World Wide Web Fights presents
WWWF GRUDGE MATCH
"Do you really want to huuurt meeee
Do you really want to make mee cry?"
"Whoa! What is that?!"
"That's not a chick, Beavis. That's the dude from the Crying Game."
"AAUUUGGHHH! Change it!"
"Whoa! Baywatch! Yasmin rules! Come to Butt-head!"
"Hey! Put Vixen back!"
"Shut up, bunghole. Baywatch rules!"
"Why do you always pick what we watch! I wanna watch Vixen! Change it,
bunghole! Change it back!"
"Um, gimme that back, buttmunch."
"YYEESS! Vixen rocks!"
"AAUUUGGHH! That's it Beavis, I'm gonna kick your ass once and for all.
You're dead, buttmunch!"
This time there's no commercial breaks to interrupt their fight, so the
long awaited ass-kicking finally begins: Beavis and Butt-head in a battle
over the remote control. Who comes out alive with the power to flip?"
STEVE: Well, the crowd favorite here is likely going to be Beavis
(with his quintessential charm and demeanor), but I really think this one
is going to Butt-head. First of all, Beavis & Butt-head have their little
quarrels all the time. In almost all of the cases, Beavis ends up getting
wolloped. It may take the form of a bitch-slap, or maybe a well-placed
kick, but typically Beavis is the one laying on the ground in pain when
it's all over.
Granted, Beavis may have a chance as his alter-ego Cornholio (tm), but he
simply doesn't have the opportunity to obtain sufficient sugar or caffeine
before Butt-head is going to lay into him. Without his extra powers, he is
effectively helpless. It's analogous to when Superman lost his powers in
Superman II, and the super-criminals beat the living daylights out
of him. However unlike Superman, Beavis doesn't have the convenient
cinematic opportunity to reclaim them. The end result: Beavis in a heap
on the floor, and the ever-popular sights of Baywatch (tm) covering the
BRIAN: Once again, Steve, you make my argument for me. Yes,
Butt-head has continually beat up on Beavis. Time and time again Beavis
has been knocked to the ground, shoved around, or pushed out of a moving
vehicle. But Beavis always absorbs it. It lays inside him, waiting,
growing, festering. From their exhange, we can tell that this is no
"little quarrel". Clearly, something inside Beavis has snapped. Years
of repressed fury have come to a head (huh-huh... I said "head"), and are
now exploding in what is commonly knows as: The Rage (tm).
But this isn't just any Rage. Not Garth-Rage (tm), not Rainman-Rage
(tm), not even Tattoo-Rage (tm). This Rage goes far beyond anything ever
witnessed before on The Grudge (tm). Beavis will be physically
transformed, much like the Hulk (tm), but even uglier. Beavis'
conniption will cause him to split into two pieces; each piece further
split into two pieces. Then, suddenly, those pieces regenerate into four
Beavis clones: Beavis, Cornholio (who previously was only revealed with
sugar and caffeine), Carrotjose, and Rutabagajuan. These four crazied
maniacs will rip the startled, unprepared, and un-allied Butt-head to
shreds. Crank up the Vixen!
Another note on Beavis: his name is ALWAYS mentioned first. It's
always "Beavis & Butt-head", never "Butt-head & Beavis". This is a true
sign of greatness, for as we all know, the greater of a duet is always
listed first (see: Hall & Oates, Simon & Garfunkel, Kool & The Gang,
Brian & Steve, etc.).
STEVE: You can use as many adjectives as you like to describe this
almighty rage you've envisioned, but it's simply not going to make a
difference. Butt-head, who will remain calm, cool, and collected, will
make mincemeat (huh-huh I said "meat") out of Beavis. As we have seen
time and again in countless action (huh-huh - "action") movies, the
cool-headed competitor always wins. Whether it be the ice-cold Clint
Eastwood, Arnold Schwarzenegger, or even the annoying Karate Kid,
the one who keeps his wits about him always wins in the end. Butt-head has
his wits, and all Beavis has is his beady little eyes compressed in a fit
of rage. Actually, Butt-head could probably get away with the old trick of
putting his hand on Beavis head and keeping him at arms-length while
Beavis madly swings away. Easy victory for Butt-head.
And as far as that "Brian & Steve" bit, I'm coming over to your computer
right now to kick your ass. Dillhole.
BRIAN: Gee, Steve. Last time I checked Mel Gibson was far from
cool-headed in his movies ("Mad" Max, Martin Riggs, etc.) and always ends
up O.K. And don't even get me started on Han Solo. So much for that
But let's say that The Rage (tm) isn't a factor. (It is, but for the
sake of argument...) Let's look at desire here. What does Butt-head
want to watch? Baywatch (tm). Meaning Baywatch Babes (tm) and
nothing else. What does Beavis want to watch? Vixen. Meaning
Vixen babes (in his mind, anyway) AND some serious Rock'N'Roll (in his
mind, anyway). Thus, Butt-head only has the sexual desire driving him,
while Beavis has sexual desire AND the desire to rock. Ergo, Beavis has
The Burning Heart (tm). He also has a burning something else, but I
won't go there.
And let us not forget that Beavis has died once before. And as anyone who
has been dead before will tell you, once you've died, the fear of death is
gone. And nothing is more dangerous than a fighter with no fear of death.
Immune to any reciprocal blows (huh-huh - "blow"), Beavis will repeatedly
come back for more, much like Rodney King on PCP, and beat Butt-head to a
BTW, I'll be here waiting for you, Steve. Bring it on, buttmunch.
Thanks to the many people that suggested this match-up, but we've been
on top of this one for a while now.
Current Match |
Related & Similar Matches
History Section |
Tell a friend about this match
RESPONSE OF THE WEEK (ROTW) (TM)
Okay, here's the deal. I heard those buttknocking sissy-ass young punks while
I'm driving down the street listening to some tunes. Nothing pisses me off
more than when I can't listen to my tunes with my babe. So, I decide to go set
those little creeps straight. I kick open the door, and there the two little
turds are, rolling around on the sofa, fighting like a couple of girls.
Suddenly, the blonde one reaches under the cushions of the sofa, and pulls out
a half-melted old candy bar, covered with sofa lint and dead bugs. He downs
the candy, and half a second later, he starts shaking, and then kicks the
dark-haired one in the jimmy.
Then it got fun. He stood over the fallen little turd and started shrieking "I
am the Great Cornholio!!" and then he put on a Vixen video. "Dammit," I said,
"shut the hell up, I'm trying to listen to my music, and I can't hear a thing
with all your screaming, you little freak! Oh, and turn off that crap. Vixen
sucks, you weasel." And then, the little blonde bastard walks up to me and goes
"Are you threatening me?!? Give me TP for my bunghole!"
So, I gave him something else, all right. A few punches and kicks later, he
wasn't screaming at all, just moaning a little. The brown-haired one wasn't so
bad, when he started to get up, he got the remote and turned off that Vixen
crap, and put on Baywatch, which I can deal with. The little blonde maggot I
threw in the trunk of my car, and gave him a ride out into the country.
- Chris Berg
ROTW (tm) Silver Medal Winner (tm)
Scene: Two pea-brained adolecent morons slap each other like
kindergarten schoolgirls over a TV remote control.
Pan left: The front door opens slowly revealing the T-1000 who has
been roaming around aimlessly since the completion of his job last
week. The liquid machine moves smoothly across the floor and skewers
both of the squabbling, squealing idiots. One of them murmurs, "This
sucks," as blood dribbles out his mouth.
Fade to black: People with taste, moral values, and common sense sigh
with relief all over America.
ROTW (tm) Bronze Medal Winner (tm)
Beavis and Butt-Head are rolling around beating the shit out of each other,
each trying to grab the remote. The door slams open and Todd walks in.
Todd: "What are you girls watching?"
Butt-Head: "Uh, Anything you want, Todd! huh huh"
Beavis: "Yeah! heh heh! Vixens is on if you want to see it!"
Butt-Head slaps Beavis.
Butt-Head: "Shut up assmunch! Todd wants to see Babe Watch"
Beavis: "You shut up nad breath! I'll kick your ass!"
Todd knocks their heads together like the Three Stooges.
Todd: "Never mind what's on girls, my car needs some gas.
I figure I can get a few bucks for this piece of
shit TV down at the pawn shop."
Todd takes the TV and leaves. B&BH stare at the spot where it had been.
Beavis & Butt-Head: "This sucks!"
Then they spy the remote.
Butt-Head: "Whoa! Todd forgot the remote! I better bring it to him."
Beavis: "No way! I saw it first! I'll bring it to Todd!"
and the fight over the remote resumes.
- paTRICK heSTER
Beavis: "Hey, Butt-head, want a Chicken Chunk[tm]?"
Butt-head: "Thanks, dude...gasp! choke!"
Beavis deftly retreives the remote and contentedly watches Vixen
as Butt-head get bluer and bluer and...
- Son of Butt-head
At first, I wanted a third option where both of these degenerates
slayed each other. Then I thought things through....
Whenever some pop culture figure dies 'before his time', from James
Dean and Elvis to Kurt Cobain, a warped version of supply and demand
makes him exponentially more popular. Imagine if these two bit the
dust together. Cheap merchandising choking malls everywhere; mawkish
TV tributes from the likes of Bullwinkle, Homer Simpson, and Ren and
Stimpy; guided tours of their home; pilgrimages to their graves;
slavish devotion that would make Trekkies say "Get a life!"
The Collapse of Western Civilization (Pat. Pend.) is currently
projected for the late 2020s. The record-breaking opening of their
film has already advanced that 3-4 days. "Two Thumbs Up" from Siskel
and Ebert kicked it ahead a fortnight. If these two losers suddenly
got elevated to John Lennon status, The End would come no later than
For the sake of future generations -- one, anyway -- I won't have them
both slain. Which one to kill? Who cares? The other's career will
die with him, as happens with most duos breaking up. That might be
enough to postpone the CoWC for a while. We can only hope.
- Call me Shane
About five minuets into the match Steve and Brian pull Beavus and
Butt-head apart and convince them to hold this fight off untill the
first WWWF pay perview extravaganza-Webmania. This main event match
will be known as: BUTT GAMES: Stupid Friends,Stupider Eniemies.
The fight will be a no disqualification, no holdsbared, armagedon
Highlights of the previous matches include Mr.T deafeating
Mr.Clean in a steel cage rematch, Mighty Max upseting Johnny Quest,
and The tag team title being successfully defended by Wayne and Garth
against Siskel and Ebert (whose dreaded two thumbs down manuver
The Main begins, the fans are going crazey. AC/DC's Highway to
Hell is playing as Buthead makes his entrance.
STEVE: Now Entering the ring- wieght at about 145 pounds and managed
by Dihearea- BBBBUUTTTTT-HEAD!!!!!!!!
Suddenly the lights turn low and Mettalica's Until It Sleeps is being
Played. Beavus hopped up on Sugar and In full Cornholeo mode is ready
Steve: In this corner waying at about 130 pounds and managed by
Brian: LETS GETT READY TO RUMMBEl!!!!!!!
The match begins with Beavus swinging wildly at Butt-head and gaining
the early lead . Dihera throws a chair into the ring. Beavus notcies
that theirs a chair in the ring and knows what to do with it.
He sits on it and watches the big TV in the Stadium. Buthead regains
controll of match via a quick swift kick to the NADS. Buthead then
grabs the chair and all of the sudden a little light bulb goes off in
his head. He hits Beavus with the chair, and now Beavus is coiled
over in pain. Beavus runs out of the ring in and orders a dozen
Roleos from the vender and then Storms into the anouncers both grabs
the mike from Brian and yells"YOU HAVE AWAKENED THE WRATH OF MY FIREY
BUNG-HOLE!!!!!" Yes fans the great Cornholio has entered the match.
Butt-head on the other hand has found a can of paint thinner and has
proceeded to sniff it. After 35 minuets of Carnage which I can not
even begin to describe- Butt-head emerges triumphant as Beavus's Sugar
Buzz dies down.
Post Match Interview:
Steve: Butt-head you've just been crowned grand WWWF champion, what
are you going to do next.
Butt-head: I'm going to Score! Huh huh huh!
Beavis is gonna woop Butt-head soooo bad! All he has to do is pull his
shirt over his head, and INSTANT CORNHOLIO When he's cornholio all of the
other strange-cartoon super heros will come and help him, like: Powdered toast
man and the not-so-popular late 70's Nearly indestructible man Beavis has this
- the EDGEman
If the past is any indicator of the future Beavis will remain
triumphant over the shriveled corpse of the artist formerly known as
Butt-Head, for the simple reason that was overlooked---
---=====THE NARD FACTOR=====---(tm)
Whenever Beavis has been threatened an almost reflex action of kicking
Butt-head in the nards... for proof of this goto the Beavis and
Butt-head do america home page there under the clips you see the great
battle of these almighty titans and what happens? Beavis is
threatened and Butt head is floored when his testicles make the return
trip to his intestinal cavity.
- Raoul the Goatboy
Neither of these shmucks will win. As the pre-eminant members of
Teen-Culture(TM), they have a combined attention span of about 15
seconds. Even if they do hit each other a few times, that will
only further the brain damage and shorten the fight. Within two
minutes, Beavis is staring at the TV again (it doesn't matter
which show, he doesn't remember what he wanted) and Butt-heads last
two remaining brain cells are fighting over who gets to push the
Butt-head begins his assault on Beavis, Bitch-slapping away.
Beavis begins to think, and decides the time is right for a little
payback. He winds up and throws the remote at Butt-head, hitting him
in his oversized head, and causing him to say "Beavis, that really
sucks when you do that."
Fans of the show will remember that when the word "suck" is mentioned,
Beavis must stop in his tracks and utter a high pitched scream, causing
one of his patented conniptions (tm). During this moment, Butt-head simply
has to begin talking about Beavis' mom, which causes him to back down
as he always does. By this time, the Vixen video is over, and Beavis
has nothing to watch, being that MTV only has one video on per day, and
even Beavis prefers Babewatch to Road Rules (tm), and Pamela Anderson to
Result: Butt-head gets what he wants, as usual, due to the fact that Beavis
has too many weaknesses to exploit.
- Chuck Donovan, Virginia
Sorry guys, but I have to go with Beavis. Beavis has two (2) distinct
advantages over Butt-head.
1) The Rage(TM). This has already been mentioned, you can never have enough
Rage(TM). Beavis has been slapped around by Butt-head for years now, and the
time has come for him to open up a huge can of whomp-ass, and apply it with the
spray-applicator(TM) all over Butt-head.
2) The Loser Factor(TM). Beavis is a born loser. Did you ever notice how,
when a man goes berserk and wipes out thirty of his neighbors, everyone who
knows him always says, "he was such a quiet man."
3) Fire(TM). Beavis is in love with his lighter (Fire, yeah, YEAH!). The guys
in my dorm have come up with a few interesting tricks invoving lighters. One
of them involves using the cans of hair spray that Beavis and Butt-head have
(to get their hair that tall, they must have tons of that stuff), and using the
lighter to ignite the aerosol spray. The result: Beavis has a home-made
Thus we see that Beavis, with his homemade flamethrower will char-broil
Butt-head, then he will go ape-shit, and waste thirty neighbors with an
- John "I'm using my Dad's computer" Jordan
I believe that the deciding factor isn't going to be the Rage (TM), or
motivation (both babes are equally motivating for their respective admirers).
What it will come down to is training, discipline, and experience.
May I call your attention to who it was who authored the self-defense section
in the B&B Ensucklopedia, that's right Beavis..... (also may I add that in a
dream sequence Beavis was a student of a Shao-Lin monk. It is my theory that
this was actually a flashback)
Let's play out the scene to it's inevitable conclusion, shall we?
Butt-head: Damnit Beavis, prepare your ass to be kicked.
Beavis: No way fartknocker!
Butt-head: What'd you call me?
Beavis: I called you Fartknocker, fartknock-- (Beavis is unable to finish the
sentence as Butt-head launches into his multi-slap, ending it in a spectacular
swat to the back of the head sending Beavis to the floor, apperantly
unconscious) *Whack-whack-whack Whack...THUD*
Butt-head: (standing over the fallen Beavis) You wuss I barely touched you.
WHAM!!!! (Beavis's deception has worked, and the "Playing Dead" manuever has
put Beavis in a position to use the center piece of his self-defense style-
"the Nad Kick")
Beavis: *Click* Ahhhh! Vixen.
Right about now Beavis will hear the Chinese Dude in his head, and well the
rest of this scene isn't appropriate for a famil-Website.
- Doug "Boomstick" Weisgerber
I think Beavis would win because every time Butt-head makes Beavis mad, Beavis
retaliates like Mike Tyson with a reluctant date. Besides Butt-head's attention
deficit disorder makes Rainman look like Albert Einstein, making Beavis an easy
- Sam Donnell
I think it's pretty obvious that Beavis is going to win this little
match. The deciding factor is the Vixen video, a phenomenon that is
mysteriously limited to the Beavis and Butt-head universe. We both
know that the three most important things to B&B are (1)Chicks (2)Rock
and (3)farts/bodily fluids/boogers/blood/butts/etc...
Anyways, while both Beavis and Butt-head wish to view Hot Chicks on
this occasion, only Beavis has the power of the almighty Lita Ford and
her Dangerous Curves (tm) on his side. I'm sorry, but when the prize
is both curves AND Glam Metal, there ain't a force on this planet that
will stop our friend Beavis. Roll over, Butt-head... Pamela may be
married to Tommy Lee (a member of one of the world's Biggest Hair
Bands), but Lita Ford did a duet with OZZY! And NOTHING will stop
Beavis from experiencing something connected to Ozzy! Cornholio
himself couldn't contain Beavis, who will rend Butt-head limb from limb
with his right hand, while his left simultaneously snatches the remote
and gives the Metal Sign as he headbangs away into Metal Heaven. Hang
- Mr. Scary
Beavis and Butt-Head will have a well heated fight for the
remote. Beavis will begin with his Cornholio impression, while
Butt-Head will counterattack with a lighter. This fight
continues for about 2 hours. Then, the remote will break, which
will, in B and B terms, suck. The TV is now stuck on the WB
and, with the boys being lazy, refuse to get up and change it.
At least they can act nutty when Road Rovers comes on (Beavis:
The husky just cursed, thats cool!!! Hee Hee.) In the end, the
match is a draw.
- Joe Klemm
I think that others will want to get involved in this match. First of all,
Joel Robinson, former occupant of the Satellite of Love, will want to kill both
for stealing his "making mocking comments while viewing movies" shtick. Then,
the entire population of the city of Springfield will want to kill them for
giving a bad name to satirical cartoons.
If "Fat Tony", Former Green Beret Seymour Skinner, or Sideshow Bob don't kill
them, McBain will.
(Why couldn't this match have an option where both lose, ala "Barney vs. Wesley
Aw, c'mon guys, if any fight can be decided by RAGE (tm) alone, this
can. Sure, Butt-head may have his wits around him, but that doesn't mean a
hell of a lot, and may be a disadvantage. We're talking about the guy who
thinks that oil for a french fry machine comes from Minit-Lube, and pours hot
cheese over his head to dress himself as "Nachos". I think I'd go with the one
without any wits at all in this fight. And, well, the RAGE (tm) is just an
added plus. Moreover, Beavis has the power to take on Butt-head, but we've
only seen glimpses of his possibly only moment of glory. Once Butt-head needed
cops to pry Beavis's choking hands off his neck. There are no Cops today.
Hell, there isn't even Stewart(patent pending) to redirect Beavis' wrath. And
no one, but no one, takes out the family jewels like Beavis. He's shooting
about 100% for that shot. You see how fast he is? Butt-head can never react
in time, and won't this time, either. Beavis with the remote, Vixen on the
tube, and Butt-head in the hospital with cosmetic replacement testes. At best,
I'll give Beavis, 3:1, over the other assmunch.
I've got to say, you've picked a good one. In a battle of wits, both of the
boys are seriously underpowered. Look at these two scrawny guys. They're
built like twigs. I think a 3rd party is required. Perhaps Anderson or
Diarrhea. Yeah, that'll be cool. We know that Diarrhea has a liking for
Beavis (Butt-Head always says something to offend her). She'll kick Butt-heads
ass with her female empowerment. Nuff said.
It's pretty much a matter of priorities. Butt-head thinks of nothing more than
sexual double-entendres, and he chastises Beavis for doing anything else.
Beavis, though, has a far richer personality, filled with visions of
destruction and mayhem. Come to think of it, I'm not sure Beavis would even
try to think of scoring if Butt-head weren't around to slap him if he
To put it another way, Butt-head's a lover, not a fighter. The only reason
Butt-head manages to hurt Beavis as much as he does is because, deep down,
Beavis thinks that by being Butt-head's friend, he will get to score someday.
If push comes to shove, Beavis's mind is far more full of cool ways to
incapacitate Butt-head and dispose of the body. Oh, Butt-head will irritate
Beavis by construing his method of murder as homoerotic, but that will only
strengthen Beavis's resolve, and ultimately lead him to massacre many of
Highland's citizens when Butt-head's death doesn't appease his bloodlust.
Butt-head dies in thirty minutes. Beavis dies after a three day manhunt.
- Jim Smith
There is no way that Butt-Head can win. Yeah, so maybe he'll get in some good
shots, but you forget the power of: THE NAD KICK (tm). THE NAD KICK (tm) has
been sucessfully used by Beavis in many an episode of the show, and also in the
En-Suck-lapedia. Also, you forget that Beavis loves FIRE...FIRE FIRE FIRE!!!
Here we go...scenario: Beavis flees Butt-Head's wrath and heads outside.
Anderson, his neighbor, is repairing the Mobile Home (see Beavis and Butt-head
Do America for Mobile Home info) with a blow torch. That's fire...FIRE FIRE
FIRE!!! And Beavis likes..no, he LOVES fire...FIRE FIRE FIRE!!! Beavis grabs
the blow torch out of Anderson's hands (WHAT THE HELL?!?) and the last thing
Butt-Head sees is fire..FIRE FIRE FIRE!!! And the last thing Butt-Head hears is
"ARE YOU THREATINING ME??? YOU WILL FEEL THE WRATH OF MY BUNGHOLE!!! That would
be cool!!! he he eh he he eh..." Case closed...Vixen shall be heard...oh
yes...Vixen shall be heard....
I think beavis would win the fight because butt head always smacks
people...thats all he does...but beavis on the other hand gets crazy
and turns into cornholio and i dunno if you saw it but one time
beavis turned into cornholio and beat the shit out of todd...in an
episode called The Revenge of the Great Cornholio...and Butt-head
is stupid...beavis is smart...and plus beavis is funnier so he could
make Butt-head laugh and while Butt-head is laughing beavis could
turn into cornholio and kick Butt-heads ass...and dat's what i think
While it can be argued that Butt-head is the smarter and more adjusted of the
two, Beavis seems to be(with or without additives), truly psychotic. Lest we
forget, time and again is it Butt-head who urges Beavis to settle down. In
this case, it is unlikely that Beavis would comply. In the movie, Beavis had
dangerous fits of rage without being cornholio. Butt-head got beat up by
Chelsea Clinton. Beavis' infatutation with fire and violence make him more
deadly than Butt-head who seems content with things that do not suck. But
alas for poor Butt-head, losing this battle WILL suck. Will suck indeed.
Despite Butt-head's size and reach advantage, Beavis pulls out a hard-fought
victory. Why, beacause Beavis doesn't know when to quit; he is relentless when
he gets something into his head. Butt-head, on the other hand, is quick to give
up and say "This sucks!" when things don't go his way. Beavis must constantly
be told to stop his incessant rambling. Butt-head might take round one, but the
first time he takes a punch, he'll want to quit because he's never really taken
a good shot. Unfortunatly for Butt-head, his days of doling out orders to
Beavis are over. Beavis' ability to take a punch and heart of a champion will
prevail over Butt-head's size. Sly Stallone beat Dolf Lundgren, and Beavis
will beat Butt-head.
Final Decision: The winner, by knockout 1 minute 10 seconds into the
second round, and NEW super fly-weight hand drawn adolescent animated
champion of North American junior high schools: BEEEEEEEEEVIS!
- the Gerg
There's no question about this. Beavis is immortal.
Besides cheating death,
Beavis has the Power of the Great Cornholio surging through his veins, to be
released only occasionally (too often and the world would be torn asunder!),
when he gets loaded on sugar. He has the fury of a thousand chants of
"buttknocker" screaming in his twisted mind (not to mention the Chinese guy in
his noggin' that tells him to masturbate). He has the discipline of thousands
of episodes of Kung-Fu burned into his unconscious brain. Plus, he has poofy
hair to protect his head (and a long schlong for nad protection). As for the
rest of his body, he's been hit so many times he won't feel anymore.
What does Butt-Head have? Well, ummm... braces. A long term memory (so he
can remember the monumental agony he will soon suffer). Slightly higher
chances of scoring? A lot of good that will do him in a fight. And this twerp
dares to insult the mighty name of Beavis?!?!?
The time has come. Beavis will tolerate Butt-Head no longer. The Mother of
all wars has begun! The streets shall flow with the blood of the nonbelievers!
And may heaven help Butt-Head, for no one else on this pitiful mudball will...
- Mike Smith
Beavis would win. This dork absorbs punishment like no other cartoon human
being. He had his freakin finger chopped off with a chainsaw and laughed about
it in the grasshopper episode. Beavis wins when Butt-head drowns in Beavis's
blood after an extended butt-whoopin'..."Breakin the law, breakin the law"
- Clark W. Griswald
Beavis vs. Butt-Head has been a match waiting to happen for years. Beavis can
finally break out of the peon role. To decide the outcome, one has to look no
further than the characters themselves. Does anyone remember the serial killer
episode? In it, Beavis talked about the voices. "They tell me to do stuff,
stuff like..." If you've seen the episode, you know the rant. Anyway, this
rant shows the insight into Beavis's darker, more violent side. This same
darker side was much more prevalent in the first couple of seasons (when they
let him use fire, I don't know if these rages have been quieted, but I don't
think they have). I believe that if Beavis were to let go, he would pull a
Taz-whirlwind of destruction, and destroy Butt-head before he has a chance to
try to slap Beavis out of it. Physically, Butt-head has the advantage (as he
has demonstrated), but Beavis is clearly a beserker of Lobo (back in the
Giffen/Bisley days) caliber. No force on earth could stand up to Beavis
- Ian Leshin
Having seen "Beavis & Butt-Head Do America," I can safely say that Beavis is
the clear choice. This movie not only illustrates the fact that Beavis clearly
has more guts and fighting instinct than Butt-Head, it also shows that
Butt-Head has a secret fear of Beavis's powers. Does Butt-Head stand up
against a S.W.A.T. team? No, but Beavis does, in the film's adrenaline-filled
climax. But Butt-Head DOES get thrown out of a White House window by Chelsea,
and that speaks for itself. As for Butt-Head's deep, dark fear of Beavis's raw
power, it is revealed in the film's opening scene, Butt-Head's dream sequence
in which he and Beavis are massive, Godzilla-like creatures. Butt-Head
contents himself merely to knocking the tops off of skyscrapers, swatting
helicopters out of the air, and other such sissy activities. Meanwhile, Beavis
is kicking tanks and breathing raw fire onto the hapless people on the ground,
who are fleeing in panic. Butt-Head does not demonstrate this ability, ergo,
he has a deep inferiority complex which will eventually be his downfall.
Besides, Butt-Head does not exhibit the same degree of nerve that Beavis
clearly demonstrates near the end of the film. Anderson catches Beavis
practicing self-gratification (i.e. whacking his dong) in his camper, and all
Beavis has to say is: "Hi, how are you doing?" Butt-Head would never attempt
such a bold greeting in such a situation. Bottom line: No Cornholio. No guts.
No nerve. An inferiority complex. Butt-Head is bound for defeat.
Who do YOU think would win this match? Below (huh-huh, sounds like "blow")
you'll find the handy (huh-huh, "handy") form for voting. Also, give us some
(heh-heh, "give us some") insight into why you decided the way you did by
mailing us. The best comments, along with the outcome (huh-huh, "out-come")
according to your votes, will be published in the next WWWF (huh-huh) Grudge
Exactly how these morons became cult figures amazes me.
- John Hunter
They both win. After the complete shock that their movie was a bust. Thye
both realize that they are both gay. They change their names to Andr'e and
Sasha and move to Ft. Lauderdale.
Butt-head is not as physically dominating as you claim! Remember Beavis'
powerful nad-kick. Plus, Beavis may not have any candy nearby, but I'm sure he
always keeps a Cornholio Power Pellet (mentioned in one of the B&BH books, made
of many sugar-filled ingredients) handy in his pocket.
Plus, c'mon, face it. Beavis is so much cooler than Butt-head. The latter is a
completely uninteresting buttmunch who is constantly horny. At least Beavis has
A FEW other things on his mind than sex. Also, look at their shirts. Beavis?
METALLICA! Butt-head? AC/DC, a vastly inferior band (with little inspiration
- L. Wilkes
Picture if you will, Beavis and Butt-head sitting in front of the
television. The channel changes from Beavis' favorite video. With a
war cry like no other, Beavis kicks Butt-head in the Nads. You have
just entered the Ass Kicking Zone.
"Don't ever do that again Bunghole."
Beavis gets the remote and changes it back, but by this time the
video is over. Still supremely pissed at Butt-head, Beavis drops the
remote and grabs Butt-head. Butt-head unleashing his secret weapon,
lights his lighter, and Beavis is stupified by the tiny blaze from
Having been frozen in his tracks by the lighter, Beavis stares at
the flame while Butt-head begins to beat the living crap out of him.
"Get up you wuss."
Beavis gets up and delivers a flying tackle knocking them both
out the front door. Butt-head and Beavis continue to kick, punch, and
throw each other all the way around the block. Finally, Butt-head
throws Beavis through the window of the Quicki Mart(tm) and he lands
on a candy bar rack. In a daze Beavis takes a bite out of one of the
candy bars. Quickly revived, he inhales the rest of the candy bars
off the rack. Cornholio is reborn.
"I am Cornholio, would you like to see my bungholio, The Streets Will
Flow With The Blood Of The Unbeleivers!"
Beavis' split personality, Cornholio, beats the crap out of
Butt-head in short order and then abruptly leaves to wander the town
babbling that which all must hear.
"I have a Portfolio in my Bungholio. I come from Lake Titicaka in
Nicuragua. Our people we have no bungholes. Do you have TP for
my bunghole? Whaaaaaaa..."
After the sugar in his system subsides, he meanders half awake to
the house an sit on the Throne of Couch and claims the championship by
seizing the remote and flipping through the channels. Leaving the
still unconcious Butt-head at the Quicki Mart(tm) to foot the bill.
End of Story
- Super Secret Agent Man
The key to this match is strategy, and Butt-head is a strategical
genius in comparison. For instance, the strategy they use to get a
Butt-head: Hey, Bay-bu, come to Butt-head
Beavis: Hey, she's got big thingies
Butt-head will use these same tacticts to overwhelm Beavis, while
Beavis will be screaming, "Fire, heh-heh, fire!"
What are you TALKING about the better of the duo is listed first?
What HAVE you been smoking?
Bill and Ted
Pinky and the Brain
Larry, Moe, and Curly - OK, I know that's a trio, but Larry is the
least loved Stooge, if one can say such a thing.
O.J. and the Bloody Glove(tm)
Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock
Bill and Hillary
Sonny and Cher
Actually, I don't care who wins the match, but I really must take issue
with Brian's "the greater part of a duet is always listed first"
Ike... and Tina Turner
The Captain..... and Tenille
Marky Mark... and the Funky Bunch (lesser of two evils)
Proctor.... and Gamble
Crosby, Stills, Nash..... and Young
Jake.... and the Fatman
Sheilds... and Yarnell
BJ..... and the Bear
- Thinkmaster General
Lest we forget, Beavis and Butt-head are both
creations of Mike Judge and he does the
voice-overs for both of them. Therefore, when the
two couch-ridden cartoons fight, in actual fact,
Judge is fighting with himself. Therefore, after
many well-placed lefts to his own head, Judge
eventually keels over. He KO's himself!!
Meanwhile Beavis and Butt-head come to a
compromise and watch Barb Wire on Pay Per View
- vince "bring me some TP for my Bungolio"
This should be an open and shut case. Beavis will win the fight. "How
do you know this, Phil?" you might ask. Because, unlike all your
other fights (we're not worthy, we're not worthy) that have graced
this devine arena of death, this fight has already occurred in an
episode. Beavis finally got tired of being bossed around and kicked
the living bejeebers out of Butt-head. I don't watch the show very
often (3 times a year, maybe) but even I saw that pinnacle episode.
This is like posing the question...Who will win the superbowl? The AFC
or the NFC? It's already been done and the answer is the same every
- Looking for a real fight
This one is going to Butt-Head all the way. If anyone saw the
Christmas show of Beavis and Butt-head, we saw what happened to Beavis
and it was no pretty site.
The Premise was "what would happen if Butt-Head would never have been
born?" and sadly, Beavis wound up at the homeless shelter, working
with Stuart, wearing a Winger(tm) T-shirt, making stew in a hairnet,
looking forward to an evening of drinking no alcoholic Egg-Nog.
Once the fight starts and the first punches are thrown, Beavis will
see how his life will suck without Butt-Head. Rather than doom himself
to an existence with Stuart, he will throw himself at Butt-Head's
mercy and then vow to protect Butt Head, thereby insuring Beavis's
future as well.
- Dave *Vegetable Poetry!*
Greetings from the Great White North,
A tough match, but me and Kurt(we're the guys who did the Babylon 5
vs. DS9 match) decided that the only way to truely understand the
situation was to enter the minds of Beavis and Butt-head and become
them. After watching the Pretender(tm) this task was easy. I became
Beavis while Kurt became Butt-head. We started by reading
numerous male magzines meant to entertain us (huh huh - he said
anus) that built up our sexual tension while we waited for BabeWatch
to begin. We were hyped and we needed release. But BayWatch was not
the answer. All it did was irritate the hell out of us. All those
bouncing breasts and beautiful asses made want to desparatly go for a
swim in the ocean and hope to get rescued by some blond bimbo. But
all I had was Kurt(aka. Butt-Head) and it pissed me off. My pretender
transformation snapped and I became The Champ(tm). "Well I lose it!...
I hit him with a left, a right, an uppercut to the chin, etc...".
Needless to say, Butt-head was toast.
It's simple really. Beavis has not only taken crap from Butt-head for
years (he WILL explode), but also has a great tolerance for pain. He
takes repeated blows to the head on a consistent basis and never seems
to really mind. Also, in one episode the two went to a murder scene
where Beavis nearly killed Butt-head with his bare hands. This is
proof enough. Beavis reigns supreme.
- Tom "The Greek" Reagan
Ok... simple as this, we've seen it many many times, even as recent
as our lovely MTV(tm) B&B promos:
Butt-head: Beavis, I'm gonna kick your ass!
Beavis with the mighty foot(tm) kicks him in the nads (huh huh)
turning Beavis into the purple headed freak(tm) he ends up as
curled up in the fetal position(tm) we always see him ending
Of course he'll come back with his "Beavis, when I get up I'm going
your kick your ass" ...which we all know won't come to pass and will
just start all over again leaving Beavis as the ruler of all things
idiotic(tm) ...and the remote.
To better Illustrate:
/* beavis code */
while (Butthead_string == "Beavis I'm going to kick your ass")
watch(TV); /* included from loser.h */
Beavis all the way guys. You see, Beavis has something
(besides Cornholio) that Butt-Head doesn't...
R-E-S-P-E-C-T! You heard me... RESPECT. Butt-Head is
always gettin' picked on. Have you ever seen Mr. Buzzcut
ask Beavis to do anyting (besides saving Butt-Head from
drowning)? NO! Butt-Head is always the one to be picked
on. Since we have no commercial break to interrupt, some
staff member will be wondering what is goin' on. They
immediately blame Butt-Head and bust in (while Beavis
yells something like 'whoa' or 'BANZAI!'). You see, this
loss of commercial will cause a riot, get Butt-Head in
trouble, and will have hundreds (well... maybe not
hundreds) of people kickin' Butt-Head's @$$! So...
Butt-Head is out of it while Beavis does nothing but sit
back and crank up da VIXEN!
- Please don't let THEM find me! PLEASE!!!!!
This one takes a little thought, but you have to go with Beavis. The
first thing to understand is that this isn't a Battle of the Titans
(Tm). I mean, let's face it, these guys are wusses. The next thing
to recognise is how much punishment these guys can take, i.e. falling
out of a moving car and walking away. This means that this battle
will take forever, because neither party really has the tools to
definitively beat up the other party. In a long drawn out battle
Beavis has the advantage because sooner or later they'll battle into
the kitchen where Beavis will find some sugar and turn into that
dupah-whooping machine Cornholio (R)
Beavis in 6 days, 17 hours.
- Hairy Scary Jeremy
I believe that Beavis is the clear winner here, for, like Brando,
DeNiro, and other venerable males of his profession, he adds those
all-important soul-deep nuances to his work. Consider the following
moments in his big-screen debut: not only does he strike a
balance between craft and spontaneity in his raging "This time I won't
simmer down!" speech on the bus, but he also portrays a certain kind
of pathos at the very beginning of the film when he finds the TV
missing. Beavis can make us *feel*: Beavis delivers complexities of
emotion, always tinged with a bit of weltschmerz, in a way that
Butt-Head just does not.
- Chupacabrastein, San Francisco
There is no doubt Beavis has a great deal of seething rage. Let's
face it, this guy is a breath away from going postal! As history has
proven: Those who go postal (while eventually institutionalized)
achieve certain short term goals.
I don't care who wins, actually. I just wanted to send in an entry
that wasn't written entirely in "heh-heh's" and "asswipes."
- A friend
I think you missed the point on this one. Actually I think you missed
two points. 1) Does anyone actually care who wins? They're both morons
and the show might as well be called Blockhead & Blockhead (Or was
that the name of the lawfirm handling the OJ case?). 2) Does it really
matter who controls the remote? I'm firmly convinced that both of them
are suffering from some rare genetic disease which gives them the
attention span of a gnat. No matter who owns the remote at the end
they'll be flipping channels within a minute anyway. So just like in
the presidential elections where I had to vote for the least
objectionable candidate I found myself forced to vote for Ross Perot a
truly classic cartoon character.
You want to know who wins this one? It is quite obvious. I do. I
grab the freakin remote and turn them off.
See, I figure Butt-head takes this one. Butt-head beats Beavis up all
the time, and this incident will be no different. The only time
Beavis was ever willing to really throw down with Butt-head was the
time Butt-head said Metallica sucked. (Unfortunately they do now, but
they were watching a video of "For Whom The Bell Tolls" at the time
and that is galaxies away from sucking. I, as a fan of Old-Skool
Metallica (TM), sided with Beavis.) Anywho, this little incident
can't possibly be as important to Beavis as the Metallica Affair, so
he won't have the Eye Of The Tiger. Butt-head will slap Beavis around
for a while, make a few disparaging comments about Beavis' mother, and
they will watch Baywatch. Besides, Baywatch has enough Bouncin'
Thingies (TM) to make Beavis forget all about Vixen. It ain't like
Beavis is gonna suffer from lack of hooters.
- Da Bear
I say Beavis would win. Why? He has Cornholio. Take note here that
Cornholio is NOT only brought out by caffiene and/or sugar. In one
episode he became the great bunghole w/o either, but only for a limited
instance. He simply turned to BH and said, "Uh... Hey, Butt-Head...
Check it out... (Cornholio stuff)" And BH simply replied, "Cool."
Therefore, it is simple to observe that Beavis is, over time, storing
energy to feed the power of the almighty bunghole. Why has he stored
this? Because in reality his true form is that of Cornholio. (See in
B&B do America, BH's dad said, "I scored twice! You didn't score!")
He was telling the truth! Beavis is a gift from the friendly aliens
over 5987735400000 light years away who have sent him as an ambassador
of entertainment. He is really hyper-intelligent and could kill BH w/o
straining a muscle. In fact, if he's REALLY pissed, all he has to do
is think it and BH will be fried by a combination of telepathy and
large laser cannons pointed at Earth to defend the great ambassador of
If you liked this match, check out these other past
Bad Movie Critics
Springfield v. South Park
Itchy & Stimpy v. Ren & Scratchy
Real Life |
Fun Stuff |
© 1996, WWWF Grudge Match; © 2000, Dragon Hamster Productions, LLC