World Wide Web Fights presents

WWWF logo by Aaron Lindgren

G2: Grudgement Day

The Scenario

It was the night after Christmas...

The entire family is sound asleep upstairs, the children lovingly holding onto their favorite new toys. Downstairs, only the multicolor lights from the tree illuminate the unopened "Good Guys" doll from the enigmatic Uncle Charlie. Whoever he is, his unwanted gift is going back to the store tomorrow, assuming that the puppy didn't eat the receipt.

Unexpectedly, the doll breaks out of his box and takes a look around. Reading a piece of mail, the doll quietly curses, "Andy WHO? *BLEEP!* He was supposed to deliver me to Andy Barclay! So much for his special delivery Christmas present. Oh well, if you got lemons, might as well make BLOODY LEMONADE." Chucky, after a quick detour to the kitchen for the sharpest steak knife, makes his way up the stairs. He is going to have his Christmas gift one way or the other.

As the toy-gone-wrong heads for the boy's room, he chuckles. First he'll transfer his soul into the boy's body, then dispose of the rest of them. He pushes open the door to the boy's bedroom and WHAM!, gets clobbered backwards and out into the hallway!


Staring in disbelief, Chucky is confronted with a spaceman, a cowboy, a platoon of toy soldiers and a dozen other toys. "That's right!", says Woody, brandishing a small souveneir baseball bat. "You picked the wrong house! Nobody harms Andy!"

"So you guys want to play? Bring it on! HAHAHAHA!"

So does the demon doll destroy the defenders or will the toys trample the tot terror?

Chucky doll, Child's Play Toy Story Gang



Toy Story

The Commentary

PAUL: Whose idea was to have this match for Christmas? Me? Oh yeah, almost forgot. Let me make the best of it. Disposing of Andy's toys and their owners will be Child's Play™ for Chucky.

Let's look at past history, shall we. Chucky has been beaten, stabbed, bludgeoned, shot, lit on fire, launched through the windshield of a car, dismembered, doused in hot liquid plastic and unceremoniously dumped in various garbage cans, only to survive and keep on the attack. He has risen from the dead thrice, managed to survive rabid parents during the shopping season and tolerated marriage to the most psychotic woman/ nag machine this side of the planet. He takes a licking and keeps on ticking! What exactly are the Toy Story bunch going to be able to do to to stop Chucky? Is Buzz going to shoot him with his laser until his batteries run out? Whoop-de-doo!

When it just looks about hopeless, things can only get worse for this motley crew of plastic. Through four movies, Chucky has chalked up a double digit body count despite being all but knee high to most of his victims. If you thought he was a terror in minature, wait until he gets to use his height advantage on these puny toys. I collected action figures and trust me, Snake Eyes and Major Bludd don't last very long when you step on them. Or throw them out the window. Or flush them down the toilet. Or hit them with an aluminum bat. Or shoot them. Or any of the other cool things that I, er, Chucky will do to them. It ain't gonna be pretty.

Not that it really matters. Cheap plastic crap from Taiwan just doesn't measure up to a doll like Chucky, a product of good ole USA. Whether it is toys or serial killers, you can trust America to produce the best. The Toy Story bunch will fall like a house of cards. I predict a very unmerry Christmas this year.

BRENDAN: Believe me, Paul, only you could think up this match, and only you could back Chucky because to everyone else its obvious that the Toy Story gang is going to win.

You have a cowboy and a space ranger in this match, and you're trying to claim that psycho doll represents America? What is Woody if not the perfect symbol of America's glorious past and how we spread across this continent destroying everything that stood in our way. What is Buzz if not a symbol of America's future as we go boldly forth to take our rightful place as rulers of the entire universe. Together they represent the awesome power of America's Manfiest Destiny, while Chucky represents the awesome power of children crying because they really wanted a Tickle Me Elmo doll.

As for what the Toy Story group can do. Did you not see the movie? They're experienced with both explosives and dispensing vigilante justice, have an entire bucket full of soldiers (who really hurt if you step on them), and took down Sid the neighborhood deliquient, who was positively Golbaesque in his treatment of toys. (Try babysitting a kid like Sid sometime, and then tell me that psychotic dolls hold any terror for you). Compared to that what does Chucky have? The whole pretend to be a toy and then strangle the humans trick isn't going to cut it this time.

Finally it amazes me that you freely admit that Chucky is a doll. Buzz and Woody are action figures, (Buzz even has that special combat grip) and as everyone with a Y chromosome knows, no action figure could ever lose to a doll. That's a universal law more fundamental than gravity, which means that Chucky is going down.

PAUL: After reading that Brendan, I have one question. Do you still believe in Santa Claus too? Get a kung-fu grip on reality, man.

While your "action figures" have been having grand "adventures" in a child's bedroom, Chucky "The Doll" has been busy doing things that make me proud to be an American male. Like killing John Ritter. He deserves the Medal of Honor for that. The little stud killed his own girlfriend, transferred her soul into a doll and convinced her to marry him. That's darn impressive. On the other side, we have a cowboy that dresses like a member of the Village People and a spacegoof that features the same dome top as French priss Jean Luc Picard. And they both hang out with Mr. Potato Head and (gasp) Little Bo Peep. Your toys are a bunch of sissies and we all know what happens to sissies in horror movies.

And let us not forget that your toys cannot move while humans are watching them. I will even assume that Chucky being only partly human won't have that effect on them. If anyone does anything that will wake Andy up, the toys all fall down. Chucky doesn't have this problem and can smash his defenseless opposition like Godzilla in Tokyo. And even if Andy's screams rush his parents into the room, Chucky will just play dumb until they leave and Andy will get a scolding for breaking his toys before losing his soul.

Yes, I'm afraid that the Toy Story bunch will find out much too late that very evil, deadly things can come in small packages. Happy Holidays!

BRENDAN: Hey, as long as I keep getting presents from the big guy I'll keep believing in him.

And yeah, we all appreciate Chucky dropping John Ritter, but lets face it Ritter's not exactly the most challenging target out there. I would give even odds to Doogie Howser, Urkel, Webster or even France in a fight with him.

As for the girlfriend factor, are you forgetting the fact that his girlfriend turned on him and tried to kill him. What kind of stud/bad boy can't keep his own girlfriend loyal to him? Even Hitler was able to keep his girlfriend loyal to him, and he only had one testicle and was believed to be permanently impotent. Chucky's a total loser who has turned to homicide as a way of making up for his failures as a real man (and he should be grateful his girlfriend never saw the shining Lightyear dome, or she would have dropped him even faster to go after a true stud.)

I also must say that it truly saddens me that you confuse purity of heart for sissiness. Purity of heart is the very trait most needed to survive a horror movie and with the exception of Mr.Potato Head (who probably is a casualty, but was a jerk anyway so it doesn't really matter) all of the Toy Story bunch have it making the Chuckster powerless against them. As for the claim that they can't come to life when a human's around, that's completely absurd. They came to life to beat an inhuman monster by the name of Sid, and they will be just as willing to do so to save Andy from Chucky. If Chucky's relying on that (which makes him an even bigger wimp than I thought) he's in for a real unpleasant surprise when he goes dormant to plan an ambush and the Toy Story bunch keep closing in on him.

Chucky's way out of his league here, he's not use to fighting fellow toys, he doesn't know the terrain, and he's almost certainly going to underestimate the Toy Story crew. The only thing Chucky is good at is dying, and he's going to get some more practice at it this time out. Merry Christmas/Solstice/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa!

This page listed at HORRORFIND.COM (under "Horror Movies").

Thanks to Bob Brickeen and his brother for suggesting this match.
Bob also likes the Celebrity Dead Pool.

The Results

Toy Story (823 - 63.2%)


Chucky (479 - 36.8%)

like a red headed stepchild

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Voter Comments

Gold Grudgie


Now I know what you're thinkin'.... Chucky's got the size, the evil spirit, and RAGE going for him(any movie with the slogan "Chucky gets Lucky" screams Crap Movie(tm) and therefore poor sales and lower dividends), but Chucky did not expect to deal with a power that is much more vengeful and evil than he is. Thats right, little kids!

You see, Chucky bears an uncanny resemblance to a Cabbage Patch Kid(tm). I think we all remember what happened during that 80's craze.... parents had to wade through the dead, beating off other blood crazed parents with the bloody limbs of the fallen.... just so their kid wouldn't wake up Christmas morning screaming like a banshee because mommy and daddy didn't deliver the only thing on her Christmas list....... but I digress....

The point is that small children, and more importantly, their stronger, more able-bodied parents will claw through solid steel to get to one of those suckers... By the end of the 25th, everyone on the block knew that little Andy had what was rumored to be another Cabbage Patch Kid(tm). Before Chucky could make it through the house to fight the Toy Story bunch, the walls begin to crumble as parents mistakenly believe that the 'Patch craze is back! Like a cheap horror flick, the parents rip Chucky into a million pieces and begin feeding on his wretched soul until...... anyway, the shmo is dead, ok?

Fortunately, most of the Toy Story gang made it out ok. I'm sure that the baby probably already swallowed most of Buzz's weapons and that about half of the plastic soldier platoon met a grizzly end against Colonel Bic and his Flamethrower Brigade. But the point is that little Andy will sleep soundly in his bed tonight.... except for the fact that his house only has two walls, and is now only 1 story high.

Well, that's what I think will happen.... now back to drinkin' varnish....

- Shaft

Silver Grudgie

ROTW ™ Silver Medal Grudgie ™

Seeing as actors are pissed beyond belief when they're in bad movies, let's take a look at the worst movies made by the cast members of Toy Story and the Child's Play series.

Toy Story

Child's Play series

Seeing how the entire cast of the Child's Play series has an undenyable Rage going for them, someone better tell Pixar to work on some CGI disembowelments.

- Kilgore Trout

Bronze Grudgie

ROTW ™ Bronze Medal Grudgie ™

In a "60 Minutes" interview, Randy Newman said, "No, you don't have a friend in me!"

Demoralized by Newman's purely mercenary interest in Toy Story, the toys clear a path for Chucky to carve Andy up like a ham.

- Michael Leung

The victor in this one will boil down to experience. At first glance Chucky would have this one thanks to several movies' experience as a serial killer, but there's a catch; how many TOYS has he killed? You see, he's far more used to killing humans than toys! This will undoubtably work against him as he instinctively will go for tactics such as strangulation and jugular slashing which will be futile against his plastic foes. The Toy Story toys, however, show remarkable skill in the areas needed for anti-toy warfare; witness their well-planned recon effort at Christmas to identify possible incoming hazards, as well as clever utilization of windows and remote control cars for covert assasination attempts. Add in the horror stories Buzz and Woody must have learned from Sid's toys, and the mind shudders at all the things they could think of doing to the demented doll. And Buzz and Woody's success against Sid shows success in adapting their techniques for use against insane half-humans as well. With this knowledge and their superior numbers, the Toy Story toys will easily be able to set up an attack plan to foil the would-be Andy killer. I don't know whether it'll be Mr. Potato Head rearranging Chucky's face, the dinosaur acting out some of the things he saw when Andy rented Jurassic Park, or Buzz teaching the plastic psycho how to "fall with style", but one thing's for sure- Chucky ain't gonna be lucky.

Of course, when the Small Soldiers toys are activated by all the noise from upstairs, that's when the real war will begin...

- "Mad Dog" Mike

Sorry fellas. Although the Toy Story punks are actually quite lame, I have to give the match to them. Chucky, who does kick ass, has three things that will work against him here. *Ahem* They are:

1. The Sequel Odds - First off, Toy Story has never had a sequel, and this would be Chucky's fourth. Movie fans know as well as I do that everytime there is a sequel to a movie (excluding Star Wars), it is never quite as good as the first. Chucky, up against the fresher Toy Story characters would get his butt stomped (primarily because he is a rather tired device after three movies).

2. Horror Movie Endings - Secondly, horror characters almost always lose in the end. It's that old "Good vs. Evil" thing, where Good triumphs over Evil in the end. The Toy Story blokes, however, will probably be reduced to the last, with Buzz barely blowing up Chucky as his last breath expires. This will win the match, but as we all know, good old Chucky will be back sometime in the near future. Meanwhile, we get to watch all the great explosions, fight scenes and little animated bits being thrown hither and *yawn*.

3. The Cuteness Factor - The Toy Story characters are cute, and for some dumb reason, cute things always win out. For instance, I stumbled upon this stupid toy called the Furbie(tm). It is cute. I hate cute. I max up my Rage(tm), and unleash it on the poor, defenseless, mumbling and cute Furbie(tm). Despite the fact I sent the thing soaring with an aluminum baseball bat, the Furbie(tm) is NOT DAMAGED. In fact, it purred at me (causing me to send the darn thing flying again - still no damage). Until I unleashed the fury of the Benford power tools on it, the Furbie resisted all attempts to be destroyed. AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH! Oh, excuse me. What was I talking about? Furbies? Oh, yeah. To make a very long story short, cute is very tough to wack. Chucky is going to get so frustrated, he'll probably wack himself and end the match.

It will be these three things that give the Toy Story stooges the edge, and eventually the match. Tough luck there, Chuck. I guess you only get lucky once, huh?

- McClaud/Shinsei

*closeup* Chucky: bring it on! WAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (you guys need to work on your villainous laughs)

*camera goes widescreen. A rustling sound causes everyone to turn around. Out of a stack of wrapping paper stomps a Barney doll! Chucky screams and charges foward to preforate the Purple Puke preemptively to prevent the pandering performance of terpsichorian putridness*

*meanwhile during the gratutitous Barney death scene, Woody sneaks over to the telephone*

Woody: Hello, Information I need to place a collect call to...

*The screen skips back to finish watching Barney's death, changes angles twenty times and replays in slow motion, theme from Psycho plays*

Chucky: Ho ho ho!

Buzz: Yeah witty dialogue there, did you think of that yourself?

Chucky: You're next Captain Radio!

*Switch to a darkened room a short distance away*

Mysterious figure: What's that you say... Chucky? Where are you? ... okay I'll be right there. He's had this coming a long time... *hangs up and leaves, camera unable to show face*

[After Chucky and the Toys battle it out]

*Door bursts open, people who open it are hidden behind door, chainsaw revs* MERRY CHRISTMAS CHUCKIE!


The DogFaced Gremlin: This is for everybody who had to sit through that bit! Laugh this off!

*Swipes off Chuckie's head with chainsaw, Scott Steiner kicks body into fireplace*

Scott: Here's your gas hookup, holler if it hurts!

Andy's toys: Thanks Rick and Scott!

Rick: He stole my only interview in three years, he had it coming.

Scott: I just wanted to end his career before he ended mine.

Voice from behind the others: You may have killed my son but what are you going to do about me?

*Everybody turns and screams* BUDDY LEE! *ominous music starts*

*fade out*

*Roll credits*

James Cameron "Quality Be Damned" Productions. 1998. All Rights reserved.

*leave theater when new Van Halen song begins, several movie goers scream "For the love of god, get David Lee Roth Back!*

- Ubiq

Ah. Tis the merry holiday season, and I am not even finished with my gift shopping (although the Day is only 3 shopping days away). Instead, ignoring the frustrated screams of my wife, I sit here and try to figure out what is going on in the minds of our GrudgeMatch hosts. My fingers twitching and eyes drying from three days non-stop web surfing, I look at the names of the contestants for this week's match. My mind swims with delusion - I try to focus. Then, it hits me.

Ha....haha....hahahahaha.....BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA (*gasp*) HA HA AH HA HA HA.....hee hee hee....okay, let me get a grip....Toy Story vs Chucky.......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (*sniff*) HAHAHABWAHAHAHAHAHA (*snort*) heart....honey, call the ambulance...honey?....honey?.......hon- (!crash!)

Thank you. Happy Holidays.

- The Heckler....I'm Not Cute, but I Don't Lose Either

At least the Toy Story characters are original. Chuckie is just a pale imitation of Talky Tina, the killer doll from the Twilight Zone episode who managed to take out Telly Savales (a.k.a Kojak) using nothing but psychology and a flight of stairs.

- Joe

Chucky 1 was good.
Chucky 2 was aright.
Chucky 3 sucked.
Chucky 4 should never have been made.


- Bri Rob the Caveman

Chucky is to Toy Story as Death Star is to Enterprise

- The Griffon Master

When measuring a combatant's potential for victory, I think it is important to examine both the character and the fighting history of those involved. Here's my humble breakdown of this match-up:

Most noticeable combat traits:

Chucky: Powered by evil and gifted with both supernatural endurance and strength. Master of improvised weaponry, very cunning and aggressive. A recognized sniper and has a strong familiarity with handguns. Skilled at bladed combat. Has a fondness for strangulation. Known to have the Power of VooDoo " on his side.


Woody: Lacks self confidence and worth. Wears holster with no gun.
Buzz Lightyear: Hunk of plastic with delusions of grandeur, has arm laser that emits harmless red light. Communications hardware consists of speaker that repeats four phrases over and over. Has cardboard spaceship and retractable, flightless glider wings. He believes these both to be reliable methods of transport.
Mr. Potato: Face parts always fall off. Good for laughs, poor for combat.
Lenny: Binoculars with no arms. Can't speak.
R.C.: All-Terrain vehicle with weak power supply.
Piggy: Voice dubbed by popular sitcom drunk.
Bo Peep: Classic D.I.D. (Damsel in Distress). Only useful as a hostage when in combat.
Bucket of Army Men: A well-coordinated but very small assault team. Only strong in numbers, but they are numerous.
Etch and Sketch: No evident fighting skills. (Perhaps a good battle banner carrier, though. You can never underestimate the power of morale)
Slinky Dog: Very flexible. Possible strangler.
The Strong Man (Wrestler): Master of Professional Wrestling. Mostly indestructible.
T Rex: Textbook neurotic. Well-fanged, but will we get to see him use them?

Chucky's (and Tiffany's) List Of Victims:
1. Maggie Peterson: Hit in the head with hammer, then falls out of apartment window on to car.
2. Eddie Caputo: Shoots gun in gas filled room, causing explosion.
3. Doctor Ardmore: Electrocution by electric shock therapy headpiece
4. "Dr. Death" John: Voodoo Doll used to break his leg and then stab him.
5. Good Guys doll assembler: Electrocution from Chucky's eyes
6. Mattson (Play Pals Executive Assistant): Suffocation by plastic bag put over his face
7. Miss Kettlewell: Beaten to death by meter stick.
8. Phil Simpson: Tripped by Chucky with a big hook, falls down stairs.
9. Jo-Anne Simpson: Tape over mouth, and then strangled (with thread?)
10. Grace Poole: Stabbed repeatedly in the chest, then falls onto a copying machine.
11. Play Pals factory worker: Cut on cheek, then he falls back and the machine that places the eyes in the dolls comes down on him and places doll eyes in his skull.
12. Mr. Sullivan (Play Pals C.E.O): Hit with golf club, darts stuck in his back, then strangled by yo-yo.
13. Garbage Man: Tricks Garbage Man to get into the back of garbage truck then Chucky crushes him.
14. General Cochrane: Dies of a heart attack when he sees Chucky.
15. Sergeant Botnick (The Barber): Throat slit with a razor blade.
16. Cadet Lieutenant Colonel Fred C. Shelton: Gun shot. Chucky switched the paint ball bullets with real ones
17. Herald Albery Whitehurst: Jumps on grenade
18. Security Guard at Carnival: Chucky steals his gun and shoots him in the head (Off-screen).
19. Damien: Gets handcuffed to bedposts by Tiff, then Chucky rips of his lip-ring then is smothered by pillow.
20. Tiffany: T.V set thrown in the bathtub.
21. Chief Warren Kincaid: Chucky and Tiffany Nails deployed from airbag, driven into his head temporarily injures him.
22. Chief Warren Kincaid: After surviving the nails he jumps up later, but Chucky stabs him to death.
23. Lieutenant "Needlenose" Preston: Chucky puts cloth in the gas tank then lights the cloth thus causing the car to explode.
24. Guy in phone booth: The tire from the above accident flies into a phone booth killing the person inside it.
25. Russ and Diane (Newlywed Couple/Scam artists): Champagne bottle thrown into mirror over the bed, mirror shatters and slices them up.
26. David: When David sees Chucky and Tiff he panics and walks backs away onto the highway and gets hit by a transport truck.
27. Elderly man and woman: They're stuffed into a closet of the Winnebego with gunshot wounds into their heads. We see them when Tiffany opens the closet to get an apron.
28. The two guys digging up Charles Lee Ray's body: Shot by Chucky
29. Tiffany: Stabbed by Chucky
30. Detective Norton: Attacked by Chucky/Tiffany's baby: We don't see him die, the baby just pops out of Tiffany then jumps at him clinging to his face and the credits
31. Police officer delivering Chucky's remains: Tiffany beats him upon head (?), then his throat is slit by her nail file.

Entire Cast of Toy Story's List of Victims:

I refuse to provide any more than my objective breakdown, but looking at this report, I am sure you'll determine the victor in no time.

- hurtmypony

We would like to thank Chucky's Toy Box [dead link] for the body count stats and lots of other cool Child's Play information. - Eds.

Of course, there is also another option. The Toy Story toys are resourceful and they might trick Chucky into going over to Sid's house, where Sid could deliver the mortal blow.

- The Demented Astronomer

Chucky sold his soul to the devil to escape into the doll.

Toy Story is owned by Pixar.

Pixar is owned by Disney.

After a previous Grudge Match, Disney overcame and took over Microsoft.

Microsoft is owned by the devil.

Thus, Disney owns the devil, and the devil owns Chucky.

Such intercompany bickering will not be tolerated under Disney's roof. The moment this fight starts, all parties hear their Master's voice, commanding them to cease such brawling at once. No fight will occur, for not even Chucky is fool enough to face the wrath of his true master.

Let this be a lesson to all would-be conquerors; before you attack, make sure you know who you're attacking.

- Wanderer

You know, I read each of these matches that is printed. Sometimes, the contest is close. Sometimes, it's a little bit of a mismatch. But this one takes the cake as the no-brainer of the decade. Chucky will do Bad Things (tm) to the Toy Story bunch, and I'll list off the reasons why.

1) General attitude. The Toy Story bunch are made by Dhiznee. Yes, Disney, the cutesy-wutesy, Saturday-morning cartoon making, pukey-cute company. Chucky? Chucky is made by HELL. Yes, HELL, people. You know. Fire and brimstone and all that is evil. And, as Dark Helmet reveals in Spaceballs, Evil will win because Good is DUMB.

2) Powers. What do we have? A potato-guy that falls apart. A spaceguy with a non-functioning laser. A cowboy. Now, let's look at Chucky. YES. He has anything he can get his satanic little hands on, and he has the ingenuity to make an Etch-A-Sketch into a lethal killing machine.

3) Limitations. The Toy Story bunch...umm. G rating. They get to ask very politely not to be hurt (can't say the k*ll word, that's not good for the kiddies!) Chucky? R. Horror film. He can make Woody into his Little Bitch (tm), and keep quite within his rating, thankyouverymuch.

Looks like Chucky's got a new home to me, kids...and woe to Andy if he even THINKS about a toybox!

- Istanbul

I'm going to have to go with The Toy Story Gang(tm) on this one. Just follow my simple logic progression, as illustrated below.

1. John Ratzenberger provides the voice of Hamm the Pig.
2. My dad could kick anyone's ass this side of the Mississippi.
3. My dad looks exactly like John Ratzenberger.
4. John Ratzenberger is just as much as superhero as my dad is.
5. Hamm the Pig single-handedly destroyes Chucky "I fell in love with Jennifer Tilly".
6. I go and eat all of the remaining chocolate in the Czyz household.

And if you still don't believe in the Power of John Ratzenberger(tm), he was in The Empire Strikes Back. And House II: Second Story. And Supermans 1 and 2. And Combat High. And Warlords of the 21st Century....And...And...<dragged away kicking and screaming> This is all Guybrush Threepwood's fault!!! And let go of me!!! Who are YOU?! And what the hell is THAT thing?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH<click> ---End Transmission---

- The Czyz

Well, I'd like to see all of Disney die a horrible, painful, and exruciating death as much as the next guy, but then you had to go and make that crack about Santa. Tsk tsk.

- Jon "I'm still pissed that cujo didn't win" Ruhlen

I have to go with the Toy Story figures on this one. I think the biggest mistake was making fun of Picard. Right there, you have way too many Star Trek fans rooting for the other guy.

- Quentin Trelane

Just by looking at how pitiful his competition is, you can see that Chucky wins the battle. Here's how the carnage unfolds:

Woody is the first to go. He's a skinny little wuss cowboy voiced by Tom Hanks who, by his name, is obviously a pervert (possibly a pedophile). All Chucky has to do is snip off the little string up Woody's ass and he's out for the count. Houston, we have a problem.

Speaking of problems, here comes Buzz Lightyear. He's drugged-up (again, look at the name), and that may give him a slight edge, but here's his weak spot: He's voiced by Tim Allen, and therefore likely to kill himself about three seconds into the fight. If the spaceman doesn't self-destruct, his only offensive weapon is his voice, and Chucky will probably go straight for his throat before he can say anything annoying. Once Buzz's helmet's off, the decompression will spell his doom.

Then there's Little Bo Peep and her little bo sheep. Help me, mommy! I'm scared now! The most she'll do is try and whack Chucky over the head with her cane, and that will do nothing but make the Chuckster mad. Bo Peep won't be walking straight for a while after Chucky's done with her (and yes, you sick freaks, you can take that any way you want to). As for the sheep, let's just say Chucky won't have to make a trip to the meat market for a while.

Next comes Mr. Potato Head who, though he does offers his comments to Ground Zero from time to time, will fall apart (literally) at the sign of a real fight. His arms are indeed deadly weapons; unfortunately, they'll end up in the wrong hands - Chucky's - after he rips them out of their sockets. He'll get poked in the eyes with his own fingers, blinding him just before Chucky spills his starch all over Andy's room. Expect to see Mr.PH as a batch of French Fries in a MacDonald's somewhere near you (while supplies last).

Finally, a bucket full of those little green army men is all that stands between Chucky and victory. Every red-blooded boy (maybe some of the girls too, I wouldn't know) had some of these as a kid, and countless hours of time were spent figuring out how best to crush them, melt them, decapitate them, disembowel them, etc. The serial killer inside Chucky was a kid once, and he probably remembers all sorts of fun sadistic things to do to the Corps.

So Chucky wins, and the Toy Story cast is RIP - Resting In Pieces. But of course, Chucky's victory will be short lived, since Michael Eisner will send his demons and trolls to destroy the infidel. But let's not get into that, eh?
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good fight!

- The Black Shadow: Master of the Night and Hater of Disney Movies

Please. No contest. Let's look at the factors, shall we?

Star Power: Woody? Tom Hanks. Buzz? Tim Allen. Bo Peep? Annie Potts. Potato Head? Don Rickles. Hamm? Umm... that guy who played Cliff Clavin on "Cheers...." Chuckie? Who gives a crap?

Advantage: Toy Story

Evil: Sure, Chucky's demonic and all. But, Disney is the ultimate evil. Not to mention, another evil is on the side of the "Toy Story" gang... Ernest P. Worell!!!!!! AAAAAAAAGH!!! That's more horrible than anything Chucky can muster... Slinky Dog aka Ernest would blow Chuckie's head to bits... Know whut I mean?


Advantage: Toy Story

Box Office Draw: Hmmmm... Let me think.... Which film has more artistic and monetary merit? The obvious cinema classic of "Bride of Chuckie?" or the tripe of the first CGI full length movie with an actual plot. Please. The only thing Chuckie can draw is blood. The Toy Story gang gets more money just by standing and blinking. Tons o' folks love the characters from "Toy Story." Who loves the "Childs Play" movies and freely admits it?.................................................

I thought so.

"Sorry, Jack. Chuckie's back!!!" Yeah, REALLY sorry!! In fact so sorry, that I want my $7.50 back!!!

Advantage: Toy Story (sense a trend?)

Toy Story wins hands down. Chuckie might be able to cut it (pun intended) against some of the Puppet Master toys, but NO ONE messes with the Toy Story gang...

- Noel Schornhorst

Brendan, what's with putting down The Spudz? He'll probably be the sole survivor (besides the army men) and would become Andy's new favorite toy. I quote the old ABC show Dinosaurs: "Hail the Potato!"

- Mr. Potato Head (The Spudz don't take no crap!)

It's all about box office. Woody is voiced by Tom Hanks. You know, Private-Ryan-You've-Got-Mail-Forrest-Gump Tom Hanks? Chucky is voiced by Brad Dourif.

I'll give you a moment.

Brad Dourif.

This guy couldn't be in a hit if the mob put one out on him.

- Richard

"Not for children under three years of age due to small parts that present a choking hazard." Every toy box I've ever looked at had that on it. I don't know what age he is, but Chucky looks like a three year old. the TS gang would just stuff Mr. Potatoe head's eyes down Chuck's throat. Being half- human, Chuck can die. But have you ever seen one toy in the TS film die? I even saw ones that don't have heads! Remember if Chuck wounds a toy, it just needs a bit of glue and it's right as rain again(Actually have you ever thought about that phrase? How could RAIN be right?Isn't it an inanimate object?) Also, Chuck's made of plastic. The TS gang are computer-generated. (By the way, I was thinking about rex and I ask, have you EVER seen a reptile with genitals? not rex, not any Jurrasic park dino, not godzilla, not even on documentaries. Hell, I've seen computer-generated dogs with genitals! It's wierd.)

- Padraig O ruanai

Though, the famous precident of "A Rottweiler vs.A Rottweiler's weight in Chihuahuas" depicts that the Meaner, larger, and more voilent critter will be last one standing, I reveal to you the reason that Chucky will win: Toys kill kids, no matter what.

The toy Story characters are all foriegn made. Tiawan, Japan, China, made in those contries are known for quality enjoyment, but made on slave-labor assembly lines. The chance that they will break and take out a child's eye, ear, or gall blader is astronomical. Chucky was made in the USA. THE USA! If that doesn't say "Warning: Choking Hazard", then NOTHING does.

Andy is going to wake up to more then he expected this christmas....

Happy Holidays, Grudgers!

- -Jason the Eternal Raven

At first I was going to vote for the Toy Story toys because they have that cool computer animation thing going like the second terminator.

But anyone who can kill John Ritter AND Jennifer Tilly (arguably the two most annoying people in the world)deserves to win.

- King of No Media

Well, as sad as it is, I'm going with Toy Story. Why? Simple. As a hardened veteran of assorted war-based board games (such as "Axis and Allies", various "Games Workshop" table-top games etc.), I can give a good rule:


You have one killer doll (excellence track record, of course.); but when faced by a lightbulb-laden astronaut, a flimsy cowboy, a pig, slinky/dog hybrid, dinosaur, the potato (yes, even the potato!), a broad w/ a really big cane AND sheep (cannon fodder), and the hundred some plastic armymen (need a breath, hold on),

Chucky is about as effective as a battleship that shoots once to 30-some infantry (that also kill with one hit, no matter how hard it is). The sheer numbers will win, and besides, knives don't cut as well against plastic as flesh (and Chucky ALWAYS slashes [check the movies if you must]).

Last thing, Toy story has several video games, Chucky does not.

- James

Hey! I thought you promised to have a "Both Maimed" option the next time it was applicable. This makes two in a row where the option was needed, but not used.

- The Campain to Kill Everybody

Chuck may have his weapon expertise and raw nastiness, but the Toy Story gang has experience with taking on psychos (okay, just Woody and Buzz, and Sid is nowhere on the level of Chucky's madness, but still...), Besides, they're the good guys, and my knowledge of horror movies tells me that no matter how many of them get bumped off, the good guys win in the end. Chuckster's warranty is about to be voided!

- Andy The Anarchist

Chucky stumbled in the shadows weak and batared by his recent failers. Nothing was working, when he had tried to strangle the stupid spaceman, the eggshaped creature just closed his bubble- helmet and snapped the cord. Damn! those karatechops hurt. When he had grabbed the gay cowboy thing and snapped his head around, it just laghed at him and spun its head around. All of the sudden a diabolical plot formed in Chuckys head. (badguys are famous for that) He grinned in the darkness and ran next door.

"Yes, Major Hazerd there is a large army of Gorganites and turncoats next door".

"ALL GORGANITE SCUM MUST DIE! Commando Elite fall in!"

Chuckey (chuckled?) laughed at the sounds of terror and pain coming from the back yard. He took deleight in the the shrieks as nailguns and buzzsaws mutilated the puny toys. He was still laughing as he went into Andys room for a rousing game of capture-the-soul.


Three words : Karate-chop-action! Chucky is going to be spanked like a 4 yearold at Kmart.

- Freaky-Freaky

Hmmm... one of the most important thing in surviving, in this industry, is marketability. Toy Story market's anyone under 14, and those seven dozen people who Must Watch Every Vaguely Animated Movie Ever. The target audience for Child's Play are 15 to 37-year old men, probably white, with bad complexions who don't date but love gore.

Isn't that a marketer's dream? since most of this continent's products are still, sigh, aimed towards the latter, Good ol' Chucky will keep on being ressesitated (bad spellling, sorry) again and again until either voodoo becomes a religion or a TV show is named in his honor, with vast guest appearances by Pamela Lee-whatever.

Toy Story may battle for that which is good and just, but can't compete. Chucky in twelve (bloody) minutes

- Tricia

Hmmm . . . Chucky surveyed his attackers. *All smaller than me* he thought gleefully. Something was strange though. He looked again. Yes, there it was. Pink. The color of the dreaded Barbie doll. Chucky checked again. She had blond hair and a lacy dress. Chucky's eyes went wide in horror. He screamed in a very high pitch, dropped the knife and ran away in terror. Andy had recieved Star Wars toys for Christmas. Darth Vader took *another* deep breath and climbed into his TIE defender. It was easy catching up with the terrofied doll. "I have you now!" Vader said and fired his laser canons. With that, Chucky was destroyed.

American guys can't fight. Buzz has a black-belt.

- Mara Jade

After initally siding with the sadistic Chucky doll, I stopped to think about the scenario. What it comes down to is Quantity and Quality. While Chucky might take no time turning Potato Head into French Fries, killing Woody by pulling his guts out from the string in his back and knifing Buzz Lightyear repeatedly as Buzz's dilusions of Space Rangerdom keep him from realizing the futility of using his laser beam against the enemy, the true heroes of the day will be the army men. They know how to mobilize, they can withstand heavy casualties, and yet there are always more of them to fill in the ranks. The minesweeper guys will confuse Chucky long enough to let the commander mobilize every other toy in the room in an organized attack that will end up with bits of Chucky's tattered doll-stuffing scattered around the room. Let me put it this way... Germany Vs. Russia. There's strength in numbers, gang.

- Andrew Wright

You guys forgot Ramadan.

- PCer

Oops. We were only considering seasonal holidays and since Ramadan is celebrated at various times of the year (depending on the traditional calender), it was overlooked. We would like to apologize to all those of the Islamic faith. - Salman Rushdie

Conveniently, I have a nephew named Andrew, so I was able to do some experimentation while visiting my sister over Christmas. I have included some particularly illuminating passages from my lab notebook.

Purpose: To determine the effectiveness of a ambulatory humanoid simulacrum against various theoretically animate plastic juvanile entertainment apparatus.

Equipment: Lacking the exact duplicates for some of the objects in question, certain substitutions have been made. "Bo Peep" is replaced with "Barbie", "Buzz-Lightyear" replaced with an all-plastic Transformer, "Mr. Potatohead" has been replaced with a real potato with paperclip body parts. Failing to find a suitable inanimate standin, I will play the part of "Chucky." I have armed myself with my sister's Ginsu(TM) knife. Other household items will be used as the opportunities present themselves.

Results: Barbie was immediately disrobed, but failed to provide any more than minor stimulation. Subsequently decapitated by yanking on her head. The Transformer was fractured and scattered with a close encounter with the lawnmower. The potato was easlily fragmented by the cuisinart, though the paperclip body parts have severely damaged the food processor. The dinosaur and cowboy items were severely damaged after being taped to my automobile bumper and repeatedly smashed into the garage door, though the garage door and my bumper are also showing noticable damage. The plastic army men have proved more difficult; stomping on them has had no greater effect than causing bruising to my foot. Being run over by car tires merely bent the bazooka guy's cannon. The rifleman was disharged from the lawnmower whole, only to impact my shin and cause bruising and minor bleeding. The ginsu experiment failed when an accidental slip of the knife damaged the experimenter. (Note for future: Cut AWAY from the body.) Limited success using garbage disposal, but experiment was interrupted by sibling and her family returning from church.

Conclusion: While most of the combatants would be easy prey to the theoretical "Chucky," the "Bucket O' Soldiers" seems to withstand multiple methods of sadistic mutilation without significant damage to said soldiers. While the results are far from conclusive, the evidence is compelling that the soldiers would ultimately overpower the frustrated Chucky.

Recommendations: Future experiments are called for. However, emergency medical care should be readily available as unforseen hazards can cause injury to the experimenter, some of which could require stiches. Also, prior consent should be obtained BEFORE commencing experimentation. Some people just do not seem to recognize the importance of a carefully conducted scientific experiment in resolving unanswered questions.

- jeff

I sure I can't be the only that knows this. The lovable ol' Toy Story guys will win - not because of any skills on their part (other than Basic Character Cuteness (tm)), but they have a weapon that strikes fear into Death, the IRS, even Bill Gates - Disney Lawyers (tm). Pixar didn't work with Disney for their marketing skills, but for the protection of having the Orwellian heart-killing horror of Disney Lawyers (tm) on their side, the Mutual Assured Destruction (tm - Miltary-Industrial-Complex, 1969) policy of the legal field. Since Disney Good Guys (tm) have a clause in their contract that they will win, dispite Any Known Obstacle, it is impossible that Chuckie be allowed to win. The moment he shows any sign of having The Upper Hand (tm), a Deus ex Machina (tm) will occur to make things right. Chuckie, knife, and Rage (tm) fall to the might of Toy Story characters and Disney Lawyers (tm) in a running time of 96 minutes and is rated PG-13 for Gore (tm Democratic Party).

- WebPilgrim - yes I would like to be a commentator

If it was Small Soldiers, it would be a different story, although Chucky is more animated than Al Gore.


Lets look at the statistics shall we?

Child's Play I: DEAD
Child's Play II: DEAD
Child's Play III: DEAD
And I'm assuming,
Child's Play IV: DEAD

Everyone in Toy Story:
Toy Story: No Deaths

This may be affected by the fact that Toy Story was a Disney (a division of enGulfCo Inc.) production. Therefore, no one can die in a Disney film without having a moving scene with sorrowful music in the background. Chucky on the other hand, kills randomly without any music. Chucky will not be able to overcome this aura of invincibility that the Toyz have, since the only time there is any signifigant death is when Chucky dies. Therefore, the Toyz, take his abuse, then kill him off, with some song about justice, ect...

- Bob-Slayer of the Wild Spams

How come no one seems to remember the old Godzilla movies in relation to this fight?

Godzilla = little man in big rubber suit = Chucky
Soliders = Action Figures with ineffective weapons = Toy Story

Who was always ineffective? Soliders.
Who could never stop the evil monster Godzilla? Soliders.
Who always blew up the city? Godzilla.

Chucky may not have the atomic breath or a son that sounds like a donkey (Godzukie), but I'll take that twisted little knife wielding gnome of an actor in a doll outfit versus a freakin slinky any day of the week. Betting on the Toy Story group is like betting on the Midgets in the old 3 Midget Wrestlers vs. 1 Pro-Wrestler--the Midgets never won, but it was damn funny to watch them try.

- Three

Consider the fact that Chuckie's usual life span in about 2 hours.

Buzz can polish that new gold suit Disney gave him and make another 200 mil in the process, secure in the fact that he has just led the toy gang to the biggest, not to mention the most predictable, win a toy has ever produced.

Child's Play, jack.

- Wally out

I had to go with the Toy Story guys simply because they annoy me less. I've only seen Toy Story once, while I've recently been submitted to endless 'Chucky gets lucky commercials'

- Corum

Hey, those alphabet blocks under the tree give me an idea! Much better han any stupid parody of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas'


As I see it, Plucky Chucky trucks over goody-goody Woody and his tired, tacky toys. Pitiful, pathetic playthings mauled by mass murderer mannequin man.

- 1/2 Nelson...Linguist in Training

I decided to use this match as the basis for my science fair project. My hypothesis being: "The toy story toys would be more popular with my satanic nephew than the chucky doll". Since I couldnt find a chucky doll, I used the best subsitute I could find: An old "my buddy" doll that I stole from the wimpy kid down the street painted up to look evil. I rummaged through the junk drawer and found several toy story action figures. (Possibly purchased in McDonalds happy meals.) I then arranged to "babysit" my 3 year old nephew. Babysit meaning to keep him from terrorizing the neighbors and to protect the cat while his parents were away. I let my nephew play with the substitute chucky doll and the toy story action figures and took notes. (and photos for good measure) In less than 15 minutes, my angelic looking but totally evil, little nephew used the Buzz Lightyear action figure to poke holes in the chucky dolls eyes and then pulled off chucky's left arm. Further damage was noted during the rest of the afternoon. The toy story action figures survived with no damage at all. And when I added up the time played with each, my nephew played with the toy story toys about 3 hours longer than the chucky doll. And the only time he actually played with the chucky doll was when he was tearing it apart using the toy story action figures.

The conclusion to my science fair project states: "Given the nature of the two types of toys, it is my conclusion that the Chucky Doll is a boring piece of cotton stuffed fabric regardless of the evil nature of the movie, while the toy story action figures are loads of fun for everyone".

(Now I just hope my science teacher will accept it as scientific fact, but he probably wont cause he's a dweeb)

- Aspen

By all rights, Chucky ought to win this match. He has a real weapon, whereas the Toy Story gang's best "weapon" would be the dinosaur's annoying voice. Chucky's rigid, two-expression-limit face affords him an impressive degree of protection, as opposed to the toys' fluid, lifelike animation (which will allow for all kinds of bodily mangling). Let us not forget that after four movies of failure after failure, Chucky will be filled with a frustrated determination that will take psychosis to a whole new level (dare I invoke the majestic power of RAGE[TM]?) Most importantly however, is the fact that Chucky looks remarkably like a Cabbage Patch doll, one of the biggest money-makers in toy history. And as we all know, what really makes a toy superior is the amount of money it makes. QED.

But Chucky will not defeat the toys. Because you bastards set this match on Christmas.

Chucky's evil plan was doomed from the start. Had he ever paid proper attention to the incessant Christmas specials on TV as a child, Chucky would have realized that for fictional characters to engage in nefarious acts on Christmas is futile. They are always outwitted by the infuratingly pure-of-heart heroes, and the end result is always a sappy realization that all they really need is a hug and some good ol' Christmas cheer. The Grinch, Ebenezer Scrooge, Bill Murray- all have fallen before this immutable law of holiday TV.

The effect of this law on the match? Chucky bats aside Woody and Buzz like the toys they are and starts advancing on Bo Peep, intent on having a little fun before taking over Andy's body. Slinky Dog, knowing full well the risk he's taking, heroically wraps himself around Bo Peep, granting her the protection of his metallic coils. Chucky, amused by this feeble attempt, casually wrenches the cheap spring in two. A gasp goes up across Andy's bedroom, and all the toys stop to look in disbelief at the dying Slinky Dog. Ignoring them, Chucky grabs Bo Peep's head roughly...and sees the single tear streaming down her face.

Years of sadistic insensitivity are conveniently forgotten as this casual murderer is suddenly overcome with remorse over a breaking a toy. Chucky falls to his knees, sobbing. "Noooo!", he cries. "What have I done?! How could I do such a thing on Christmas? I don't care if I become human again, I just want Slinky Dog to live!"

Cued by Chucky's selfless wish, the Spirit of Christmas(TM) descends on the bedroom, covering Chucky and Slinky Dog in Twinkly Sounds(TM) and Bright Lights(TM). Slinky Dog's coils magically fuse together like new. His still face begins to stir. The toys gasp in joyful surprise, and Chucky embraces Slinky Dog. "I'm sorry, Slinky!", he sobs. "Awww, it ain't nuthin'.", answers Slinky. The toys all work together to re-wrap Chucky in his box, and the next day, Andy has a sudden change of heart for no adequately explored reason and decides to keep his new Good Guy doll, unbeknownst that this very doll has promised to watch over and protect Andy forever.

Sickening isn't it? But you know it's true.

- CrashPoint

Woody straightens, determined to protect his little Peep. The chattering of his teeth suddenly stops as a light bulb flashes over his head.

"How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?" Woody blurts. Hypnotized by the Riddle (tm), Chucky begins to reply.

"As much wood as a wood chuck could chuck...if a wood chuck could chuck wood," the evil little child's toy says. "I...can't...chuck...wood...noooooo!" Chucky's eyes roll up into his head and he falls into a seizure, the demon hell-spawn wooshes out of his body. The nasty-smelling amorphous cloud hovers momentarily, then slinks out of the house. Ah, the stinky stank of defeat.

And maybe, just maybe, Bo will give Woody a Peep for his trouble.

- Psycholly of Psycholly-Land

Well, I'm back from some treatment at the mental ward and am back to once again bash Brendan and his crazy ideas that the RAGE(tm) sucks. And what better time to do this than when Chucky finally gets a match of his own. I love to prove you wrong, Brendan, so here it is: CHUCKY WILL KILL ALL WHO OPPOSE HIM!!!!!!! Oh, you don't believe me? Well, put simply, Chucky is insane. Reread my response on Disgruntled Postal Worker vs. Cujo to see how effective insanity is. Next, Toy Story is from Disney. Disney beat Bill Gates(Oops! I mean Satan). Only good people beat someone that evil. As Dark Helmet so astutely points out in Spaceballs, evil always wins over good because good is stupid. However, the Horror Movie Character Law of Physics(tm) points out that villans in horror films must die. Therein, this is what happens: Chucky kills the Toy Story loser punks, but is killed in a bloody mess by Andy. His parents hear his story, think he needs help, and puts him up for adoption. The End.

Now, to anyone who agrees that I should get a shot at Brendan LIVE here on WWWF Ground Zero, give me a Hell Yeah! on your next response.

Oh, and Happy Holidays.

- Devin The Mental Hospital Escapee

If Woody was leading the toys, they would get slaughtered. If Buzz wuz leading the toys, it would be a close match. But ever since Andy's last birthday Major Chip Hazard has been in charge, so lets just say Chucky is one step closer to reaching his goal of dying more than Kenny.

- The ReAnimator

Chucky, of course, will slaughter the Toy Story gang.

However, Toy Story's Tom Hanks will win 12 Oscars, 3 Grammies, a Tony, a Cleo, a Congressional Medal of Honor, and a free oil change from Lazy Lou's Lube-apolooza for his performance.

- Mark Wentz

As the action figures close in, Chucky grabs a conveniently located switch blade and prepares to do battle. Suddenly, there is an unearthly roar. The roof and walls of the house are ripped away. Towering 200 feet over the embattled toys is the unholy Deamon of Microsoft(TM).

CHUCKY:Excellent, another force of evil to aid me!

MICROSOFT DEAMON: Cram it, Devil-Boy! These toys are the creations of Steve Jobs, my archrival! I, and I alone will annihilated them! When you get to hell, tell your boss that I'M the ultimate evil around here!

The Deamon of Microsoft proceeds to blast chucky into an alternate universe.


As the Deamon of Microsoft prepares to destroy Andy's toys, The Deamon of Disney appears, accompanied by the smaller Deamons of Pixar and Apple. In the ensuing battle,the Microsoft Deamon is ultimately vanquished

Meanwhile, near the top of Mount Crumpet, in an alternate universe....

Chucky awakes to find himself lying in the corner of a sealed crate. As his eyes adjust to the dim light, he spies the crates other occupants: The dolls from Toymaster, Small Soldiers, and the Nightmare Before Christmas, plus the evil Krusty, Tickle-Me-Elmo, an Furby. Outside, the grinch pushes the crate up the mountain.

GRINCH: Oof! Santa isn't paying me enough to dump all the rejects this year.

- Emar, the socialy maladjusted

Hmmm, an appropriate match, but one which Chucky is going to lose.

I hear you whining, "But Arch-Fiend, aren't body washes for ladies...", no wait, that's a different group of whiners. Oh there you are, "How can the toy story gang beat a homicidal doll?"

I'll tell you how.

To begin with, in Toy Story, Buzz Lightyear loses HIS ARM. Not only does it not appear to cause him any pain, but it's easily reattached later.

Chucky is not ready for this. He's use to dealing with (quite handily, I'll give him that) relatively fragile humans. Toys, on the other hand, have a much higher pain threshold, to say the least. Also, choking and stabbing won't accomplish much when used against plastic action figures. It might tick 'em off, but that's not a terribly productive goal.

Finally, we come to the most important issue of all; Financial Backing. "WHAT?!?!", you say. Oh yes, remember, Toy Story is the spawn of Disney. Does anyone know what company makes Child's Play? Me either. One phone call from Woody to the REAL head of Disney (A Mr. Mouse, natch), and, barring a few minutes for Mickey to shoo away the nubile interns Minnie doesn't know about, the Disney Death Squad will be bearing down on Chucky.

Yeah, that's right. The same soulless monsters that have fought a thousand battles in Disney's unholy name, and lost only that ill-thought invasion of Europe.

Chucky will die screaming.

- Insomnus, Arch-Fiend and Chief Tormentor of Beekeepers

Sure, chucky may have a racked up the kill points in his last three movies, but you're forgeting one thing: these Toy Story characters were thought up by the all powerful Joss Whedon; the same man who brought us "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

Sure, a couple of major characters will bite it midway through the story, that's a given, but their sacrifices will be vital to the advancement of the plot, and only serve to further the heroes' unstoppable Rage".

It's time Chucky learned the true meaning of 'kung-fu grip'

- Troy "trenchcoat" Wood

Hello? Is everyone here forgetting that the Toy Story (TM) posse has on their side the single most irresistible force in the universe? Everyone knows that Slinkies, once wrapped around something, can only be removed by industrial strength bolt cutters. Well, lucky for the Toy Story gang, they have that little Slinky Dog Guy to do their dirty work. All he has to do is jump Chucky when he tries to close in on their beloved Andy and they'll be entangled there forever. Sure, the little dog guy would be stuck, too, but he'd gladly sacrifice his life for Andy. And don't try to give me any other stuff either, none of that Chucky has killed before rot. Slinkies can go down stairs. Try doing that when your legs are only six inches long.

In short, after Slinky Dog Guy ties up the homicidal fugitive from Hell, the rest of the personified American Dream dismember him, exorcise him, burn the doll, sue the company, and insure that such shoddy and cheap-ass toys are never again manufactured in this country or any other.


And by the way - did you not see how Woody (note the name) looked at Bo Peep? Sissy??

- Not One More Chucky Movie

Chucky also has two rampaging parents, a psychotic ten-year-old and an army of soldier guys going after him.

Anyone who survived shopping season without a gigantic cleaver is sure to have some brawn on her, as sure as you'd say gesundheit if John Hynatshyn said his last name. As much as I like Chucky, I have to say that my heart caves in at the sight of the Toy Story Gang. No, wait... that's my bladder.

- the indorkable sporkable egg

I'm gonna have to go with Chucky on this one, guys. Granted, I'll give the Toy Story gang a good chance, due to sheer numbers, but in all reality, that doesn't count much when taking into account the 80's slasher movies.

Right off the bat, one of the Toy Story gang is gonna bite it.. every horror movie has the initial sacrificial lamb to set the mood. We'll say that this is Mr. Potato Head (TM).

Then, when Woody and Lil' Bo Peep start to get it on, you know what that means. They're the next victims. So, one major character, and one minor character outta the way right off the bat. Without Woody, Buzz will take charge, and they will spend too much time waiting for backup to come.. next thing you know, Chucky cranks out some White Zombie(TM) out of the toy boombox, and walks in slashing away.

Even if Chucky needed backup, he can still call on his wife.

The aliens would be the only ones to get away, cuz they can actually fly... wait, was that in the movie, or just a bad hallucination?

Anyways, Chucky all the way, baby!!

- LokiJoe

I voted for the Toy Story toys 'cause I didn't think they had much of a chance. Looking at the score, I realized that this is movie-world we're talking about! The underdog can and will win if necessary. Yup, Chucky's the real monster, but it took a bunch of puny humans with a bad script and corny dialogue to take out GODZILLA! IMPRESSIVE!! There are other examples of this in real life: David killing the Goliath! Alexander against the Persians(believe me, ol' Alex was the underdog in that war, and look where he is now)! Yep, Paul, you really ran out of luck this time, and now Chucky's the one to have nightmares.

And don't forget who owns Toy Story: Disney!! And while we're on the subject, describe Chucky; he's small and pudgy. Sound familiar? Yep, the Little Pigs from Disney! This means that Chucky's a rip-off! By the time Disney's lawyers are through with him, chucky would have been torn apart. And this time, he will NOT come back!

Before I finish, isn't there a dinosaur among the Toy Story gang? Can you name dinosaurs of horror? Godzilla & co, Jurassic Park and - OH NO! GASP! NOT HIM!! - BARNEY!! All the Toy Story gang has to do now is just let Barney sing his awful tune and let Chucky's head explode with the pain. After making Barney their leader, they will sacrifice him, in cannibalistic fashion, to Walt Disney's Soul, the God of Evil.

- The Saint

HAH! There's no way a bunch of AMERICANS (Lightyear = the Future, Woody = the Past, Bo Beep = American Ladies/Women's Lib, Potatohead = Idaho & the Farmers, etc...) can lose out to the scum of society (Chucky = pedophiles), so they win this one easily.

And remember Woody's words, Paul:"We toys can see everything - so play nice!" You'd better start acting nice too, or they'll come for you...

- X-Dude

Due to the factors listed below, by the end of this match Bo Peep's crook will be shoved so far up Chucky's butt that it will be hooked around his tonsils.

The Name/Occupation Factor
Please note that there are no winning professional sports teams called "The Psychotic Possessed Dolls". There are teams called the Rangers and the Cowboys, and they've each won multiple championships in their league. Note that the Army calls its best soldiers Rangers, not Killer Dolls. Space Ranger and Cowboy vs. a Doll: Oooh, tough pick.

The Military Factor
Speaking of the Army, the Toy Story contingent is full of Army Men. With rare exception, the United States Army has defeated all comers. Chucky has been deadified in four movies. Sure, Chucky's no pansy, but does anybody remember the phrase "fourth largest army in the world?" The Iraqis weren't pansies either.

The Hartman Factor
As I pointed out in my commentay on Clint Eastwood vs. John Wayne, Gunnery Sgt. Hartman from Full Metal Jacket is one of the hardest cases on Planet Earth. The great actor R. Lee Ermey voiced the Sergeant in Toy Story as well as playing Hartman, and it's no coincidence. He will berate Chucky in ways we can't even conceive, leaving Chucky confused ( even a little sexually confused, since nobody talks to him like that except his wife) and the toys will take full advantage.

The Andy Factor
Not only was Chucky defeated three time by an Andy, the child over whom this battle was fought is a sleeping giant. Andy is a boy of elementary school age, but he owns a Bo Peep doll. This proves that he has learned to fight, because otherwise he would be an outcast. All the noise of the Hartman-led toy mob engaging Chucky is sure to wake him up, and if they can't handle things, all Andy has to do is grab his trusty baseball bat and go Mark McGwire all over the newlywed Voodoo Child. Harry Carey, sitting somewhere on the other side of the Pearly Gates will say "Holy Cow!" as he sees Chucky's head fly by at meteoric speeds.

Any one of these things would guarantee victory for the Playtime Posse, but the combination will be mega-lethal nuclear-level whoopin'. Chucky will go down like a slow zebra at dinnertime on the Savannah. Let's hope that his plastic parts aren't recyclable, otherwise we're all going to have to watch our milk jugs very closely.

- Mr. Silverback- With Tae Kwon Leap Grip! Batteries not included.

This would seem to be a walkover for Chucky, since he is much larger and definitely more ferocious than the precocious grade-school level toys. But the toys have a secret ally, revealed in the very last words spoken in the Toy Story film--to wit, "It's a Puppy!"

To be specific, not any common cur, but a dachshund, or the more aptly described "weiner dog". This puppy has already met and reached an accomodation with the toys, and like his young master, considers them part of his pack. Two things to know about about weiner dogs; they have VERY sharp teeth (hey, they were bred to go after badgers, only the most surly creatures in the universe save the commentators here) and they are FIERCELY protective of their territory.

So just as Chucky is about to decimate the Toy Story crew, he is blindsided by a eleven pound bundle of energy and teeth, and never knows what hits him. Timmy's mom banishes the poor dog outside after finding scraps of cloth and cotton filling all over the room, but the toy soldiers raid the refrigerator that night and reward their pal with all the leftovers he can eat.

Moral of the story--you can murder humans and destroy toys, but never mess with a wiener dog!

- Hutch

The real winner will not be the group from the Evil Empire or Chucky. Instead, it will be a surprise band of toys which neither side has encountered before. As Chucky rounds up and kills the sentient toys and prepares to use their souls to summon Kathie Lee Gifford (hey, we know Chucky's really evil, right?), the gang from Puppet Master shows up and proceeds to kick Chucky's ass. You see, Andy's family chose to have Christmas in the bodega by the bay", and Toulon's puppets don't like uninvited guests, especially evil ones. Just for fun, Blade carves "kick me" in Chucky's back, and the puppets have a lot of fun with that before finally killing him- for good- NO MORE SEQUELS!!!!!!!!

- Nick Zachariasen

Woody gasps and just as the butcher knife gets nice and Traditional Horror Movie close to his throat...

Buzz flies forward and takes the blow for his friend, the Usual Gore flying around, even though, in this case, it's only fragments of plastic chips. "It's ..okay.." barks Buzz. "Take ..the ..Big Runt..."

Woody frowns, on the border of insanity now, and jumps atop Chucky. Chaos ensues and Woody teeters the Doll at the edge of the stairs. Finally the pesky Chucky topples into the waiting jaws of the Dreaded Dog, stuffing flying.

Buzz gets up ---now, the spectators are able to see that only his helmet was sliced off--- and BoPeep rushes over to him and Woody, winking slyly.

The movie ends here. I'll leave you to imagine what happens between the three action figures ---I, for one, don't want to picture the consequences between toys--- and the last thing anyone sees is the Demon Doll's head between the jaws of the Dog and popping out.

Of course, in the relentless Traditional Horror Movie way, the Doll'll be back. Is that why he seems to be yelling ..."Forget the other Andy ...this one's a lot more fun! No, wait... this ain't Andy ...this is his *bleep*ing dog! Scram, mutt. No, wait... get back here! You've still got my body!"

To be continued... [in background: "*Bleep*ing dog!"

- The Black Knight of Ni

The Final Word


I'm getting sick of never getting my response published, so I'm going to try for "The Last Word" with a sentence that has attention grabbing words in capital letters.


- PatrickcirtaP

Did somebody say "COW"? Moo! Moo! Mooooooooooo! - Paul.
This is the last time the TFW™ gambit is going to work (assuming Paul takes his medication). - Eds.

If you liked this match, check out these other past matches:

Jason v. Freddy
Cujo v. A Disgruntled Postal Worker
Santa v. Elves, Reindeer, and Teamsters

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Next match: Medical mayhem...
ETA: Wednesday, January 13th, 1999.

© 1998, WWWF Ground Zero; © 2000, Dragon Hamster Productions, LLC