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What is Grudge Match?
What is Grudge Match?

The Scenario

Los Angeles - 2018

"I've got one more assignment for you, Rick." Captain Bryant's office in the police station is as dank and ill-lit as always. "Something only our best blade runner can handle."

Rick Deckard gives his old boss a cynical gaze. "You've told me that before. I'm not coming back this time."

"You will." Bryant throws over a folder. "Got a fugitive out of Chicago, name of Richard Kimble, M.D. Convicted of murdering his wife. He claimed a one-armed replicant did it, but the jury wasn't buying. Busted out of custody a few weeks ago, running ever since, and now he's reached L.A."

"So? I hunt down replicants, not humans. Why bring me in?"

"Take a look at the perp."

Deckard reluctantly opens the folder. The photo topping the stack of papers stops him cold. The hair is fuller, the face has a decade's extra wrinkles, but otherwise it's a dead ringer. "A replicant," he exclaims, "designed to look like me?!"

"Sure looks that way. Tyrell Corp's denying it, but what else could it be? Just a coincidence?" Bryant leans in. "That's why it has to be you, Rick. Anyone else tracking him down might get on the wrong scent, 'retire' you by mistake."

Deckard stares at the photo for a long while, then looks up. "Okay, I'm on the case."

So, Joe, may the best man-or is he?-win!

Rick Deckard, Blade Runner Dr. Richard Kimble, The Fugitive

Rick Deckard vs. Dr. Richard Kimble

The Commentary

JOE: Well, Shane, my prediction of the outcome is Richard Kimble will elude Deckard, deduce the identity of his wife's killer and uncover a vast secret conspiracy which has caused not only his wife's demise, his incarceration and the subsequent assignment of the Blade Runner Deckard to his manhunt but also whatever twist of fate that allowed me to fit that all into one sentence. I'll bet it has something to do with the Tyrell Corporation's takeover of small Asian food stands that appear to be the main source of sustenance in the future.

The reason Kimble will be able to do this is that Deckard really isn't that good of a detective. In the movie, he only tracks down one of the four skin-jobs he is assigned to find and she is out in the open, dancing in a club with a freakin' snake. He just sort of stumbles onto the other three. Kimble had to face much tougher competition from Tommy Lee Jones who not only had an entire team trying to track him down but who was also a master of his craft. He barely managed to catch Kimble and even that was only after Richard solved the mystery and exonerated himself.

Simply put, Kimble is way too smart for Deckard. Deckard is used to replicants and not a real live human who will change his appearance, hide out in some Russian lady's cellar and manage to pass himself off as a young Latino janitor named "Desmondo". Deckard is really out of his element here. He should just head back to the slums, get himself some more noodles and wait for Kimble to make things all better. Then he can get back to his real job... getting cyborg nookie from Sean Young.

SHANE: Business before pleasure, Joe, and Rick Deckard should have this business wrapped up before you can say "A new life awaits you in the Offworld Colonies!"

Remember, those replicants Deckard's used to retiring were built for labor on the most hostile frontier in human history. They're stronger than us and smarter than us: that's why they're such a threat running around loose on Earth. Yet Deckard is undefeated going up against female replicants who can crush you to death with their thighs (hmm, there's a James Bond movie in there somewhere), and male replicants who can drive nails through their own hands (hmm, there's a Mel Gibson movie in there somewhere). Going against a mere human is an easy step down for this fellow.

Granted, Richard Kimble has some experience eluding capture. (And having Tommy Lee involved here would make things really interesting, but last I heard, he'd contracted amnesia and was working in a post office somewhere.) He also has a self-defeating philanthropic streak that makes him stop and try to help people, no matter how much danger he puts himself in. When he tries that on the Mean Streets™ of Future L.A., in about four minutes he'll wind up in a urine-soaked alley, missing his wallet, his shoes, his fake ID, his fillings, and probably two or three minor organs. Deckard will then come along and perform an act associated with another famous doctor: Kevorkian.

Deckard will win easily, though admittedly at some cost to his conscience. He'll be seeing this guy's face every time he looks in a mirror.

JOE: First off, Deckard is definitely not undefeated against the replicants. Both of the girls gave him a pretty good fight until they let him get a shot off and each of the guys had him at the brink of death. He'd have been a corpse if Rachael hadn't blown away the first dude and Rutger Hauer hadn't rescued him in the end. Deckard basically gets his ass handed to him through the whole movie. On the other hand, Kimble, despite being a surgeon, routinely wails on policemen for the duration of his film. If this one comes down to a fight, I'd have to say the doctor has the edge.

Secondly, while you cite Kimble's philanthropy as a weakness, it is this attribute that allows Richard to make so many friends. In The Fugitive, all his pals tell a U.S. Marshal right to his face that they will aid and abet the good doctor if he asks, just because he is likeable. Deckard won't be tracking down just one man, Kimble has help everywhere he turns.

If you think Deckard killing Kimble will harm his conscience, wait until Kimble proves that he is, in fact, innocent and reveals the identity of the real killer (who is obviously Rachael, seeing as how she is the only replicant left who has shown she has the nerve to kill somebody.) Rick's girl killing his own future incarnation's girl, framing his future incarnation and sending him on a manhunt for himself will be too much of a mind-job for poor Deckard to handle.

His head will most surely explode by the end of the match.

SHANE: Joe, if bizarre, logic-bending theories were that dangerous, Michael Moore would have exploded years ago.

Of course Deckard's undefeated against replicants. When you're in a battle to the death, and your opponent dies instead of you, you win. Kimble's fights are a different matter. You forget, he doesn't beat up cops, he runs from them: hence the title. His only real fights are against a flabby fellow surgeon and, oh yeah, the guy missing an arm. I suspect he may have trouble moving up to the big leagues.

And Kimble does attract plenty of assistance, from colleagues who have known him for years. (Of course, the most ostensibly helpful person is the guy who framed him, so take that with a grain of salt.) He's left them all about two thousand miles behind. Oops.

Where this match really hinges is, of course, on Harrison Ford, or more to the point the two Harrison Fords. Rick Deckard is in the mold of the early Harrison Ford, the rogue hero who plugs Greedo under the table without a twinge, who rifles ancient tombs full of booby traps to lay his hands on golden idols. He's the action guy, the fun guy, the guy we all like. Richard Kimble is late Harrison Ford, in the era when he's been neutered by George Lucas into letting warty aliens fire on him first, and wimpified by Steven Spielberg into Mister Nicey-Nice, This-Belongs-In-A-Museum. This is the Random Hearts-model Harrison Ford. He might have a chance to win Rachael's heart (or artificial facsimile), but that'll just give Deckard twice as much reason to blow him into last century.

The Deckard is stacked against this Fugitive.

The Results

Rick Deckard, Blade Runner

Rick Deckard (1200 - 50.6%)


Dr. Richard Kimble, The Fugitive

Dr. Richard Kimble (1172 - 49.4%)

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Voter Comments


The lights dim. Kimble and Deckard run across each other, meeting at center stage. After eying each other, a upbeat punkadelic chord kicks up. They break into song!

"Haning with my Self"
By Richard Kimble and Richard Deckard
(With apologies to Billy Idol)

Richard Deckard:
On the floor of old Chicago
Or down in L. A. town to go, go
With the replicant selection
With the mirror reflection
I'm hunting for my se-elf

When there's no-one else in sight
In the crowded lonely night
I look in every direction
For my own reflection
And I'm hunting for my se-elf

Oh hunting for my se-elf
Oh hunting for my se-elf
Well there's nothing to do
But there's something to prove
I'll be hunting for my se-elf

Richard Kimble:
If I looked all over the world
And there's every type of Ha-an
But the man with one arm
Seem to cause no alarm
SO I'm running from my se-elf

So let's ask the Man In The Hat
'Cause he'll say "I look like that?"
If Indy had to choose
He'd say "hey Deckard you lose"
And I'll stop running from my se-elf

Oh running from myself
Oh running from myself
I can't afford to lose
There's something I must prove
To stop running from my se-elf

Richard Deckard:
If I looked all over the world
And there's every type of Ha-an
The guy with the empty sleeve
Makes me want to leave
And keeps me running from my se-elf

So let's sink another drink
And ask old Jack Ryan what he does think
And if Jack had to choose
He'd say "Doctor Kimble you lose"
And I'm through chasing after my se-elf

Oh hunting for my self
Oh hunting for myself
If I had to ask
I'd ask the Hans to dance
If I had the chance
I'd ask the Hans to dance
If I had the chance
I'd ask the Hans to dance

(Scat, and enter the Fabulous Dancing Hans, doing a modified punkadelic shag, accompanied by the Mos Eisley Bar Band)

The Dancing Hans:
Hunting for myself
Running from myself
Hunting for myself
Running from myself

Kimble and Deckard together, accompanied by the Dancing Hans:
Well we looked all over the world
And there's every type of Ha-an
Henry Turner's regarding eyes
Seem to pass me by
And leave me wondering about my se-elf

So let's sink another drink
'Cause Alexi Vostrikov needs time to think
If he had to choose
He'd say "you both never lose" (with Han there's always a Part II)
And we'll laughing to the ba-ank

Oh laughing to the ba-ank
Oh laughing to the ba-ank
Since we have the chance
To make Hollywood dance
Since we have the chance
To make Hollywood dance
Since we have the chance
We'll make Hollywood dance

- Dr. Stones

Silver Grudgie ROTW Silver Medal GrudgieTM

It's 1993. Richard Kimble runs into Tommy Lee Jones...
Kimble: I didn't kill my wife!
Jones: I don't care!
Kimble jumps off the dam after Jones hesitates on shooting him.

Fast-forward 25 years to 2018, Kimble runs into Deckard...
Kimble: I didn't kill my wi...

BLAM!!! Right in the forehead.

Deckard: THAT'S for making "Sabrina", "Six Days Seven Nights" and "Random Hearts," you wuss!

- Bjmmn

Bronze Grudgie ROTW Bronze Medal GrudgieTM

Deckard stares at the photo for a long while, then looks up. "Okay, I'm on the case."

Later that day, Deckard walks into a dingy cab company and straight to the locked cage that holds the dispatcher. He's wondering how many cab companies he will have to visit before it pays off, all he knows is that the fugitive could not have walked the streets openly without being spotted.

He slips a bill to the soulful foreigner behind the small window. "I've lost something important to me, and I must talk to the cab driver who drove me earlier today. Trouble is, I do not remember his name. Maybe someone will recognize me."

The dispatcher reaches overhead and pulls down a microphone. He speaks in heavily accented English, "any of you recognize this fellow?" He looks back and shrugs.

"Thanks," says Deckard, unhappily.

A tall, dark Arab steps forward, grinning. "I recognize," he comments.

"Where did you take me?"

The Arab takes a good, close look at Deckard. "No, no," he quips, "you aren't really him, he older. He good, kind man and I do not want to tell on him. Sorry."

Deckard grabs the man. "Your green card in order?"

The Arab adjusts his turban and thinks for a moment, deciding. "Shittree Hotel on twenty first."

Later that afternoon, at the Shade Tree Hotel on Twenty First Street, Deckard approaches the Zit Rancher behind the clerk's counter and speaks in his best 'I'm from the confidential committee on moral abuses' voice.

"I'm a guest here, and I have lost my key. Would you have a copy?"

"Of course, Mr. Smith." Deckard eyes the room number engraved on the key.

Moments later, Kibble hears the key turn in the lock of his hotel room and runs out the back window, climbing down the fire escape. Deckard is through the door and after him full tilt. Kimble tries to lose himself in the crowd on the street, because everyone knows cops can't fire into crowds.

Deckard fires anyway, retiring Kimble from the match. There used to be a long monologue at this point, but this is the director's cut.

- I. Phill Kuntz

Since Deckard is actually the replicant here,(Don't believe me? Ridley Scott copped to it in an interview a couple years back, just check out some of the Blade Runner websites, I know for a fact that one of them has a link to the very interview in which he states so clearly.), he should have no trouble at all icing Kimble. Truth of the matter is, Deckard's a replicant, and doesn't even know it, he's also part of the conspiracy against Kimble, and doesn't even know it. Deckard will do his job, discover that Kimble is the real human, realize the he himself is, in fact, the replicant, and then have a total system malfunction... which the Tyrell Corp. can EASILY repair, erasing any memory Deckard may have of retiring a human and his being a replicant.

World keeps on turning.

- Walker:Plexus Ranger

I haven't seen either of the movies you're using, and I don't want to spoil them by reading the commentary... so I'll just vote for the guy played by Harrison Ford.

- Rainwoman

I'll let other people point out the fact that Deckard is the Replicant in this battle. I'm going to go by another Grudge precedent - characters have knowledge of their past roles in battle.

Well, that makes it pretty clear. Kimble was once Deckard, and thus knows all of his tricks. But Deckard hasn't been Kimble, at least not yet. Getting away from your opponent is pretty easy when you know every single move they're going to do. All he has to do is think for a moment (and as we've seen, he's always thinking on his feet), and Kimble stays free.

- 32_Footsteps, the Eve of Destruction

The Fugitive: based off a TV series from the 60's that was a poor man's The Prisoner.

Blade Runner: based off a book written by sci-fi master Philip K. Dick, who wrote it high on speed.

Speed? Just the thing Deckard needs to win this match!

- Grudge-Pops(tm): Or something....

Whoever is selecting the matches up there in Grudge HQ needs some serious therapy. A truly schizophrenic contest. But here's how my Positronic Neural Net (TM) sees it going...

TRAINING - Kimble is a vascular surgeon. Granted, this is not the sort of job your typical community college grad is going to be able to handle, but it's a very demanding field of specialty. In other areas (i.e. escape skills), Kimble is an amateur - a bright, gifted amateur, but still an amateur. Decker is a seedy beat-walking cop whose job has mainly been tracking down and "retiring" beings who don't want to be found. Advantage - Decker

MOTIVATION - Kimble wants to escape. Decker wants to save his neck. Both are played by Harrison Ford. Advantage - Neither

RUTHLESSNESS - Kimble, as Shane so distinctly pointed out, is a "late"-model Ford (sorry, I have to get *some* humor in here, no matter how stupid). Only fights when cornered, and never uses deadly force even when it seems necessary. Decker is "early"-model, with fewer scruples. This time he's not chasing a female replicant, so the Debilitating Romance Factor (TM) does not apply. (And no, I *won't* sink so far as to bring some Freudian self-love dreck into this commentary.) Advantage - Decker

TURF - Decker is strictly an L.A. man. I assume Kimble will stay in the Greater Chicago area, which he knows well. (Hell, I had to give Kimble *some* credit here.) Advantage - Kimble

TOUGHNESS - Kimble managed to survive out in the woods with a flesh wound and no shelter. Decker tracked down and took out Daryl Hannah and Joanna Cassidy (a true public service), and went toe-to-toe with Rutger Hauer with three broken fingers and lived to tell about it. Advantage - Decker

TRACK RECORD - Kimble managed to elude Tommy Lee Jones for several weeks. But even Jones eventually managed to put the pieces together and track Kimble down just in time to save him. Decker had a stellar track record of tracking down replicants, and tracked down the last crew as well. No reason to think he would do any worse than Agent K did. Advantage - Decker

All in all, Decker's got this one in the bag. So, when do we see a *real* match-up - like a rematch between Q and Palpatine now that the Hordes of Star Wars Fanboys (TM) have been emasculated by Jar-Jar?

- HAL 8999 ("Just what do you think you're doing, Hotbranch?")

I predict two things here:

1) Harrison Ford will win.
2) There will be a backlit industrial fan involved.

- Scotty J. - never saw Blade Runner and now I really regret it

Sure, nobody's better than Deckard (I guess, except for the replicant that could have easily killed him). I don't care who's or what is involved currently, Kimble inherits the power of his Movie-feature personna and David Jannsen's long running persona of the TV's futgitive!!

This character is kind of the precursor to Kung Fu's Caine (except Janssen didn't kill anyone)!!!

Kimble is pure good! He has the might of Hippocrates on his side!

Decker is simply a hitman!

"Good always triumphs over evil" Master Kan, Kung Fu --The Devils Apprentice.

"Battles are waged in the heavens and on the earth. This battle has been won!" Master Po, Kung Fu --- The Devils Apprentice.

- ds night

Wait, wait, wait... Ford vs. Ford...

IN L.A.?!?!

I can already see it... Deckard, chasing down Kimble in the mean streets of the city. Car crashes, explosions, gun shots (of course by this time Kimble has managed to get a hold of a gun). Two cops have been called in to put a stop to this fight.

So we cut to the abandoned warehouse (all cool showdowns take place in a warehouse). Deckard has his gun drawn on Kimble, but the good doctor has his own piece aimed at the blade runner. Cue the camera panning back and forth to our two fighters' eyes, the tension set hard in them...

...and it is at this point that our two cops bust in on the scene. Yep, Joe Gavilan and his fresh-faced partner checking out another potential Hollywood Homicide in the making.

80's Ford exchanges a glance with 90's Ford, the horror and realization becoming all too clear in their faces as Ford 2003 demands that they put their hands up.

The two of them just nod as one and blow their sad future away, capping Josh Hartnett for good measure to boot.

- Cygnia

The winner of this matchup will be Dr. Kimble and here is why:

Since both characters were played by the same actor, the usual actor comparison will not work. However, a comparison of the source material for each of the characters will be the deciding factor.

Rick Deckard is from "Blade Runner" which is one of a long chain of dystopian science fiction films based on works of Philip K. Dick. Even though this film had quite a few big name stars and can even invoke the Demented Astronomer Meeting Factor(tm) by virtue of having Joe Turkel in the cast, that will not be enough to carry the day.

On the other hand, Dr. Richard Kimble is based (somewhat loosely) on an actual person, Dr. Sam Shepard. Shepard's story was the basis of the classic early 1960's TV series "The Fugitive" (which is pretty much the only really good TV series that Barry Morse ever appeared on) and the series was the basis of the film. Being based on reality gives Dr. Kimble the edge. Also, as was stated in the comments, he was able to stay ahead of Lt. Gerard. And Deckard is not as tenacious as Gerard who spent years pursuing Kimble.

The likely outcome of the match will be that Dr. Kimble will lead Deckard on a long drawn-out chase. While pursuing Kimble, Deckard will eventually come across clues pointing out Kimble's innocence. At some point, Deckard and Kimble will join forces and corner the one- armed replicant. Kimble will then confront the replicant, a scuffle will ensue, and Deckard will shoot the replicant. Then he will send Barry Morse a royalty check.

- The Demented Astronomer

Rick Deckard is clearly an agent of the Bush administration who is hunting down Dr. Richard Kimble because he exposed corporate fraud and wants universal health care.

And if you don't agree with me, then you're in the pocket of Halliburton.

- Michael Moore, spokesman for Dr. Kimble

In light of this match, and the only possible outcome, I think I'm going to have to book myself a table at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe...

- Jonathan Milne

NOBODY catches the fugitive. The Fugitive can not be caught. The fugitive is like David Bruce Banner.... he's a MAN ON THE RUN. And like David Bruce Banner, he's a man with a mission. Nothing can stop a man on the run who has a mission. Wait, David Bruce Banner died. Never mind.

- Gamingboy (Who wants David Bruce Banner vs. The Fugitive)

i voted for the cute one. Helloooooooo, Kimble!

- next match--Backstreet Boys vs. N'sync.

This match will be over before it even begins:

for those of you who have never been to the Internet Movie Data Base (aka: when looking through the page for alternate versions of Blade Runner, a 1992 re-release of the film gave us a scene at the end that made it clear that Deckard was a replicant, the very thing he was hired to hunt.

therefore, Deckard, having been living a lie for all of these years, will simply commit suicide.

Kimble will hardly break a sweat, and thus can now spend more time finding that "One armed man"

- Dane "The New Prodigy"

I was going to vote for Kimble, until Shane brought up the Star Wars reference.

Old Solo/Ford shot first.

"Digitally remastered" Solo/Ford second.

And since we all know that when Harrison Ford shoots first, he always wins, Deckard is the clear choice.

- Vente

The setting: a vast waterfall in a tropical jungle, Kimble faces the waterfall, Deckard stand behind him, gun in hand.

Deckard: It's over Doc.
Kimble: I didn't do it.

Just then, A figure strolls out of the jungle, and with lightning alacrity, strikes the gun out of Deckard's hand with a whip, Its Indiana Jones.

Deckard: Another Replicant! Whats going on!
Jones: Replicant? No, didn't you get the Memo, we're the Ford Continuum. We ousted the Q party in the Midterm Election.
Deckard: uh...
Kimble: Am I still under arrest?
Jones: Of course not, I got you a pardon, we are also the president.
Kimble: Wow! Thanks.
Jones: No Problem, he'll be landing here shortly to pick us up.
Deckard: How is Air Force One gonna land here?
Jones: Actually, Air force one is in for some Repairs, He'll be coming in the Millennium Falcon. Who wants Jawa Juice?

And thus, the Ford Continuum was united once more.

- Nerdimus Prime

"Joe, if bizarre, logic-bending theories were that dangerous, Michael Moore would have exploded years ago."

Based entirely on the brilliance of this line, I had to vote for Deckard. The insight Shane displayed in that one sentence leads me to trust his insight completely. I'm not so much voting for Deckard as for the power and wisdom of Shane's commentary.

- Ashley

I would like to invoke something I like to call the Possible Twist Ending(tm) factor.

PTE 1: Deckard and Rachael were the intended targets of the one- armed person/thing, not the Kimbles.

Obviously Rick's police connections will bring Dr. Nichols' conspiracy right into the open in five minutes flat. Ergo, there is no need for Kimble to elude capture. Deckard wins.

PTE 2: Deckard is a replicant, not Kimble.

This would certainly explain why Deckard has such a high pain threshold. In any case, the better-than-human Rick will hunt down the doctor with ease. Deckard wins.

PTE 3: Deckard is Kimble's son.

As we can gather from the Jack Ryan saga, a junior Harrison Ford magically metamorphoses into Ben Affleck. As such, Deckard can overwhelm Kimble with the supreme suckiness of his recent career. Deckard wins.

Yes indeed, whether it be with his connections, his superhuman replicant powers, or the stench of Gigli, Deckard will defeat his doppelganger.

- Mixmaster Flibble

This is a classic argument, youth vs. experience.

On one hand you have a young, or as young as Ford ever got, Harrison. He has speed, endurance, and he hasn't had his brain scrambled to pull off his part in Regarding Henry.

Then there's Older Ford, sure he lost a step or two in speed, and that piece of leather he calls a face has seen some serious sun time. But he's also a lot wiser, he has the experience of 11 years where he not only helped save the Universe, but he Drank from the Holy Grail, and survived life among the Amish and Ewoks respectively.

Not that any of this matters, they're both doomed because eventually they'll be trapped on an island with Anne Heche.

- Spiffy, Elite Shadow Warrior and Future Ruler of You Pathetic Organ Sacs

I actually did a report on Dr. Sam Sheppard (the real-life influence for Richard Kimble) for a criminal investigation course I took several years ago, and discovered some pretty interesting facts about the man in so doing. For instance, did you know that the good doctor actually moonlighted as a professional wrestler later on in his life? Check it out:

End result: Decker gets "decked" with a steel chair to the noggin in a dark alley somewhere and Kimble slips away faster than you can say Dusty Rhodes.

- RoboGoober Version 2 (Vince McMahon woulda had a field day with that guy...)

Two Harrison Fords running around, one trying to catch the other? Sounds more like a job for Jackie Chan, or maybe Monte Markham. Since both of these particular Fords are good guys, it should come down to home field advantage. However, this particular match appears to be set in the Blade Runner world, and Blade Runner is just one of (albeit the best, though that's not saying much) the many bad movie translations of Philip K. Dick stories.

So here we have one man who is both a cop and a criminal, assigned to catch himself, in a world of Philip K. Dick's design. In other words, this is basically A Scanner Darkly (great book, by the by). But unfortunately, this is a movie and not a book, and we have to take the Mills-Lohan Parent Trap syndrome into account. And as the Original Star Trek episode "The Alternative Factor" (the one with that Lazarus guy) teaches us, when a person meets himself, both universes are destroyed (Although the effect is somewhat diminished since the Light Universe was destroyed by Mantrid).

Of course, this cannot be allowed to happen. Normally they'd call in Mr. Peabody and Sherman, or, failing that, the Time Squad. But alas, Harrison Ford is the good guy, and can't be defeated. Existence seems to be in a bit of a bind, caught in its own elaborate web of film laws. The only possible resolution?

Both of these Fords are currently inhabited by Dr. Samuel Beckett. And he thought it was tough being Lee Harvey Oswald. That being the case, it should be a pretty action-packed hour as Scott Bakula stumbles around a dingy hip 80s vision of the future. I predict that a good deal of it will involve fiery, passionate, early-90s bleeding- heart whining about how replicants are people, too, dammit!

But it's all moot. The universe explodes after twenty minutes of the two Als bitching about their (collective) ten wives.

- Safety Swami Pippin

Mark: The real trick to this match is to realize that Richard Kimble is actually a future version of Rick Deckard. Kimble has traveled back in time to tell himself to enroll in medical school so he can turn his life around. Once you realize this, you can deduce that Deckard can easily defeat this older, slower version of himself.

Future Mark: Very good Mark. Except that you failed to inform the readers that because Kimble is a future version of Deckard, he already knows how the fight is going to go. Kimble experienced the confrontation in his own past when he was known as Rick Deckard. This gives Kimble the edge.

Mark: I fail to see how this gives Kimble the advantage.

Future Mark: Let me demonstrate. How does your toe feel?

Mark: Fine, why would my toe... Ouch! I just stubbed my toe on the desk.

Future Mark: See what I mean?

Mark: I hate you Future Mark.

- I hate you Future Mark

Kimble will win this easily. Why? He has a huge 3-to-1 numerical advantage. Deckard will close in on him, only to get clocked by David Janssen from behind. Tim Daly will give the Ford Kimble aerial support dropping Molotov cocktails out of the plane from Wings, and his old buddy Mr. Monk (who he knew as just a mere cabbie) will solve the case, proving all Kimbles innocent. Then everyone can go celebrate their victory over some bowls of Japanese noodles.

- mtk1701

After Kimble, Deckard sets out to stop all Harrison Ford permutations who would sully his good name. Han Solo is killed before George Lucas can make him into even more of a wimp, and Indiana Jones dies before the fourth film can be made that will embarrass everyone involved. Hundreds will fall in Deckard's multi-dimensional rampage, until he reaches the Tom Clancy Universe. Killing the somewhat capable Harrison Ford version of Jack Ryan will cause Ben Affleck to assume his form, and he sucked at the job so bad that he allowed a nuclear bomb to be detonated on U.S. soil. Deckard realizes what his madness has caused, and takes his own life in guilt.

- Servieux

First, we must assume that where two Harrison Fords can intersect, the rest may also come at will. The outcome of the match will be dependant on which Fords support a heroic outlaw, like Kimble, and which Fords support police authority, represented by Deckard. All of which is intended, of course, to determine which side 'Weird Al' Yankovic favors.

First: Han Solo. Han is a smuggler and fugitive from authority himself, and ultimately a freedom fighter/terrorist. But he's basically a hero. He sides with Kimble. Strangely, however, Al has never made any statement, either positive or negative, as relates to Han Solo. Still, One Ford for Kimble (0-1)

Next: Indiana Jones. Jones spends most of all three films fleeing from authority in the form of Nazis, Mola Ram, and more Nazis. He has no particular love for police, and usually judges people on their own merit, and not by what others have said about them. He's for Kimble. What is more, UHF began with a tribute to Indiana Jones which Al has described as 'my favorite part of the movie.' So, one more Ford to Kimble, with AL Factor(TM) on his side. (0-2>AL Factor(tm))

Now we move on to Jack Ryan. Ryan is an agent of authority in his own right, and would naturally side with Deckard. But, Ryan also tends to question that same authority, if he believes the target to be innocent, even if others think the target is an insane Russian submarine commander. Still, Ryan sides with Deckard (1-2>AL Factor (tm))

Speaking of which, Alexei Vostrikov from K-19. Vostrikov represents authority run amok--he follows orders even when they make no rational sense at all. He's definitely in Deckard's camp, so now the Ford's are tied, and Kimble still holds AL Factor(tm). (2-2>AL Factor(tm))

In American Graffiti, Ford's first speaking role, he played Bob Falfa, a reckless drag racer who definitely flouts authority. However, by the time More American Graffiti came out, Falfa had mellowed into a police officer, of all things. So that one ends in a tie. (3-3>AL Factor(tm))

Dr. Norman Spencer, from What Lies Beneath, is also a doctor accused of killing people. Unfortunately for Kimble, Spencer is quite guilty, and would love to pin his crimes on Kimble too. (4-3>AL Factor(tm))

Now, Deckard decides to reveal the rest of the authority-based Fords: Colonel Lucas, Apocalypse Now; Lt. Col Mike Barnsby, Force 10 from Navarone; President James Marshall, Air Force One; Officer Tom O'Meara, The Devil's Own; Officer Joe Gavilan, Hollywood Homicide; and then the clincher: Capt John Book from Witness, a cop who sides with The Amish!! Bingo! Deckard has AL Factor(tm)! (10-3, AL Factor(tm) split)

Desperately, Kimble searches among the remaining Fords for someone who will stand up to authority, but now we're down to the dregs: Regarding Henry and the stuffy guy from Sabrina. Kimble argues that Solo and Jones ought to get points for each of their movies, but Deckard counters that Jack Ryan would deserve the same. It gives Kimble some distance, but not much (13-9). Kimble tries to argue that Jones deserves triple AL Factor(tm) as well, but that is vetoed--there is only one known Indiana Jones reference in Al's work.

So there we leave it: Al seems split and perhaps indifferent about the outcome of this match. But with 13 Fords in his corner against Kimble's 9, Deckard has a solid lead as the more Ford-like Ford of the two. Deckard takes Kimble in, and then starts to wonder about all those other replicants he ran into.

- Weird Mark

Richard Kimble backed slowly down the alley, facing... himself. The younger version was brandishing an odd-looking pistol, and moving in for the kill. Just then the silence of the night air was broken by a tremendous CRACK as a bullwhip snapped the gun from Deckard's hand. A grizzled man wearing a dusty fedora stepped in front of Kimble. "We need to settle this like adults," he said, "we can't just go around blasting everyone who looks alike."

As he spoke those words a red bolt hurled into the brick above, raining down sparks and dust. "That's what YOU think," the youngest man there snarled, "I say we just go at it, and the last man standing wins."

"I'm afraid I must agree with my treasure-hunting counterpart" the old russian submarine captain said.

By this point Deckard had retrieved his gun and was wildly aiming it at everyone around him. He grabbed Indiana Jones just as Jones fell backward into Kimble, who had been shaking the Sub Commander's hand, at the precise moment that Solo attempted a flying tackle. The Fords from all points on the space-time continuum were joined at last, and fused into one godlike being, who possessed uncanny youthful charm as well as an air of wisdom and experience.

This entity went on to rock the film industry, and the only real losers were all the actors who were put out of work.

- sPeciAL eD

I wanted to start a whole rant on how actually both Deckard and Dr. Kimble are actually replicants being subjected to some experiment by the Tyrell Corp. but I can't be bothered. Anyhow, Blade Runner has the superior sound track and a unicorn. Deckard in a 127 minutes re- enactment of The Passion with special emphasis of nails through hands.

- Fun for All

So we have a replicant in the form of Richard Kimble going against Rick Deckard? I think you've Wonder Twin-ed a step ahead of yourself, gentlemen. According to my bracket, Kimble's match up against "replicant" needs to be decided first.

I know, I know! It's been a Ford Fury for the record books. Two no- names got further than expected when "carpenter" beat out Indiana Jones in the first round and, in the second round, "narrator" demolished top seed Jack Ryan. I'm not really in any place to point fingers at your mistakes when I had Linus Larrabee beating out Han Solo to get into the Sweet Sixteen. As you'll recall, Larrabee didn't even make it past Henry Turner in the first round. So my bracket is pretty much shot.

Still, though, we need to have the Kimble/replicant match up first. Otherwise we'd have mass confusion. It'd be a march to madness.

And we wouldn't want that.

- Mark Wentz

You know, I told Tommy Lee Jones that Kimble would win this match. He said he didn't care.

- Scotty J.

There's a replicant here, all right, but it ain't Richard Kimble. If replicants only live five years, how is he gonna get those extra wrinkles? Add in all those little clues they kept dropping in the director's cut, and it seems obvious it's the Blade Runner who's the robot here. Given the whole finger breaking thing, he probably wasn't using that arm much either, making Deckard the "one armed man" who killed Kimble's previous wife and is now out to remove Kimble and the last evidence of his existence as a replicant. But any doctor like Kimble is probably a sufficient nerd that he's familiar with Star Trek and Captain Kirk, the man who slays intelligent machines with a few words. One logical paradox later and Deckard'll be shooting sparks out his ears, giving Kimble all the evidence he needs to clear himself.

- "Mad Dog" Mike

After a surprisingly tough investigation involving numerous near misses, Deckard finally tracks Kimble to Paris.'s almost as though Kimble were deliberately leading him there...

When further clues hint at the American Embassy, he goes there and is startled to find Kimble leaving the building, looking decidedly...frantic. Although, this man does look about half a decade too young - it was probably a disguise, but just to make absolutely sure, Deckard goes up to him, his hand on his gun, and asks, "Is something wrong?"

The dazed Kimble turns around and mutters, " wife's been kidnapped, and nobody's helping me..."

"Oh, your wife's been kidnapped, has she?"

"I'm sure of it. She disappeared while I was in the shower."

"What's your name, sir?"

"My name? Er, well, I'm Dr Richard-"

Deckard needs no further proof, and blows Kimble away before he can make another move. "Take that, you identity-thieving bastard."

On a nearby rooftop, Dr Richard Kimble puts down his binoculars and relaxes. "Well, that's gotten him off my back," he sighs. "Now, back to tracking down that guy who makes replacement arms for replicants..."

- Flag and Hat Boy

You may have heard the news that the "TV Land" network is commissioning a statue in Chicago of Bob Newhart's character, complete with an empty psychiatrist's couch. Movie critic Richard Roeper, as in "Ebert & Roeper" (Roeper is the thinner one), expresses astonishment at this development, as there are many other fictional characters he deems at least as worthy. Among these are Dr. Richard Kimble, and if Dr. Kimble gets made into a statue by the year 2018 (which is more feasible than you might expect, if he's really a machine), even he should be easy to catch.

- Matt Bricker (also waiting for the "Balki" statue)

Han Solo kills Deckard to eliminate the competition and turns Kimble in for the bounty. I mean, DUH. He killed a Starfleet captain over nothing more than an insult; what makes you think he wont kill a lesser authority figure when money is on the line?

Unless Indiana Jones somehow gets involved in some contrived way that eludes me at the moment. I mean, come on; he's INDY. He beat James Bond, Jackie Chan, Chewbacca, Hindu devil worshippers, and Nazis...twice!

That is as long as the President doesn't have anything to say about it...or that guy who was stuck on that island with that girl...or any of Ford's various business-type alter egos...heck, even that one guy in Apocalypse Now might stand a chance.

Did I mention Harrison Ford is the coolest guy ever?

- Miles Prower

The director of Blade Runner admitted while releasing the directors cut dvd that Deckard is in fact a replicant. And seeing as he's a much younger man, we can assume that he must be the replicant made to look like Richard Kimble.

It is an unwritten law that whenever the someone faces their clone/replacment/robot lookalike, the original must win in the end.

- ex agent


Can't say much this time ... but after all, it's always tough to type when you have only one arm.

- Dom

If you liked this match, check out these other past matches:

Rocky v. Rambo
Men in Black v. Mork
Indiana Jones v. James Bond

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Next Match: All you can eat.
ETA: August 1st, 2004

© 2004, Dragon Hamster Productions, LLC