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Somewhere on the west side of London
Dennis Miller: Now I know Lorne like I know me. I guarantee you can count him in. Somewhat later, a few blocks away
Eric Idle: Challenging us on our own turf! We'll show those mangy Yank gits. So, Mark, which clique of comics will conquer in this clash?
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Saturday Night Live vs. Monty Python |
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MARK: Well, this is easy. Saturday Night Live wins. Where's Monty Python from? England? Please. The country so lacking in peril that the only warning the inhabitants receive is to "mind the gap". If only they could have been from Ireland, Northern Ireland, or Scotland, I'd be afraid. But they're from England. [Sigh] It's so bad that this year they're celebrating the queen's jubilee. Sorry, but if you're going to be celebrating a "jubilee", you're either a wimp or watching Insomniac with Dave Attell. Conversely, New York is a tough town. Heck, the vast herds of cab drivers will run you down in a heartbeat, and they're in a service industry! Imagine what the people who aren't there to help will do to you. Aside from New Yorkers being tougher than the whole of England, Saturday Night Live has the advantage of having its own news desk. We've all witnessed the importance of having the media on your side during battle. Well, Saturday Night Live has enough Weekend Update anchors at the ready to air a 24-hour news channel devoted to the match. The public court of opinion will be on Saturday Night Live's side in no time. What's Monty Python going to do ... have John Cleese do another holier-than-thou condescending motivation video? Good luck with that. Allow me to be the hack and inform you that, having toughness and public support, Saturday Night Live wins in a ... ahem ... New York Minute! SHANE: We have a winner in the "Spot the Loony" contest, and it is… everyone who read your commentary. Mark, those who do not remember Grudge history are condemned to have commentators and readers alike repeat the tales of English Soccer Hooligan™ terror. Yes, England is so perilous a place, you can lose your insurance by watching their sports! The Monty Python troupe embodies this ever-present danger with randomly plummeting sixteen-ton weights, attackers viciously wielding fresh fruit, the Piranha brothers working people over with sarcasm, and the Spanish Inquisition crashing into your drawing room without knocking. They even made bunny rabbits into killers! Compare that to New York, a city so cosseted and coddled you can't smoke there any longer. The worst peril you face there is the pain of actually watching "Saturday Night Live"! The famous post-9/11 intro said it all:
Lorne Michaels, Producer: Can we be funny? And they didn't. This comes of the constant cast turnover, which destroys any sense of cooperation. The Pythons, though, stuck together through years of TV and movies. In a rumble, you need to know your back is covered, and their long-term solidarity guarantees this. If you need practical evidence of the salutary effect of such teamwork, note: their movies are funny. Movies by SNL alums are a byword for awfulness. Divided they fall. Indeed, I'm disappointed you only brought six of them to get whipped by the Pythons. I say, bring 'em all on! Make it look a little more even. Have Chevy Chase fall over: that'll be really threatening. Besides, most readers will want a chance to have my guys beat up Billy Crystal for Analyze That, Dana Carvey for The Master of Disguise, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus on basic principles. Who's our winner? It's … Monty Python's Flying Circus. MARK: Sure, we can bring all the Saturday Night Live cast along. That combined with your calling all of our readers “loony” should bring about a quick and decisive victory for the gang from New York. By the bye, that Giuliani-Michaels exchange was a joke. I hate to have to explain this stuff to you. One trick to determining jokes is using social cues. It was stated at a comedic venue. After Giuliani said it, people laughed. Thus a joke; and, it seems, a funny joke at that. But I really like your unorthodox strategy. Not only are you giving Saturday Night Live use of its entire cast, you’re arming Monty Python’s group with fresh fruit and bunnies? Now THAT is something completely different. As a Minnesota Vikings fan, I hope the Green Bay Packers hire you as their head coach immediately. ("Okay, we'll let them use their 'forward passes' and 'tackling'. We'll just wait for a random 16-ton weight to drop and hope that it lands on them and not us.") Speaking, as you did, of awful movies, Saturday Night Live alums don't have the market cornered. Wasn’t Eric Idle in An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn … as Alan Smithee? It doesn’t get much worse than that. It might even be worse than being connected with The Meaning of Life. In the end, Saturday Night Live hits the "stop" button on Monty Python. SHANE: Mark, you are a master of deliberate misunderstanding and obfuscation. You should run for office sometime. First: the readers are the spotters; the loony is you. Second: Giuliani's crack was funny because, as with all great and timeless humor, it's founded on truth. Third, Alan Smithee films are supposed to be terrible: mission accomplished. And I'm the one who needs things explained? And what brought on this bizarre football tangent? Football has rules. With Monty Python, there are no rules, and that's what makes them so lethal. They will do literally anything to get the job done, while the SNL troupe is bound to their stiff, repetitive format. If they manage to survive the first half-hour of this rumble, they'll have to stop fighting to bring on their musical guest, and that'll be the end of them. It won't hurt, either, that John Cleese has inherited the awesome powers of Q - and I mean the James Bond Q, the one who won his Grudge Match. Real weaponry is always a plus, even if it's something kooky like a Holy Hand Grenade Launcher of Antioch cleverly built into an umbrella and triggered by a silly walk. Oh, and one last point. Just a wafer-thin point. Monty Python did a whole sketch once on Spam. Decades later, thanks to Python-savvy computer geeks, the Internet is awash in Spam. That's what horror they can wreak when they aren't even trying! Fear them. SNL will be needing a new tagline soon. How about, oh, say, "Dead from New York, it's Saturday Night!"
Thanks to the many people that suggested this or a similar match
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Now this contest rocks! Gotta go with The SNL gang here, despite the absence of MVP Bill Murray. Simple reason: The Pythons never mastered "How NOT to Be Seen", and we all know the consequences of being seen. (For those of you who don't: A: Shot, or B: Blown Up.) Now, the SNL gang, some of those poor bastards are MASTERS of how not to be seen. When's the last time you saw Joe Piscopo? Or Garrett Morris, or Larraine Newman, or Jan Hooks. How often do you think we'll see Kattan or say, Jimmy, my whole gig is a delicate balance of the most annoying aspects of Adam Sandler and Mike Myers just without the ability to deliver, Fallon? SNL gang in a walk. - Walker: Plexus Ranger
(Enter a college campus. Three 'nerdy' freshman guys are talking in the cafeteria, when an attractive girl from one of their classes approaches the table) Guys: Pie Jesu Domine. (THWACK! Hit heads with books and laugh hysterically) Dona eis requiem. (THWACK!) Girl: Hey guys.
Guy 1: (scared; whispering) It's a ...GIRL... Girl: (confused) I just needed a tutor. - ticklewigglejigglepiggle (I'm a lumberjack and I'm 'OK!')
The solution to this match came to me in one of my meditative states (i.e. - all but completely passed out on the couch, gazing glassy- eyed at the TV and still clutching a bottle of cheap red wine (TM) at 3:30 in the morning). Monty Python is the sort of comedy that you can still find funny in such a state. SNL, conversely (with the exception of a few classic sketches) is the sort of "comedy" that you can ONLY find funny in such a state. Comprende? - RoboGoober Version 2 (and now for something completely different...)
Most of the really good SNL cast members -- and I mean the really good ones, like Belushi and Aykroyd -- were originally members of "Second City" in Chicago. That's right, Chicago. You talk about New York being a tough town; trust me, it won't be long before Idle and Cleese are wearing cement shoes and sleeping with the fishies... - Da Bulls. Uh, guys, you do realize that putting an Internet nerd vote to Monty Python vs. SNL is like putting a church vote to Jesus Christ vs. Adolf Hitler, right? - Charge Man This is really difficult to call. I mean, are we talking a certain era of SNL, or every Not-Ready-For-Primetime Player in the show's history? Out of 27 years of SNL, only 2 eras could possibly stand up to the might of Monty Python. 1. The originals. Belushi, Aykroyd, Radner, Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, these guys were gold. They were clever, worked as an ensemble and were very well-liked. 2. The late-80s. Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, Phil Hartman, Chris Farley. These guys were nuts and I think they could be a match for the Pythons. Tragically, the outright suckiness of current SNL and the Dennis Miller era will totally cancel out the good SNLs. The only real wildcard is Steve Martin. He may be their only hope... Who the hell am I kidding? Jim Carrey and the Wayans Brothers would mop the floor with all them. Long Live In Living Color! - Mike Brzeski, I love Jim Carrey and I don't care what anyone says! The Monty Python crew impersonated Frenchmen who actually won. If they can bend immutable laws such as this, what can't they do? They won't even need to bring in the English Soccer Hooligans, although it would lead to some amusing scenes of violence.... - Mr. Bugaw Here's the thing - if the Pythons are thinking, "we just need to wait for a 16-ton weight to land on them," they merely have to pull a lever and it happens. Failing that, as they also showed in the same sketch, they have guns. And that's ignoring the swords they can also bring. However Saturday Night Live does not feature any weaponry at all. And one of the first rules I learned in life was to never go empty-handed into a gunfight, or a swordfight, or a fight in general. One lesson learned too late by Lorne's boys. - 32_Footsteps - the Eve of Destruction My brain overloaded at all the hilarious Monty Python quotes I could have incorporated into this response, so let me just say the Saturday Night Live crew's remains are going to be messier than Mr. Creosote's. And because this is the definitive British comedy against a mainstay of American comedy, I'll finish with a reference to great Australian comedy: Shaun Micallef rides up On His High Horse and throws SNL INTO THE BIN! *whip crack* - Mixmaster Flibble - Upper-Class Twit of the Year, '02 Oh, yes, I remember that dark day when SNL and Monty Python went to battle. It was a bloodbath, to be sure. The opening salvos were fired when the Killer Bees launched a surprise attack against the Pepperpots. The surviving members of Batley Townswomens Guild were forced to re-enact Pearl Harbor, taking out Bill Swerski and the Superfans. The battle lulled for a while, as Roseanne Rosannadanna fought the practitioners of the Fish-Slapping Dance to a standstill. Hans and Franz were powerless against the Whizzo Chocolate Company, which had just came out with the Belgian Botulism Bonanza Sampler. Likewise, The Festrunk Bros. utterly demolished Mr. and Mrs. Hun, as well as their two children. Robert Smigel's cartoons lie in shattered parts, as a giant foot soared down from the heavens, smashing them with a comical splat. Dead parrots lay strewn about the battlefield, along with thousands of Happy Fun Balls. Sir Bedevere was holding his own with Theodoric of York, Medieval Barber, when Biggles' biplane and the Frequent Flyer's 747 crash-landed into the both of them. Oh, it was a day to bring out your dead, it was. In the end, all that was left was a man in a suit, sitting behind a desk. He surveyed the scenery, quipping "And now for something completely different." - Tracer Malone (I wouldn't be suprised if this response shows how good it is at not being seen) All the casts of SNL vs. the five limeys that call themselves Monty Python? That makes them the underdogs! That means we'll be seeing the SNL alumni making like bad guys in a kung-fu movie (like they did in that one sketch when John Goodman was hosting), coming at the boys one at a time and getting KO'ed in rapid succession, until Lorne, the main villain, takes them all on in a climactic battle, being nartrowly defeated by John Cleese, whose silly walk is actually an ancient and powerful martial art. But at least the lessons the SNL team learn, and the friendships they form as Grudge Match losers, will last the rest of their lives...along with the stench of bitter failure. - TB Tabby Python has got armed knights, RAF officers, the Holy Inquisition, and the terrifying sarcasm of Doug Pirahna. Who has SNL got that's scary? Well, there's Mr. Mike. When Mr. Mike proves to be all bluff and no action, the SNL crew will have no choice but to reach for their most terrifying weapon: It's Pat - The Movie. But their opponents are Brits, raised on buggery and floggings, and a little gender ambiguity isn't going to scare the likes of them. - Mr. Glag (gotta go with 3 good seasons out of 3 over 3 out of 30) You know, when my SNL-loving ex asked me to bring some Monty Python tapes to watch on a Saturday Night, I felt kind of weird. I don't know if you remember this, but she and I used to live together. I used to quote from the show all the time. I used to act out the "Dead Parrot" sketch from memory. That was me, you know? So a year and a half ago I sort of had a disagreement with her. I wanted to continue dating her, and she felt the exact opposite. So she dumped me after saying SNL was way better then a Monty Python rerun. Now, if this was on a bulletin board I could have had one hell of a flame war on my hands. But, see, this was a relationship so she got me. But now, here comes the weird part, it's only a year and a half later, and now she asks me to bring some Python tapes on a Saturday Night. So I wondered, how did I go from being dumped for worshiping Monty Python, to being asked to bring Life of Brian and Meaning of Life for us to watch? How did the films get so much funny!? It was inexplicable to me, because, lets face it, I have less sex appeal than Eric the Halibut. Then it occurred to me, Monty Python and I haven't gotten better with age. My girlfriend has become as desperate as SNL. Okay, so lets recap. The bad news is, I'm only marginally more appealing then Graham Chapman's corpse. The good news is, Saturday Night Live sucks and my ex-girlfriend blows... - Not Norm MacDonald but an Adequate Imitation Please...some challenge here. Monty Python will devour SNL like Oprah devours a baked ham. Not only are they trained in the art of Not being Seen(tm), and you can't forget that Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition (amongst their weaponry are such forms of diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the pope, and nice red uniforms(tm)). Especially since the British talk funny (Top hole! Bally-Jerry pranged his kite, right in the how's-your-father, Harry Blighter dickie-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Bettie-harpers and caught his can in the bertie!(tm)), SNL will be toast. Let's not forget that Monty Python are past Grudge-Match champions, while Dennis Miller lost handily on the Weakest link. Let's not forget how low the Python's will stoop. They'll even eat their mothers (Not raw, cooked; roasted. A few French fry, broccoli, horseradish sauce(tm))!! Any more evidence? Three words for you: The Dirty Vicar. And for those that still think SNL will win... i have this to say to you: SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS, TOFFEE-NOSED, MALODORUS PERVERT!!!! - Keeper of the Light--and Monty Python fan, please, Do Not Adjust Your Set. Who am I to be more scared of? The entire SNL cast or the evil killer bunny rabbit from Monty Python and the holy grail? Unless the SNL cast has a Holy Hand Grenade (tm), they sure as hell aren't gonna beat the guys from Monty Python. Besides, you got to use your head in this. The Monty Python cast has a lot more balls than mostly every member that has ever been a part of the SNL cast. Plus, THEY DIDN'T NEED TO HAVE PEOPLE LEAVING EVERY TWO OR THREE YEARS. They weren't egotistical and they weren't worried about precious Hollywood deals to appear solo in Hollywood movies. The formula stayed the same till the show was stopped. For god sakes, MP has John Cleese on their side. Do you guys have any idea who and what they have now at their disposal? John Cleese is the new Q for MI6, which means that he not only has at his disposal and unwavering arsenal of super gadgets (tm), he can also have help from none other than Sean Connery, and every actor who has ever had the chance to play James Bond in there career despite their quarrels with each other. With the help of the Bonds, Monty Python will beat SNL faster than you can say "BUT I DON'T WANT SPAM." - TheEVILMike I don't want to see the SNL cast or the Monty Python cast get beaten up. I like them both, and I cast a foul curse upon those who tried to force me to choose between them. I'm going to look for other options. My screen only has the two buttons. There's lots of other buttons on my keyboard. But I don't see one saying SHIT OUT OF THE CAST FROM MAD TV CLICK! Now that's a vote I can feel good about. - mtk1701 It looks like my cries for genuine comedy have not been in vain. However, it's clear that the Monty Python gentlemen will tear the wussy SNL twits to shreds. A cursory glance at these six men, and you'll see that victory could only be theirs. Graham Chapman - He's apparently returned from the grave, which could be a helpful skill in case of an emergency. (Belushi isn't resurrected; it's just the coke keeping his corpse in motion) He's recently sealed an alliance with Gandalf, the greatest wizard of them all, while SNL only had Ian McKellen for one episode. Plus, he didn't let the fact that he was gay keep him from being hilarious, unlike that subhuman Jimmy Fallon. John Cleese - Yes, I know that Mr. Bean defeated the immortal Basil Fawlty on this website, but I blame it on the Palpatine vs. Q backlash: the Trekkies needed to prove that an impish yet brainless guy that creates havoc wherever he goes could defeat a regal, if apoplectic and smarmy statesman. In any event, Cleese has an army of violent zookeepers on his side, as well as Jamie Lee Curtis, who could probably crush half the SNL crew with a withering glare. And if a Cleese character loses his temper, nothing short of the Apocalypse results. Eric Idle - I know that he's done mostly stinkers and kid's movies in recent years, but I respect anybody who's survived encounters with Dudley Do-Right, Cruella DeVille, and the ghost of Cathy Moriarty. Brrr. Michael Palin - He not only can take a lot more punishment than his boyish frame would suggest, but he can knock off puppies with ease. And it's a lot harder to kill puppies than to kill a bunch of lousy stand-up comics. (You actually feel bad when puppies die) And if he starts a lecture about migratory swallows or the African mosquito, the field will be cleared pretty quickly. Terry Jones - Anybody insane enough to make "Erik the Viking" could massacre anybody SNL could send after him. Terry Gilliam - Mark, have you forgotten that Gilliam hails from your beloved glacier of Minnesota? That place breeds warriors far tougher than anything that soft-shoed out of New York City (Motto: "Broadway is still hardcore!"). Plus, I saw some of his animation when I was a kid and it scared the living crap out of me, and his 'toons still rank among the most disturbing things I've seen. The cartoons from SNL only put me to sleep. A final blow against SNL is that they can't do anything unsuitable for network television, lest they lose their ignorant teen audience. Monty Python, however, relishes blood and gore on every occasion, and will use it to their advantage. The few assets to SNL (Steve Martin, Mike Myers, The Blues Brothers) would likely switch their allegiances when they see who has the superior comic force. The final shot would be of John Cleese disdainfully crushing Tina Fey's broken glasses under his heel as the animated severed head of Chris Kattan rolls across the screen. And now, off to exact revenge on All That... - Oxymoron, Lord of Mufflesonthurgonworthsilkinparp (the vowels are silent) Graham Chapman was dead and cremated and still got more laughs than the last ten seasons of Saturday Night Live. Plus, Python looks much better in dresses. - VooDooPork -- The Other White Meat I really hate to vote in SNL's favor. I really do. But I'm afraid I have to. Before you all try slapping me to death with a fish, let me explain why I've made this choice! Initially, yes, Monty Python is a much funnier and superior comedy troupe. But, in actuality, SNL's crappiness actually comes to their favor here! Have you ever actually watched Saturday Night Live? They don't know when a joke ENDS! I recall an episode of the Simpsons where Krusty guest-starred on an SNL skit called "The Big-Ear Family!" In the skit, Krusty enters the room wearing huge fake ears and tells an awful ear pun that nobody laughs at. Krusty groans and whines "And this goes on for 12 more minutes..." HOW TRUE THAT IS! SNL skits are horrible, atrocious one-shot jokes that aren't even funny... and they NEVER die! Of course, you might try bringing up the point that SNL skits occasionally end with people dying, but the Monty Python guys are absolute maniacs who kill people left and right all throughout their skits. Okay, that's true, but it's not helping 'em HERE! Sure, the Brits will slaughter the Yanks right off with something very silly like a big cartoon foot or a deadly banana (gasp!); but in an effort to be funny, the SNL group will come right back to life as semi-funny zombies that... well... honestly can't even get a laugh from a hysterical mental patient. Oblivious to their own failure as human beings, SNL will go on to kill the Monty Python guys who, realizing that they can't win against undying enemies, do what they do best: ie die in the funniest ways possible! In the end, SNL wins because they NEVER, EVER, EVER DIE!!! Monty Python also wins, though, because they at least died with laughter on their sides. (10 years later, SNL finally realizes that their zombie skit was never funny and it finally ends. The undead cast, to the joy of the whole world, ultimately deteriorates to little more than ashes in the bright daylight. All Mangled and Killed Button wins again!) - The Mysterious Dr. X (I voted for Monty Python anyway. I've never forgiven SNL for giving us Adam Sandler) This match couldn't be more obvious. Just take a look at the pictures for this match. Yes, the Pythons have a Rottweiler on their side. 'Nuff said. - The Amazing Rando~! Bad Monty Python cast members: 0 Bad Monty Python skits: 0 Bad SNL cast members: Listing of all bad cast members would blow the Grudge Match's bandwidth. Bad SNL skits: Listing of all bad skits would cause the entire Internet to collapse from exhaustion. For the sake of saving the Internet, let Python win and don't examine why. - Kilgore Trout You ever think about how easily Mr. Bill would squash under the giant Python foot? Actually, he'd probably end up looking somewhat like Spam. - king rex the first Monty Python is so powerful that in The Holy Grail, the French actually won. How can SNL hope to compete with that? - Thought Police ummmm... the funniest thing SNL has ever done was to put the Rock in a dress, a really girly dress. monty python made spam and dead parrots funny. certaintly, the whole dead parrot gag ranks right on up there as the british version of *who's on first?* gotta give it to the limey brits here on this one. now, if this was monty python versus kids in the hall, this might be less of a bloodbath... - College Boy in Ann Arbor, Meeeshigan!! The Monty Python Gang enter Grudge Match Headquaters
John Cleese: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
- Hyper_Intelligent_Fish (He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!)
SNL are American, they play football, a game where a bunch of pansies
dress up in a suit of plastic armor because they're afraid of a
bloody nose, and where the game stops every few minutes for
commercial breaks for christ sake!
Monty Python are English, the country that invented rugby, which led
to US football, where real tough men play without any protection
whatsoever for eighty minutes with one small break (to mend any
broken limbs and stop people bleeding to death, before sending them
back out for the second half of the game)
Now, who would be tougher, I wonder...
Not to mention the fact that Monty Python have King Arthur and his
knights and Jesus on their side
- Rokuam
- Bitter Psycho Chick
- Pareeha, who has known only one bad thing to come from MP, their Holy
Grail
Ale.
"Eric, that's a banana... and why are you dressed in drag?"
- The Mad Josher
*ahem*
{He peers expectantly to the producers.)
- They Call Me Marsh
Monty Python is gonna come out of this looking like Mister Bill in a
mosh pit.
- Trickster
The "funniest joke ever written"
I wonder how well SNL can handle real humor.
- Plain, simple Garak
Humour used by troupes like Monty Python and SNL can by measured with
the magic "Q": quotability. The more quotable a movie is, the longer
it will be remembered. People can reel off entire scenes of Star
Wars, letter perfect (though frankly, I don't give a damn). SNL and
their cast has done some good quotes: who didn't say "NOT!" when
Wayne's World was in theatres? Pulling out "We are on a mission from
God" is still a blast. And in quoting SNL films, (sometimes) they're
ALMOST as funny as watching the movie. Which means the quotes will
stick around for a while (the closer the quote is to being as funny
as the actual movie, the longer it lasts).
Monty Python (especially The Search For The Holy Grail) is the only
comedy I've ever heard that's actually FUNNIER to quote than to watch
(not that it isn't funny to watch). If being almost as funny as
seeing the movie means the quote lasts longer, being FUNNIER than the
movie means the quote lasts FOREVER. Long after everyone's stopped
singing "We are the three AAAAAAAAmigos" (wait, everyone already
has!) MP quoters will still assure us "I'm feeling fine. I think
I'll go for a walk."
So, it'll be better for the SNL crew if they bravely turn their tail
and flee, 'cause buddy, those aren't just flesh wounds.
- Robbb "can you believe I get excited about this kind of bull$h!t?"
Anticlimax
- Dave from Simple Ruin http://simpleruin.cjb.net
I had the misfortune once of seeing on the TV over here in the
UK 'Saturday Night Live', and to be frank it was CR*P!!! Never once
did I laugh. I switched over the channel and guess what was on? Monty
Python's Flying Circus. The rest of the evening was spent with me and
my brother laughing our heads off as we recalled every single joke we
had just heard.
Not one joke in Saturday Night Live is original - Monty Python is!
The Spanish Inquisition, the Dead Parrot sketch, Ministry of Silly
Walks, etc. Original (as in, not stolen from some other guy's comedy
show) and memorable. Something you cannot get with Saturday Night
Live.
The crew are also not afraid to take the mick out of anyone.
Take 'Life of Brian' - it caused such an uproar in religious circles
but did Monty Python care? No! Did they carry on taking the mick out
of religion? Yes (in Meaning of Life)! As far as I know, Saturday
Night Live dare not do such things - to make a joke against their own
president is just blasphemy against their Patriotic "oh, so precious,
powerful, superior" America!
So, for daring to go against established circles, for originality, wit
and humour on an untold scale, I award Monty Python this Grudge Match
victory.
- Commissar Black, 635th Elysian Drop Regment ("Valkyries")
We could go by casts. But there's far too many SNL casts, often chock
full of craptacular characters and such silly sots. We could go by
type of humor, but SNL's humor is most often pop-culture centered
(read: loses comedic value within two seasons), while the Pythons,
with a sick assortment of Gumby brothers (not THAT Gumby, DAMNIT!),
upper-class twits, falling 16-Ton weights, and twisted officers of
the law complete with "What's All This Then?" T-Shirts, win by a
landslide. We could go by the number of quality films each side has
produced, and, as with the casts, while SNL may hold the numbers
advantage, I'm afraid fine films such as the Blues Brothers and
Wayne's World are gonna need a lot more help than A Night at the
Roxbury and The Ladies' Man when they go up against Holy Grail, The
Meaning of Life, and Life of Brian (which, by the way, was produced
by none other than George Harrison... yes, THAT George Harrison... yes,
you twits, the dead one).
So, let's try to make it fair, shall we? Let's use reoccurring
characters from each, the best of the best.
Up against them, we have... you know what? Screw it. Reading that
list, I realize that there truly is no way in hell to make this fight
fair. There's no way even an SNL All-Star Supercast, with names like
Belushi, Chase, Lovitz, MacDonald and others, could combat the mighty
wrath of the Pythons.
Besides, I think we've all overlooked the deciding factor: the
Pythonians wouldn't have to read how the fight goes off of cue cards.
Winner: Pythonians, before you can even say "Wink-Wink, Nudge-Nudge,
Say-No-More".
- Mithrandir, Who's Mother was a Hampster, and Who's Father Reeked of
Elderberries
Monty Python has been and always will be funny. Unfortunately,
can't say the same for SNL.
- Adam B.
- Monkeydog
If Eric, Graham, et al. even have the slightest HINT of a chance at
losing, they can call upon the greatest weapon ever invented: RABID
INTERNET NERDS.
Yes, rabid Internet nerds. Scientific studies* (*which I just made
up) indicate that 90% of the Internet's nerd population can recite
the entire shooting script of "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", 67%
can recite "Life of Brian", and 41% know every sketch from "Live at
the Hollywood Bowl". Plus, most nerds are law-abiding citizens, and
can thus take advantage of the "conceal-and-carry" laws for personal
handguns.
After Dennis Miller gets off a lucky punch at Terry Gilliam, the
nerds swoop in on scooters and personal jetpacks and open fire. The
only casualty among the Pythons is Graham Chapman, who is clubbed
with a shovel as one nerd reenacts the "Bring Out Your Dead" sketch.
Final analysis: Monty Python's Flying Circus, five seconds.
- The Man Called True - "I did like 'Coneheads', though."
Me, I'm not one of them, so I'll just say this. Tina Fey: Hot.
John Cleese: Not hot. Once again, the Schwing Factor overrides
everything else.
- Infraggable Krunk
The BABE(TM) Factor:
The RAGE(TM) Factor:
The Cool as Mentos(TM) Factor
The Star Trek must loose Factor(TM)
The French suck at everything except cooking Factor(TM)
The English soccer Hooligan Factor(TM)
The Chihuahua Factor(TM)
The SNL squad puts up a brave fight, but falls to the Monty squad.
- Minister Of Advertising For PCSS
Other than the actual words of the killing joke, the last words
spoken by Chris Kattan are: "Hey, what's this extra page at the back
of the script? Looks like an extra joke." The Python troupe also make
sure that the text of the lethal joke finds its way into the eulogy
notes at the SNL cast funeral; that way they get all the SNL alumni,
just to be safe.
My theory is that the joke starts with "A priest, a minister, a rabbi
and a blonde farmer's daughter walk into a bar holding light bulbs,"
but it's probably not healthy to think too much about it.
- Mr. Silverback-- "Silverback, what's your prediction for the Vikes-Pack
games?" "My prediction? Pain."
The SNL cast is unimpressed. They outnumber the MP cast by
much more, so what could one more opponent mean? However, their snickering is cut off by a whirr of motors and sad little clinks. A depressed robot clunks onto the battlefield, eyeing the SNL members as if it the most difficult thing in the Universe.
Yet another fight. Brain the size of a planet, and I am reduced to some type of depressing battle robot. Who are you
Earthlings, anyway? Saturday Night Live? Well, you're just as
depressing in the morning. And when dying. And any other day
of the week, it's all so very depressing."
Then suddenly, a two-headed, three-armed man bounds out of
the shadows, blowing hell out of perfectly harmless trees and
mailboxes with a Kill-O-Zap gun. He grinned, and shouted,
"Saturday Night Live, huh? You must be so amazingly glad to
see me you can't even find words to tell me what a cool frood I
am. Then again," Zaphod Beeblebrox grinned an insane grin as
he pointed his weapon at them, "I'm not on your side, am I
dudes?"
"So this is it," muttered Dan Aykroyd. "We're going to die, aren't
we?" The others shout at him to shut up, as they grow more
nervous by the second.
"Energize the demolition beams," said a voice from over a
loudspeaker just then, "apathetic bloody TV show. I've no
sympathy at all."
That does it for SNL people. They run off screaming, panicking,
and doing what normal humans do best. When all of them walk
away, Douglas Adams walks out of the shadows, holding a
megaphone.
"It's helps that you got better too, chap," Graham said to Douglas,
patting him on the back. "They never suspected you helped us
with the show. Bloody good job. Now who would like the honors
of closing this up?"
"Can't I just go now?" asked Zaphod impatiently.
" 'Who wants the honors of closing this up?' How depressing,"
grumbles Marvin. "I suppose you want me to do it. But I won't
like it."
Sadly clunking off to a desk that appeared out of nowhere, he
sits down it with much grief and sorrow. Then he adds in a voice
so sad it would make any normal SNL fan break down in tears,
"And now for something completely different."
*Cue to Monty Python opening, and we have another great
episode.*
- Groucho Magmarx
There are Kids In The Hall.
- -The Mattly One
However, what to my wandering eye should appear on the screen but
John Cleese playing Lucy Lui's father! (Okay, so he's not Oriental,
and she's not part-white.. but how much plausibility do you expect
in a film like this?) Anyone who's seen either film known that
Cameron Diaz is an irritating ditz and Drew Barrymore is an annoying
bitch. This leaves John Cleese as the father of the best new Angel.
The film contains many allusions to others, such as "The Matrix"
and "Spider-Man". By far, the worst one was a tacked-on, less-than-
subtle allusion to "The Blues Brothers". It would have been
forgettable, was it not so pathetic and un-called for.
So here we have a Monty Python member making an action movie/chick
flick worth watching, and a reference to a comedy spawned from
Saturday Night Life making it worse.
Besides, Cleese is Sherlock Holmes' grandson, and Holmes is a Grudge-Match Champion.
The Pythons after two pipes.
- Bowman (and, yes, I DID write the plot summary for "The Strange Case" on
IMDb)
*change scene*
The Coneheads are sitting down together for a quiet evening when the
doorbell rings. Dan Aykroyd answers the door only to be hit on the
head by a man with a mallet. "Ouch!" "No, no, no. Hold your hands to
the side of your head, and then go Waaaaahhh!" The man strikes Dan
again, and the entire Conehead family is tied down and forced to
endure a 12 hour Getting Hit On The Head lesson.
*change scene*
Another exciting round of Celebrity Jeopardy begins as Will Ferrell
is forced to endure another of Sean Connery(this time, the real
one!)'s horrible insults. However, before the dreaded round of Final
Jeopardy can begin, three men in cardinal robes rush in, announced by
accordion music. The men enter and announce "Nobody expects the
Spanish Inquisition!" Will Ferrell is kidnapped and subjected to the
horrors of the comfy chair. He is then read the world's funniest joke
and subsequently dies laughing.
*change scene*
As a whole army of well known celebrities line up outside the
Saturday Night Live studio to host the evening's entertainment, Mike
Myers, an old pro of the show, steps forward through the crowd to
host tonight's special contest against Monty Python.
*change scene*
David Spade steps out to begin the show, but is suddenly stepped on
and crushed by a giant left foot.
*change scene*
The technical crew behind SNL are on the ground crying out in agony
as the Knights Who Say Ni! continue their relentless verbal barrage
of "Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!"
*change scene*
The cast of Monty Python stands victorious as the legends of comedy
that they are.
- T-1000
- Claymore
- Scott
The fight is over quickly and as the victorious Pythons walk off
into the sunset Eric Idle can be overheard saying "Good thing they
didn't have a pointed stick."
- 014
- Fish of Death
Until the Grudge-match web-designer's computer suffered from a fatal
Windows-Blue-Screen-Of-Death (TM) crash.
- Peter "Perhaps it was being dictated" Tutham
- ~SamG
- "Mad Dog" Mike
- The Professor!
- The Iron Jeff™
All I know is that the ghost of Chris Farley will fall over and
break something.
- Some Jerk
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