World Wide Web Fights Presents
What is Grudge Match?
What is Grudge Match?

The Scenario

An Aston Martin DB5 roars down the byways of Los Angeles. Its driver (on the right-hand side) is grizzled, but with steely determination in his eyes. He growls to himself in a rolling burr, as he downshifts on a hill.

"Mike Myers... that pipsqueak... making a mockery of my signature genre. I lived and let live for two movies, but he's gone too far now. Goldmember, my Scottish a**e. It's time to live and let die."

He stops at a red light, only noticing a moment later the Aston Martin V12 Vanquish idling next to him. The driver comes as an even bigger shock. "You!?"

Pierce Brosnan looks over. "Hello, Sean. Fancy meeting you here. We were just on our way to give that Myers punk a sound thrashing."


The rear window rolls down, and Roger Moore peeks his head out. "That's right, old chap. We brought Timothy Dalton and George Lazenby along to join in the fun. Hardly sporting, a four-on-one fight, but no better than he deserves."

"We were going to invite you along," Dalton says, "but we thought it might be too much excitement for you."

"Oh, really?" Connery says. "Well, you and your friends can just turn around now. I'm handling Myers myself. I wouldn't trust you boys to handle Miss Moneypenny."

"Terribly sorry you feel that way," Brosnan says, his eyes hardening, "but we really must insist." He brings his BMW's weapons systems on-line. Connery matches his move just as the light turns green.

So, Shane, which Bond (or band of Bonds) has a view to a kill, and who will only live once?

Sean Connery as James Bond vs. Pierce Brosnan, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton and George Lazenby as James Bond

Sean Connery vs. All The Other James Bonds

The Commentary

SHANE: Some matches are just fundamentally unfair. Sean Connery going up against his four successors in the Bond franchise is one of them. It would take at least eight to make it even.

Sean Connery is probably the most dangerous man on Earth. He was fighting the good fight against the USSR and its minions, as well as a dizzying array of freelance supervillains, before either of us was even a gamete, and won every time. He's foiled more nuke plots than Osama bin Laden could dream of, and without having to wait until the afterlife to receive his, ahem, reward. He's so cool and tough, he could watch Goldfinger's laser creep between his spread-eagled legs without sweating a drop. He has no fear, and nothing remotely resembling political correctness. He's a real man, and will doubtless have a flock of Bond women close at hand to do his bidding in this match, and then some.

And time hasn't eroded his skills. He's kept himself sharp by infiltrating Alcatraz, getting Soviet nuclear submarines to defect, tracking down the Holy Grail, and cat-burglaring with Catherine Zeta-Jones (and he scores again!). He's even got a sterner training method in his repertoire: golf. And if you think that's easy, talk to Tiger Woods the next time he shoots 81 at the British Open. Connery has even survived a brush with the Evil Mouse-Eared Empire™, having ruthlessly been cast as a singing Irishman (Irish! Oh, the insult!) in a leprechaun movie. Well, Walt died in 1966, right at the peak of Connery's Bond career. Coincidence? That's what you were supposed to think ...

Expect Sir Sean to dial a number on his on-board cellphone and blow up the other Bonds' car. (It's probably on speed-dial.) As he drives past the flaming wreckage, he quips, "Sorry, I'll tell Myers you were called away."

JOHN: Shane, the most important thing for you to do right now is stay calm. I thank the Lord that you had the presence of mind to slip this coded call for help past your kidnappers letting us know something's wrong, since obviously no one in their right mind would think that the Sean Connery Bond has a chance against any one of the other Bonds, let alone all of them together. Here's what you should do: in your next leg of the commentary, drop some subtle hint about where they're keeping you, so we can send in a rescue team.

Now, Sean Connery is well over 70 - the only place that old retiree is dangerous is behind the wheel of the Chrysler LeBaron he's driving these days. Plus, let's not forget it was the Sean Connery James Bond who was easily subdued by Homer Simpson on his lunch break as he tried to escape the clutches of Hank Scorpio. (Pierce Brosnan had a better showing as Ultrahouse 3000.) So obviously, for you to say something so profoundly stupid must mean that someone has tied you up somewhere and forced you at gunpoint to write nonsense.

The second clue that you'd been apprehended came when you "mistakenly" assumed that Lazenby, Moore, Dalton and Brosnan comprise the full universe of "all other James Bonds". Hell, in Casino Royale, there was David Niven, Peter Sellers, Woody Allen, and about fifty-seven other James Bonds who can be added to the party. Never once in his days as Bond did Sean Connery square off against such strong opposition as the Pink Panther, Dr. Strangelove and Fielding Mellish. In fact, didn't Connery have three movies to knock off Ernst Stavro Blofeld? Roger Moore ended up plugging him in the opening credits of For Your Eyes Only (not even pausing to muss that classic '70s feathered hairdo, I believe). Recall that the only one of the 007's who's ever been able to kill another 00 agent was Pierce Brosnan when he dusted off 006, Alex Trevelyan. Sean Connery, by contrast, has a hard time taking on Alex Trebek, so the odds of Connery killing multiple 00 agents in one go looks pretty remote.

Clearly, Shane, you are being held against your will; your clever submission of ridiculous twaddle and sophistry has alerted us to this. As surely as the other James Bonds will reduce Connery into the constituent parts required for haggis, so will we here at Grudge Match(tm) get you back safe and sound, just so long as you let us know where it is they've taken you.

SHANE: John, you're making less sense than usual. Take deep breaths, while I dispel any lingering confusion your commentary created.

First, don't bring up television. James Bond has nothing to do with television, and absolutely nothing to do with sketches from worn-out comedies, one past its peak by five years, the other by twenty-five years. (And you still watch SNL? You're Canadian: you're not required to suffer like Americans.)

Of course, those other Bonds have nothing to do with competence. If you had seen Casino Royale, you'd know all those Bonds get blown up in the end, and this is not a zombie match. As for the living Bonds, George Lazenby single-handedly set Australia Chic™ back over fifteen years with one movie, burying it until Paul Hogan arrived. Not even Yahoo Serious and Jacko together could retard it more than a decade. Roger Moore thought he was still playing The Saint, and gave us a smily, glossy, Up With People Bond so unconvincing that Q wouldn't show up for his first movie. Before the Bond films, Timothy Dalton played second banana to Sam J. Jones (anyone remember that name?) in Flash Gordon; he staggered out of the series into playing second banana to Fran Drescher. Tells us all we need to know about him.

Pierce Brosnan is the only factor going against Connery, and he's not bad - but he suffers a crucial flaw. Q is gone, and now he's got John Cleese supplying his gadgets. An Aston Martin equipped with cow catapults, dead parrots, upper-class twit detectors, and an onboard English-Hungarian translator that misinterprets everything into dirty talk - well, Brosnan could use the last one while cruising for women, but it's no good in this battle. Brosnan will have a Silly Walk when Connery's through schooling him. The rest will be lucky to crawl away.

JOHN: Hmmm... unrealistic fantasies about women... incoherent writing indicating severe distraction... typed message with differing force applied to keys resulting in some letters being bolded, symptomatic of one-handed "hunt-and-peck" typing... I've got it - you're being held in the old pornography warehouse down by the docks! I've just dispatched Hotbranch! and Joe to your location. (Luckily for all involved they just "happened to be in the neighborhood".)

Thankfully, now that we know where you are, you can stop acting monstrously retarded and admit that a tricked-up BMW convertible that lobs Holy Hand Grenades of Antioch would be just about the coolest thing going. Which would be appropriate seeing as how the later Bond cars and gadgets were way cooler than Connery's standard fare: an Aston Martin with optional cupholder was just about all that Connery could handle. For example, in From Russia With Love, ConneryBond has a tape recorder cleverly disguised as a movie camera, because no one would ever suspect that you could record things with a movie camera. (Then again, this is a man whose relative intelligence was such that he spent five years of his life trying to develop an Anal Bum Cover, and failed. Hey, Sean, it's called pants, look into it.) Cripes, even Roger Moore had a watch that could deflect bullets, and Pierce Brosnan's watch can shoot lasers, detonate explosives, act as a rappelling device and impregnate women from 500 yards away (OK, that last one is just supposition).

The superiority of the latter Bonds was also evident in the better, sluttier class of Bond girls™ they dealt with. I mean, Xenia Onatopp was able to kill men by basically having sex with them. Not a bad way to go, but the BrosnanBond was able to conquer her both in bed and on the field of combat. By contrast, Sean Connery got beat up by two women named Bambi and Thumper. No shit. I mean, as you note, he took it up the chute from Disney once before.

Looking forward to your safe return, Shane. It may take you a few days to regain your regular composure and lucidity after such incredible trauma, which is why we've arranged for your next seven matches to happen as soon as you get back. I mean, we don't want to waste this.

Thanks to EricWW8305 and Jonathan Daggar for suggesting this match.

Match... Grudge Match

The Results

Sean Connery as James Bond

Sean Connery (2111 - 70.3%)

Sean Connery as James Bond
lives and lets die

Pierce Brosnan as James Bond Roger Moore as James Bond

The Other Bonds (892 - 29.7%)

Timothy Dalton as James Bond George Lazenby as James Bond

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Voter Comments


As the light turns green, the car of four pulls ahead of their older peer. Hoping to get a lead on Connery, Pierce Brosnan has opted to use R's onboard navigation screen and car control to simply outrun the old man. But as he pushes the button...

"What in blazes are you doing, 007... um, 007s? Haven't I warned you not to mess with that button?"

"John, we're not filming another flick. Connery's trying to beat us to Myers. Any thoughts?"

"Well, bloody hell, I dunno. You four are the ones who DRIVE the blasted cars, I just pretend I made them! Now, I've got more important matters than this Austin Powers drivel. Just try to outsmart him. Oh, and unlike Q, I really don't mind if you don't make it back in one piece!"

As John Cleese fades from the monitor, Roger Moore looks at his younger driver. "I rather preferred Desmond, didn't you?"

"Yes, I... wait, is that...?" is all Pierce can mutter before another Aston Martin rockets around him. Sean has obviously not lost a step as he shoots an oil slick onto the road. By ramping over a conveniently placed Russian Army truck, the "other" Bonds are able to avoid it.

Roger Moore looks puzzled at Sean speeding away. "It's almost like his Bond Aura of Coolness (pat. pending) is at full strength, but ours is hampered. Got any ideas?"

Pierce glances to Roger, then to George and Timothy, and then back to Roger. The two nod in agreement as Pierce presses a red button on the gearshift. "A little heat ought to temper our aura" quips Pierce as Lazenby and Dalton, the lesser Bonds, are ejected, flying into an abandoned gas station below and exploding on impact. The two remaining Bonds, now without added suckiness, begin to make headway against Connery.

The two cars are literally only inches apart as they barrel along the Northern California highway. Strangely enough, a large cliff expands off both sides of the road, meaning that one wrong move will be the last. At last the two reach a straightaway, and Pierce, seeing the opportunity, flicks another button on the dashboard. Two Stinger missiles pop from the hood, fire, and connect, leaving the other Aston Martin a flaming wreck. Moore and Pierce slide to a perfect stop next to the wreck and leave their car.

"Age gains wisdom and loses reflexes," Pierce says with a smile. Moore, however, leans in closer to inspect the car. "One small problem, old chap. Connery wasn't in the vehicle."

Pierce runs over to check, but already it is too late. Out of the cliff rises a helicopter, piloted by Celebrity Jeopardy's finest. Roger Moore attempts to fire his Walther PPK, but a Hellfire missile sends both him and Mr. Brosnan to a fiery death. The helicopter lands upon the road, and Mr. Connery exits, smiling over his opponents' remains.

"Looks like they got it right the first time. Can't beat the original."

"I tend to agree, Sean."

Connery spins, only to be hit with a poison dart in the carotid artery. As his vision fades, he sees a... Mini Cooper?

Meanwhile, in Las Vegas...

In a super-exclusive area in an unnamed hotel, John Cleese looks away from a set of monitors that has been televising the match. He then turns to his audience, comprised of the Grudge Match commentators. Holding up money collected from them earlier, he says, smiling, "Which one of you picked Michael Caine?"

- Devin the Mental Hospital Escapee

Silver Grudgie ROTW Silver Medal GrudgieTM

As one of the planet's 3 or 4 women who have seen every James Bond film ever made, multiple times, I have to weigh in. Undoubtedly you will receive endless macho rants about Connery's unsurpassed toughness and masculinity, but have these wannabe supermodel-daters ever considered the Babe Factor? I refer to the greatest Bond girl of them all: Diana Rigg in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service."

Connery's Bond was only able to get into bed with former beauty pageant winners who had nothing else to them, and whose careers were over as soon as they lost their looks. Diana Rigg, a former Royal Shakespeare Company star, had just come off her triumphant run as the legendary catsuit-clad Mrs. Peel on "The Avengers." Radiating intelligence, confidence, and supreme coolness, she was postmodern- witty before the term was invented, and hit that screen like 10,000 volts. No one ever looked as good in a leather jumpsuit and Breck flip, and to this day, there's no one like her. She was recently voted the Number One Hippest Star ever by TV Guide, after a long and distinguished career in which she was not only made Dame of the British Empire, but swept up every major stage acting award in both England and the U.S. She's about to pick up another one for her brilliant performance in the West End's "The Humble Boy," still going strong - and looking damn impressive - after a career of almost 40 years.

The Remarkable Rigg was considered the only woman good enough for James Bond to marry. And who did she agree to marry? George Lazenby!

If the hippest female of the 60s thinks that George Lazenby's Bond was so hot that she'd marry him, who am I to argue? As soon as he sees Lazenby, Connery is going to curl up in a corner, nursing his post- traumatic stress and muttering neurotically, "Lazenby? That wimp? How'd he get Diana? What did I do? Was it my voice? Should I have tried harder? Maybe I should lose a few pounds? Do I have any zits? What could I have...."

(OK, so she reputedly ate raw garlic before her kissing scene with Lazenby, but that's beside the point.)

- Lee Bridges

Bronze Grudgie ROTW Bronze Medal GrudgieTM

There's only one way to settle this: with matheMAGIC! (Thank you, Donald Duck!)

Connery is statistically harsher on his opponents (and their major henchmen). Sir Sean has killed 10 bad guys over 8 movies, with only one surviving (but in CIA custody). That's a 91% successful exercise of his license to kill.

The only Bond more successful is Brosnan, who kills roughly 100% of the evildoers (some are debatable). BUT when added together with Mollycoddling Moore (25% of his villains survive), Dainty Dalton (40%) and Let-em-Escape Lazenby (100%), the Bond Collective's Successful Villain Eradication Rate is 80%, most of it Brosnan. (I'm not counting Blofeld or Gen. Gogol because they're supposed to survive.)

Should Pierce get caught up in fighting volcanos or evading Rene Russo, their joint success rate drops to 71%.

So their chances against Connery are iffy at best. Even if they do beat him initially, they won't manage to kill him and he'll get to Powers first, cruelly pummeling him with his Diamonds are Forever dead squirrel... I mean, hair piece.

Oh, did I mention one of the bad guys that the Bonds allowed to live was Wayne Newton? Oh yeah, they're going to PAY!

- Fellatia L'Argely

{Is that a Bond name or an Austin Powers name? Either way, that alone deserves an award. - Eds.}

A very unusual matchup - one man against four. But, it may not be as one-sided as it looks.

First of all, this is a fight. Therefore, we can safely leave out romancing ability as a factor. Secondly, all of the Bonds faced and defeated evil villains and used all sorts of gadgets. That cancels out. How then can this match be decided? Consider the following:

George Lazenby - Australian
Roger Moore - English
Timothy Dalton - Welsh
Pierce Brosnan - Irish

Sean Connery - Scottish

Now, what does this mean to someone knowledgeable in the ways of the Grudge Match? Connery wins! It has been long established by many precedents that Scotsmen are amongst the most fierce fighters in the Grudge Match universe. Very few can stand against them.

But wait, there's more. Sean Connery also appeared in the first two "Highlander" films. Therefore, he can draw on the immortality from that role to create the near ultimate nightmare for a Grudge Match opponent - a true fighting Scotsman who is also immortal.

So, when the dust settles, there will be four icky piles that were once human beings on the street and Sean Connery will be driving away to find Mike Myers. Mike doesn't stand a chance, since he is only Canadian.

- The Demented Astronomer

So, wait... is this a battle of people that play James Bond, or a battle of the James Bonds?

If it's the Bond actors, they'll all just skid off the road at the first corner, all the while yelling for a stunt double. They'll be a massive explosion, and all five die, leaving room for the next Bond actor (This is probably just me, but I'd like to see Ian McKellen as the next Bond. Imagine him in a tuxedo, yelling, "BOND... JAMES BOND! SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED!!". Come on, that's gotta be worth the price of a ticket).

If these are the real Bonds, then the proper match begins. After a few skids, some bumps and a few gadgets that cause some trouble, but not enough to derail either car, a Union Jack Shaguar comes driving out... no sorry, that's a cop-out, I know. Ummm... maybe the Gadget Mobile... no, wait... oh hell, I'll just vote for the other Bonds. The side with the Monty Python reference must be pretty good.

The Other Bonds win after Connery cockily pops a chocolate into his mouth while driving. Unfortunately, they were the Whizzo brand, and he bit down hard on an Anthrax Whipple...

- Mixmaster Flibble - Do not take me for a Star Trek character, Bilbo Baggins!!

Oh dear GOD! To even THINK that ANY other Bond, together or not, could come CLOSE to even TOUCHING Sean Connery, is sheer BLASPHEMY! And let's not forget, it seems the fighting is inside a car. Soooo...unless Brosnan's ride has got some laser/gun turrets, numbers are basically a non-issue. And besides, the only Bond Q ever liked was good ol' Sean, so, I assure you, our friend with the burr has the best weaponry.

Alright, let's tread down an old Grudge Tactic Trail...INTERFERENCE. Connery has a SH*T load of friends/acquaintances/"lady friends" he can call on, from Sir Lancelot to Nicolas Cage to Christopher Lambert (and thus the cast of Mortal Kombat), from Tom Clancy to Harrison Ford to George Lucas to Stephen Spielberg to John-Rhys Davies, and thus by connection Peter Jackson and the cast of Lord of the Rings (gotta love the connections you get from ONE Indiana Jones flick), and so many others (including Alex Trebek, who I hear is just a glutton for punishment)! With all those ties, the unstoppable power of Kevin Bacon has to be in there somewhere...

The other Bonds? Well...Brosnan has Mars Attacks!, but through plain "suckitude"(tm), the film is cancelled out. I know, I know, Jack Nicholson, Michael J. Fox, David Spade, and Natalie Portman could've played a huge part in the outcome, but, come one, that movie sucked! Besides, I hear Robin Williams is STILL after him after the whole Mrs. Doubtfire debacle. Roger Moore...what the hell did he do? I can't even remember. Tells you how important it was. Lazenby? Don't make me laugh. Dalton? He has the Nanny, and while Fran's sheer annoyance and connection to Weird Al and Michael Richards via "UHF" makes her a force to be reckoned with, she will be no match for Sean's superior Mentos-level coolness (tm) and advanced Q-weaponry. Dalton also has the Rocketeer...FATAL MISTAKE. Connery=CAN'T STAND DISNEY. Rocketeer=PRODUCED BY TOUCHSTONE, OWNED BY DISNEY. And while the Touchstone connection and Disney ownership has ties to the wrath of Roger Rabbit and some films ol' Sean has been in, that sheer knowledge of Dalton's appearance will trigger one of the single most powerful forces known to Grudge-Man...THE RAGE (tm).

Sean will fire everything he's got at his adversaries. As seen in The Rock (which has ties with Disney ownership, which to this day pisses Sean off to no end), Connery doesn't give two shakes of a rat's ass about any property he may destroy in the process. Combine this with his leftover powers from Highlander (which would've been neutralized by Highlander II: The Piece of Crap, had it not been for the much improved "Renegade Edit" of the movie, thus changing it to Highlander II: The Not-Quite-So-Large-As-The-Original Piece of Crap"), and the four "other" Bonds will be killed in, oh, I'd say approximately 5 1/2 minutes, which is about the average length of kick-ass Bond action sequences.

- Mithrandir- PISSED that Termie didn't win the last Tourney, and Justice remains undone...

Pierce Brosnan faced a more fearsome foe than all the other Bonds combined. Who else but the terrifying Dame Judi Dench could scare Hollywood into giving her an Oscar(r) for only 6 1/2 minutes spent onscreen? And how did Brosnan-Bond do it? By blowing stuff up. Anyone who can calm Judi Dench, a terrifying woman playing a terrifying bureaucrat, and for an encore sleep with Denise Richards, must be omnipotent.

And the true spy-watchers know that none of them holds a candle to Flint.

- The Shabby Sheik

WTF?!?! Bush's America wins the WWWF Bowl? Is the voting now controlled by Katherine Harris? Have we become such sheep that we didn't realize that the "terrorist threat" was us?! ARRGGHH!!

What? This match? Oh. Connery. I mean, duh.

- Vermin Boy

There is only one clear winner of this match. No one. There is no possible way for any of the James Bond's to beat a James Bond for one simple and yet crucial reason. James Bond cannot die. He cannot be defeated. A galactic paradox to be sure, but unequivocal none the less. If any James Bond were to be defeated or (God forbid) killed, then the very fabric that holds the Universe together would collapse and we would all be plunged into infinite nothingness for all eternity.

- TheRubberNinja

First of all, what's the over/under on the number of people who point out that Roger Moore is actually older than Sean Connery?

But I digress. Sean Connery can't lose this match- because he is outnumbered. Yes, he can't lose BECAUSE he's outnumbered.

Whenever a Grudge Match features one individual against a group of people/chihuahuas/whatever, the side with the advantage in numbers always loses. For examples of this, see John McClane vs. the Death Star, McGyver vs. the A-Team (and they had Mr. T on their side!) and Keebler Elves vs. Cookie Monster.

The only exceptions to this rule are when the outnumbered side is aligned with the forces of Hell (Chucky, Beetlejuice, Macaulay Culkin). To the best of my knowledge, Sean Connery does not have any ties to Satan, so he does not fall into this category.

- The Amazing Rando~!

Realistically, one would have little chance against four. However, all of them are 007. With at least 999 availabe numbers it's pretty unlikely M would give 5 people the same code-name, not to mention the odds of all of THEM having the same first and last name. Therefore, the original J.B is the real one and the other guys are either having delusions of grandeur or are really dedicated poser wannabes. Even if they were real their giant Bond ego would stop them from cooperating. As it is though, the real deal would show them who's boss and the pretenders will go home in a body-bag or a stretcher if Connery's feeling merciful.

- Noman

Brosnan is almost as cool as Connery. Almost. And, to his advantage, he has never suffered in anything as bad as Diamonds are Forever. Unfortunately, Dalton and Moore are in the car, removing any chances whatsoever that he could win. (Lazenby is almost a non-entity here.)

So here is the best-of-all outcomes scenario: Brosnan gets out and challenges Connery to a hand-to-hand duel. As soon as he's out, a rocket from a streetlight launches, obliterating Brosnan's car. Q's ghost appears from where he installed the rocket in the streetlight, and Brosnan, Connery, and Q take off, find Austin Powers, and give him a death that even Blofeld would think was both stomach-turning and excessive.

- - J.W. (Absolutely no relation to Sheriff J.W. Pepper)

People, people, your foolishness surprises me. Need I remind you of the Third Inviolable Rule of Movies? I mean, honestly, people, you would never forget the Second Rule ("no movie with Tim Allen in it can be good"); and the First Rule ("special effects are everything") is blindingly obvious to all. And yet still I am forced to remind you of a rule very nearly as important?

Oh, very well, if I must. The Third Inviolable Rule states: the first movie in a series, and the first group of movies in a long series, is always the best.

If you need proof of this self-evident edict, I give you:
Jurassic Park
Austin Powers
Stuart Little (Yeah, I know, it's like comparing the circles of hell, but the rule still holds)

Star Wars nearly broke this rule by ignoring the Fourth Inviolable Rule (George Lucas cannot direct) but Episode IV managed to squeak by for three reasons: 1) It had a death star, 2) the Mos Eisley Cantina, and 3) No ewoks. And if you compare episodes IV-VI to episodes I-II, (snort), well, I don't really need to finish this sentence, do I?

The only thing that can overcome an Inviolable Rule is a superior Rule. For example, if Tim Allen were in The Matrix 2, it would still be okay, because of the special effects. After all, Keanu Reeves didn't ruin the first one, right? (see Rule #5) And even the new Star Wars movies are pretty fun to watch because of the lightsaber duels. But since all the Bond movies had superior special effects for their time, and Sean Connery never worked with Tim Allen, the Third Rule reigns supreme. The original 007 crushes his helpless successors.

- Shadowkiller

Which would you rather see; Austin Powers getting beat down by a single person, or Austin Powers getting beat down by 5 guys?

Sean joins forces with the other 4, and, for the sake of the free world, they keep Austin Powers (and Fat Bastard...and Dr. Evil...and EVERY OTHER CHARACTER IN THAT MOVIE PLAYED BY MIKE MEYERS...) in a perpetual state of agony.

('Cuz you KNOW they learned SOMETHING from all that time in Dr. No's torture chamber.)

- -The Mad Josher

Sean Connery convinced Britain to give Scotland its own Parliament. I'd like to see Timothy Dalton do that.

- Grudge-Pops(tm): From the makers of ColonBlow laxatives

Timothy Dalton is Welsh. Pierce Brosnan is Irish. Sean Connery is Scottish. Roger Moore is the only real Brit of the bunch. George Lazenby, however, is friggin' Australian, and getting into a fight with an Australian on your side is like entering a bar in New Jersey with the E Street Band, Jay and Silent Bob, the ghost of Frank Sinatra and free samples of Aquanet: you're walking out of there a winner.

But the bigger reason of Lazenby's triumph is (cue Megamaid tranformation music) The Rage. He's been a living joke for going on thirty years now, and ranks up there with Bill Buckner and Pete Best for pop-culture whipping boys. Sean Connery is going to get his "One Ping, Mr. Ryan" ass handed to him, and will have to call in ashamed to work the next day.

- Wubbie

Others may point out the obvious stuff, like the fact that Sean Connery defeated truly creepy henchpersons like Rosa Klebb and Oddjob while the others could barely take out Nick Nack or that dude with the bullet in his brain. Or the fact that Connery's leading ladies appeared in bikinis more frequently than the later Bond girls. But the fact I wish to call attention to is this: If we can see this match taking place, it follows that others can. Including certain ex- colleagues that our Bonds would prefer to forget...

[Scene 1: A Detective Agency.]
LAURA: The great detective Remington Steele? He doesn't exist. I invented him. He assumed Remington Steele's identity. I don't even know his real name.
MILDRED: Hey, Laura, I just saw Remington driving down the byways of Los Angeles. Except he was saying his name is "James Bond."
LAURA: Why, that no-good, square-haired, dimwitted Irish freak! Trying to double-cross me by taking a second job and slapping basses with Denise Richards! I'll kill him!

[Scene 2: A bluish, futuristic-looking studio apartment. John Steed pops out of a teapot.]
STEED: Mrs. Peel, we're needed. James Bond -- the real James Bond, the one with the Australian accent -- is fighting off a Scottish pretender to his title. We must go help him.
MRS. PEEL: Steed, there's something I never told you. I was married to James Bond. Then I faked my own death and changed my name back to Emma. But my true love will always be that Aussie secret agent with the castoff chin borrowed from Cary Grant.
STEED[insane with jealous RAGE(tm)]: Married? Why, you hussy! I may be prissy, but when betrayed, I am a tiger! A prissy tiger, but still...And as for that Lazenby Bond, I'll kill him!

[Scene 3: The office of Inspector Teal.]
TEAL: Curses and maledictions! I recognize that man with the smirk and the really obvious stunt double! It's my old enemy, the famous Simon Templar!
[A halo appears above Roger Moore's head, as it always does whenever anyone says that.]
TEAL: I'm through with chasing the Saint and constantly getting outwitted, like some Rosco P. Coltrane of the Old World. This time I'll go outside the law. I'll kill him!

[Scene 4: An intergalactic warehouse with cardboard walls.]
MING THE MERCILESS: Ah, so it is the annoying Prince Barin, back for more. He thought I wouldn't recognize him in that tuxedo. But no tuxedo is a match for the piercing, lancet-like eyes of Ming the Merciless! Aura, stay here and continue snorting gold dust. Your father is off to earth to see Prince Barin. I'll kill him! [Caption: WILL MING THE MERCILESS DESTROY THE TIMOTHY DALTON BOND? IF DALTON IS DEAD, WILL ANYONE BE ABLE TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE? WATCH FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT IN OUR EXCITING SERIAL...RIGHT NOW!]

[Scene 5: The end of the rainbow. Which end is immaterial.]
BRIAN, KING OF THE LEPRECHAUNS: Faith n' begorrah and all that other stuff! Would ye look at that, me leprechaun subjects! 'Tis young Michael McBride, who sang such pretty songs. Sure and 'tis a bad toupee he's wearin', but 'tis him. Let's be off to the land of Los Angeles to help our old friend in his sore predicament. And while we're there, we can zap those kids who are always botherin' Lucky the Leprechaun.

So, since everybody else has someone on their way to kill them, and Connery has Leprechaun Magic on his side, Connery wins. Beware the banshee!

- Captain Corcoran

ConneryBond takes this faster than a coked-up hummingbird cornholing The Flash. It's very simple. They seek to conquer Mike Myers, the duke of the dingleberry jokes. Let us look at careers. Roger Moore's last notable performance was as comedic pirate foil to Jean- Claude God Dammit in "The Quest". George Lazenby and Timothy Dalton - - uh, are they still alive? Careerwise, they might as well not be. I think the closest to fame they can get is by sucking all six degrees of the Kevin Bacon bit. So that leaves us Pierce Brosnan. Sissymary almost got recast because he threw a pretentious British hissy fit, the only way they could market Douche Another Day was to force the Juggernaustin Powers to put a trailer on the front of their movie. Oooh, Hally "quarter million tittie" Berry as the bond chick. Huzzah.

Then we have Connery. What did he do to Myers? Refused to be in his movie. Forced him to cast Michael "Don't Bleedin' Feed the Laser- Shark" Caine as Austin's proud papa. I won't spoil the A-List cameos in Goldmember, but Connery was able to put himself above ALL of them. That's right. Even at the ripe old age of eleventy, if he wanted to be Bond again, Brosnan would be out hocking "Penis Mightiers" on E!

- VooDooPork (The Other White Meat)

In an interview, Sean Connery made a somewhat surprising statement:

"I've always hated that damn James Bond. I'd love to kill him."

Now that he has the chance to kill Bond FOUR TIMES OVER, how can he lose?

- Oxymoron ("Calvin fans cheat?! No way!")

Because the "invisible" Iron Fist has decided to withhold my last two comments on the last two matches, I've decided to f**k back and register my vote for Ian Fleming to come back from the dead and layeth down the smack upon those who bastardised his books.

Ian Fleming: 1 / All the Bonds: 0

- Hyper_Intelligent_Fish (Who doesn't understand why he's a target....)

if they kill the Original James Bond(tm), the later Bonds wink out of existence. Sean Connery wins by default.

- Darth Jureel

Sean Connery all the way! Even though he is probably the oldest, and definitely the most grizzled, and probably the first Bond to become quasi-toothless, the accent all but makes up for it! If it was an Australian, French, or even a normal English accent, the chicks wouldn't have been hanging onto his every word. The accent is Scottish, which can be quite interesting to listen to when the owner of the accent in particular has had one to many drinks, or they have become enRAGED (tm). So, give ConneryBond enough shaken-not-stirred martinis to start the accent going, or even call him Irish, and he will have hordes of Bond girls from all over (including the other Bond movies) at his command. Sure, he may be a bit tipsy, but that just gives him a better chance of running his car into the one filled with other Bonds. Accents always win (unless they're French).

- The Anti-Bond Girl

Come on! He came within inches of getting a laser bobbitization (TM) and didn't even blink. What can you do to a man who isn't afraid of being castrated? NOTHING. This James Bond is the toughest, meanest, most fearless man since Janet Reno himself.

- Captain Demento, weirdo trying to score with Brittany Taylor

Would you really want to go into a bar fight with "Pierce", "George", "Timothy", and "Roger"?

Hell no! Give me a Scotsman named Sean! This guy beats up 300- pound bikers using just his thumb. His THUMB!

No further explanation is required.

- Dr. Stones

The Bonds!!!! They are cool and Pierce is sooooo cute. Sean ain't got a chance. Then I'll kill them and soon my plan for world domination will be complete! MWAHAAHAH ... wait I wasn't supposed to say that.

- Pussycat

The first thing that popped into my mind was the line from the Untouchables (pardon my Scottish), "Just like a Wop to bring a knife to a gunfight." That made me think that the other Bonds can get the Italian population to beat up Connery. But then I realized that I was falling into the same trap I have seen so many times before in Grudge Match.

Too many times people reason their matches by loose associations because of the logic that if two characters are played by the same guy, they ARE the same character. Stuff like "Seinfeld can beat up Ross because Elaine's boyfriend is the Tick!"

So I looked at the participants and I noticed something. One of the guys on the team side is Roger Moore pretending to be Bond. Hm... where have I seen that before?

Ah, yes. Cannonball Run. I don't even have to make the "Captain Chaos and JJ McClure will fight for Connery!" excuse. In a movie full of inept characters, Roger Moore pretending to be Bond was by far the most inept of all. Not only did he accidentally eject himself into a body of water in the end, but there was also the classic Cannonball Run Fight Scene (tm).

And in a fight against some generic bikers, where Roger Moore pretending to be Bond was fighting alongside Burt Reynolds, Dean Martin and even TOC Winner Jackie Chan, he got his ass kicked. He got his ass kicked by guys that Dom Deluise tore through without breaking a sweat.

Roger Moore pretending to be Bond will cause his team to implode. If it was Sean Connery vs the other three Bonds, it could have been a fair match. Oh well.

- Gavok

Each man posseses the power of Bond(tm). No matter how much cooler Connery is to the other pretenders, a Bond(tm) power rating of 4 is still more powerful than a Bond(tm) power rating of just 1...

On the other hand, 1 is a prime number and 4 isn't, therefore giving Connery the power of Bond Prime(tm). I don't know how significant this is but it sounds pretty impressive...

But I voted for the 4 bonds because 4 bonds = 4 x the bond girls :-)


- - my mom was a bond babe...

This match brings up the idea of "inevitable truth". That is, the idea that there are certain concepts which are so undeniably true that they need no evidence to support them. Those with fond memories of the 80's may remember it as the "Duh Hickey" principle.

"Is Sean Connery the best Bond in every way imaginable?" falls into the same question category as: "Canadian Beer. Any good?" "Would I be better off with another million dollars?" "Is oral sex adultery?" and "Should I move out of my parents' house?"

Would Connery Bond destroy all other Bonds? Yes. This is not up for grabs.

- Kairo

The only way the other Bonds could possibly win this match is if they had Q on their side. I don't think that's going to happen here. Even though Q probable had some better lines in their movies, -- *See Moonraker, "I believe he's attempting re-entry sir!!"*-- He's going to go with the original bond the most cause, as that Q is retired, with the storyline anyway, he's now a member of the British Old Boys Club. And you don't want to mess with anybody that has the backing of and Old Boys Club, especially one that has former soccer hooligans in it!!

Back when Sean was doing promotions for Entrapment, he did an appearance on Jay Leno. While there, some lady asked Mr. Connery if he could fulfill her fantasy of hearing him say, "Lass, take off your Panties(tm)!!!" The rest of the male population in general only has one-tenth of the manliness that the original bond has!! I wishing that when I'm seventy, I will still be at least able to pinch a few nurses' asses. Connery is at seventy, and he's still got women demanding that he give it up for them. Sean Connery is going to go out and beat the other Bonds with some good ole' Canadian lumber, Alex Trebek!! Then, he's going to lay the smack down on that Mike Myers/Austin Powers with the cold, dead, bloody, and limp body of Roger Moore.

- BIGMRG74 --- agent 0074

Normally, either Pierce Brosnan or Roger Moore alone could beat Sean hands down, but with four of them in the car, things are bound to get argumentative. Brosnan will want to use the car's rockets, while Lazenby will opt for ejecting out of the car and ONTO the Aston Martin, while Dalton will want to get alongside and use the lasers in the wheels, and Roger Moore will either make a cunning remark or want to use the car's Side Mirror Darts to take him out. Meanwhile, Connery calmly uses his Walther to shoot out their back tire. They careen out of control and drive over the cliff. The car explodes in an orange ball of flame. Connery mutters to himself "Tsk Tsk. All those backseat drivers and they still can't fly." It only makes sense to him, don't worry.

- Matt

Sean Connery surveyed the opposition. In the classic action movie style, they came at him one by one.

First up was George Lazenby, the one-film wonder. Lazenby had bagged Diana "Emma Peel" Riggs, the hottest Spy-Babe of all time. But he brought humanity and compassion to the role, and nobody wants to see that. He quickly vanished into Connery's shadow.

Next came Roger Moore, Connery's toughest opposition. Moore WAS James Bond to kids growing up in the seventies and early eighties who didn't know any better. Connery stepped aside, muttering the magic words "Sheriff J. W. Pepper" as he did so. Moore, taken by surprise, stumbled and fell into a vat of piping hot seventies cheese.

Hot on his heels was Timothy Dalton, the only man alive who can wear one of those "pirate" shirts they made fun of on Seinfeld and still look tough. The hard-eyed Dalton would certainly be a challenge. But Connery knew his fatal weakness. "Sanchez." Faced with the memory of the lamest, least original Bond villain ever, Dalton scowled and imploded, almost taking the franchise with him.

Meanwhile, Moore struggled free of the boiling cheese, only to be dragged back in by Grace Jones.

Bond found himself face to face with Dalton again. No, wait, it was Pierce Brosnan, armed with more product placements than a Sinbad movie and looking nearly unstoppable. Brosnan landed two solid hits before Connery found his Achilles heel. The painfully miscast Denise Richards as an expert nuclear physicist hamstrung Brosnan, and he too stumbled and fell. "Merry Christmas," Connery muttered.

Watching Moore struggle to free himself from the cheese, Connery's thoughts turned to the future. Who would come next? Rupert Everett? Clive Owen? The guy from "Dracula 2000?" Connery only hoped the producers wouldn't do anything stupid(er).

- KristianwithaCh

Roger Moore had trouble killing Chris Walken...and couldn't quite get rid of Jaws...Connery "took care" of Pussy Galore. No problem for Connery to kill all these guys.

- M

Sean Connery was a really good James Bond, being my favorite. And Roger Moore is actually my least favorite of them all. But you can't fight the fact that Moore beat GRACE JONES!!!!!! Grace Jones has got to be one of the scariest and weirdest people ever, and she's definitely one of the scariest women ever. Watch the movie! It's scary!

So if Roger Moore can overcome her, he can surely take on Connery, especially if he's got three other Bonds helping him out.

- Erik S

I don't care who wins, I just want to know what happened to Shane and his commentary.

- Rainwoman

{Fear not: I escaped my captors, thanks to a plan which cunningly required me to remain in their clutches for a week and a half. My reputation as Grudge Match's funniest commentator preceded me, apparently: they just couldn't stop laughing. - Shane}

British cars leak oil like the Exxon Valdez and there are no movie crew flunkies to pour quart after quart into the crankcases between takes. The motors will soon seize and this becomes a gunfight involving 5 of the world's best shots. As Moore said, "Hardly sporting, a four-on-one fight". Connery seems doomed.

But consider this: The question is not whether Connery is certified as an invincible Senior Citizen Crime FighterTM, but how many times over he's earned that title. Should we start the count with Outland when he was 50? With The Presidio when he was 58? How about Rising Sun made at 63 or The Rock when he was 66? The Southern California setting allows him to bring in some significant back-up as well. One phone call to fellow SCCFTM Dr. Mark Sloan of "Diagnosis Murder" and it will only be a few minutes before his son, Detective Steve Sloan, and about 800 cops reach the scene. They'll probably just wait until the younger Bonds run out of ammo and then wade in with batons. Having violated all 2,800 gun control laws broken by anyone carrying a firearm in Los Angeles County, Moore, Lazenby, Dalton and Brosnan are probably going to jail for 30 years apiece even if Connery doesn't press assault charges. He smiles and waves as the paddy wagon takes them away: "Next time, boys, respect your elders."

Later that day, an L.A. Coroner is examining Mike Myers's corpse. "OK, looks like the assailant used a Walther PPK at close range and emptied the clip. But I wonder ... why'd he kick the victim in the crotch so many times post-mortem?"

- Mr. Silverback.......Will Return in "The Man With The Golden Funnybone"

OK, I hate to break out the math, but it all boils down to this... x^4 > x for any positive value of x. Seeing as Mr. Bond, James Bond (TM) is most definitely a positive the results are clear.

- Sliverthorn

First of all, I must note that probably six billion commentaries will be flooding your inbox with stupid hidden messages. I think this really sends a bad signal to the WWWF viewers: that you can get away with anything, as long as you conceal a pithy little message that involves a lot of HTML tags.

Well, I won't stand for it! I won't! I am establishing GABC: Grudgies Against Bad Cryptography! I'll make damn sure that the next Grudge Match doesn't hide backwards rebuses expressed in anagrammed British crossword clues! How dare the WWWF try to shut out those without the intelligence or patience for such things! Stand up and fight for your rights as non-puzzlers! Down with the eggheads! Lowest common denominator RULEZ!!1!

(Oh, and as for the match itself, _The Avengers_ immediately demolishes all pro-Connery arguments, as cool as he is. Sorry, Sean!)

- Leaper

If this were a five-way free-for-all, I'd probably have to go with Connery, because, well, he's Sean Connery. Heck, even if it were Moore, Lazenby and Dalton against Connery, I'd still give Connery the edge. Brosnan, on the other hand, has brought back that dangerous edge to Bond. He can be more menacing just looking at someone than Moore ever managed while actually killing them. I might still give Connery the edge over Brosnan, but with the other three to serve as a distraction/cannon fodder, I think Brosnan will be able to finish off even Connery.

- Wizard

All of you who voted against Connery have more balls than I do. No way would I oppose him- he'd kick my arse, and then thousands of gorgeous, twenty-year old women would flock to him just to hear him speak. Wait a minute...surely he could spare a few of the it too late to change my vote? Oh Mr. Connery! Yeah, they'd beat the pulp out of you, you pansy!

- ticklewigglejigglepickle

This is unconscionable! With the state of affairs in this country, you dump this on ma and pa citizen? There is trouble all around us, we all have to buckle down and make do with what we already have. Just because Connery, Brosnan, Moore, et al, don't mind wasteful expenditures on fuel and weaponry doesn't mean I have to condone it! Where's the accountability? This just shows the powers that be are out of touch with us ordinary taxpayers!

I encourage others to follow my lead and vote (Dr.) "No" on this Bond referendum!

- Mark Wentz

Where's the button for Powers? It seems that by the time that Sean Connery kicks the heinies of the other Bonds, Austin will have escaped to some other time period, probably the 80's this time around.

- Celestrialnaut

George Lazenby is a nothing poseur. Roger Moore is not only a smarmy pantywaist, he's also even older than Connery. (It's true, look it up.) Pierce Brosnan is a woman in drag who is just starting the early stages of gender reassignment hormone therapy, and is consequently, shall we say, in a somewhat fragile emotional state. The only threat to Connery is Timothy Dalton.

Now it has been said that Dalton is closest to the vicious sociopathy of the original Ian Fleming paper James Bond. But does Dalton irresistably attract the ladies? Noooooooo no no no nooo, he does not. He made an entire movie with no Bond Girl at all in it. They couldn't get one.

All that's needed for Connery to win is for any women at all to be present. Even if they don't join the fight, the sheer testosterone enhancement value of their moral support will strengthen Connery and sap Dalton's will... quite probably to the point that he runs away in embarrassment before even trying anything.

Of course, Dalton might manage to attract a few BDSM leather queens. (The one person I've ever met who is turned on by him is a BDSM leather queen. I am not making this up.) These are not going to be a powerful fighting force -- they enjoy losing a fight more than winning it.

Brosnan might attract a few giggling teenage girls (after all, many of them dig guys who resemble teenage girls themselves, such as Leo DiCrapio), and Moore might pull in a couple of blued-hair groupies from the nursing home, but the buffed, tanned, collagened and siliconed denizens of LA (and I don't mean just the women) will flock to Connery. (Lazenby will of course attract absolutely no one, rather like our two commentators.) The other four will slink away in shame.

Then Austin Powers will mop the floor with Connery's beard.

- KP

My sitting on this is both sides lose. The match up is overall one of coolness. If Snoopy were in, Joe Cool would be winning, even over Connery. Sticking with these participants, as the Red Baron has nothing to do with this, it is a given that Connery IS coolness, so no further analysis needed with him at this time. Now to look at the other 4. Roger Moore did a pretty good showing with it, and Pierce Brosnan is pretty near pegging the cool meter. Now, together, their coolness summed is greater than Connery's, but wait, there are more Bonds. Timothy Dalton put a heavy knocking to Bond. I won't go into full tirade on him, saving release of bile for later.

Later is NOW. George Lazenby. What were they thinking? Bond, getting married!? wearing a skirt (they called a "kilt", but Lazenby is Australian and not Scot or Irish, so it is a skirt)?!? and crying at the end of the movie!?!?!?!? What amount of cool wasn't removed by Dalton got completely sunk by Lazenby. What of the other, usually ignored, Bond movie "Casino Royale"? With a bevy of Bonds, the manly coolness which may have been brought to the table is completely sunk that Woody Allen was a Bond in that movie, and while a good wonderful entertainer, neither "manly" or "cool" really seem to apply well to him. He is more a black hole for those concepts than a source. We are now sitting with that Connery has completely out-cooled his entire competition and looks to be in the home stretch for victory. There is one more. Barry Nelson. WHO IS BARRY NELSON? He was the actual first to play James Bond in a made for TV movie 8 YEARS BEFORE DOCTOR NO. 48 years of built up Rage(TM) of hearing how good the first Bond was and nobody means (or remembers that it was) you sends him over the edge.

- Mark (no relation) Nelson

This is like Multiplicity meets Viagra...

- Peter Tutham

I'm sorry but Pierce Brosnan is hot. Be prepared for his army of fangirls to sweep Connery away in a tide of drool (ewwww...)

- The Jester

This is all about who has the determination and survival instincts to succeed in this contest. Let's go to the Tale of the Tape:

Roger Moore: He's been in Cannonball Run; Fire, Ice, & Dynamite; and Spice World. An impressive selection of crap, but where's he been lately? Only crap. Not a good sign. He's struggled, but not triumphed.

George Lazenby: Who? Whatever.

Timothy Dalton: Yes, Shane has mentioned Flash Gordon and The Beautician and the Beast, but he missed the most important credit for Mr. Dalton: Sextette. Sextette! Playing the excited new husband of 84-year-old Mae West. Augh! My eyes!

Pierce Brosnan: Good work, all around. Nice guy who left acting for several years to spend time with his dying wife. Doing a fine job as Bond. He just hasn't suffered like the rest. He doesn't have the hunger.

Sean Connery: Let's just glance at this man's resume for a moment. Zardoz. Dragonheart. The Avengers! Highlander II!!! Good lord! This man has been in a string of crap that would have finished Bruce Willis (proud survivor of Bonfire of the Vanities and Hudson Hawk)! And it's only made him stronger! Look at the list of credits Shane mentions. He's nae so much a man, as a remorseless movie making machine. If that which does not kill him only makes him stronger, he's prepared to snap Mecha-Streisand in two with his bare hands. I applaud the attempt to make this a contest by matching him up against the rest, but it was doomed to failure. Sean Connery is unstoppable.

After all, he's the one my wife lusts after. Arousing babes is the mark of a true Bond.

- Physics Messiah

Unlike many past matches, this one can be actually be decided in a physical contest, rather than base it on intangibles like who has bedded better women. So it will come down to a shootout while dodging traffic. So now you have one on four and unfortunately for Sean he's up against four guys who can actually shoot. Simple numbers says he loses. However, the other Bonds will lose when it comes to driving, because you cannot have all of them in the car without each trying to take over the wheel, because they all have to be The Man(tm). So Connery will be shot just as the others crash in a fiery explosion.(cars never just crumple in the movies, they always explode). They will all walk away unscathed, but by this time Austin Powers has skipped town in his jet. The Bonds settle for kicking the crap out of George Lazenby for being such an arrogant whiner.

- Jake Sadovsky

Look, you can take all of your newer, "more sensitive" Bonds and shove 'em. Sean Connery was harsh. None of this P.C., M's-a- woman, Oh-I-got-married-she-got-killed-I'm-gonna-cry-now crap. You in his way? BAM! You're dead! That simple! Bullet wound from a PPK, spear gun to the chest, electrified in the bathtub, didn't matter, he'd kill you as soon as look at you, then dismiss your death with a casual remark. That's right, he'd make fun of you after you were dead. This is the man who had Moneypenny practically begging for sex for nine years, a state that has now dwindled to her turning Bond down. Connery wouldn't let that happen.

For final consideration, I refer to the cases of Coke vs. New Coke, Star Wars Episode IV (ANH) vs. Star Wars Episode VI (ROTJ), and Starship Troopers (Kickass Powersuited Novel) vs. Starship Troopers (Crappy Suitless Movie). The original is always better. Except for Aliens, that flick was hardcore.

- Malone. Tracer Malone. (come to think of it, everyone else has probably used that line, huh?)


Either way, someone's getting laid after the fight.

- Johnny Ginter

If you liked this match, check out these other past matches:

James Bond v. Indiana Jones
Battle of the Batmen
Q v. Inspector Gadget

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Next Match: Run for the Border
ETA: Monday, August 12th, 2002

© 2002, Dragon Hamster Productions, LLC