"HEEEEEERRRREEEE come the Newlyweds! From Chicago, a trapped & lazy shoesalesman with a dream of one day moving to the Playboy mansion and his money-flinging housewife: Al & Peg Bundy! From New York City, a dock-worker/janitor/bartender and his homemaker/nurse/dry-cleaner wife, Archie & Edith Bunker! And from Springfield, USA, an underqualified nuclear engineer, with past experience as a country music manager, barbershop quartet tenor, and entrepeneur, and his lovely housewife who has dabbled in law enforcement, secretarial services, and freelance artistry, Homer and Marge Simpson!!"
Bob Eubanks the Great is on stage and ready to ask each couple seven questions about "making whoopee". Who comes out on top and goes home with the combination blender/back scratcher?
The Bundys: Al is somewhat predictable (hand in pants, couch, TV), but Peggy is just too airheaded to notice. The Bunkers: Edith is somewhat perceptive, but Archie is only predictable when it comes to Meathead, his chair, and bigotry. The Simpsons: Homer is quite predictable ("can't talk, eating") and Marge knows her husband well. Therefore, the order of finish will be Simpsons first, Bunkers second, and Bundys third.
SAM: Steve, your analysis certainly has merit, but I don't think you are treating this with the complexity it most certainly deserves. In the Simpsons' case, Marge does not know her husband as well as you may think. Marge is usually in the dark on many of Homer's endeavors. For example: Homer got a second job as Santa Claus - Marge knew nothing, Homer skips work about 75% of the time - Marge has no clue. I could go on and on.
As far as the Bundy's are concerned, I agree. However, I think you might have overlooked the uncontrollable urge of the duo to cheat for material gain.
The clear winners are the Bunkers. Edith knows her husband well, maybe too well; moreover, nothing that he says surprises her. This makes for very poor entertainment, but ultra high score. On a side note, I can't imagine Edith hitting Archie with the answer card, so for entertainment purposes I suggest Meathead should be the designated whipping boy.
BRIAN: Since you two obviously haven't been paying attention, let's review. What's the one thing we learned from Game Show Mania (tm)? That's right: Ability has nothing to do with success. Winners in Game Show Mania are clearly decided from such other factors as greed, lust, hate, and a myriad of other deadly sins. Bob Eubanks will easily be swayed by sex appeal. Even though she has a bizarre figure, Peg Bundy is the most attractive of the wives (if Marge had a third dimension I would call it a draw). Not only that, but she is the horniest and Al is the husband most likely to encourage her to sleep with someone else, especially if it gets him a prize and gets her off him. Plus, Al can always push Kelly on Bob (assuming she has recovered from that fling with Alex).
What does it all come down to? Lust, lust, lust. Marge and Edith are too straight-laced to throw down for a good cause. Peg will go all the way to get that blender/back scratcher. She's got to get some excitement at home one way or another.
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Meanwhile, the TV audience was decimated. Thousands of couch potatoes found their last resting place in their favorite Lazy Boys while the quicker on the remote control survived though physically injured and emotionally scarred. Bill Clinton, flipping channels after American Gladiators, nearly died of suffocation as Secret Service agents smothered him in an attempt to protect him. Visibly shaken the next day, he swore that this was his penance for inhaling all those years ago. On the other side of Washington, Newt Gingrich was so shocked that he spoke not a single word for over a month. Hugh Hefner, hiding in the jacuzzi, was discovered in the fetal position mumbling incoherently to himself. Madonna, considering the entire incident a near-death experience, entered a convent and took a vow of celibacy. And Michael Jackson's body simply could not take the abuse - his plastic surgery collapsed, his skin turned back to its original color and he died after being swallowed by one of his boa constrictors who mistook him for a giant guinea pig.
The nation lie in shambles with thousands dead and millions injured. Why? You ask why this all happened? BECAUSE YOU HAD ARCHIE AND EDITH BUNKER DISCUSS THEIR SEX LIFE ON NATIONAL TELEVISION!!! That is an evil simply too much for anyone to bear.
With no one with the power to stop them, they walk away with the combination blender/back scratcher.
- Paul Golba, Seton Hall University
When pressed, Edith WILL hit Archie with the answer placards - As far I can recall, she's the only one of the three who left her husband.
I would look out for Archie, however. He's had an eye for other, younger women, and he may try to make off with Peg by the end of the match.
There is no way the Bunkers will win because either A: Storm off the Stage when Bob asks the first woopie question, calling him a pervert or a pinko, and Edith will get all red and die for embarasment. B: Say something offensive towards Homer, since his skin pigment is yellow, and Homer will retaliate in beating the holy hell out of him, and the Bunkers will be disqualified, being one of the couple is unconcious. or 3: Archie will have some comment to make about Peg's hair or Al's job, and get pummled by Al.
Now for the Bundys.....not a chance. Everytime sex is mentioned, Al won't think it's with Peg and Peg has a hard time remebering things that happen in that short a time period, so neither Bundy will have matching answers for the other.
So, by elimination...the Simpsons are the winners.
- Vinnie M.
Only the Bunker duo have that hunker-down and agree for money personality.
The Bundy's, even for money, can't get along for a full thirty minute episode. The Simpson couple would collapse, like the melting judge off Roger Rabbit and Wiley Coyote; besides, if I remember correctly, the upholstery on the Newlywed Game matches Homer's clothing perfectly -- Bob Eubanks won't be able to find him, and thus will assume that he's dropped out of the game.
My money is on Archie and Edith with a perfect match on each question -- "Meathead!".
- Tom Stewart
- Paul Adams
They enjoy having sex with one another. As we all know, the Newlywed Game is entirely concerned with sex sex sex. Al and Peg never do it, and Archie and Edith don't do it that often. Marge and Homer know each other's sexual turn-ons all too well. It's a rout.
- Chris Bird
In Memoriam -- Sitcom legend Carroll O'Connor passed away on June 21st, 2001,
from a heart attack brought on by complications from diabetes.
O'Connor was best known as Archie Bunker from TV's All in the Family.
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