World Wide Web Fights Presents
What is Grudge Match?
What is Grudge Match?

The Scenario

Snake Plissken awoke from an anesthetic haze to the familiar pain of a 24-hour time bomb implanted in his neck. "I can't believe they've lost another Air Force One and I have to rescue the president again." But this time, the hell into which he must descend in order to rescue the president is far worse than any city-turned-prison. The president's escape capsule has landed in the heart of Sydney during the Summer Olympics. As Snake steps out into the street, he is besieged by crazed maniacs wearing foam hats, face paint, waving all manner of flags, and hoards of NBC reporters who would gladly kill you in order to get a good human interest story. Snake silently wished for the safer and saner atmosphere of the Manhattan Prison Island (tm). Now to find the president before his time expires...

After many hours of searching, he finally tracks the president to an abandoned warehouse. As he peers into the dark building, he sees the president inside, bound to a chair. He hears a voice to his left, which he recognizes as that of none other than Mad Max.

"So you've finally come to rescue the president. You realize I can't let you do that. With him as hostage, I can get unthinkable amounts of gasoline! And then, I'll be able to drive far away from the mad lunatics that have taken over this land. Back in the days of feathers, mohawks, and shoulder pads it was so much safer, but now with all the 'We're #1' fingers on the loose I have no choice but to flee."

Amidst the Olympic mania, Mad Max and Snake face off in the street as they prepare to fight over the president and their lives...

Mad Max, The Road Warrior
Mad Max


Snake Plissken
Snake Plissken, Escape from New York

The Commentary

BRIAN: At first glance, these two warriors appear to have much in common. Both traveled alone through wastelands, both won out against impossible odds, both suffered embarassing career set-backs by co-starring with Goldie Hawn. But that is where the similarities end. Snake will win this easily. He has no morals or feelings whatsoever, and will gladly kill just for sport. His first target will be Cris Collingsworth, which will instantly endear him to the masses and cancel out any possible home field advantage Max might have.

Mad Mel, OTOH, is nothing but a big ol' softy. He found and played with a music box, and then gave it to that little monkey boy. And in a battle to the death in the Thunderdome, Max refused to kill Blaster simply because he turned out to be Corky from "Life Goes On." This guy just doesn't have the killer instinct. He couldn't even kill himself, botching a very simple suicide mission, and then getting spared by a chick. Pitiful. He's constantly getting bailed out of trouble, either by that helicopter guy, or a bunch of kids, or his dog. There's even about a 75% chance that none of his guns are loaded with live ammo. Snake not only kills without hesitation, but he cheats and is incredibly lucky (witness the absurd basketball and surfing scenes in EFLA). He shut down an entire planet. He survived Cleveland.

Another factor here is intelligence. Snake outwitted two U.S. Presidents. True, the first one once lost a fight to a single white blood cell, and the second was a retarded lab accident, but it's still better than Max's track record. We're talking about a guy that named his dog "Dog" and who fell for the ol' "Tanker full of sand" routine. And in Road Warrior, when he cowardly decided to flee the refinery, he had 360 degrees to choose from, but yet chose the one that took him right through the middle of Camp Village People (tm). Nice thinking, Max. This guy's so dumb and wimpy that he's about to learn first hand about Darwin's Theory of Evolution (tm).

STEVE: Sometimes you truly defy explanation, Brian. How could anyone possibly pick Kurt Russell to ever win anything? Did you ever see Executive Decision? He played a wimp! You mention intelligence. Did you know that your guy wrote Escape from L.A.? It makes my stomach churn just thinking about it. Surfing + Apocalyptic L.A. + Convertibles = A Really Bad Movie (tm). My pet hamster could write a better script. On the other hand, Mel "Mad Max" Gibson brings Braveheart (along with his Grudge Match fighting experience and a possible Jihad backing him), Maverick (more Grudge Match savvy), not to mention a whole slew of violence-packed Lethal Weapon experience to the table. Hardly a match at all, from what I can see.

You underestimate the home field advantage that Mad Max has. He knows how to prepare for those who try to steal what is rightfully his -- remember the bomb on the gas tank? There are undoubtedly booby traps all over the place waiting to take out Snake. Snake is probably standing on a pressure-sensitive land mine right now. Plus, Mad Max used to be a cop, so he knows how to handle common criminals like Snake. He does it in his sleep.

And most importantly, have you forgotten Mad Max's greatest acheivement? He was victorious in the Thunderdome, even when distracted by Tina Turner's hair. Now that's a force to be reckoned with.

BRIAN: Steve, perhaps you should consider a new career designing bras for Madonna, because you have a talent for making points for other people.

Martin Riggs? William Wallace? Mad Max must be 4th or 5th on Mel's list of characters. Max could get completely vaporized and Mel would still make $30M on his next movie deal. Where's the motivation? But what does Kurt have to fall back on? Captain Ron? This is less a battle for survival then it is a battle for identity. If Snake Plissken goes down, the best role Kurt Rusell has left is "Dexter Riley" from those cheesy live action Disney movies. And in case you hadn't noticed, he's been replaced by Kirk Cameron. Kurt is fighting for his very existence.

And truth be told, Mad Mel won't have any home field advantage. Do you know where Mel Gibson was actually born? Upstate New York! So we've got two Red Blooded Americans (tm) duking it out here -- which import will the Australians support more? The one most like them, of course. Knowing Australia's history, that means they will pull for the slimeball criminal sent there against his will, instead of the former cop who moved there because his Dad won a game show (true story). And when Snake presents Bob Costas' head on a pike, he will become a god.

The biggest advantage for Snake, though, is the Shaft Factor (tm). The importance of music to a hero is well established. Realizing this, Snake hired Isaac Hayes for EFNY. Clearly, this rubbed off, as Snake had a kick ass White Zombie (tm) heavy metal soundtrack in EFLA. What's the best Mad Mel could do? Tina Turner. Accompanied by a children's choir no less. This isn't even fair. And this match is going on at the same time as the release of the Shaft remake. Coincidence? I think not.

STEVE: I don't even know where to begin here. White Zombie?! Tell your psychiatrist it's time to up the dosage. And Captain Ron?! If I were arguing for Kurt Russell, I'd be keeping my mouth shut about that one. Shaft?! Sure, it's got a cool song, but have you actually watched the movie? Painful. Honestly, Brian, the only thing you said in your argument that shows any sign of sanity is the part about Bob Costas' head on a pike.

This match has essentially already been played out in the movies as well. Lest you forget, these two competitors have faced each other previously in a different arena: In Tequila Sunrise, they both battled over Michelle Pfieffer, and Mad Max won. Michelle Pfieffer, The President, it doesn't matter. Mad Max will be victorious in any form of competition.

Finally, you have to keep in mind that Mad Max is sneaky. Sure, as you say, the "Tanker full o' Sand" isn't the most original idea, but believe me, it's more than enough to fool someone like Snake. Do you really think that the guy Snake sees is actually the president? No, the real president is being held in another building. Mad Max will fake an injury, and Snake will use the oppportunity to grab the president and rush him to his rescue. Snake will use his last minutes on Earth bringing the "President" to the authorities. His last memory before his timer expires will be: "You idiot! This President is filled with sand!". And then darkness. Goodbye Snake, we'll miss you. Or not.

Thanks to the many, many people that suggested this match.

The Results

Mad Max (686 - 62.1%)


Snake Plissken (418 - 37.9%)

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Voter Comments


Snake stood for a moment, eying the bound President. He looked at the timer they placed on him while he was unconscious. Cleverly disguised as a chrome nipple-ring, and wired into the explosive in Snake's head, it glinted sharply in his one good eye. What did the Snake want? That was obvious. To live forever. He knew he had but one chance. looking over at Mad Max, Plissken realized that this man was responsible for some of the cheesiest lamest actioners ever to infest a Jujube-riden cinema. Killing this man would be a mercy... to the human race. Plissken considered himself, his age (he wasn't getting any younger), the fact that they had yet *again* trapped him in this fool's game of I'll-Do-Anything-to remove-the-McGuffin-from-my-testicles and sighed heavily. Shit! Fell for it *again*. Any attempt to remove the bomb or the timer would detonate the device. He stared at the Acme Labs tag hanging from the ring in his flesh. Plissken was tired of this Coyote Roadrunner life the Fates had lined up for him. Yet again. He glared at the President and wondered, tiredly, just WHO was pulling the strings.

Bill Clinton, bound and gagged, stared up at the one-eyed desperado. This was Hell. Far worse than the Monica hearings had been, the Impeachment trial, Chelsea's first request for contraceptives. Could this dirty, scarred bank robber be his salvation? Clinton fought his bindings, remembering the tiny, shadowy figures that had kidnapped him from the sleazy motel and that shy Iowa farmgirl he'd been seducing with a fine Corona-corona. Remembering that Snake was an inveterate smoker, Clinton decided to offer him the one thing the State had taken forever from the outlaw: tobacco! Remebering his stash of fine Havana cigars, Clinton managed, through the gag, to say "Gnake! Mff yoo 'ayve mme, Ahoo 'iv oo um Oobuh figarv!". Seeing the violent criminal's one blue eye go cold with rage, Bill Clinton realized he had lost his last argument. Not since Hillary's last hot-flash had it looked so bad for him...

Outwardly, Snake showed no sign of having heard. Rage battled within him. How to END this horrible farce? How to rid the world both of that stupid ersatz Aussie poser AND the most hated man in politics AND assure immortality for himself? Finally Snake Plissken moved forward. "Third time's the fuckin' CHARM, assholes!!" he snarled. Sweeping Mad Max and Bill Clinton into an embrace with one arm, Snake Plissken grabbed the timer/fuse nipple ring with the other... and YANKED! Yellow-white fire blossomed as Snake Plissken's head exploded violently, spraying brains and blood. The president, caught in the blast, was killed instantly, his head severed by the flying strap of an eyepatch! The fire, fueled by Clinton's expensive suit and Snake's sweat-soaked leathers flared briefly and then died, enveloped by a wave of something spilling from the third figure which crumpled limply to the ground. The crowd gasped in horror. Mad Max had been filled with sand!

"DAMMIT!" roared the tiny white mouse as he ran forward to see his plan fail, yet again. "Pinky, you IMBECILE! What did you stuff that Max doll with, anyway?"
"Gee, Brain, I couldn't get that barrel of highly explosive powder open, so I figured that sand would be OK to use instead. Didn't it work?"
The taller mouse cringed back, as the Brain slammed a fist into his nose.
"NO, it DIDN'T! Once AGAIN, you've ruined my plans, you moron! Well, back to the laboratory, Pinky, to wait for tomorrow night."
"What we gonna do tomorrow night, Brain?"
"The same thing we do EVERY night, Pinky," the Brain gazed sadly over the smoking crater that had been Snake Plissken and Bill Clinton. "Try to take OVER the WORLD!"

They're Mad Max and the Snake! Mad Max and the Snake!
One is a bandit, the other's a fake!
Their anti-hero guys four legs, but just three eyes!
They're Mad Max, Mad Max and the Snake Snake Snake Snake, Snake Snake Snake Snake!
The Aussie Outback bakes, The satellites unfurled Together
Max and Snake Will try to wreck the world!
Each time a button's pressed, Or refin'ry blowen to bits,
You know they'll walk away, They're evil little shits!
(refrain, ending with-) They're sad sacks, both Mad Max And the Snake Snake Snake Snake

- Swan

Silver Grudgie ROTW Silver Medal GrudgieTM

You both missed the key factor here-the Al Gore Factor. With the President as hostage that puts Gore in charge. The last thing Al wants is Clinton around to remind people he was a member of the Scandal of the Month Club. Even if Snake gets the President loose he'll find out that his 24 hours was actually 24 minutes. Max on the other hand is sadly mistaken if he thinks gore will release any gasoloine in payment if he wins. Gasoline powers internal combustion engines. Gore states in Earth in the Balance that these engines are a threat to mankind. Al Gore may give him a nuclear weapon but he would never give him gasoline. So either winner still gets screwed!

- Claymore

Bronze Grudgie ROTW Bronze Medal GrudgieTM

Because these films are written in such a manner that the Bad Guy(tm) always looses, this battle is simple: The most important issue in this scenario is "Who is the Bad Guy?" Mad Max Kidnaps the President. The simplest view of this is that Mad Max is the Bad Guy and therefore Snake will win. The question, though is - is it necessarily a bad thing to kidnap the president (in this scenario... Hi there Secret Service guys!) Because of the importance of Gasoline to Mad Max, he may have kidnapped the president due to the rising prices of gasoline. At the rate of price gouging on gasoline in the midwest right now, Mad Max may think he's absolutely just in capturing the president. (Note to Secret Service guys... it's MAD MAX who is thinking it's a good ideas not me.... thanks) Many angry midwesterners may be swayed by his last minute arguements (and there won't be any angrier humans in the world than Cubs fans if Sosa is traded) and if they (the audience) are swayed into believing that Mad Max is a good guy, then Snake must be the bad guy.

The moral of the story is... don't screw with gas prices in the midwest.

- Hurricane Andrew

I have to give this one to Mad Max, and I bet I can explain why without resorting to Name Association or Movie Association:

1. Home ground advantage. Snake is used to fighting in the urban wastelands of post-apocalyptic North America, NOT the desert wasteland of post-apocalyptic Australia. Mad Max LIVES in the desert.
2. The RAGE(TM). Snake may have it (you get stuck with a last name like "Plissken" and see how you like it!), but Mad Max has more, 'cause he's Australian (witness the "King Arthur and his Knights vs. Dorothy and Company" match, which was also set in Australia).
3. The Car(TM). Max has a cool car. Snake doesn't. 'Nuff said, really. Mad Max is gonna show Snake a whole new definition of "Road Rage" before this is through.

- Andy the Anarchist

All right, I admit it, I'm voting on a complete bias here. I like Mel Gibson. I like him much better than I like Kurt Russell. Why? Braveheart. The Bounty. Forever Young. Hamlet. What does Russell have? The Barefoot Executive. Used Cars. Now You See Him, Now You Don't. Tango & Cash. At least Gibson figured out that big hair died with the '80s.

- Tracer Malone

This one all boils down to the Simpsons Factor (tm). Which of these post-apocalyptic heros has been immortalized in yellow? Mel Gibson. The details of the fight are inconsequential. All we need to know is that Mad Max will win enough gas with the ransom $ to fill up his new Canyonero and drive slowly off into the outback, squashing squirrels and smacking into deer all the way. And just remember, no one ever suspects the dog with the shifty eyes...

- Jay

Two words; Depth perception.

I know Snake has overcome his lack of the above before, but that was against bad guys. As we all know, bad guys in movies are always armed with Bad Guy Bullets (tm). Bad Guy Bullets (tm) can never hit a hero fatally unless said hero has already accomplished his goal, such as when the cool assassin guy gets fatally hit in The Professional. He's already saved the girl, so the Bad Guy Bullets (tm) are allowed to hit him.

Since both heroes primary goal is to stay alive, they have de facto immunity to Bad Guy Bullets (tm).

Herein lies Mad Max's advantage; as a hero, he's armed with Good Guy Bullets(tm). Good Guy Bullets (tm) can still miss, but they hit when they have to, and nothing prevents them from hitting. Against an opponent with no depth perception (that is an eyepatch Snake's wearing), even Hello Kitty would win in a gunfight so long as she had Good Guy Bullets (tm).

What if it's not a gunfight you ask? What if it comes down to booby traps and/or bombs? That's BS and you know it. A hero is never going to get killed by bombs or booby traps. Only people who EVER get killed by bombs or booby traps in movies are 1.) Innocents who die so the hero can go into a righteous rage to get the bad guy (haven't you seen Blown Away?), OR 2.) Bad guys who get blown up by their own bombs (again, Blown Away) or another bad guy's bombs (The Fifth Element). Bombs are utterly incapable of killing heroes (watch any Die Hard movie if you don't believe me).

P.S. my response to the Jackie Chan/Bruce Lee fight didn't show up. So what if I sent it on the last day? It was good, and I even pre-formatted it in frikkin' HTML! Until I get a ROTW, every response I do will include a Hello Kitty reference! I'm not sure why that'd be any kind of a threat, but it's the best I can do!

- Insomnus, Arch-Fiend and Chief Tormentor of Beekeepers, and current organizer of The Hello Kitty Unholy Jihad

Oh, let me count the ways.

The names:
"Mad" Max. That implies the RAGE™. But I'll concede that he has worked through his RAGE™ by the end of the first movie, and currently his name implies "crazy".
"Snake" Plissken. A serpentine (long), cold-blooded thing with no legs. Species ranging from cobra (the cool end) to the garden variety (not cool). Also known about snakes - if we can believe TV - is that they're more afraid of you than you are of them.

Mad Max was spoofed on an episode of ReBoot, the MENTOS™ show. Snake Plissken rated a cheat code in the crappy Bubsy 3D.

You can't escape from Australia.

Captain Ron. (Thanks for bringing that up, by the way. I had almost succeeded in repressing that particular piece of crap)

Mad Max has - and I can't stress this enough - depth perception. As an experiment illustrating the importance of depth perception you can ask a friend to throw you a football while you keep one of your eyes closed. Your primary objective will be to not break your fool nose. Granted, Snake has had some time getting used to flatness, and it's okay for aiming, but you still need to know the distance to the target. Snake will get his neck broken as he tries to leap from a speeding armoured bus onto Max's car.

Besides, Mad Max was an Australian production and, to quote from my favourite song: "Burn, Hollywood, burn. Burn down into the ground. BURN! HOLLYWOOD, BURN!"

- Socrates ---"Take down Tinseltown! Burn down to the ground!"-Leftfield

One must judge a warrior's ability by the quality of his foes. The tougher the foe, the more the warrior learns about fighting. Let's examine each contestant's previous enemies:

Max-Tina Turner
Snake-Isaac Hayes

As tempted as I am to suggest a new Grudge Match™ involving dueling performances on Soul Train, I will stay the course and analyze:

Ms. Turner knows how to, ahem, take a beatin,' yet persevere and succeed in the end.
Mr. Hayes "knows" that you can teach children valuable lessons by singing sexually explicit songs to them.

Hmmph. I think I know which one is more important in a fight.


Arghhh! Yet another brilliant contest with two contestants, neither of which you don't want to see lose! Be sure to pace yourselves, guys, you don't want to burn out this streak of genius you've been showing lately. Well, if we're allowed to let both win, I'd say since Snake isn't doing this of his own free will Max (having enough stomach to do the deed) helps him pry that bomb out of his neck and they happily go their seperate ways. But, minus that option, I'd go with Snake, because judging by his record at the end of his movies he'll gleefully doom thousands just because he's irritated; Max just hasn't got that kind of cold cruelty (Snake would have happily let those kids in Thunderdome walk to their doom and take their place for himself). Besides, Max blundered in grabbing Clinton as a hostage; does he really think the Republican Congress is gonna trade to get him BACK? And Al Gore would be happy to show his ability at the job of president before the election, so I doubt he'd strain himself on Willie's account either. He really must be MAD Max to try this plan...

- "Mad Dog" Mike

Snake cannot possibilty win, because his "skills" are not based in reality..... have you ever TRIED surfing in a full leather jacket? A Tanker full of sand, now THAT'S believable.

- D@t@-Kun

Where's the "Don't-know-anything-about-the-comptetitors-but-will-still-send-in-stupid-comment" option?

- Boba Foot

This logical dilemma, as with all logic problems, can be solved with sweeping generalizations. Let us take everyone in the world and make two groups, based on the following criteria: Guys named Max vs. Guys named Snake. Max is usually your history teacher. Snake is the cutthroat in the bar who you want to stay as far away from as possible. Now, let's divide the world into two different groups: People who listen to Tina Turner vs. People who listen to White Zombie. Guys who listened to Tina Turner in the 80's are nowadays, probably a bunch of forty-year-old, Celine-Dion-listening, sweater-wearing wusses. No match for the average metalhead. Say...this is kind of fun. Let's see how far I can run with this. Guys with eyepatches vs. Guys without eyepatches: An eyepatch will automatically turn someone into a badass. (Granted, it does cut down on your peripheral vision, but that never seemed to bother Snake.) Guys who can play basketball vs. Guys who can't: Escape from L.A. showed us that Snake has a wicked jumpshot, and if you look in the average gym class, the basketball players usually are a whole lot bigger than the others. Guys who have survived both New York and LA vs. Guys who haven't: Surviving both New York and L.A. nowadays is a considerable accomplishment. Snake did it in the apocalyptic future, no less. Americans vs. Australians: In Australia, as in Ireland, there is nothing to do but get drunk, and occasionally party. (This was proven in numerous Foster's and Outback Steakhouse commercials). America just kicks the ass of any other country, because we rule. USA! USA! WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Dubbed vs. non-dubbed: Dubbing is just irritating. Besides, the last match showed that the person who does the least dubbed work will win. Remember, kids: If you ever have a hard decision to make, use generalizations and broad stereotypes. They'll give you your answer everytime.

- Infraggable Krunk

Let me be the first to say this:

Anyone involved in that piece of cow-dung movie called Breakdown should be dragged out into a field, drawn and quartered, tarred and feathered, and any other form of execution that involves the word and.

That was the worst movie in the history of anything. It ruined my first date! After ten minutes, I just started counting the product endorsements! Even that got boring! Kurt Russel not only committed career suicide with that role, I think he should have commited ritual suicide as well, restore his honor. As it is, the Russel name has been tarnished! We must form a new Jihad! Kurt Russel must be destroyed, to restore his honor!

- Boden-san, Irish samurai warrior, formerly Kopper Golyathe

Your site has turned into a macho guy thing. Arnold I understood. Keanu I know. Stalone....can't sing. But now... Mad Max and the one-eyed freak are guys who are only brought up in useless trivia questions. They belong in the same category as "the origin of Barbie". Who cares? Millions or billions of dollars demand that the question not be answered. *bows head* I cannot give up this site, therefore I must become what I despise to fully enjoy this situation. Macgyver could wup 'em all.

- Lost in Kansas

Snake? vs MAD MAX....your kidding right? But I read the commentay I waiver! Only one of the commentaries carries any wieght....I reluctantly vote for...shudder Snake Plissken! How could this have happened? Why? Oh the agony! Why didn't Steve mention just one of the Knock Out (tm) arguments available to him to allow me to vote for Mad Max as I know I truly should have!

1) Rage (tm)...doesnt that dude Snake look like a member of the gang that killed your wife AND child?

2) Sidekicks, Dog Meat, anyone who has played Fallout (tm) will recognize the aewsome power of this sidekick.

3) Weaponry, Mad Max wields the dreaded double barreled sawed off shotgun (played Quake?(tm))...Snake wields...whatever is lying around...usually a spiked club...Max has left one for him in the warehouse so Snake will have a chance...which is like leaving a hacksaw with the guy handcuffed to the gastank.

4) Mentos Level Coolness (tm), Mad Max 'nough said.

Thanks for letting me down Steve.

- LaSnafu

Also, anyone who has read "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu knows that to get your troops to fight with everything that they've got, put their lives in danger. Snake is fighting for his life, Mad Max is fighting for gas. GASOLINE. How can gas drive someone on the same level that Primal Fear of Death(tm) can drive someone? Don't get me wrong, I would like to see Kurt Russel's head explode as much as the next guy, but Mad Max just can't win. He is intellectually, physically, and spiritually inferior. In fact, from where I sit it looks like all he has going for him is possible Jihad interferen- ... As I was saying, "There Is No Jihad" and Mad Max will win in 3.2 seconds. Cast my vote for Mad Max.

- SkullKrusher (There Is No Jihad)

Australia is a former maximum security penitentiary. That means everyone in Australia is descended from criminals. That makes Mad Max, as a former cop, either (a) a bad cop or (b) equivalent to a trusty. And as we saw in The Longest Yard, all trusties are despicable, underhanded, murderous swine.

Snake Plissken is used to breaking into and out of prisons. However, this prison is stocked by the same breed that spawned Yahoo Serious, Jacko, Crocodile Dundee and the Dreadnoks. Australians are like the Sardaukar of the English Soccer Hooligan set.

All of this sets the chances way out of favor for Snake. But this will be the clincher:

In Stargate, Kurt Russell takes guns away from little kids.
In The Patriot, Mel Gibson gives guns to little kids.

Rosie O'Donnell goes pure nuclear when she sees those whiney brats from Crack In The Earth armed with all the sawed-off shotguns, AK- 47s, bazookas, etc. that Mad Max had stashed in his left boot. By the time Max is done with him, Snake will wish that bomb in his neck had gone off instead.

- Chris 'Jedi' Knight sez "Sun-Tsu in a nutshell: 'he who has the most guns... wins'"

Max Max is the winner, easy. For starters, even if you'd never seen him before you'd know just by looking at his picture that Max is more of a badass than Snake, even though he's with a dog. He has also survived being in a film with Tina Turner, whose *hair* was more evil than the Trebek hair and William Shatner's wig combined. Now, although Mel Gibson was born in America, by being in the Max Max films he has knowledge of Australia he can use against Snake in many ways.

1. Let's look at a quote about Australia by travel writer Bill Bryson - "This is a country where even the fluffiest of caterpillars can lay you out with a toxic nip, where seashells will not just sting you but actually sometimes go for you". With guns blazing Max can chase Snake into a nearby park and the wildlife will take care of the rest.

2. A co-star in Max Max 2 was Virginia Hey, the same actress I belive who now stars in the great TV show Farscape as the calm, blue-skinned priestess Zhaan who has occasional homicidal tendencies. Max can call on her as well as the other Farscape people and there will be nothing left of Snake but the eyepatch that Rygel will grab as a souvenir.

3. As all self respecting Star Wars fans know, parts of Episode II are being filmed at Sydney's Fox studios. Max will realise that SW fanboys/girls would have arrived en masse in the brief chance of spotting actors, and when he sees some nearby he can call out to them that Snake is a big fan of Jar-Jar, and a howling, baying mob of fans will rip Snake to bits.

Lastly, a true test of a movie icon is how long they can retain their coolness before they're dismissed as dated has-beens. Mad Max 2 is coming on New Zealand TV again soon, and the TV reviewer concedes that it's 'weirdly cool, even after all this time'.

- Nicky Lewer

Mad Max will win this one easy cause he can survive Australia. Not just normal Australia, but post-Apocalyptic Australia......that takes some skillz. Sure Snake can take on people who look like rejects from West Hollywood and a Castro impersonator, but he has never faced aussies. TV has taught me all i need to know in life, and TV has explained to me that Australia is hell. They have 25 ft. Crocs which crazy men wrestle. Their wildlife is deadlier then anyones.(theres a jellyfish there that can kill you in 3 minutes, not to mention the roos' and the sharks) Plus, the people there are just friggin insane......I'm fully convinced that the original mad max was a picture of normal day to day life down under. I mean it didn't look post-apocalyptic like the other movies did. So that means Australia has insane biker gangs roaming arround being fought by vigilante cops. They also have the Crocodile Hunter, and they can digest vegimite....... Have you ever tasted vegimite? It may be the vilest substance on earth..........and this is what Max had to live through BEFORE society collapsed.........Sure Snake is a badass in the dark future, but Max was a badass long befoe things went bad. Snake doesn't stand a chance.

- Amish Commando

We see Mad Max, a frosty can of Fosters in one hand, standing by the prone body of his defeated foe, Snake Plissken. Mad Max: How to speak Austrailian . . . We see a close up of Snake Plissken's rear end, the heel of one of Max's boots protruding from his rectum. Mad Max: Enema.

- Don "King" Milliken

I swore to do seriously nasty things to the next American who ran the "Australians/convicts" line. However, the only thing I can actually DO to Brian in this instance is vote against him. And as we saw in Steve v Brian, Brian WANTS to be voted against. He enjoys it. So I just have to vote for Mad Max and hope that Steve stops Brian enjoying it TOO much.

- O.P.

The deciding factor here is the vehicles. Max has cunningly lured Snake to a car park where he has a huge advantage. Tankers with multiple gun turrets, armoured fortress trains, turbo-charged cars and helicopters versues...a taxi? Not even a NY driver could produce victory here...unless...oh dear, they've all run out of gas. So long, Max.

- Elemental

I cast my vote for Mad Max. Not JUST because he's in Chicken Run (by the same blokes as "Wallace and Grommit," so you know it must be good) while Russel hasn't had any work since Soldier; not JUST because the Mad Max figure coming out soon will probably have more articulation than McFarlane's Plissken "action figure" (read: statue); and not JUST because Gibson's had a cameo on the Simpsons and Russel hasn't.

Nope, the reason behind my vote was spite. My younger sister's had a huge annoying her-name-with-his-on-her-notebook crush on Kurt Russel for years, and I'd give my left nut to see him become roadkill.

- MonkeyDog

I've only seen Escape from New York, so I decided I wasn't going to send in a response. But then I noticed that The Road Warrior was airing on Encore. Hooray! I could respond after all. Then we had this thunderstorm, which affected none of my TV channels except for Encore. I didn't get to see any part of the movie, so I say that if Max can't make it to my TV because of a little bad weather, then he's no match for Snake Plissken. Victory to Snake.

- My name is Kenny

Sorry, Steve, but I'm voting for Snake this time around.

How can you, a Grudge Match Founder, consider A Really Bad Movie to be a bad thing? It even had Bruce Campbell, for goodness' sake.

- The Nestbeschmutzer

Right to the point: For my post-apocolyptic money, neither Snake nor Max could take on The Warrior of the Lost World. His movie, also imaginatively titledplayed 'Warrior of the Lost World" was made famous (infamous) by inaugural Grudge Match Deathbowl winners MST3K. WOTW was played by the Paper Chase guy, aka Robert Ginty (he's the gintiest!) I admit, that casting isn't too impressive. But where WOTW beats Snake and Max is: He defeated MegaWeapon (TM). For those of you who don't know. this kick-ass character (??) was best described as a mini-van equipped with assorted weapons, most of which are spikes protruding from it. Hey, it is the post-apocolypse after all! Anyway, the legendary MegaWeapon! was easily the best thing in the film, as it crushed WOTW's smart-alecky talking motorcycle (Hurrah!) And then, Warrior of the Lost World wasted MegaWeapon. I was devestated. Life didn't seem worth living. So, I have to think that he wouldn't have any trouble with Fake Pissken or Sad Max. There have been too many post-apocolyptic movies...I think I'll go watch a father-son mind tranfer comedy.

- 1/2 Nelson

I live in the midwest and am considering the necessity of wiring explosives to my own gas tank.

- tuffy

Usually, I'd imagine, big action stars stipulate in their contract that their character can't die (thus, leaving the way open for a sequel, or holding the actor's massive, yet fragile ego together). However, I'm aware of Mel Gibson's character DYING in Braveheart. Kurt Russell has had trouble getting paying jobs in the last few years. You think he's going to pass up the chance to jumpstart his career again, by taking advantages of Gibson's new weakness for dying dramatically? Hell no! Here's what going to happen.

Mad Max: G'day and G'bye, mate. (shoots Snake in the chest with a hail of bullets).
Mad Max: (At the president) There's no way I'm going to let some ineffectual special-forces type stop me from getting that gasoline!
President: (Eyes widen in surprise) Mmmfff. MMMFFFF!!
Snake: (Off screen) Don't count on it.
Mad Max: Urk! (As Mr. 45 Caliber Bullet rips through his brain pan, knocking him to the floor).
Max: (Dying, and speaking Shatner style)
Snake: (Ripping open his jacket, revealing the ONE piece of equipment the government gave him... a high impact absorbing kevlar vest) I get that a lot.

And, of course, the president will turn out to be a complete wanker, who Snake will sabotage by shredding whatever political influence he has, in this case, paying a 400 lb. fat woman who's had 8 sex changes talk about how the president used her and threw her away, on the (STILL ONGOING!!) Jerry Springer show. Afterwards, he'll find Goldie Hawn, and make another kids movies, or god forbid, Captain Ron 2, and have to make Escape from Army of Darkness, and have a brutal fight with Ash, hoping to bring in enough sci-fi and horror fanboys to fix his career yet again.

- Shadowknight

As long as we're talkin' post-apocalyptic or otherwise future heroes and such, can those two take a minute to off The Mariner from Waterworld and The Postman from, you know. Mel gets waterboy and Kurt gets Newman's shift buddy. I think for myself it's just about impossible to choose one over the other in this case 'cuz they're such hardasses. But I have to hand this one to Snake because, well, he shut down the world, man. He F%^&ed EVERYBODY. Therefore, it's Snake's post-apocalyptic world, the Road Warrior is just livin' in it. NOW. Just a week ago I suggested Ashe and Snake go at it, and although this match really fits more, I still wanna see my f$%^in' match. YOU HEAR ME?!?! DON'T MAKE ME FIND YOU GUYS AND FORCE ME TO CASTRATE YOU WITH A DAK'TA, just gimme that one damn match.

- the klingon blood encrusted dagger wielding, Loco Poco

2 reasons why Mad Max will win. Consider:

1. He is an Aussie, and his nickname is MAD. Even Australians thnk this guy is nuts! This is a country that fostered such mental giants as Jack-O, Crocodile Dundee, and Men at Work! Don't forget about everyone's crocodile hunter on Animal Planet! Yet these guys are all NORMAL. Only Max is mad in their eyes!

2. Mel vs. Kurt? Please. Who would you rather have next to you in a bar fight? Mel sounds like a truck driver who eats broken glass and deisel fuel for breakfast. Kurt sounds like a gay supermodel who is having "a moment" because he did NOT order cinnammon with his mocha-latte.

3. When was the last time you quoted any line from one of the "Escape" movies? Thunderdome alone has goven us such great phrases as, "Bust the deal, face the wheel" "Two men enter, one man leaves" "Master-Blaster!" "Plan? Ain't no plan!" "Are you going to finish that popcorn?" (Oh wait, that's what I said...) I could go on, but my short attention span is starting to..

- Budo

I'm not from the Kurt Russel Jihad. There is no Kurt Jihad. But we at the non existent Jihad would like to humbly point out that Mad Max would get his head stamped on. Do you remeber The Thing! which ended with Kurt and the only other surviour of the mutating monster rampage at the artic ice station that has provided the template for about three X files episodes <'we are not who we are' etc.>? The camp destroyed, the alien and colleagues and dogs and everything burnt to death... and both our hero and the extra black budy guy have been off screen for sometime each. Has one of them been infected by the Thing? And as the Camera withdraws across the smoking pit and the icy wasteland, we see Kurt breathing out copious ammounts of Frosty vapour, and the balck budy guy producing nothing as he breathes. Kurt knows the other guy is the thing, and is just waiting for him to drop off to 'sleep' in the antartic cold, and what does he do? He plays the waiting game... "Lets just see what happens." Gibson is an english hating nutcase who would fail prep school history. Face it, not only does he have no bollocks, he has no brain. Kurt wins through superiour mind.

- Seb

Since this scenario renders Bill Clinton incommunicado (Latin for "Ain't talkin' right now") and forces me to imagine the reality of a Gore presidency, my brain has exploded. Strangely there's much less gray matter here than I expected. Before I go seek medical attention (Well first I'll seek an ice cream scoop and maybe some WindexTM, then I'll seek medical attention) there are 3 things you should know about this match:

1. Remember that "mirror universe" on Star Trek where all the good guys were evil? Well, Plissken is definitely Captain Ron's Mirror Universe counterpart and is therefore doomed by Trek FactorTM to go down like a rock in water. BTW, in the Mirror Universe, Snake and the Pirates of the Caribbean barbecued Martin Short and his family. Tasted like chicken

2. Max gets him with the giant laser cannon that the Aussies are hiding under the Sydney Opera House (it's the only explanation for that architecture) bouncing the beam off 8 satellites to leave a 3 inch smoking hole where his eyepatch used to be.

3. It's a Phyrric Victory (TM, Hellenic Greece) for Max. Like Gore's going to pay to get Slick Willie back during the campaign! If Max is really lucky, Al might send him a check by 4th class air mail...postdated for November 8th.

- Mr. Silverback- As soon as I get back from the ICU, I'm puttin' another wallaby on the barby.

With the price of gas as it is, killing a mob of desert mutants for a tankful seems pretty damn rational.

- Kilgore Trout

(Using actual Snake Plissken quotes from the Internet Movie Database, I conducted this interview.)

Thank you, Mr. Plissken, for being here this evening.

Call Me Snake.

Okay, Snake. Now, do you have any allies in this contest.

Oh, you mean I can't count on you?

Heck no. This ain't CNN and I ain't Bernard Shaw. What's your biggest advantage over Mad Max?

I'm an asshole.

I don't doubt that. Let's look at some video of your opponent, Mad Max. [Video rolls with Mad Max speaking] I'm just here for the gasoline. [End video clip] Why not just give Mad Max the gasoline and bring this to an end?

I'm too tired. Maybe later.

But the president is in danger and might die!


Aren't you concerned about what a change in the presidency might do to the country? The nation could drown in upheaval and chaos!

The more things change the more they stay the same.

Well, we're out of time. Thank you, Snake, for taking time to talk with us.

The name's Plissken!

- Mark Wentz

"Ow!" Snake winces at a jab in his neck. "Are you sure you've done this before?" "Oh, of course. Lots of times. Lemme rub some more Anbesol on that." Snake grits his teeth, but holds still. Max's idea made perfect sense: with the bomb inside him defused, they can team up and wipe the Aussie-infested Olympics off the face of the earth. He already has several NBC commentators in mind for special attention when-- "Hey! What's that beeping? Is it supposed to do that?" "Uh ... yeah, sure. Means I'm almost done. Er ... wait right there. I've gotta get a Phillips head." Mad Max is soon leaping from the warehouse's door mere inches ahead of a massive fireball that sends the whole building crashing to rubble. He was right about one thing: he had done that before.

- Call me Shane

In Escape From L.A., Snake needs to thwart two deadly enemies: The President of the United States and leader of the Third World Cuervo Jones. However, it is obvious that the two characters are based on Pat Robertson and Fidel Castro respectively. For some reason, I do not find a TV evangelist on cable and a failed communist dictator to be particularly threatening. I mean, what is the worst they can do? Pat: If you do not do as I say, I will keep teaching you about Jesus and asking for charitable donations until you hit the clicker and are forced to watch Rosie O'Donnell. Praise you, Jesus! Fidel: If you do not do as I say, I will send a strongly worded letter of protest and have thousands of hired protesters have a parade in Havana! Have you ever seen ten thousand deluded overweight grandmothers sweating in the hot sun to celebrate my leadership in turning Cuba into the second poorest nation in North America? Muhahaha! Tina's hair is much scarier.

- Paul G.

As is the case in most Grudge Matches, there is one group of people who will determine the outcome of the match: The ChineseTM. The fact that this battle is occuring during the Olympics - a time for all nations to gather - only makes the Chinese Factor more pronounced. So, who is more friendly with the Chinese? Answer: Snake Plissken. The Chinese will quickly recognize Snake as Jake Burton, hero extrodinaire from Big Trouble, Little China. Knowing that Snake, errr Jake (the names even sound similar) took down the evil Lo PanTM will be reason enough for the Chinese to rally and annihilate Mad Max. 1 billion people can't be wrong. Snake wins it.

- Capital J

Are you kidding? While Snake may be street savy, how can he deal with Max? Kurt may be handsome but really, lets look at Mel's real weapons - his eyes. I have never see such clear bright blues, he can melt every female (including myself) within 8 city blocks. With one wink of those baby blues, he'll be able to whip up an army of Gibsonphilies (TM) ready to do battle for him. Snake/Kurt will be surrounded in babes ready to tear him limb from limb so fast he'll get whiplash! Snake might try to save himself by using his sense of humor, but again, Max holds the royal flush of humor. Any one able to survive a low budget Sci-fi film, shot in Australia no less, and still pull out a well rounded career (Mel's even done Hamlet, for the Bard's sake, what has Kurt done- Big Trouble in Little China?) has not only got a killer sense of humor, but serious range as an actor. End result- Mad Max smiles, pushes a hand-held remote and Snake's little time bomb goes off a tad early. Max then gets bored with the Hostage gig, Kills the Pres. and starts a party to end all parties in Sidney, finishing off the town as we know it.

- Gibsongirl

I'm afraid that neither Max(tm) nor Snake(tm) will emerge the winner on this one, folks. These two children of post-apocalyptic wastelands(tm) will utterly annihilate each other, like an electron and positron. Max has got the know-how and the firepower, but Snake has got ruthlessness and a larger incentive. As a result, NBC(tm) will emerge the winner; their legions of reporters will unearth the tragic events of both Max and Snake, telling the story of how each man's raw determination and sheer talent overcame every obstacle put in their path, in order to reach this final, climactic moment. Ratings will skyrocket, tissue paper sales will increase, and for a brief moment, the human race(tm) will unite together in a shared moment of beauty and appreciation. Meanwhile, I'll be throwing up.

- lylemr

The true winner will be Rincewind the Wizzard(sic) from Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels and, specifcally "The Last Contenent" Why? I'll telly you why, but first, I need background music.(Land Down Under starts playing)

(The following words appear in the lower-left corner of the screen, like a music video)
Land Down Under
The Band With Rocks
In The Music Of Discworld
C.M.O.T. Dibbler.
Dibbler Music Inc

(All other words are sung)

Rincewind the wizzard, coward and smart,
Can't do magic, but wizard in heart,
Men dressed like women, it made him nevous,
Reached under a rock, and pulled out a fried-egg breakfast
Rincewind! He goes to a land more hubwards,
He spin Yo-Yo, bring rain and thunder!
Crocadiles, cops and road warriors,
You'd better run, you'd better take cover!
He find the camp of Snake Plissken,
So scared he's shaking in his skin,
"Mabye he'll speak-a my language,"
And picked up what he thought was a vegomite sandwich.
Snake said: "Why you come to this land down under,
I blow stuff up, make lots of thunder"
Starts to choke, says "Arrghdier"
And in the bread, there was a deadly spider.

(Music, alternating between "Kookaburra sits in the lone gum tree" and "A wizard's staff has a knob on the end" which goes like this: do do do-do do do-do do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do)

Mad Max holds a gun to his head,
Rincewind knows that he'll soon be dead,
A picture appears, it's of Mr. T,
Climbs out of the rock and whups Mad Max a-plenty
T. Say "Why you foo in a land down unda'?
I pity the foo trapped in this land of thunda'"
Picks up Rincewind, for he's helluva tough,
Throws him back home, but not far enough.

(Mr T. starts dancing around to "Wizard's Staff" until the video is over)

- Grimlock

Max leaves Snake to die

Here, Max barely escapes the warehouse with the President in tow,
as the bound Snake is left to die while the crowd of
"We're #1" finger-wielding Australians closes in on its prey

- Ian Pugh (Charge Man)


With this much black-leather-clad-man-flesh wandering around, the most likely winner is
Dr. Frank N. Furter.

- martinl

If you liked this match, check out these other past matches:

Six Million Dollar Man v. RoboCop
Ellen Ripley v. Sarah Connor (in the Thunderdome™)
Dirty Harry v. Shaft

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Next Match: Cat fight! Literally.
ETA: Monday, June 26th, 2000

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