It's time for the 'Family Feud!' Let's meet the Addams family! Gomez, Morticia, Fester, Itt, and Wednesday - Ready for action! ....and the Munster family! Herman, Lily, Grandpa, Marilyn, and Eddie. On your marks!..Leeeeet's start - 'THE FAMILY FEUD!"
[By the way, Richard Dawson is hosting, not the pitiful Ray Combs]
And what is the Addams Family going to bring to the elongated, stepped, carpeted podium? Gomez and Morticia appear to be bright, but they couldn't even tell who the real Fester was. And speaking of Uncle Fester (if that's his REAL name), he's about as dumb as Ray Combs. And when's the last time you heard Cousin Itt say anything intelligent? I'll have to concede Wednesday, she's the only bright one in the group, but it won't be enough.
Sorry, but it's going to be a nightmarish outing for the Addams.
STEVE: "No brainer?" I think you're the "no brainer" here! The Addams family will thrash on the Munsters. Let's examine a few facts, shall we?
First, the Addams family never loses in the end. Things always turn out in their favor by the time the story is through. Sure, Lirch may be lonely at the beginning of the episode, but half an hour later, he's as happy as can be. And the Munsters? They're always losing out. Herman gets fired. Marilyn loses her boyfriend. Grandpa screws up his magic potion. Eddie loses his Wolfman doll. Come on, Eddie! Aren't you a little old for a Wolfman doll? A whole family of pathetic losers!
Second, the Addams kin are very intelligent and talented. Look at how well Gomez plays the stock market. Itt is a master of languages. Morticia is a botanist. The list goes on and on. The Munsters are as sharp as a pound of wet liver (thanks, Foghorn). Herman's dialogue is limited to jumping up and down and yelling "Darn! Darn! Darn!" Lily and Marilyn just make their "tossed salad". Grandpa hasn't used an original special effect in over 30 years. And Eddie, poor Eddie, borders on flunking out of school. There is no doubt here. The Addams family will get their 300 points before the Munsters are even on the board.
BRIAN: First of all, I think everyone is tired of your oversimplistic plot analyses, Steve. Yes, Eddie lost his wolfman doll, yes, Marilyn lost her boyfriend, etc; but in the end, Eddie got it back, Marilyn found another one, etc. It all ended happy, just like every other 1950's/1960's sitcom (Addams Family included). This whole subject is a wash for both sides.
I think what you are overlooking here is the intimidation factor. How does each round of Family Feud start? With a FACE OFF!! What face-offs do we have? Gomez v. Herman (the 6'7" Herman); Morticia v. Lily (and Lily's hair...AUGH!); Fester v. Grandpa (A draw. But remember that Grandpa is psychic, so he'll buzz in before Rich says anything.); Itt v. Marilyn (Marilyn would not be intimidating, or intimidated, but Itt, the skirt-chaser that he is, would be too busy drooling to buzz in. Plus, I don't think he has hands). That gives the first four face-offs to the Munsters, they defer all four, and, after the Addams stumble through their three strikes, psychic Grandpa gets the steal EVERY TIME. (Side note: The intimidation factor in the Wednesday v. Eddie face-off is too close to call, but the feud won't get that far anyway.) (Side note #2: After the show, Lily tries to set Marilyn up with Fester, Eddie shuns Wednesday's advances, and Dawson speaks some French, causing Gomez to commit an unspeakable act.)
STEVE: Seriously, Brian, is intimidation the best you can do? You put all your eggs in the intimidation basket, and it's about to be crushed. Tell me, when have you ever seen Gomez intimidated by anything? They have a pet lion and maneating plants! Do you really think Herman will intimidate someone with friends like Itt or Thing? And Morticia? She's as cool as a cucumber. I daresay her pulse never gets over 70. As for Itt, you really have no way of knowing. Fester would only be intrigued by the appearances of the Munsters. And Eddie intimidating anyone?? That's a good one! No sir, there will be no intimidation on this set.
Your other point about Grandpa's so-called "psychic ability" is also a bunch of hooey. Even if he did have any of these powers, the intense electric fields generated by Uncle Fester's lightbulb-in-mouth gag would render them unusable. On the Family Feud set, the myriad of lightbulbs insures that this will indeed happen.
For Addams Family and Munsters links, visit Sitcoms Online.
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When Herman and Gomez come up for the first faceoff, Herman, who is all excited about being on TV and the chance to win lots of money, hits the buzzer too hard and the podium crashes through the floor. No podium, no feud. The Addams are declared the winner. Unfortunately, as the Munsters are being escorted out of the building by security, one of the Addams "pets" gets lose in the studio. Following the chaos, the Addams are also escorted out by security and stripped of their title. With neither team left, the match is declared a draw by default.
- Paul Golba
Editor's note: This recieved ROTW (tm) honors not because it was the funniest, but because it was the most accurate. For the first time we have found a response that states what truly would happen. His analysis of Herman's treatment of the podium cannot be argued with.
Come on folks, the Munsters don't have a chance. They are, after all, the copy cat show here, a New York Undercover to the Addams' NYPD Blue. It follows that the Munsters won't come up with much original, only repeating the answers, correct or erroneous, that the Addams gave already.
Furthermore, the budget question comes into play. Both have cheesy sitcom funds to start with, but the Addams have two movies' worth of special effects at their disposal. While Grampa Munster is using outdated dry ice, black string spells, the Addams have full-blown, computer-assisted, high tech magick to work with. The Munsters aren't even in color.
Stick a fork in 'em, they're done,
- nobody at the University of Iowa
Round 2, Morticia vs. Lily: winner = Morticia A much more clear cut matchup than the first. Morticia is a sophisticaed woman of the world (well, she speaks French, and that's got to count for something) and Lily is just a frumpy housewife of questionable mental ability. This is a woman who was outsmarted by Herman, and he can't scratch his butt without written instructions from Grandpa. In addition, Morticia has the psychological edge. Lily is still reeling from the sudden disappearance of Herman when she comes face to face with Morticia. Lily is unable to tear her eyes away from the hem of Morticia's dress. She keeps asking herself if Morticia has feet. Are those supposed to be tentacles or roots or something? How does she walk in that dress? Morticia cruises to an easy victory in the face off, and her ability to manipulate Gomez insures a winning round.
Round 3, Fester vs. Grandpa: winner = Fester Grandpa will have spent the previous night in the lab cooking up a super intelligence pill which he intends to swallow just before the face off. But our man Fester is ready. Before the show, Fester places Thing in his coat pocket. As Richard Dawson begins reading the category for the face off, Thing jumps out of Fester's pocket and hits Grandpa's buzzer. Grandpa hasn't heard the question and in the confusion has forgotten to take his intelligence pill. He forfeits, and Fester wins the face off. Grandpa becomes enraged and promptly has a massive coronary. In his efforts to find his heart medication, he inadventantly takes the love potion he had planned on slipping Morticia after the show. Grandpa falls madly in love with Richard Dawson and his dying wish is that the two of them be married.
Round 4, Itt vs. Marylin: winner = pick 'em Much too close to call because both contestants are shrouded in mystery. We know that Cousin Itt is male. Beyond that we're not really sure of anything except that Pugsly and Wednesday once used him to clean the chimney. The fact that there was a fire burning in the fireplace was a terrible accident, I'm sure. We know even less about Marylin. She must have some evil powers or inclination or she wouldn't fit in with the rest of the family. She clearly is not a normal human, since she went on to marry Dan Quayle and was able to say with a straight face that Dan would make a good president.
Round 5, Wednesday vs. Eddie: winner = Wednesday The key to this matchup is shame. Eddie has just learned that he is not the child of Herman Munster but is instead the bastard lovechild of Lily Munster and Micheal Landon. He is moving rapidly toward a catatonic state where he can only suck his thumb, clutch his wolfman doll, and rock back and forth. Now he must face the cool, superior, lovely yet unattainable Wednesday. No contest. The Addams family rolls to an easy victory.
Tune in next week for Dan, Rosanne, and the Conner kids vs. Heathcliff, Claire, and the Huxtables.
- Dr. Dave
What is the point of The Feud? Well, other than getting syphillitic kisses and an occasional lucky lollipop, the point is to show which family answers pointless questions MOST LIKE THE OTHER SURVEYED FAMILIES. In other words, who thinks more like the average American family of slack-jawed lunkies?
For instance, Morticia is no doubt a very bright woman (and charming, to boot!). But if you asked her, "Name something you find in your closet," I don't even want to think of her possible responses: Uncle Fester's soiled undergarments, ancient Etruscian soul-catchers, what have you. Ask Herman what he finds in his closet, and although you might get an odd-ball answer, you at least have a shot at a response like "ties" or "size 23 shoes." After all, he is a working-class stiff like the rest of us.
So, which family is generally more assimilated into American culture? Definitely the Munsters. Marilyn, Eddie, and Herman are at least somewhat capable of "normal" American thought. On the Addams side, perhaps Puggsley? Mr. and Mrs. Addams might be able to force themselves to "think like a stupid person," but their high ethical and intellectual standards would hardly allow them to stoop so low just for a few more dollars.
- David Hyatt
Now Lily is pretty damn cool, but even she is no match for Morticia, Queen of calm. Morticia always knows the score. And when she doesn't, her charming child prodigies do. And if they don't, they can always set fire to Eddie. Face it, the Addams have the brains and the talent, and they know how to use them. And Lurch could always take out Herman if he had to...
- Charles Sellers
The Addams Family was a cartoon. The Addams Family read books (books without pictures, Brian.) The Addams had two hit movies. You don't see the Addams making made-for-TV-movies for Fox, either. No, the Addams' are the Professors of this little Gilligan's Island. I wouldn't be surprised if, after the obvious Addams' victory, they cook and eat the Munsters. Not that Richard Dawson would mind. He'd probably just slip back into "Running Man" mode, which is, as we all know, his true self. Maybe if you had the Munsters vs. the Addams' on "The Running Man" at Jurrasic Park, then the competition would be worth watching (wouldn't you pay to see a T-Rex eat Eddie? I know I would.) But anyways.
- Jack Dracula
- JoBeth Marihugh
By the way, I vote for a last minute change: put in Thing instead of Itt. Have you ever seen a quicker hand for the buzzer?
- Paul E. Black, Brigham Young University
Robert Dole (R-KS)
p.s. Hopin' all you kids will vote for me!
- mick the prick, Cornell University
- James W. Campbell
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