Suddenly, a warp in the Space-Time Continuum (tm) occurs. From this fissure in the 4th dimension emerges a ship as large as the first, but with a noticeably different shape. It too is headed towards Earth. Its goal: to assimilate the entire planet, its inhabitants and its technology.
Clearly, this planet ain't big enough for the both of them. And since they both come from the Dirty Harry (tm) school of shoot-first-and-don't-bother-with-the-questions-later (tm), the battle begins immediately.
So, Steve, which giant ship wins this semi-final match for Earth supremacy before moving on to the finals and certain destruction at the hands of a star-studded hollywood cast?
These obvious points are only the beginning however. It's also important to look at the Mother Ship's history and see who previously defeated it. At the top of the list is the Fresh Prince. The Mother Ship was actually defeated by a guy who raps with someone named "DJ Jazzy Jeff" and sings "I don't know what made me think I could beat Mike Tyson". Also on the list is our old friend Cousin Eddie from the Vacation movies. The aliens in ID4 were defeated by a man who pisses his pants and forgets who he is for a week anytime a microwave oven is on nearby. If Cousin Eddie can take'em, then the Borg certainly can.
BRIAN: O.K., Steve. Let's discuss who lost to whom and compare. Since both of these combatants barely lost, it can be assumed that whoever lost to the stronger foe must be superior. Who has the Borg lost to? A bunch of second-rate actors from a glorified spin-off show with warmed over characters and wimpy plot lines. And a bald French guy! The Borg lost to people that never want to hurt ANYBODY! That's pretty weak. ID4, on the other hand, required much greater forces to be felled. First you had the "Fresh Prince". Second, you had Lone Star, another "honest-to-God" prince. Thus it took TWO members of royalty and with them their respective kingdoms. That's powerful. Add to that a world reknowned professor of chaos theory, a flaming homosexual, someone who had previously infiltrated their system, and Judd Hirsch, and you've got a force that could destroy the universe.
Besides this, there are two reasons that the Borg CANNOT win: 1.) If history has taught us anything, it's that communism does not work. What is the Borg? A collective. "The needs of the many..." yadda yadda yadda. Their socialism is doomed to failure. In the new movie the Borg appears to have shed its shackles of Marxism, only to become a monarchy. Well, I think Britain is an excellent example of what good a queen will do for you now-a-days. 2.) You can't defeat the ID4 Mothership without a PowerMac (tm)! Unfortunately for them, the Borg is strictly PC-based, as we have learned from a previous encounter with Bill Gates. While Windows(tm) 95(tm) chews up a horrendous amount of RAM trying to break through to the Mothership's computer, the Borg is rendered defenseless. We've seen how big of a Death Ray the ID4 sister-ships had... surely the first blow from the mothership's Freakin' Big Death Ray (tm) is too extensive for even the Borg to recover from.
STEVE: For all we know, the Mothership doesn't even have a death ray (that's why it needs the smaller ships), so your proposal is weak at best. And don't call me Shirley. I can't believe that you actually brought up the PowerMac issue, and made it a case for your side! If the aliens from ID4 can be defeated with a PowerMac, then they are truly pathetic. You also make mention of royalty and how Lone-Star and the Fresh Prince's entire kingdoms help in the downfall of ID4. Let's see, the last time I checked, the net sum of their two kingdoms combined consists of ...um... TWO PEOPLE? This time the new Borg Queen royalty will show the ID4 aliens what royalty is all about.
Finally, have you ever noticed the alarming trend that anytime you have a saucer shaped spacecraft it is doomed to lose? There are so many instances: The spaceships in V, the Cylons from Battlestar Galactica, the saucers from The Day the Earth Stood Still, the list goes on and on. Even the saucer-section for the Enterprise in the last Star Trek film crashed & burned. Thus the Mothership is doomed to failure before it even begins. The Borg ship, with its refreshing cube shape, will not fall victim to the curses associated with the saucer shape, and will easily move on to victory.
BRIAN: Now hold on a second. Are you trying to tell me that the kingdoms of Lone Star and the Fresh Prince only consist of two people? Well, first off, you got Barf. Then you've got Princess Vespa and her entire kingdom, Yogurt (tm), The Schwartz (tm), and Dot Matrix (tm). From the other side you've got DJ Jazzy Jeff (tm). 'Nuff said. And the Borg Queen is of little consequence. Anyone who has the same warped taste in men as Yar is destined to suffer the same fate.
Oh, and IF the Mothership doesn't have a Death Ray, then they wouldn't have the Destructo-Port (tm) weakness you discuss. Am I losing you, Steve? The sisterships are clearly designed for planetary assaults -- the Mothership would need to have the heavy artillery. I think it's safe to assume that the Mothership has a proportionally sized Death Ray. What does that mean? Bye-Bye Borg.
And let's assume that the Borg can overcome the weapons of the Mothership; let's assume that the Borg could in some unfeasible way break through the impenetrable ID4 shields; let's assume that the Borg finds a PowerMac (tm) lying around. Even with all that, the Borg stands no chance. Why? Telepathy. The ID4 aliens have interspecies telepathic powers which allow communication and some sort of Scanners (tm) effect with Excedrin (tm) written all over it. Imagine millions of these aliens telepathically tapping into the Borg's neural network. They could explode every Borg skull simultaneously. Or they could play with them for a while by sending over such messages as "The Queen would like to see you in her chambers now" or "Locutus says you fight like a girl." In-fighting, as we know, is in their circuitry. Either way, ID4 wins.
Special thanks to Craig Jackson, Rod Jackson, and Karen Jackson for important technical support. Tito and Jermaine were not available. Thanks also to Greg Karahalis for last minute support.
Thanks to R. Scott Bailey and Scott Silverstein for suggesting this match-up. Thanks also to the scores of people that have suggested other Borg-based match-ups. Additional thanks to Grant Jacobs and Bret Wheadon who tipped us off that a Borg-based Star Trek movie was coming out in November.
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When the Borg Cube(tm) approaches the ID4(tm) Mothership(tm), doors will open on one side to release the Borg Sphere(tm), as seen in Star Trek(tm): First Contact(tm), and doors will open on the other side to reveal the never-seen-before Borg Pyramid(tm). These three ships together in outer space form a gigantic, cybernetic UPN(tm) logo and will proceed to blast the aliens with an endless supply of One- Dimensional Characters(tm), Trite Jokes(tm), Ghetto Humor(tm), and Rap Theme Songs(tm), powerful weapons of massive psychological and emotional destructive power culled from their vast library of Cloned African-American Sitcoms(tm).
As a last-ditch effort the Mothership(tm) will tap into its own limited Network Support(tm) and will send out its best defensive efforts along the airwaves, but they are doomed to fail. The Borg(tm) will simply respond with the following dismissals:
"Wakko(tm) is irrelevant. Yakko(tm) is irrelevant. Dot(tm) is irrelevant. Singing Frogs(tm) are irrelevant. You will surrender your ship or we will destroy you. Resistance Is Futile(tm)."
The Borg(tm) will then proceed to create a weapon which drains the Mothership Energy Shield(tm), secure the now-defenseless Mothership(tm) with a Tractor Beam(tm), engage the Borg Cutting Beam(tm), and finally, capture and Assimilate(tm) the alien crew and the Mothership(tm) itself.
All of this is a certainty because these tremendously powerful Borg Ships(tm), like UPN(tm) itself, rely on a truly unstoppable source of power for their growth and survival--the dreaded, all-powerful and ubiquitous Recycled Plot(tm)!
Protocol 10010011100101001011 in a complete no-brainer, Stevicus...
- your friendly pakistani
ID4: a race of creatures utterly inhuman in their physiology. You are probably more closely related to the mould growing in your fridge than these guys. Who knows how their brains must be hard-wired? And yet the computer systems on their ships, designed by these utterly alien minds, are able to be infected by an Earth virus.
Borg: a "bitser" race (bitser this, bitser that) which obviously does have a high humanoid contingent, judging by their appearance. Their gestalt computer systems are a fusion of technolgies, and yet the Federation, studying the captive Hugh, were able to create a virus capable of wiping out the Borg collective.
While the ships are scanning the insignificant blue-green planet they will accidentally upload the "Happy Hacker's 1001 Favourite Viruses Home Page" and instantly become infected. The Borg will believe itself to be the largest Oxo (tm) cube in the universe and begin a quest for a primordial soup to assimliate. The ID4 ship will head to Hollywood to join the latest Power Rangers movie as the Fearfull Frisbee Monster.
A draw, but the Borg will last a few nanoseconds longer, coz they look cooler.
- John Hunter
- Locutus of Taco Bell
The ID4 bugs were beaten by a freakin' Powerbook 5300. Their network couldn't deal with that chatty AppleTalk. Come to think of it, they let Jeff Goldblum hack their system, what kind of self respecting network gurus would let him break in?
The Borg on the other hand can handle any OS, hellooo can you say assimilate? Yes they can assimilate anything and make it work, hell they could even make windoze run with some regularity. I mean look at them, they have that pasty-white complexion that only true techno- geeks possess: we are talking no unscheduled downtime whatsoever.
So while the ID4 bugs are waiting for their consultant to return their page, the Borg have taken over nearly the entire ID4 armada.
But not to worry, even though the Borg won, the Enterprise-E is on it's way.
- Rond Vidar
- It has been proven, time and time again, that Star Trek cannot win Grudge Matches (tm). They got beaten in no less than *three* matches with the Star Wars universe (and by *Stormtroopers* once, I might add). Then they fought Babylon 5 and lost *again*, and that was a weenie space station that didn't even have shields. Now, Star Trek sends up their biggest and baddest: the Borg. Of course, this has been made simple by giving the Borg an opponent they cannot possibly hope to defeat. Perhaps the next Grudge Match involving Star Trek will be the Enterprise-E versus the Cabbage Patch Kids. They might be able to beat them.
- The Borg conquer by assimilating their enemies. However, they've never really gone up against really powerful telepaths before, have they? (Guinan's people don't count, as they were lame.) Sure, the Borg can teleport over, but what then? They're not gonna be shot; they'll just be mindzapped and turned into life-size TinkerToys (tm). And even if they get into close combat, the ID4 aliens can kick their ass. Just look at those tentacles.
- Although being beaten by the Fresh Prince is pretty bad, getting beaten by the Enterprise is worse. Consider that Brent Spiner whipped the Borg up big time, but was killed in a second by one lousy ID4 alien. Surely this says something about the combat effiency of the Borg.
In a nutshell, the following happens: the ID4 aliens blow up the Borg ship like so many bad special effects, then promptly get their butts whipped by Willis from "Diff'rent Strokes", flying an Apache helicopter right into the ship. Boom.
- Chris Bird
If the Borg and the pesky ID4'ers ever decided to suspend fighting and
hammer out an agreement diplomatically:
1) Earth would be in SERIOUS trouble
2) The ID4's would have a distinct advantage
It's been proven that the Borg aren't exactly great conversationalists. When PicarD was taken aboard their ship, he protested, only to be met with "(X) is irrelevant". For example:
Picard: Impossible. Our society is based on freedom and
Borg: Freedom is irrelevant. Self-determination is irrelevant.
Picard: We would rather die.
Borg: Death is irrelevant.
Get the idea? In fact, Picard could have prevented his assimilation by stalling the Borg with stupid, mundane things. For example:
Picard: You can't assimilate me! I was in the middle of a bagel with
Borg: Bagel is irrelevant. Cream cheese is irrelevant. You must comply.
SO, the ID4 aliens outtalk the Borg, although barely. Maybe if Will Smith is allowed to sneak in a couple of wisecracks on ID4's behalf...
- David "Half" Nelson
"We are Borg, lower your shields and prepare to be assimilated. Resistance is futile."
The jellyfish leader will respond with, and I quote, "We're Fucked" Of course, they are not gonna stand for some neat-o looking spaceship trying to conquer them, so they send out all their fighters, as well as detaching the smaller ships with the Death Rays from Hell. The BORG, of course, unloads on them. All of the little fighters are cut down one by one by the cube's weapons just like sweaty camper swatting flies on a boggy summer day next to the river. Any damage that the little ones could possibly do is repaired instantly. The Death Ray from Hell-toting ships give a little more of a fight, though. The Borg fry a couple of them on the way in, but they manage to get above it and start firing up the Death Ray from Hell.
The Borg (all of them) look up at the Death Ray from Hell and say,
"Cool Technology, we gotta steal that."
"Yeah, that will totally help us wipe out the stupid Federation."
The thought process takes all of .77 and a half seconds which, coincidentally, is how long it takes the ID4 ships to blow them out of the sky. A really cool explosion stolen directly from the last movie ensues and the Borg cube is thrashed.
But wait! It's not over. Since the Borg have assimilated all of Frenchie's (a.k.a. Picard's) knowledge, they know about Picards patented, "Picard Move" and they use it. Just before the beam hits the cube, they travel back in time about two seconds and to a different position. So, as soon as the cube gets blown out of the water, it appears above the ID4 ships and blows the crap out of them.
Then, after all the little ones are taken care of, the Borg go after the mother ship, all alone and helpless. The realize that even if the mother ship had a Super Death Ray from Hell, all they have to do is not get under the ship and it can't hurt them. Hooray for Borg! They fly over to the ID4 momma and take it's shields out, which is easily done because they assimilated PowerCrap (excuse me, PowerMac) technology about 373847 centuries ago. Then after the shields are down, a couple transport over to the mother ship and assimilate it.
This, of course, spells deep shit for humanity because now the Borg have the Death Ray from Hell, and they know how to use weapons, instead of just pointing them downward. Yes, thanks to the Borg, a new era of coolness (Mentos(TM) level, in fact) is ushered in.
- Some Dork
- Brendan W. Guy
- Vlad the Wonder Hamster
Anyway, the ID4 folks are even more doomed, because of the way they lost the last time. If these super-tough aliens are dumb enough to send scout ships to possible targets, then the Borg have to have found one by now, and they're much better at finding weaknesses than Jeff Golblum, Ian Malcom, Lone Starr, Mawg, Fresh Prince, Uncle Phil, Michael Jordan and a crack team of cartoon characters, and the entire cast of the Muppet Show put together. Assuming the ID4 ships have discovered dead Borgs in their own "Area 51s," they've already vaporized, leaving only the fresh scent of pine, and nothing to study.
I'll assume the Borg can't assimilate ID4 guys, since the Borg are all WASE (White Anglo-Saxon Earthlings), but they've already got the tentacled ones licked. On top of that, so what if they lose? That's just one Borg ship. The ID4 dudes take their entire population with them on one cramped mothership (how's that for Communism) and if they lose once, there's no rematch later. If the Borg lose, no biggie...they'll just conquer a part of space further down the ID4 schmucks' path and beat 'em then. The line must be drawn here, consarn it!
- Jim Smith
- Mark Kolb
ID4 Mothership: The size of New York City (including Staten Island, Westchester, and Jersey City).
The ID4 mothership will not waste time shooting off any of its destructo rays. It will ram the Borg ship. If a truck collides with a crouton, I think I'll put my money on the truck. The ID4 mothership wins by simple Newtonian Physics.
- Terri Buchman
- Steve b.
The Borg hands (and not slimy appendages) down.
- David Morgan-Mar
This is actually an easy case if you stop to think about it: The Borg win hands down. The exceedingly simple reason is that the ID4 ships are so much bigger (1/4 of Moon's mass?).
Why is this an asset for the Borg? This secret x-file transcript from a first contact situation between Major Bubblegum and an alien ship explains it all.
... (cut cut) ...
A: We meen ya no hurm.
MB: I just wanna ask you something. Why are your spaceships so big?
A: To be able to carry all the kerosene.
MB: Huh? I thought your spaceships operate on nucular power or something more advanced.
A: That is true.
MB: Then why carry millions of tons of volatile kerosene with you?
A: We do that in order to let out ships explode spectacularly.
Now you understand why ID4 ships are destined to lose: if you even cough to the direction of them, they'll blow like big torches (as you have seen).
- Henrik 'Leopold' Herranen, http://www.cs.tut.fi/~leopold/
Picture this: the Borg come upon the ID4 mothership en route to some poor godforsaken place. Now, while the Borg may seem a little stiff, they can actually be fun guys when given the chance. The ID4 aliens are obviously not worth assimilating, so the Borg decide that they're going to have a little fun.
The Borg ship keeps just outside of the firing arc of the ID4 main gun, as the ID4 ship spins frantically on its axis, trying to open up on the Borg. Meanwhile, the Borg ship easily picks off the little ID4 fighters, taking out a few every few seconds, in almost a sneering fashion.
While this is occuring, Borg commandos use the Borg's beam-through-shields technology to beam into the ID4 mothership with personal shields on, smack around a few tentacled aliens, then patch into the ID4 computer. After commenting on how similar the operating system is to Apple's System 7.5 from 20th century Earth, the Borg reprogram the ID4 main computer to blast Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby" at mind shattering volumes, while simultaneously overflowing all of the toilets and locking all monitors into "infomercial" mode.
Leaving the ID4 aliens in their collective misery, the Borg beam back to their ship, then proceed to see how much of the ID4 mothership they can slice off before the atmosphere escapes in a whoosh.
The Borg then leaves the ID4 mothership in tatters, warping away with its single mind chuckling.
The ID4 aliens have many tentacles, thus their ball handling skills are superior to that of the average human. We all know, however, that Jordan is no average human, and thus their ball handling skills will be negated. The refs are bound to call some double-dribble with that many tentacles on the ball at once. The aliens might also have telepathically gleaned what little basketball information they have from the Fresh Prince. Fresh Prince compared to MJ? Must we even ask? Once again, the aliens are smart enough to know the Jordan is the main threat. This leaves the other players wide open. Bugs, being a bunny, has a tremendous vertical, and will easily be able to post up on any of those aliens. Phil Jackson, Bull's coach, uses OS/2, and if a PowerMac can screw them up, surely the useless OS/2 can.
Oh wait... the Borg versus the ID4 aliens in head to head competition? Which ship is better? Honestly, I do not think that either one of those ships would be able to fit into the stadium, so the point is moot.
- Soft Hand Derfman
The Earth with no Enterprise around is assimilated in 2 hours 13 minutes and 42 seconds.
- LudFritter of Borg
Because of this, the Borg will prevail.
- L. Wilkes
Which of these types of things hurt more? Group two, of course. What, then, do they have in common? All the things in group one are round (just like the ID4 ship) while the things in group two have sharp corners and nasty edges (like a Borg cube).
- Michael Stuart Donnelly (firstname.lastname@example.org)
- da phunky JD
We know both species can be defeated by rogue computer instructions inserted through a remote exploit. We can assume they've Gotten Better and have installed McAfee VirusScan by now.
It's a simple battle of attrition. ID4 aliens, hands down.
- John Aedo
- Best Buy (tm)
- Sean Vanderfluit
Winner: the black-slime in the eyeball parasitic aliens from Mars by default.
But the Borg shouldn't pop those STP Gas Treatment corks just yet, or have we forgotten the Earth defense forces led by Voltron II and the spaceship _Yamato_? And Michael Knight and the Duke Boys have the ground situation well in hand, believe you me.
- Andy Ho (aka Secret Asian Man)
1) ID4 aliens managed to actually decimate a large part of the planet, our military, and Disneyland. Then they had their asses handed to them by Lonestar, but they went down swinging. The borg can make no such claim. They were blown out of the water in the first scene of the film in some half-cocked scheme to remake the earth in their image. In the end, they came away with nothing. Advantage: ID4
2) One ID4 alien killed Data. A ship full of borgs couldn't take a landing party, although they would assimilate the red shirted ensign. Still, the killing of Data by a party of one says volumes about the ID4 aliens prowess. Advantage: ID4
3) The ships' marketability. No kid wants to play with a black plastic cube. But the ID4 mothership, now there's a toy! Plus, you can buy the "Nuke L.A." playset! It's a kids' dream, I tell ya! You'll never see anything like that from Star Trek. Advantage: ID4
4) Main character dying by flying into a huge laser blast, thus saving the remnants of America: Cool (sickeningly patriotic, but cool). Main character dying by falling off a cliff after the universe has already been saved: Uncool (Yeah, wrong film, but some things stay with you). Advantage: ID4
5) Counselor Troi. Advantage: Star Trek (gotta give credit where it's due).
6) We the audience won't have to wait until the even numbered films for the second movie until we see a decent film (an overblown one, but decent).
I could go on, but it's easy to see the 4 to one advantage is merely the beginnings of how hard the Borg'll be spanked by the mothership.
First, the Borg will only kill to protect themselves. They won't harm anyone they don't consider a threat. The ID4 aliens will kill to gain access to a fresh planet which is a resource that the Borg just do not have.
Second, the ID4 aliens are, as is well known, not exactly geniuses. Their entire computer network is apparently protected by that password system that came with WordPerfect 4.0. On the other hand, the Borg have shown themselves (in the recent movie "First Contact") to be utterly and completely inept at breaking into computer systems.
Many people will point out that the ID4 aliens did manage to kill Data while the Borg were killed by Data, but this is actually not true. The last time we saw Data in Independence Day, that Colonel was checking his pulse to see if he was dead. Of course, Data WOULD NOT HAVE a pulse. Most likely, he was faking so as to help 20th Century humanity back on the right course. Data, and this is pure unfounded conjecture of the weakest sort, won both battles.
Probable outcome - the ID4 aliens accidentally blow up their ship by smoking in bed. The Borg suffer a massive malfunction, shut-down, and self-destruct when one of them gets ahold of a copy of Ayn Rand's "Anthem."
- Loss Leader
- Call me Shane
To sum it up conclusively, the Borg would be a winner, but not for an obvious reason - the Borg would dominate because they have overcome the slime factor, ID4 has not. Others alien races have suffered from the same limitations, Sogurney Weaver and her Alien Fiend, Michael Landon and the Blob, Jabba the Hut, Cujo (oops - not alien - even if Stephen King looks Vulcan). How much credence can be placed on the dominant capabilities of a race that must enslave a planet in what appears to be a need to replenish their supply of tissues.
The Borg wants to assimilate, ID4 wants to expectorate.
- Ric Bridges
ID4 took out the White House with one blast.
This Borg character couldn't even muster enough strength to defeat 51 senators to get appointed to the Supreme Court.
- Kane for President
- Mark "Gandalf" Thorne
Look at the incompetent ID4 aliens... Do they blow anything that would seriously cripple Earth's defenses? Maybe they thought that pulverizing Hollywood would cripple the average American who'd be lost without "Beverly Hills 90210," and perhaps they were on to something there. But basically they aim for tourist attractions. Maybe they aimed for New York and D.C. because those cities attitudes about being the center of everything are pretty universal. What a costly error.
So imagine them against the Borg! They'd be dumbfounded, looking at a cube with no obviously interesting points to aim lasers at, giving the Borg the perfect opportunity to beam onto their ship and begin assimilation. Or blow them into space dust scattered across half a parsec.
And technology? Let's be serious. ID4 aliens need our satellite system to carry their countdown timer because the earth is so big it blocks their transmissions otherwise. The Borg can pinpoint one of their fallen bretheren from light-years away.
The outcome is clear. First the Borg will assimilate the ID4 fleet, and then Picard will have to call in reinforcements from the other two Star Trek series to wipe them all out.
- Cyber Cowboy
- The Colonel
- Zeba (not from Pakistan)
The sisterships would have had the same fare. It would take several minutes to prep and launch each ship, and in battles like this, seconds count. Let's suppose that a sizable number of the sisterships were launched before the Borg had completely wasted the Mothership. How fast do they travel? How long does it take them to charge their main weapon? Suppose the Borg do allow themselves to be swarmed before they started annihilating them. Whenever the sisterships arm their main weapon they expose themselves like a man getting a prostate exam. I think we can credit the Borg with enough collective intelligence to take advantage of the opening.
- Rignad Kcin
The ID4 saucer heads towards Earth, but arrives too late. For the Borg have already assimilated their human spokesperson/strategist, none other then BILL GATES!
Yes, with Bill Gates as part of the collective, the Borg experience a quantum leap in ruthlessness. With the Borg infused with the power of Pure Evil(tm), they become unstoppable!
(Pure Evil(tm) is a registered trademark of Microsoft, used without permission)
- Nicholas Weaver
- Jason Spicer
- a really boring guy who never gets laid.
The ID4 aliens use very old animated-plastic-model effects. This has been around since the time of Buck Rogers. Although it is a well developed and proven technique, it lacks the cutting-edge, wave-of-the-future appeal of computer-generated FX. Besides that, the aliens will be locked in at the speed of film, 24 frames per second. The Borg will have no problem exceeding that.
- Aaron Buckley
Now for the most important factor of all, the Alliance Factor: In ID4, the US gets all of the countries to rally behind them, even the Iraqis. In Star Trek, if they really needed it, they could get all of their worlds to rally behind the Federation, inclu ding the dreaded Gorn! Now, let's be realistic here, if there was really a fight between ID4 and Star Trek, who do you think would win, a puny Iraqi soldier who'll probably get blown away anyway or the sheer brutal strength of a man in a rubber suit that went toe to toe against Captain Kirk! Now there's the deciding factor.
- the Iceman
Let's take a look at the figures, with which I have taken great care in slanting to my viewpoint.
First, according to my most recent information, "Independence Day" was released on video on November 22nd, 1996, while still in the top 15 of the US box office charts. This alone proves my point about merchandising. The current totals for its worldwide gross are (according to the Nov. 25-Dec. 1 issue of Weekly Variety) $695,956,735 and change. That's at least enough to build a new White House.
That's about as technical as I'd like to get. I mean, when you figure in the fact that each ID$ video is runnin 15 bucks, each rental is running between 2 and 4 bucks, along with all the T-shirts, pencils, coffee mugs, action figures, laserdiscs, cd-roms, books, comics, commemorative coins, commemorative plates, capidamonte aliens on QVC, AND the inevitable PowerMAC endorsements, it makes "Space Jam" look like grape jelly. So, at a comfortable estimate, lets give the ID4 mothership a combined score of 1 billion dollars.
As far as the Borg are concerned, I don't think it's really fair to judge their side only on the strength of their few appearances in the "Star Trek" universe, as most trekkies would watch the show regardless of their existence. I think the Borg carry with them the fate of the franchise. So let's first take a look at the "Star Trek" films.
From the information I could gather, the films alone have grossed more than 600 million dollars, and the final tally isn't in yet for "First Contact", which made 47 million in two weekends. Also in "Trek's" favor are 4, count 'em, FOUR, past and present television shows, two of which are still ranking high in the ratings even after several seasons, one of which, for all intents and purposes, jump-started the entire syndicated television market (and is still shown in reruns across the country), and the very first of which still has a massive fan following after 30 years, is still widely viewed in syndication, and pretty much started the ball rolling. And there's also a short-lived animated series. Not to mention the fact that the numerous comic books, novels (four of which are produced bi-monthly, not including hardcover novels), toys, games, and the aforementioned assortment of t-shirts, pens, mugs, etc. When you try to add all of this together, you find that you can't because the numbers are so astronomically huge that some "Scanners"-like incident is the best fate one could hope for after taking on such a task. At my most educated and biased guess, I find the "Trek" total score so high as to be incalculable.
All that said, I really do have to go with the Borg because, dammit, nobody else had the audacity to go with a cube for a spaceship. The ID4 aliens proved themselves unimaginative and creatively stagnant with their choice of the traditional "flying saucer" design, even if the damn ships were 15 miles long. Frank Lloyd Wright would be darn proud of you boys!
- Matt (who thinks Shatner could whip Reeves' piddly ass) Lynch
That's great, it starts out in deep space, home and base, the mother ship, the borg cube is not afraid. You are irrelevant, resistance is futile - you serve our own needs, we ignore all the pleas. Heed it as a bluff, please, speak no, fight yes. Mother structure shutters with such a sight, beam light. Fire through the wires, devastate the cyber frame in a collective on fire and in repair plight. Left her, reached Earth moving in a hurry with no worries breathing down their necks. We and we regenerated, fixed, heading, Earth. Look at that big ship! Oh crap. Uh oh, where to go?, saucer ships, fighter groups, but no hope. Save yourself, save yourself. World quakes on its knees, cube arrives at high speed. The Borg are back riled and emotional in the night - right. You idiotic, parasotic, damn, fright, blight, snipes, promise to end're life.
It's the end of the Borg as we know it.
It's the end of ID4 as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
Al-i-ens - use their power. Catch the Borg in laser shower. Borg not burn, they learn, listen to stomachs churn. Lock it in tractor beam and ship boarding, transporting. Every system integrate. All bio info accumulate. Fight a locust, fight a mantis. Use Raid (tm), Kill Dead (tm). Watch the ship boom, boom. Uh oh, this means new fear - Borg are here. Runaway as appear. Assimilate, assimilate, assimilate their lives. Gather we the leaders, gather we all the heroes and humans die.
All the night, assimilate celebrities far and wide: Charles Princess Di, OJ Homicide. Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton and Courtney Love. Wild sex party, use drugs, lose control, boom! High communistic, course erratic, sun, the end, right? - goodnight.
CHORUS (3X and fade)
...how far are we to that 42nd caller for the Dune II tickets? Two wrong numbers and a crank call, eh? What's that? We're on the air?!... welcome back. We have to pay some bills but afterwards, we have the title track to the long awaited Snake saga sequel, an audience participation thriller appropriately named, considering the reviews, Escape from the Theater.
["Do you suffer from Hyperkalitosis?..."]
- Paul Golba
P.S. I would like to apologize to REM. Everyone else deserves it.
Therefore, each ID4 alien captured alive only adds tothe power of the Borg. But any captured Borg would soon be dead. With such a weak understanding of the benefits of recycling, it is no surprise that the ID4 aliens must go from planet to planet just to suck up resources. The telepathy issue is not a problem either. Remember that the Borg mind is the sum of EVERYONE ever assimilated. That amount of information would blow the neurons out of anyone foolish enough to mind-link with the Borg.
In examining the ships themselves, the Borg advantage grows even more. The Borg ship heals itself, for God's sake! The ID4 ship is wrecked by only 1 nuke, while the Borg sustain hit after hit of anti-matter rich Photon and Quantum torpedoes. While nukes are strong, they pale in comparison to the power of antimatter weapons.
One last point: Data was in charge of area 51. He knows more about the ID4 ships than anyone. Doubtless, he would be more than willing to help out the Borg, because they are the "home team". Resistence is futile.
- Crazy Dave Hogan
Mothership 6 4
Borg 3 1
Borg retires in second set due to incineration.
- Mike Trozzo
One of those aliens from ID4? Hey, just hit fast forward and watch the part where they launch the nuke. The alien displays an obvious emotion: cluelessness! He has no fucking idea what's gonig on!
So what? You ask. I'll tell you. Say two borgs and two ID4 aliens walk into a bar, right? One borg gets pissed (drunk-like) and loses it on the other borg. So the other borg gets really pissed off. Suddenly you have two borgs bashing the shit out of eachother with beer bottles!
However, if the ID4 alien gtes pissed, he'll look like he's pissed and his buddy will know not to stand in front of him. See?
- Zero (El zippido!)
- poor browbeet bastard
Regardless of who or why I voted the way I did, I just wanted to say that for two people in the notoriously difficult Cheme program at Cornell, you guys have WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS!!! (Though the Grudge Match rules! Please don't stop!)
- John Chism
I'm referring, of course, to the Vorlons. Detecting the dimensional rift, the Vorlons will fire up the Giant Death Squid (TM), with its very own Planet-Destructo (TM) ray. The Vorlons will jump in from hyperspace, and, with the advantage of surprise, the GDS will toast the ID$ mothership with one might blow, conceivably wiping out the Borg Cube as well, possibly the Earth, too (not to be confused with Earth 2, which has already been wiped out by bad writing, lame plots, and worthless fx, but I digress). If, by chance the Borg survive, the jillion Vorlon BattleSquids (TM) will zip in to finish them off, and, since each Squid is significantly larger and more maneuverable, not to mention more heavily armed and just plain cooler-appearing, the Borg will be vaporized before you can say "Shrimp Toast."
Then the Vorlons will fly through the debris, just cause it looks cool.
- Aiee! No es bueno!
- benj e.
Though what would be cool about the Borg succeeding is the idea of Borgified ID4 aliens rampaging through the streets of Earth's cities, techno-dreadlocks swinging around and busting stuff up.
- Denis Moskowitz
- Sean Ryan
If you liked this match, check out these other past
Death Star v. Enterprise
Men in Black v. Mork
Other Star Trek & Sci-Fi themed matches
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