BRIAN: First of all, the invasion will go as scheduled because Radar survived the V2 attack because he was down the street at "Fergie's" having a grape ni-high when the strike hit. Second, the invasion will be a success, not due to Blake's strategic genius, but mainly due to the complete chaos that will develop in France in those two weeks. Two words: French resistance. True, the French aren't worth much when it comes to wars, but they are good at causing a lot of trouble when nobody is paying attention. With Klink's ineptitude and Schultz' lack of military presence, the French underground will have a system so complex it will make Hogan look as clever as Forrest Gump. The resistance, mainly working out of bunk beds, tree stumps, and coffee pots, will convince Klink that the invasion will actually occur near Monte Carlo, thereby throwing off their entire defense. Blake and co. will waltz in.
STEVE: Although Klink may be a blunderer, he did have drive and ambition. Luckily, Schultz will still be back at the camp, guarding Hogan. Schultz is the "Gilligan" of Hogan's Heroes. He was always screwing things up for the Nazis. Without him, Klink will finally have his opportunity to show his true military might.
Also, not many people know this, but Klink had a radio transmitter hidden in Blake's coffee pot! He knows Blake's plans when Blake does. Of course, Blake doesn't have any to begin with, so the point is moot.
And yes, Radar survived the V2 attack, but later that day he was killed after some drunken Brits punched him silly after spotting him hanging out with Klinger in his best Sunday Dress. It's important that the whole story be known.
BRIAN: Klink and military might go together like Janet Reno and sex appeal. Yes, Klink had drive and ambition, both coupled with severe incompetence. As discussed previous, the French underground will have a field day and come June 6th, Colonel Klink will be standing on the beaches near the great casinos of Monte Carlo, waiting in vain while history is happening on the other side of the country.
And yes, Blake was also a bumbling idiot more interested in fishing than making war - but he's got the American spirit, dammit, and nothing can stop that ('Battle Hymn of the Republic' is playing in the background as I am saying this). And besides Radar was not killed by those Britains, contrary to popular opinion. If it's important that the whole story come out, it should be known that in mid-May of 1944 Klinger went straight and Radar was the one who started wearing women's clothing (but still perfectly normal in all other regards, just like J. Edgar). Klinger was the one who got killed, while the one in the dress got away. If you don't believe me, you can see Radar in the picture above, second from the back with his head down. It's really him. He made it!
STEVE: Since we're telling the whole truth, let's not hold back anything. You and I both know that person in the picture isn't Radar, but Radar's evil twin, Sonar. He may have many of the same traits as Radar, but his talent is being able to tell when submarines are coming near. This is obviously useless in the Normandy invasion.
I have come up with an alternative scenario. By some miraculous act, Blake gets the invasion off on time. Halfway through the channel, he spots a mighty gamefish. "Turn the boat around, I'm going fishing," he orders. After a failed attempt at his prize trophy fish, he continues on with the invasion. The only problem is that he forgot that he turned around. Blake launches his mighty assault on Britain instead, and it takes days to sort the whole mess out. Blake is then hung for treason and incompetence. Meanwhile, back in Normandy, Klink is overrun by the French, which is damn pathetic as we all know. End of story.
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A victory was obvious for the Allies. I mean, how many Axis folks have their own sitcom?
Using Satellite Detection's powers, Col. Klink is able to discover the approximate location of the invasion fleet, seeing his chance, Col. Klink sends a mighty robotic gamingfish, complete with bomb and Blake Sensing Unit (Radar's long lost second cousin removed). Col. Blakes sees the fish and can't resist, *BOOM* there goes the flagship and the morale of the soldiers.
The invasion never takes place, and Germany wins the war.
Today's hottest fashions: black gloves, black boots, roundy glasses, long leather Gestapo trench-coats + walking stick. All produced by Gestapo Inc. where our motto is: "If you don't like our fashions, then YOU DIE!! FOOL!!"
Top 3 television shows: #3 Racial Improvements, #2 Seinfeld : Oh no! another Jew!, #1 Hitler knows best
#1 Song - N.A.Z.I. sung by the Village Aryans. (I like the SS Officer best, don't you?)
Blake has Radar O'Reiley, the person who, single-handedly, ran the entire US armed forces during the Korean war; and that from a small, insignificant mobile army hospital. Who was Klink's most trusted assistant? Shultz. At this point more than enough has been said. But on with my observations anyways...
Since Radar is aware of Blake's fixation on fishing, all he has to do is tell Blake that he can get the best fishing done on the beaches of Normandy, France. That's all he will have to do and he'll only have to tell Blake once, because Blake will start concentrating on how those French fish will go well with some French fries (hmmmmm, fish and chips...). While Blake is fantasizing about all the fish he will catch, Radar will be planning the amphibious assault and passing the orders on to all the allied commanders by impersonating Blake's voice.
Meanwhile in Germany, Klink will be blissfully unaware that anything is being planned because he is always so focused on what Hogan is doing. Since Hogan will be aware of the allied plans, he will feed disinformation to Klink during his daily interrogations. Meanwhile, the other POWs will drug Shultz with some "special coffee" and will dress him up as a cabaret showgirl. Klink will see Shultz promenading through the camp in his long chiffon dress and start to readjust his monocle. When it is properly in place and Klink realizes that he isn't dreaming, Richard Dawson will sneak up on Shultz and start to kiss him in his best Family Feud manner. Since the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy wasn't in place in the 1944 German army, Klink will spend the two weeks leading up to D-day having Shultz undergo all kinds of courtmartials and psychiatric tests. His precious time to counter act allied plans will be wasted, as will the axis when Blake hits the beach.
Allies, led by Blake, will reclaim Europe in eight minutes and fifty-two seconds. The Japanese will hear of Blake's might and will surrender, thus avoiding the use of nuclear weapons. World War II will have a much happier ending.
Celebrated actor Werner Klemperer, best known as the inept Nazi leader Colonel Klink from TV's
Hogan's Heroes, passed away from cancer on December 7th, 2000. He was 80.
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