantly, their stronger, more able-bodied parents will claw through solid steel to get to one of those suckers... By the end of the 25th, everyone on the block knew that little Andy had what was rumored to be another Cabbage Patch Kid(tm). Before Chucky could make it through the house to fight the Toy Story bunch, the walls begin to crumble as parents mistakenly believe that the 'Patch craze is back! Like a cheap horror flick, the parents rip Chucky into a million pieces and begin feeding on his wretched soul until...... anyway, the shmo is dead, ok?
Fortunately, most of the Toy Story gang made it out ok. I'm sure that the baby probably already swallowed most of Buzz's weapons and that about half of the plastic soldier platoon met a grizzly end against Colonel Bic and his Flamethrower Brigade. But the point is that little Andy will sleep soundly in his bed tonight.... except for the fact that his house only has two walls, and is now only 1 story high.
Well, that's what I think will happen.... now back to drinkin' varnish....
- Kilgore Trout
Demoralized by Newman's purely mercenary interest in Toy Story, the toys clear a path for Chucky to carve Andy up like a ham.
- Michael Leung
Of course, when the Small Soldiers toys are activated by all the noise from upstairs, that's when the real war will begin...
- "Mad Dog" Mike
1. The Sequel Odds - First off, Toy Story has never had a sequel, and this would be Chucky's fourth. Movie fans know as well as I do that everytime there is a sequel to a movie (excluding Star Wars), it is never quite as good as the first. Chucky, up against the fresher Toy Story characters would get his butt stomped (primarily because he is a rather tired device after three movies).
2. Horror Movie Endings - Secondly, horror characters almost always lose in the end. It's that old "Good vs. Evil" thing, where Good triumphs over Evil in the end. The Toy Story blokes, however, will probably be reduced to the last, with Buzz barely blowing up Chucky as his last breath expires. This will win the match, but as we all know, good old Chucky will be back sometime in the near future. Meanwhile, we get to watch all the great explosions, fight scenes and little animated bits being thrown hither and *yawn*.
3. The Cuteness Factor - The Toy Story characters are cute, and for some dumb reason, cute things always win out. For instance, I stumbled upon this stupid toy called the Furbie(tm). It is cute. I hate cute. I max up my Rage(tm), and unleash it on the poor, defenseless, mumbling and cute Furbie(tm). Despite the fact I sent the thing soaring with an aluminum baseball bat, the Furbie(tm) is NOT DAMAGED. In fact, it purred at me (causing me to send the darn thing flying again - still no damage). Until I unleashed the fury of the Benford power tools on it, the Furbie resisted all attempts to be destroyed. AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH! Oh, excuse me. What was I talking about? Furbies? Oh, yeah. To make a very long story short, cute is very tough to wack. Chucky is going to get so frustrated, he'll probably wack himself and end the match.
It will be these three things that give the Toy Story stooges the edge, and eventually the match. Tough luck there, Chuck. I guess you only get lucky once, huh?
*camera goes widescreen. A rustling sound causes everyone to turn around. Out of a stack of wrapping paper stomps a Barney doll! Chucky screams and charges foward to preforate the Purple Puke preemptively to prevent the pandering performance of terpsichorian putridness*
*meanwhile during the gratutitous Barney death scene, Woody sneaks over to the telephone*
Woody: Hello, Information I need to place a collect call to...
*The screen skips back to finish watching Barney's death, changes angles twenty times and replays in slow motion, theme from Psycho plays*
Chucky: Ho ho ho!
Buzz: Yeah witty dialogue there, did you think of that yourself?
Chucky: You're next Captain Radio!
*Switch to a darkened room a short distance away*
Mysterious figure: What's that you say... Chucky? Where are you? ... okay I'll be right there. He's had this coming a long time... *hangs up and leaves, camera unable to show face*
[After Chucky and the Toys battle it out]
*Door bursts open, people who open it are hidden behind door, chainsaw revs* MERRY CHRISTMAS CHUCKIE!
Chuckie: NOOOOOOO!!!! NOT YOU TWO!
The DogFaced Gremlin: This is for everybody who had to sit through that bit! Laugh this off!
*Swipes off Chuckie's head with chainsaw, Scott Steiner kicks body into fireplace*
Scott: Here's your gas hookup, holler if it hurts!
Andy's toys: Thanks Rick and Scott!
Rick: He stole my only interview in three years, he had it coming.
Scott: I just wanted to end his career before he ended mine.
Voice from behind the others: You may have killed my son but what are you going to do about me?
*Everybody turns and screams* BUDDY LEE! *ominous music starts*
James Cameron "Quality Be Damned" Productions. 1998. All Rights reserved.
*leave theater when new Van Halen song begins, several movie goers scream "For the love of god, get David Lee Roth Back!*
Ha....haha....hahahahaha.....BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA (*gasp*) HA HA AH HA HA HA.....hee hee hee....okay, let me get a grip....Toy Story vs Chucky.......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (*sniff*) HAHAHABWAHAHAHAHAHA (*snort*)...ack....ack....ack...my heart....honey, call the ambulance...honey?....honey?.......hon- (!crash!)
Thank you. Happy Holidays.
- The Heckler....I'm Not Cute, but I Don't Lose Either
- Bri Rob the Caveman
- The Griffon Master
Most noticeable combat traits:
Chucky: Powered by evil and gifted with both supernatural endurance and strength. Master of improvised weaponry, very cunning and aggressive. A recognized sniper and has a strong familiarity with handguns. Skilled at bladed combat. Has a fondness for strangulation. Known to have the Power of VooDoo " on his side.
Woody: Lacks self confidence and worth. Wears holster with no gun.
Buzz Lightyear: Hunk of plastic with delusions of grandeur, has arm laser that emits harmless red light. Communications hardware consists of speaker that repeats four phrases over and over. Has cardboard spaceship and retractable, flightless glider wings. He believes these both to be reliable methods of transport.
Mr. Potato: Face parts always fall off. Good for laughs, poor for combat.
Lenny: Binoculars with no arms. Can't speak.
R.C.: All-Terrain vehicle with weak power supply.
Piggy: Voice dubbed by popular sitcom drunk.
Bo Peep: Classic D.I.D. (Damsel in Distress). Only useful as a hostage when in combat.
Bucket of Army Men: A well-coordinated but very small assault team. Only strong in numbers, but they are numerous.
Etch and Sketch: No evident fighting skills. (Perhaps a good battle banner carrier, though. You can never underestimate the power of morale)
Slinky Dog: Very flexible. Possible strangler.
The Strong Man (Wrestler): Master of Professional Wrestling. Mostly indestructible.
T Rex: Textbook neurotic. Well-fanged, but will we get to see him use them?
Chucky's (and Tiffany's) List Of Victims:
1. Maggie Peterson: Hit in the head with hammer, then falls out of apartment window on to car.
2. Eddie Caputo: Shoots gun in gas filled room, causing explosion.
3. Doctor Ardmore: Electrocution by electric shock therapy headpiece
4. "Dr. Death" John: Voodoo Doll used to break his leg and then stab him.
5. Good Guys doll assembler: Electrocution from Chucky's eyes
6. Mattson (Play Pals Executive Assistant): Suffocation by plastic bag put over his face
7. Miss Kettlewell: Beaten to death by meter stick.
8. Phil Simpson: Tripped by Chucky with a big hook, falls down stairs.
9. Jo-Anne Simpson: Tape over mouth, and then strangled (with thread?)
10. Grace Poole: Stabbed repeatedly in the chest, then falls onto a copying machine.
11. Play Pals factory worker: Cut on cheek, then he falls back and the machine that places the eyes in the dolls comes down on him and places doll eyes in his skull.
12. Mr. Sullivan (Play Pals C.E.O): Hit with golf club, darts stuck in his back, then strangled by yo-yo.
13. Garbage Man: Tricks Garbage Man to get into the back of garbage truck then Chucky crushes him.
14. General Cochrane: Dies of a heart attack when he sees Chucky.
15. Sergeant Botnick (The Barber): Throat slit with a razor blade.
16. Cadet Lieutenant Colonel Fred C. Shelton: Gun shot. Chucky switched the paint ball bullets with real ones
17. Herald Albery Whitehurst: Jumps on grenade
18. Security Guard at Carnival: Chucky steals his gun and shoots him in the head (Off-screen).
19. Damien: Gets handcuffed to bedposts by Tiff, then Chucky rips of his lip-ring then is smothered by pillow.
20. Tiffany: T.V set thrown in the bathtub.
21. Chief Warren Kincaid: Chucky and Tiffany Nails deployed from airbag, driven into his head temporarily injures him.
22. Chief Warren Kincaid: After surviving the nails he jumps up later, but Chucky stabs him to death.
23. Lieutenant "Needlenose" Preston: Chucky puts cloth in the gas tank then lights the cloth thus causing the car to explode.
24. Guy in phone booth: The tire from the above accident flies into a phone booth killing the person inside it.
25. Russ and Diane (Newlywed Couple/Scam artists): Champagne bottle thrown into mirror over the bed, mirror shatters and slices them up.
26. David: When David sees Chucky and Tiff he panics and walks backs away onto the highway and gets hit by a transport truck.
27. Elderly man and woman: They're stuffed into a closet of the Winnebego with gunshot wounds into their heads. We see them when Tiffany opens the closet to get an apron.
28. The two guys digging up Charles Lee Ray's body: Shot by Chucky
29. Tiffany: Stabbed by Chucky
30. Detective Norton: Attacked by Chucky/Tiffany's baby: We don't see him die, the baby just pops out of Tiffany then jumps at him clinging to his face and the credits
31. Police officer delivering Chucky's remains: Tiffany beats him upon head (?), then his throat is slit by her nail file.
Entire Cast of Toy Story's List of Victims:
I refuse to provide any more than my objective breakdown, but looking at this report, I am sure you'll determine the victor in no time.
We would like to thank Chucky's Toy Box [dead link] for the body count stats and lots of other cool Child's Play information. - Eds.
- The Demented Astronomer
Toy Story is owned by Pixar.
Pixar is owned by Disney.
After a previous Grudge Match, Disney overcame and took over Microsoft.
Microsoft is owned by the devil.
Thus, Disney owns the devil, and the devil owns Chucky.
Such intercompany bickering will not be tolerated under Disney's roof. The moment this fight starts, all parties hear their Master's voice, commanding them to cease such brawling at once. No fight will occur, for not even Chucky is fool enough to face the wrath of his true master.
Let this be a lesson to all would-be conquerors; before you attack, make sure you know who you're attacking.
1) General attitude. The Toy Story bunch are made by Dhiznee. Yes, Disney, the cutesy-wutesy, Saturday-morning cartoon making, pukey-cute company. Chucky? Chucky is made by HELL. Yes, HELL, people. You know. Fire and brimstone and all that is evil. And, as Dark Helmet reveals in Spaceballs, Evil will win because Good is DUMB.
2) Powers. What do we have? A potato-guy that falls apart. A spaceguy with a non-functioning laser. A cowboy. Now, let's look at Chucky. YES. He has anything he can get his satanic little hands on, and he has the ingenuity to make an Etch-A-Sketch into a lethal killing machine.
3) Limitations. The Toy Story bunch...umm. G rating. They get to ask very politely not to be hurt (can't say the k*ll word, that's not good for the kiddies!) Chucky? R. Horror film. He can make Woody into his Little Bitch (tm), and keep quite within his rating, thankyouverymuch.
Looks like Chucky's got a new home to me, kids...and woe to Andy if he even THINKS about a toybox!
1. John Ratzenberger provides the voice of Hamm the Pig.
2. My dad could kick anyone's ass this side of the Mississippi.
3. My dad looks exactly like John Ratzenberger.
4. John Ratzenberger is just as much as superhero as my dad is.
5. Hamm the Pig single-handedly destroyes Chucky "I fell in love with Jennifer Tilly".
6. I go and eat all of the remaining chocolate in the Czyz household.
And if you still don't believe in the Power of John Ratzenberger(tm), he was in The Empire Strikes Back. And House II: Second Story. And Supermans 1 and 2. And Combat High. And Warlords of the 21st Century....And...And...<dragged away kicking and screaming> This is all Guybrush Threepwood's fault!!! And let go of me!!! Who are YOU?! And what the hell is THAT thing?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH<click> ---End Transmission---
- The Czyz
- Jon "I'm still pissed that cujo didn't win" Ruhlen
- Quentin Trelane
Woody is the first to go. He's a skinny little wuss cowboy voiced by Tom Hanks who, by his name, is obviously a pervert (possibly a pedophile). All Chucky has to do is snip off the little string up Woody's ass and he's out for the count. Houston, we have a problem.
Speaking of problems, here comes Buzz Lightyear. He's drugged-up (again, look at the name), and that may give him a slight edge, but here's his weak spot: He's voiced by Tim Allen, and therefore likely to kill himself about three seconds into the fight. If the spaceman doesn't self-destruct, his only offensive weapon is his voice, and Chucky will probably go straight for his throat before he can say anything annoying. Once Buzz's helmet's off, the decompression will spell his doom.
Then there's Little Bo Peep and her little bo sheep. Help me, mommy! I'm scared now! The most she'll do is try and whack Chucky over the head with her cane, and that will do nothing but make the Chuckster mad. Bo Peep won't be walking straight for a while after Chucky's done with her (and yes, you sick freaks, you can take that any way you want to). As for the sheep, let's just say Chucky won't have to make a trip to the meat market for a while.
Next comes Mr. Potato Head who, though he does offers his comments to Ground Zero from time to time, will fall apart (literally) at the sign of a real fight. His arms are indeed deadly weapons; unfortunately, they'll end up in the wrong hands - Chucky's - after he rips them out of their sockets. He'll get poked in the eyes with his own fingers, blinding him just before Chucky spills his starch all over Andy's room. Expect to see Mr.PH as a batch of French Fries in a MacDonald's somewhere near you (while supplies last).
Finally, a bucket full of those little green army men is all that stands between Chucky and victory. Every red-blooded boy (maybe some of the girls too, I wouldn't know) had some of these as a kid, and countless hours of time were spent figuring out how best to crush them, melt them, decapitate them, disembowel them, etc. The serial killer inside Chucky was a kid once, and he probably remembers all sorts of fun sadistic things to do to the Corps.
So Chucky wins, and the Toy Story cast is RIP - Resting In Pieces.
But of course, Chucky's victory will be short lived, since Michael
Eisner will send his demons and trolls to destroy the infidel. But
let's not get into that, eh?
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good fight!
- The Black Shadow: Master of the Night and Hater of Disney Movies
Star Power: Woody? Tom Hanks. Buzz? Tim Allen. Bo Peep? Annie Potts. Potato Head? Don Rickles. Hamm? Umm... that guy who played Cliff Clavin on "Cheers...." Chuckie? Who gives a crap?
Advantage: Toy Story
Evil: Sure, Chucky's demonic and all. But, Disney is the ultimate evil. Not to mention, another evil is on the side of the "Toy Story" gang... Ernest P. Worell!!!!!! AAAAAAAAGH!!! That's more horrible than anything Chucky can muster... Slinky Dog aka Ernest would blow Chuckie's head to bits... Know whut I mean?
Advantage: Toy Story
Box Office Draw: Hmmmm... Let me think.... Which film has more artistic and monetary merit? The obvious cinema classic of "Bride of Chuckie?" or the tripe of the first CGI full length movie with an actual plot. Please. The only thing Chuckie can draw is blood. The Toy Story gang gets more money just by standing and blinking. Tons o' folks love the characters from "Toy Story." Who loves the "Childs Play" movies and freely admits it?.................................................
I thought so.
"Sorry, Jack. Chuckie's back!!!" Yeah, REALLY sorry!! In fact so sorry, that I want my $7.50 back!!!
Advantage: Toy Story (sense a trend?)
Toy Story wins hands down. Chuckie might be able to cut it (pun intended) against some of the Puppet Master toys, but NO ONE messes with the Toy Story gang...
- Noel Schornhorst
- Mr. Potato Head (The Spudz don't take no crap!)
I'll give you a moment.
This guy couldn't be in a hit if the mob put one out on him.
- Padraig O ruanai
The toy Story characters are all foriegn made. Tiawan, Japan, China, Korea...toys made in those contries are known for quality enjoyment, but made on slave-labor assembly lines. The chance that they will break and take out a child's eye, ear, or gall blader is astronomical. Chucky was made in the USA. THE USA! If that doesn't say "Warning: Choking Hazard", then NOTHING does.
Andy is going to wake up to more then he expected this christmas....
Happy Holidays, Grudgers!
- -Jason the Eternal Raven
But anyone who can kill John Ritter AND Jennifer Tilly (arguably the two most annoying people in the world)deserves to win.
- King of No Media
You have one killer doll (excellence track record, of course.); but when faced by a lightbulb-laden astronaut, a flimsy cowboy, a pig, slinky/dog hybrid, dinosaur, the potato (yes, even the potato!), a broad w/ a really big cane AND sheep (cannon fodder), and the hundred some plastic armymen (need a breath, hold on),
Chucky is about as effective as a battleship that shoots once to 30-some infantry (that also kill with one hit, no matter how hard it is). The sheer numbers will win, and besides, knives don't cut as well against plastic as flesh (and Chucky ALWAYS slashes [check the movies if you must]).
Last thing, Toy story has several video games, Chucky does not.
- The Campain to Kill Everybody
- Andy The Anarchist
"Yes, Major Hazerd there is a large army of Gorganites and turncoats next door".
"ALL GORGANITE SCUM MUST DIE! Commando Elite fall in!"
Chuckey (chuckled?) laughed at the sounds of terror and pain coming from the back yard. He took deleight in the the shrieks as nailguns and buzzsaws mutilated the puny toys. He was still laughing as he went into Andys room for a rousing game of capture-the-soul.
Isn't that a marketer's dream? since most of this continent's products are still, sigh, aimed towards the latter, Good ol' Chucky will keep on being ressesitated (bad spellling, sorry) again and again until either voodoo becomes a religion or a TV show is named in his honor, with vast guest appearances by Pamela Lee-whatever.
Toy Story may battle for that which is good and just, but can't compete. Chucky in twelve (bloody) minutes
American guys can't fight. Buzz has a black-belt.
- Mara Jade
- Andrew Wright
Oops. We were only considering seasonal holidays and since Ramadan is celebrated at various times of the year (depending on the traditional calender), it was overlooked. We would like to apologize to all those of the Islamic faith. - Salman Rushdie
Purpose: To determine the effectiveness of a ambulatory humanoid simulacrum against various theoretically animate plastic juvanile entertainment apparatus.
Equipment: Lacking the exact duplicates for some of the objects in question, certain substitutions have been made. "Bo Peep" is replaced with "Barbie", "Buzz-Lightyear" replaced with an all-plastic Transformer, "Mr. Potatohead" has been replaced with a real potato with paperclip body parts. Failing to find a suitable inanimate standin, I will play the part of "Chucky." I have armed myself with my sister's Ginsu(TM) knife. Other household items will be used as the opportunities present themselves.
Results: Barbie was immediately disrobed, but failed to provide any more than minor stimulation. Subsequently decapitated by yanking on her head. The Transformer was fractured and scattered with a close encounter with the lawnmower. The potato was easlily fragmented by the cuisinart, though the paperclip body parts have severely damaged the food processor. The dinosaur and cowboy items were severely damaged after being taped to my automobile bumper and repeatedly smashed into the garage door, though the garage door and my bumper are also showing noticable damage. The plastic army men have proved more difficult; stomping on them has had no greater effect than causing bruising to my foot. Being run over by car tires merely bent the bazooka guy's cannon. The rifleman was disharged from the lawnmower whole, only to impact my shin and cause bruising and minor bleeding. The ginsu experiment failed when an accidental slip of the knife damaged the experimenter. (Note for future: Cut AWAY from the body.) Limited success using garbage disposal, but experiment was interrupted by sibling and her family returning from church.
Conclusion: While most of the combatants would be easy prey to the theoretical "Chucky," the "Bucket O' Soldiers" seems to withstand multiple methods of sadistic mutilation without significant damage to said soldiers. While the results are far from conclusive, the evidence is compelling that the soldiers would ultimately overpower the frustrated Chucky.
Recommendations: Future experiments are called for. However, emergency medical care should be readily available as unforseen hazards can cause injury to the experimenter, some of which could require stiches. Also, prior consent should be obtained BEFORE commencing experimentation. Some people just do not seem to recognize the importance of a carefully conducted scientific experiment in resolving unanswered questions.
- WebPilgrim - yes I would like to be a commentator
Child's Play I: DEAD
Child's Play II: DEAD
Child's Play III: DEAD
And I'm assuming,
Child's Play IV: DEAD
Everyone in Toy Story:
Toy Story: No Deaths
This may be affected by the fact that Toy Story was a Disney (a division of enGulfCo Inc.) production. Therefore, no one can die in a Disney film without having a moving scene with sorrowful music in the background. Chucky on the other hand, kills randomly without any music. Chucky will not be able to overcome this aura of invincibility that the Toyz have, since the only time there is any signifigant death is when Chucky dies. Therefore, the Toyz, take his abuse, then kill him off, with some song about justice, ect...
- Bob-Slayer of the Wild Spams
Godzilla = little man in big rubber suit = Chucky
Soliders = Action Figures with ineffective weapons = Toy Story
Who was always ineffective? Soliders.
Who could never stop the evil monster Godzilla? Soliders.
Who always blew up the city? Godzilla.
Chucky may not have the atomic breath or a son that sounds like a donkey (Godzukie), but I'll take that twisted little knife wielding gnome of an actor in a doll outfit versus a freakin slinky any day of the week. Betting on the Toy Story group is like betting on the Midgets in the old 3 Midget Wrestlers vs. 1 Pro-Wrestler--the Midgets never won, but it was damn funny to watch them try.
Buzz can polish that new gold suit Disney gave him and make another 200 mil in the process, secure in the fact that he has just led the toy gang to the biggest, not to mention the most predictable, win a toy has ever produced.
Child's Play, jack.
- Wally out
As I see it, Plucky Chucky trucks over goody-goody Woody and his tired, tacky toys. Pitiful, pathetic playthings mauled by mass murderer mannequin man.
- 1/2 Nelson...Linguist in Training
The conclusion to my science fair project states: "Given the nature of the two types of toys, it is my conclusion that the Chucky Doll is a boring piece of cotton stuffed fabric regardless of the evil nature of the movie, while the toy story action figures are loads of fun for everyone".
(Now I just hope my science teacher will accept it as scientific fact, but he probably wont cause he's a dweeb)
But Chucky will not defeat the toys. Because you bastards set this match on Christmas.
Chucky's evil plan was doomed from the start. Had he ever paid proper attention to the incessant Christmas specials on TV as a child, Chucky would have realized that for fictional characters to engage in nefarious acts on Christmas is futile. They are always outwitted by the infuratingly pure-of-heart heroes, and the end result is always a sappy realization that all they really need is a hug and some good ol' Christmas cheer. The Grinch, Ebenezer Scrooge, Bill Murray- all have fallen before this immutable law of holiday TV.
The effect of this law on the match? Chucky bats aside Woody and Buzz like the toys they are and starts advancing on Bo Peep, intent on having a little fun before taking over Andy's body. Slinky Dog, knowing full well the risk he's taking, heroically wraps himself around Bo Peep, granting her the protection of his metallic coils. Chucky, amused by this feeble attempt, casually wrenches the cheap spring in two. A gasp goes up across Andy's bedroom, and all the toys stop to look in disbelief at the dying Slinky Dog. Ignoring them, Chucky grabs Bo Peep's head roughly...and sees the single tear streaming down her face.
Years of sadistic insensitivity are conveniently forgotten as this casual murderer is suddenly overcome with remorse over a breaking a toy. Chucky falls to his knees, sobbing. "Noooo!", he cries. "What have I done?! How could I do such a thing on Christmas? I don't care if I become human again, I just want Slinky Dog to live!"
Cued by Chucky's selfless wish, the Spirit of Christmas(TM) descends on the bedroom, covering Chucky and Slinky Dog in Twinkly Sounds(TM) and Bright Lights(TM). Slinky Dog's coils magically fuse together like new. His still face begins to stir. The toys gasp in joyful surprise, and Chucky embraces Slinky Dog. "I'm sorry, Slinky!", he sobs. "Awww, it ain't nuthin'.", answers Slinky. The toys all work together to re-wrap Chucky in his box, and the next day, Andy has a sudden change of heart for no adequately explored reason and decides to keep his new Good Guy doll, unbeknownst that this very doll has promised to watch over and protect Andy forever.
Sickening isn't it? But you know it's true.
"How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?" Woody blurts. Hypnotized by the Riddle (tm), Chucky begins to reply.
"As much wood as a wood chuck could chuck...if a wood chuck could chuck wood," the evil little child's toy says. "I...can't...chuck...wood...noooooo!" Chucky's eyes roll up into his head and he falls into a seizure, the demon hell-spawn wooshes out of his body. The nasty-smelling amorphous cloud hovers momentarily, then slinks out of the house. Ah, the stinky stank of defeat.
And maybe, just maybe, Bo will give Woody a Peep for his trouble.
- Psycholly of Psycholly-Land
Now, to anyone who agrees that I should get a shot at Brendan LIVE here on WWWF Ground Zero, give me a Hell Yeah! on your next response.
Oh, and Happy Holidays.
- Devin The Mental Hospital Escapee
- The ReAnimator
However, Toy Story's Tom Hanks will win 12 Oscars, 3 Grammies, a Tony, a Cleo, a Congressional Medal of Honor, and a free oil change from Lazy Lou's Lube-apolooza for his performance.
- Mark Wentz
CHUCKY:Excellent, another force of evil to aid me!
MICROSOFT DEAMON: Cram it, Devil-Boy! These toys are the creations of Steve Jobs, my archrival! I, and I alone will annihilated them! When you get to hell, tell your boss that I'M the ultimate evil around here!
The Deamon of Microsoft proceeds to blast chucky into an alternate universe.
As the Deamon of Microsoft prepares to destroy Andy's toys, The Deamon of Disney appears, accompanied by the smaller Deamons of Pixar and Apple. In the ensuing battle,the Microsoft Deamon is ultimately vanquished
Meanwhile, near the top of Mount Crumpet, in an alternate universe....
Chucky awakes to find himself lying in the corner of a sealed crate. As his eyes adjust to the dim light, he spies the crates other occupants: The dolls from Toymaster, Small Soldiers, and the Nightmare Before Christmas, plus the evil Krusty, Tickle-Me-Elmo, an Furby. Outside, the grinch pushes the crate up the mountain.
GRINCH: Oof! Santa isn't paying me enough to dump all the rejects this year.
- Emar, the socialy maladjusted
I hear you whining, "But Arch-Fiend, aren't body washes for ladies...", no wait, that's a different group of whiners. Oh there you are, "How can the toy story gang beat a homicidal doll?"
I'll tell you how.
To begin with, in Toy Story, Buzz Lightyear loses HIS ARM. Not only does it not appear to cause him any pain, but it's easily reattached later.
Chucky is not ready for this. He's use to dealing with (quite handily, I'll give him that) relatively fragile humans. Toys, on the other hand, have a much higher pain threshold, to say the least. Also, choking and stabbing won't accomplish much when used against plastic action figures. It might tick 'em off, but that's not a terribly productive goal.
Finally, we come to the most important issue of all; Financial Backing. "WHAT?!?!", you say. Oh yes, remember, Toy Story is the spawn of Disney. Does anyone know what company makes Child's Play? Me either. One phone call from Woody to the REAL head of Disney (A Mr. Mouse, natch), and, barring a few minutes for Mickey to shoo away the nubile interns Minnie doesn't know about, the Disney Death Squad will be bearing down on Chucky.
Yeah, that's right. The same soulless monsters that have fought a thousand battles in Disney's unholy name, and lost only that ill-thought invasion of Europe.
Chucky will die screaming.
- Insomnus, Arch-Fiend and Chief Tormentor of Beekeepers
Sure, a couple of major characters will bite it midway through the story, that's a given, but their sacrifices will be vital to the advancement of the plot, and only serve to further the heroes' unstoppable Rage".
It's time Chucky learned the true meaning of 'kung-fu grip'
- Troy "trenchcoat" Wood
In short, after Slinky Dog Guy ties up the homicidal fugitive from Hell, the rest of the personified American Dream dismember him, exorcise him, burn the doll, sue the company, and insure that such shoddy and cheap-ass toys are never again manufactured in this country or any other.
TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!!!!!!
And by the way - did you not see how Woody (note the name) looked at Bo Peep? Sissy??
- Not One More Chucky Movie
Anyone who survived shopping season without a gigantic cleaver is sure to have some brawn on her, as sure as you'd say gesundheit if John Hynatshyn said his last name. As much as I like Chucky, I have to say that my heart caves in at the sight of the Toy Story Gang. No, wait... that's my bladder.
- the indorkable sporkable egg
Right off the bat, one of the Toy Story gang is gonna bite it.. every horror movie has the initial sacrificial lamb to set the mood. We'll say that this is Mr. Potato Head (TM).
Then, when Woody and Lil' Bo Peep start to get it on, you know what that means. They're the next victims. So, one major character, and one minor character outta the way right off the bat. Without Woody, Buzz will take charge, and they will spend too much time waiting for backup to come.. next thing you know, Chucky cranks out some White Zombie(TM) out of the toy boombox, and walks in slashing away.
Even if Chucky needed backup, he can still call on his wife.
The aliens would be the only ones to get away, cuz they can actually fly... wait, was that in the movie, or just a bad hallucination?
Anyways, Chucky all the way, baby!!
And don't forget who owns Toy Story: Disney!! And while we're on the subject, describe Chucky; he's small and pudgy. Sound familiar? Yep, the Little Pigs from Disney! This means that Chucky's a rip-off! By the time Disney's lawyers are through with him, chucky would have been torn apart. And this time, he will NOT come back!
Before I finish, isn't there a dinosaur among the Toy Story gang? Can you name dinosaurs of horror? Godzilla & co, Jurassic Park and - OH NO! GASP! NOT HIM!! - BARNEY!! All the Toy Story gang has to do now is just let Barney sing his awful tune and let Chucky's head explode with the pain. After making Barney their leader, they will sacrifice him, in cannibalistic fashion, to Walt Disney's Soul, the God of Evil.
- The Saint
And remember Woody's words, Paul:"We toys can see everything - so play nice!" You'd better start acting nice too, or they'll come for you...
The Name/Occupation Factor
Please note that there are no winning professional sports teams called "The Psychotic Possessed Dolls". There are teams called the Rangers and the Cowboys, and they've each won multiple championships in their league. Note that the Army calls its best soldiers Rangers, not Killer Dolls. Space Ranger and Cowboy vs. a Doll: Oooh, tough pick.
The Military Factor
Speaking of the Army, the Toy Story contingent is full of Army Men. With rare exception, the United States Army has defeated all comers. Chucky has been deadified in four movies. Sure, Chucky's no pansy, but does anybody remember the phrase "fourth largest army in the world?" The Iraqis weren't pansies either.
The Hartman Factor
As I pointed out in my commentay on Clint Eastwood vs. John Wayne, Gunnery Sgt. Hartman from Full Metal Jacket is one of the hardest cases on Planet Earth. The great actor R. Lee Ermey voiced the Sergeant in Toy Story as well as playing Hartman, and it's no coincidence. He will berate Chucky in ways we can't even conceive, leaving Chucky confused ( even a little sexually confused, since nobody talks to him like that except his wife) and the toys will take full advantage.
The Andy Factor
Not only was Chucky defeated three time by an Andy, the child over whom this battle was fought is a sleeping giant. Andy is a boy of elementary school age, but he owns a Bo Peep doll. This proves that he has learned to fight, because otherwise he would be an outcast. All the noise of the Hartman-led toy mob engaging Chucky is sure to wake him up, and if they can't handle things, all Andy has to do is grab his trusty baseball bat and go Mark McGwire all over the newlywed Voodoo Child. Harry Carey, sitting somewhere on the other side of the Pearly Gates will say "Holy Cow!" as he sees Chucky's head fly by at meteoric speeds.
Any one of these things would guarantee victory for the Playtime Posse, but the combination will be mega-lethal nuclear-level whoopin'. Chucky will go down like a slow zebra at dinnertime on the Savannah. Let's hope that his plastic parts aren't recyclable, otherwise we're all going to have to watch our milk jugs very closely.
- Mr. Silverback- With Tae Kwon Leap Grip! Batteries not included.
To be specific, not any common cur, but a dachshund, or the more aptly described "weiner dog". This puppy has already met and reached an accomodation with the toys, and like his young master, considers them part of his pack. Two things to know about about weiner dogs; they have VERY sharp teeth (hey, they were bred to go after badgers, only the most surly creatures in the universe save the commentators here) and they are FIERCELY protective of their territory.
So just as Chucky is about to decimate the Toy Story crew, he is blindsided by a eleven pound bundle of energy and teeth, and never knows what hits him. Timmy's mom banishes the poor dog outside after finding scraps of cloth and cotton filling all over the room, but the toy soldiers raid the refrigerator that night and reward their pal with all the leftovers he can eat.
Moral of the story--you can murder humans and destroy toys, but never mess with a wiener dog!
- Nick Zachariasen
Buzz flies forward and takes the blow for his friend, the Usual Gore flying around, even though, in this case, it's only fragments of plastic chips. "It's ..okay.." barks Buzz. "Take ..the ..Big Runt..."
Woody frowns, on the border of insanity now, and jumps atop Chucky. Chaos ensues and Woody teeters the Doll at the edge of the stairs. Finally the pesky Chucky topples into the waiting jaws of the Dreaded Dog, stuffing flying.
Buzz gets up ---now, the spectators are able to see that only his helmet was sliced off--- and BoPeep rushes over to him and Woody, winking slyly.
The movie ends here. I'll leave you to imagine what happens between the three action figures ---I, for one, don't want to picture the consequences between toys--- and the last thing anyone sees is the Demon Doll's head between the jaws of the Dog and popping out.
Of course, in the relentless Traditional Horror Movie way, the Doll'll be back. Is that why he seems to be yelling ..."Forget the other Andy ...this one's a lot more fun! No, wait... this ain't Andy ...this is his *bleep*ing dog! Scram, mutt. No, wait... get back here! You've still got my body!"
To be continued... [in background: "*Bleep*ing dog!"
- The Black Knight of Ni
Toy COW story ENGLISHSOCCERHOOLIGANS will GORDITAS whoop KANGAROOS Chucky's RAGE plastic RITALIN ass.
Did somebody say "COW"? Moo! Moo! Mooooooooooo! - Paul.
This is the last time the TFW gambit is going to work (assuming Paul takes his medication). - Eds.
If you liked this match, check out these other past
Jason v. Freddy
Cujo v. A Disgruntled Postal Worker
Santa v. Elves, Reindeer, and Teamsters
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