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What is Grudge Match?
What is Grudge Match?

Commentator Comments

| Jeff | Mark | John | Brendan | Dave | Joe | Hotbranch! | Shane | Paul |
| Steve | Brian | Jump to Viewer Comments |

Farewell to the Grudge Match

For you new fans, I retired as commentator years ago; Brian agreed to let me say farewell.

Last night we had the final party, but I came back this afternoon to take one last look at the Grudge Match Towers. As I look at the flotsam of an echoing office in bankruptcy liquidation -- the old Post-It(tm) notes littering the floor, the paper clips in corners, the dried bloodstains hastily but incompletely mopped up -- the memories come flooding back.

I remember the drinking parties, the knife fights, the paternity suits.... I remember the first time one of my jokes was -- stolen? borrowed? -- on national television. (Joe Bob Briggs used a surprisingly familiar joke about Raymond Burr being as big as Godzilla two weeks after our match).

I remember that there was a match that we all really wanted to see done. It was Love Boat vs. Titanic. (And really, who wouldn't want to see Charo and Kate Winslett in the same squared circle.) But we just couldn't find the right scenario. Brian said it was our Kobiashi Maru. And then the opportunity just slipped us by.

But mostly I remember the day I, personally, jumped the shark. It was soon after they brought the Hollywood types in and I stopped doing the commentary for the love of the match, and started writing for ratings. (Expensive fade to flashback, a younger, eager to please Jeff sits in front of a pony-tailed producer....)

"Hey baby, noone loves the Stratego match better than I do, but we gotta give the people what they want. And the people want the violence, the mayhem, the 'both mangled and killed'...."

Just a tip to you young wannabe writers out there: If you are ever sitting at the keyboard, with the pathetic whimpers of a gut-shot Elmo echoing in your imagination, and you find yourself thinking, "But have I gone far enough?" Well, really, it might be time to start exploring some mental health options.

And that was the match where I knew I had jumped the shark.

But I am still hopeful for some kind of rebirth. Perhaps a reunion match, a few years hence, where all the commentators (Even me!) oil up their chainsaws and shotguns and settle the question of who was the best once and for all. Or maybe, decades hence, some new Hollywood producer will reimagine the Grudge Match for a new audience, making it darker and more edgy, pissing off all the old fans by making something that is not just a modern rerun of the old Grudge Match concept. Although, since the Grudge Match is already as dark as Marine Corps coffee, and as edgy as an eight-dimensional shuriken, perhaps the pendulum will swing the other way. Even as I type this, my computer speakers crackle and pop as my tachyon receiver tunes into a distant future conversation....

"Hey baby, noone loves the old Grudge Match better than I do. I grew up on the old Grudge Match, but when I said 'tone down the violence'... well, take this bit about Gopher and Doc tackling Leonardo deCaprio and farting on his head repeatedly, it's just not what we are going for. We have to give the people what they want. The people are tired of fighting. The people want friendship, love, cooperation. People solving their problems in a positive, mutually validating and beneficial way, but, you know, with humor. It's all about the love baby."

It makes me sick just thinking about it.

Jeff Barton
Grudge Match Commentator (ret.)

My future has plenty in store. I plan to start a troupe consisting of me, someone who looks kind of like Steve if you squint and there's bad lighting, and someone whose name vaguely resembles Brian's.

I haven't decided on the ensemble's name yet. It will either be "Grudge Match's Mark Wentz and Friends" or "Grudge Mark." We will be embarking on a tour of State Fair web sites and web sites for small clubs in the middle of nowhere and college towns. Of course, my Grudge Match tell-all book is already being ghost written. See ya soon at the Betty Ford Clinic!

My Love and Best Wishes to you all!

- Mark Wentz

Introduction to Grudge: My first contact with the Grudge Match came in the spring of 1996, when I was a twentysomething twink freshly out of grad school working in this federal government job where my main function seemed to be as a pawn to be used in office politics. It was also the time that I first had full access to a web browser through my job. Since I had inherited my computer from a previous employee, most of the installed weblinks seemed to be to male bodybuilder sites and soap actors. So I didn't think the web had much to offer me at first.

That changed when I randomly happened on Grudge Match. It was the Earth Day match between Taz and Paul Bunyan. The whole approach floored me, particularly Brian's discovery of Bunyan's Lutheranism. I was too intimidated to send in a response right away - I waited through that match and Calvin vs. Bart just watching this insanely creative site which was seemingly the natural culmination of the web. Finally, during Midas vs. Reaper, I printed off a copy of the match and over the course of several smoke breaks, furiously annotated my copy of the match and created a detailed line of argumentation as to why King Midas would win. When I got selected as the Silver ROTW, that gave me more satisfaction than anything I did at work that year.

The Amazing Race: One summer, because I was late in submitting material on a match that I was working on with Hotbranch!, I contacted him and suggested that since my brother and I were going to be driving from Ottawa to Montreal that weekend anyways to take in a Canadian Football League match, that I get together with him after the game to do up a "live" version of Grudge Match. He agreed to it readily, but word leaked out to the rest of the STGF that we were planning on doing this. While we had been working together for about a year at that point, and while some of us had met Steve and/or Brian, none of us had met anyone else from the STGF. So then Paul loudly announces that he would be travelling to meet his New Jersey counterpart Shane Tourtellotte before Hotbranch and I met. So I, in turn, move up my travel schedule. You can see where this goes. This story doesn't make any of us look particularly good. Anyways, the match that came out of this was the Ferris Bueller/Joe Clark match.

BOSCON: The first "real" Grudge Match Live took place at BOSCON, a science fiction convention in Framingham, Massachusetts, that Shane, our sci-fi writer, was a regular at. Paul agreed to tag along for the ride, and since my in-laws are from central Mass, I agreed to drive down to meet them there for the show. We put on three matches: Conan vs. Xena, Scooby Doo vs. X files and Godzilla vs. King Kong. Paul and I did the commentary and Shane moderated and put together some "visual aids". We did a kickass job, got big laughs out of the audience, but NOWHERE NEAR the reaction that the "expert panel" of sci-fi personalities put together by Shane did. They were John Bonham, we were Jason Bonham. That was when I was really convinced that, given the right circumstances, the Grudge could be done cross-media. I still think that if Brian and Steve found bikini models and then did voiceover dubs, that Grudge Match could have been a hit on the UPN.

Favourite matches (involved in): ESH/French Army will always have a place in my heart, especially the incredible scenario that Shane drew up. The way we argue past each other is great. I also love Cujo/Postman and Roaches/Rats. Going through the history file, I'm not terribly surprised at my heavy involvement in the latter-day absurdist/flat-out-stupid matches - Match Game 77, Kool Aid/Michelin, Amish/Hippies. I loves me the weird and stupid.

Favourite matches (not involved in): Midgets-Centenarians - my favourite match ever. To me, this is my personal Grudge Rosetta stone. McClane vs. Death Star - achingly brilliant comedy. I also like Stooges/Marx Brothers - great commentary by Paul and Shane, Rock, Paper, Scissors, which is the match I most wanted to be a part of, and even more in retrospect, and who doesn't like Steve vs. Brian with the awesome commentator switch. Paul and I briefly considered something similar for Canada vs. USA but abandoned it after we realized we'd be quickly killed.

- John "Thinkmaster General" Hnatyshyn

Well, it has been quite a ride hasn't it? Looking back at the last several years, I can look with pride at having proving Bart Simpson right that "nothing beats rock", complain bitterly about how Captain Kirk was unjustly defeated by a git who had to have Ewoks save his butt, and apologize one last time for my part in the Robert Stack and Jack Walsh vs Jack Palance and Leonard Nimoy matchup. And while the adversary Devin remains at large, I have it on good authority from the Mental Hospital that they are closing in on him and expect to have him back in his padded cell within the month.

As for me, with the Grudge Match coming to an end, I can now turn my energies to two other projects. The first, of course, is my law suit against the nation of France, seeking reparations for it's crimes against my Huguenot ancestors. Incidentally, if President Chirac is reading this, I will accept Laetitia Casta as a settlement for all my claims against your country. The second project is of even greater importance. Removing all records of what happened in the 2005 Cotton Bowl.

So in closing I have just one more thing to say, and yes I have said this many times before but since this is the last chance I will have to say it, all of you who are still actually reading this get to hear it one last time. "The Rage is overrated."

- Brendan Guy

I never thought that I would get to be a Grudge Match commentator. I loved reading through each new match, considering both points of view, and offering my insights. I even won a few ROTW awards, and that was enough for me. Then Jeff decided to retire, as it were, and I got the call. I was living in Japan at the time, and I was nothing short of thrilled to be able to join the team. I have always wondered why the powers that be chose me, when there were so many other talented writers clamoring to be guest commentators. I think it was because I believed very strongly in Grudge Match, in the nearly infinite potential of its very concept. More than this, I made it a point to express this belief to Brian and Steve. From all this, I learned a very valuable lesson: If you truly enjoy someone else's work, it's always a good thing just to let them know. There are too many complaints in the world and not enough praise where it is due.

Over the years, I have relished each and every match I've been a part of. It may interest you to know that writing commentary is about the easiest part of the job in my opinion. Generally speaking, it is hard to be funny, but on the strength of such a great concept, this is not the case at all. What was sometimes difficult was writing the scenarios. Some matches, like the Iron Chef Battle, practically wrote themselves. But think of an obvious match, like Flinstones vs. Jetsons, and try to determine how one could bring about a plausible and funny encounter between them. More abstract matches, such as the Battle of the Seven Deadly Sins also required a delicate touch to allow the commentators and audience enough material to work with. It wasn't always easy, but I am particularly proud of matches in which I was fortunate enough to write the scenario.

It was even more difficult to select which responses to include and which to award. You guys, our audience, never ever failed to amaze me with your creativity and skill. If you ever won a ROTW award, or even if one of your responses was simply included in the response file, be very proud. Those responses made up the bulk of the content on the site, and they are (were) as funny as anything else that you can find on the internet.

I think what I liked best about Grudge Match were all the inside jokes that were shared between everyone. Together, through the years, we created a kind of internal mythology that comprised the Grudge Match universe. Various feuds, mascots, rules, and personality quirks were simply accepted as part of our universe, known by all. I often wished that more of this sort thing would spring up; I even tried to facilitate it a bit by doing things like suggesting a mysterious Grudge Match adversary in the Time Travel Match, for example. I guess inside jokes need to germinate naturally, but the ones we did share were great fun.

I want to thank each and every fan who took the time to read our humble little website. I also want to thank anyone who ever cast a vote for one of my sponsored combatants. Even though it's more about providing entertainment than ostensibly "winning", I still felt gratified by my record. I especially want to thank my fellow commentators for never once making me feel like the "new guy" even though I obviously was. You guys were great to work with, and I couldn't ask for nine better adversaries.

So what does the future hold? I can't say for sure, but years from now, when you and some friends spontaneously start debating which icon of current pop culture could beat another in a fight, I hope you'll smile and think of us fondly.

- Dave '1/2' Nelson

Well, I guess it's about time to lock the doors to the Grudge Match arena and place a nice "For Sale" sign on the Dragon Hamster Corporate Offices. The last bus will be departing for the internet-comedy archives to take our place alongside The Brunching Shuttlecocks and SatireWire. Someone tell Devin and Vlad not to worry, I'll wait until group therapy gets out. I am, after all, the official bus driver of the WWWF and can hold this sucker here all night.

While we were deciding to end the WWWF Grudge Match (again) there was a suggestion for the commentators to leave some final thoughts just in case there were still people coming here after a decade (!). Several ideas were thrown about: top-10 lists, rating our favorite comments, love letters to Rainwoman (our only consistent female responder) or free-form essays. As it turns out, we're all too lazy to commit to anything specific, so for my part I'll leave you with a couple lists of links to play with.

- Some Dork (a.k.a Joe Weber)

    Ten Things You Probably Didn't Care About Unless You Were Me

  1. My Caine vs. Walker Response garnered me my first of two ROTW awards. I had only seen a few episodes of the original Kung Fu and nothing of Walker, Texas Ranger and yet I managed to win that week. Sweet. It was only my second response ever to the Grudge Match (the first was for McClane vs. the Death Star, a much abbreviated version of which eventually made the book) so I felt really special. Even to this day, the thought of Kwai Chang Caine's Mentor taking off his clothes and running around screaming "Wheee!!!" makes me laugh.

  2. Revenge of the Nerds vs. Animal House was probably the best scenario I ever wrote. I hope Mark doesn't mind me accusing him of being a Home Economics professor who is sleeping with Karen Allen. More to the point, I hope his wife doesn't mind. In his Bronze Grudgie response, "Coach" Silverback names the Grudge Match U. mascot as the "Fighting Hooligan". If there is one thing I would like to have as a going away present, it would be a hat or t-shirt with a picture of a English Soccer Hooligan holding a beer in one hand a chihuahua in the other, embossed with "GMU". That would be sweet.

    My favorite part of the scenario, though, is when Brian claims he and Steve have been the deans of GMU "Ever since Brendan had to 'teach' a certain responder a 'lesson'." This, of course, was a reference to Devin's constant death threats to Brendan W. Guy. To this day, I have no idea what this fierce hatred of Brendan is based on, but Boba Foot was the only responder who pointed out the reference in the response file, which makes me think the whole thing went over most people's heads.

  3. Another of my all-time favorite moments is in the Seven Deadly Sins match where I eschewed the commentary altogether and just talked about how fat I was. I think I realized that there was no way gluttony was going to win over lust or sloth so I just decided to run off into tangent-land.

  4. I think I pick on the Poobah a lot. In the aforementioned Animal House scenario, I accuse him of offering to help with panty raids. Later on, in the Pop Stars Circus Maximus match, Brendan accused me of leaving copies of Tiger Beat in the Grudge Match offices, but I close out the commentary saying that they are Paul's.

  5. My favorite match of all-time here is the Rottweiler vs. Chihuhuas match. I didn't have anything to do with that one, but I reference it every chance I get. My favorite allusion to it would have to be from the Cheech & Chong vs. Bob & Doug match where we cover them in taco sauce and steak sauce just like the original Rottweiler/Chihuahua scenario.

  6. There was a number of things I never really poked too much fun at, here at the Grudge Match. I was never a fan of the Sedate Vlad fund (he was to funny when he was wacky) or the whole "Jihad" thing. The only moment I really remember fondly about Jihads was during the commentary for the Mario vs. Sonic match. Mark tried to pull out some wacky cheat codes to help Mario win, so I hit him with the "Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right-B-A-Select-Start" (which any old school nintendo fan will recognize as the Konami Code) and claimed that it started "Jihad Mode" in which "an underground group of militant lunatics skews the match into the contestant's favor." Mark merely replied with "Dude, we all know there is no Jihad mode."

  7. Some of the best response files we ever got were from matches where we tried to elicit some more creativity from the responders. The best example of this was in the Scully vs. Starling match where we asked the readers who they thought dog-napped the Grudge Match chihuahuas. I really can't take credit for this as it was John's idea, but it turned out really well. If you read the responses for that match, you'll see all kinds of wacky theories, including the guy who says we did it ourselves for the insurance money.

  8. During the Grudge Match years, I spent most of my time living in New Mexico (a fact that gets poked fun at a lot in my own commentaries) but I was actually born in Wisconsin. I really only took one jab at my home state and that was in the commentary for the Laverne & Shirley match. Of all the random unnecessary slams I've made that are only circumstantially related to my life, the one about University of Wisconsin students is probably my favorite.

  9. I have a potty-mouth and it hasn't really changed much from my first response in the John McClane vs. the Death Star match, where I count six obscenities (if you include "jerk-off"). The last thing I wrote here was the Pokemon vs. Care Bears match, where I had Tenderheart Bear growling "That little !#@%cker zapped me"! I have problems holding back my tongue I guess, but I still think Tenderheart's line is really funny.

  10. Probably the biggest change I've undergone here at the Grudge Match is that I @$#%!! hate Star Wars. It didn't start off that way. When I was a kid, I loved Star Wars. I had hordes of action figures, an X-Wing fighter and even the Darth Vader head carrying case. If you read my response to McClane vs. the Death Star, I seem to have a lot of respect for Boba Fett. This all changed during the Boba Fett vs. The Predator match where the Warsies came out in full force against an obviously superior opponent. I still can't believe anyone could think Boba Fett could beat the Predator. It just baffles my mind. On top of that, one of the responders called me a loser for not knowing the name of the "pit thingy with all the tentacles" (as I had put it). That really pissed me off. For years. I complained about it all the time and worked it into the commentary whenever I got a chance. My favorite time was in the Revenge of the Nerds match where I accuse the nerds of wasting their time in a certain newsgroup.

    Sadly, this seems to have soured me for life on Star Wars because every time I see two geeks in a coffee shop arguing over which Jedi is cooler, Obi-Wan or Luke Skywalker, it drives me into a frenzy. I won't even date a girl if she can sing the theme song.

All the way up to the final match, my favorite part of working on this site was editing the response files. User feedback was, of course, essential to the success of the site, but beyond that I really liked wading through reader's responses, laughing at the sometimes absurd, sometimes very observant suggestions. Brian and Steve have already put a list of their top ten favorite responses on the site, but I'm going to add mine here as well. These are the ones that I would consider mandatory reading for anyone who has spent any significant amount of time here at the Grudge Match.

    Ten Responses You Just Can't Live Without

  1. Paul Golba's play by play in the Joe Camel vs. Spuds MacKenzie match -- This is the response that actually hooked me on the Grudge Match and got me where I am today. Don't tell Paul. He'll never let me live that down :)
  2. Dave Nelson's "Aliens are Voting" in the Ripley vs. Connor match.
  3. Kilgore Trout's "Steve and Brian are really Brian and Steve" response in the Steve vs. Brian match -- I still get confused reading this.
  4. Vlad the Wonder Hamster's "Death in Bureaucracy" response to Death vs. Taxes
  5. Mindi Sue's Gold Grudgie response for the Circus Maximus of the Pop Stars match -- The whole babbling cheerleader thing was perfect for this match. As a side note, the pictures for this match have to be the best ones on the whole site.
  6. Ogre's Bronze medal from the Battle of the Batmen match -- I, too, have a growing appreciation for Adam West.
  7. All three ROTW winners from the Mrs. Doubtfire vs. Tootsie match -- the single best group of ROTW winners in my opinion, right ahead of the three for the Pokemon vs. Care Bears match.
  8. Hurricane Andrew's "Opposable Thumbs" response from the Lamb Chop vs. Sock Puppet match -- Silver Medal, but very observant and creative.
  9. .30-06's "Bake Me a Cake" response to the Mario vs. Sonic match -- I too have been confronted with lousy video game endings. I heard the original video game ending from Japan was the Princess telling Mario she had a "bun in the oven" but the translation was screwed up for the American version.
  10. Dom's "Fortune Favors the Bald" response from Maximus vs. Spartacus

I have been notoriously silent on this issue for a number of reasons: on one hand, I've been really busy with work and had even less time than before to commit to anything that doesn't involve work, sleep, diaper changes, or cooking. On the other hand, I am still interested in having an outlet for come more, um... creative writing. That's not to say that Grudge Match isn't the resource, but the fight concept has run its creative course for me.

That is kind of sad, since, after Steve and Brian, I have been following and contributing to the site since pretty much the beginning. But, in terms of Internet time, 10 years is a HELL of a long time to have lasted with any degree of popularity, quality, and success. Better to go out before people start comparing us to Cher or Elton John.

As for my creative writing outlet: I have found a new resource which is different, yet somehow contains a link to the Grudge. is one of the in places to visit for reality TV haters. I have been lurking for a very long time, but started posting a few months ago. I obviously made an impression, as they asked me to write a Survivor summary. How does this relate to the Grudge, you might ask: well we were mocking Survivor in the second TOC before making fun of Survivor was cool. Check it out!


- Hotbranch!

Okay, time to scare myself. It was mid-1996 when I first discovered this site. That is nine years ago - where does the time go? - and that still makes me a latecomer among the commentators, perhaps the latest of them. I made up for lost time, winning a Response of the Week™ for my very first match. (No hints. This is your impetus to search our voluminous archives.) One thing led to another, and Grudge Match became a big part of my life.

This site contains just about everything Grudge Match ever did, but I want to spend a moment to reminisce about a part most of you never saw. In 2002 and 2003, other commentators and I performed a trio of Live Grudge Matches at science fiction conventions across the country. It was kinda my idea: I am a science fiction writer, and I knew that con audiences would probably appreciate our off-center humor. And, yeah, they did.

The format was familiar, though with substantial modifications. The host (always me) would give the match scenario, accompanied by Powerpoint slides (and occasional music and sound effects) chosen to establish the scene and to be just plain silly. The two commentators would trade arguments, backed up by more silly images, some created but mostly ripped off from the Internet (and occasionally Photoshopped). Then came the responses, from three brave volunteers from the SF community, ad-libbing for all they were worth. Finally, audience voting would determine a match winner, as well as the best commentator. We always adapted classic matches, though with plenty of new material, and we could get in three matches in just over an hour.

Paul Golba was always one of the commentators, and handled putting together the Powerpoint slides. The second commentator slot rotated. Thinkmaster handled it at Boskone (Boston area con) in February 2002; Brian winged from Georgia to San Jose in August 2002 for ConJose, which was the World Science Fiction Convention that year; Dave Nelson assumed the mantle for Boskone in 2003.

There is no way to recreate what we did in mere words. You truly had to be there. I can just share a few high points:

*During one response vote, the instant of absolute silence when we called for votes for responder Dave Howell. Then came the laughter; then came Dave storming out of the room in high dudgeon. He was, of course, playing the moment for laughs. Darn good sport.

*Our desperate pre-show search for a replacement responder at Con Jose when someone dropped out late. We found Adam-Troy Castro at almost the last minute, and he promptly won the commentator's prize. (He also suggested our Pac-Man/Tribbles match, and still gets the giggles whenever he thinks about us.)

*Time managed to ripen one of our greatest matches, John McClane vs. the Death Star. Die Hard 3 and a pair of Star Wars prequels gave us the chance to weave in Samuel L. Jackson on McClane's side, with the classic admonishment, "Do not mess with the brother with the extra-long light-sabre." And we had the slightly retouched picture of Mace Windu to match. Of course, Paul then had to note that Mace almost got beaten by battle droids, a group even Jar-Jar Binks could defeat, meaning Mace was likely to come up, ahem, a little bit short. And we had the slightly retouched... oh, you get the idea.

*But the ultimate climax to Live Grudge Match came in the commentary for that very match, our last at Boskone 2003. In his turn, responder Michael Burstein got up an began declaiming the virtues of his man: the long Senate tenure, the near-miss at a Presidential nomination ... until Ian Randal Strock reminded him that we were talking about John McClane, not John McCain. Michael gave a perfect "Never mind," and brought the house down. And our audience promptly voted the senior senator from Arizona the match over both Bruce Willis and the Death Star. We could never top that, so we didn't try.

I'm grateful to Paul, Thinkmaster, Brian, and Dave for being part of all that. I also gratefully acknowledge our crack response teams: Esther Friesner, Bob Eggleton, Dave Howell, Adam-Troy Castro, Ian Randal Strock, Michael A. Burstein (who really was kidding about the mix-up), and especially Keith DeCandido, who was a commentator for all three Live Grudge Matches ... and came in second in the overall voting each time. Well, he's consistent.

As for Grudge Match, Da Original Web Site™, thanks go out to ... well, everybody. To all the commentators, starting with Brian and Steve, without whose inspiration none of this would have been possible. (I still want a miniature golf rematch, Steve.) Paul Golba kept Grudge alive during the Great Hiatus, so extra kudos to him for never saying die - and for being a great friend.

And a special thank-you to everyone who responded to our matches over the years. Many names became almost as familiar as our fellow commentators (most of whom, of course, rose from those ranks.). I can't possibly be comprehensive, but special mention to Rosencrantz, Mr. Silverback, Charge Man, Devin the Mental Hospital Escapee, Captain Corcoran (whose musical ROTW to Solo/Kirk is an all-time great), The Genius Formerly (and Still) Known as Eddie, The Demented Astronomer, The Infraggable Krunk, Chris "Jedi" Knight, paTRICK heSTER, Vermin Boy, Data-Kun, Dusty Sayers, Darth Brooks, Peanuts Pat, Rainwoman, and everyone I've forgotten. Just go read all of our matches, find out who I missed.

Darn. I already miss Grudge Match.

Well, who knows? We've pulled comebacks before ... but until then, remember to call me ...

- Shane (Tourtellotte)

Please forgive me, but for once in Grudge Match (TM) history, I am going to be serious here (for the most part, at least). There is something I need to say.

Thank you.

That's the short version. Here comes the long version. You've been warned.

I first encountered WWWF Grudge Match (TM) in college when some friends found the site during the famous Death Star v. Enterprise massacre. It hooked me in right away, but I never really considered writing anything for the site. If you read my prose during that time, you'd understand why. I would say I had fairly good writing skills for your average computer geek. All the facts would be there, but typically it was boring, repetitive, and far too long (I would turn five page papers into ten pages, somehow). This is not exactly the ideal style for comedy, as I had learned the hard way. (Fun Fact: Crickets only happen in cartoons and bad sitcoms.)

But for some reason, I was inspired and sent in a short response for the first Addams Family v. Munsters match. I figured if I was lucky, it might get included in the response file. It won Response of the Week (TM). Despite the Roger Maris-ish caveat that "This received ROTW (tm) honors not because it was the funniest, but because it was the most accurate", I was in shock that either Brian (TM) or Steve (TM) even liked it. So I tried something longer and more comedic for the match's sequel, and I won the ROTW (TM) again, this time with no caveat. My addiction was complete.

So, first, I want to thank Brian (TM) and Steve (TM) for liking my writing. And I must also thank them for improving my writing skills - each response challenged me to improve. It was better than Hooked on Phonics.

(For the record, my writing deficiencies are all my own. I had very good English teachers. For instance, my high school sophomore professor was a brilliant man who taught me a great deal. He was also very big and looked like he could crush my head with his bare hands. Did I mention he was brilliant?)

Let's fast forward a few years, before this starts resembling my old writing style. Brian (TM) notified me that the site was shutting down and (out of character for me) I became obsessed with saving it. The result was the Save the Grudge Foundation (TM), made up of Steve and Brian's seven hand-picked favorite responders and myself. Back then, I had a goal of keeping the Grudge Match (TM) concept alive for a total of five years from its inception. (Darn, there goes my lucrative career as a psychic friend.) The result was WWWF Ground Zero.

So I want to thank Shane, Jeff, HotBranch!, Thinkmaster, Some Dork, Brendan and Mark for indulging me and supporting me in the Ground Zero endeavor. Without them, it never would have happened.

Ground Zero proved to be more difficult than I imagined. There was a lot of work involved running the site: updating, graphics, scheduling, commentary, web hosting. Fortunately, I did have help - I can never thank Shane enough from taking the scheduling job, which was driving me bonkers - but even then it was tough. For all of you out there that think cutting down a response file is all fun, it isn't easy. Unlike that ruthless bastard Brian (TM), I am easily amused and the darn Iron Fist (TM) didn't come in my size! I felt guilty cutting out someone's response. If the Ritalin Reading Room (TM) wasn't the result of me giving up after hours of cutting, then it should have been. But I think we did a pretty good job. It wasn't perfect mind you. With what I know now, I would have chosen a more exciting 100th match, a better web hosting company (CI Host - phfffft!) and a former Baywatch "actress" as a commentator (though that last one may just be me). There were people who complained and you know who you are. But IMHO the good far outweighed the bad. There were some great matches. Our innovations of The Final Word (TM) and especially the Tournament of Champions seemed to work pretty well, don't you think? And if that doesn't convince you, remember we kept the Grudge alive until Brian (TM) and Steve (TM) got back to their senses (or lost them, as the case may be).

For all of you that supported WWWF Ground Zero and made it a success, thank you. I appreciate you tolerating our stumbles and sticking around. Hopefully, we were a productive waste of your time.

Before this gets too long, let me wrap this up. I want to thank everyone who laughed at my jokes at the Live Grudge Matches we did at various science fiction conventions. And I especially would like to thank the people who contributed material, as I am certain it was the jokes getting the laughs and not my great delivery. Special thanks go to Shane for making it all possible.

Thanks to all those that have voted or sent in responses or suggested match ideas. There was no Grudge Match (TM) without you.

Thanks to Dave 1/2 Nelson, who I somehow managed to ignore up to this point.

I would like to thank Mr. T. I pity the fool that don't thank Mr. T.

And finally, I want to thank Shane who, as well as being a great commentator, has become my best friend.

It's time for me to say goodbye. It's been a good run. I hope you had fun.

Grudge Match (TM): Where useless knowledge breeds champions. I resemble that remark.

- Paul Golba

[A big public thank you to all of our commentators that have helped keep the site going for the past, oh, seven years or so. We probably would have folded up tent a lot sooner without you. Heck, we did. -- Brian & Steve]

Cellophane was an invention that created completely by accident. It was supposed to be a stain resistant tablecloth, but didn't come out quite as planned.

Stainless steel was discovered by a scientist looking though a pile of discarded junk steel samples. Teflon (tm) was a complete mishap in the labs at DuPont.

It is truly amazing how some great things just "kind of happen". Grudge Match was one of these things. It was originally meant to solve a argument of Gary Coleman vs. Webster, one of the great philosophical debates of all time. But like the accidents above, there was something else lurking there, and it reared its head as Grudge Match.

But what happens to the cellophane covering your slice of Velveeta (tm)? It gets wadded up and thrown into the trash. And then, and your Teflon (tm) pans eventually wear away to the stainless steel underneath, which then gets caked with burnt grilled cheese goo, and is then also thrown away.

Likewise, we've scoured Grudge Match down to the point where there's not much left of the great thing it once was. Whereas it used to be an endless source of entertainment, for me it has eroded over the years to more of a chore than a joy. At that point, it's time to move on. But I know that I will still from time to time peruse the archives, because there is some truly great humor in there, and you can never have enough of that.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go to the store and buy a new pan...

- Steve

When we started this on a whim oh-so-long ago (DID YOU KNOW: we were on the web 2 months before ESPN?), I don't think we envisioned much of anything coming out of it, other than a few chuckles amongst ourselves. Looking back, it's amazing how many great things have happened, in two areas in particular: 1.) What we've gotten to do, and 2.) the positive impact we've had on people.

It's been a great ride for us. Steve and I got to put together a book with a major publishing house (we got pretty punch drunk picking out the pictures), we recorded a radio commercial for our own book signing, did several live interviews on morning radio shows, got a lot of great print press including the Chicago Tribune and Entertainment Weekly, and even got to have a few meals with television executives in places like Manhattan. Personally, my highlight was probably the trip to Montreal for the Just For Laughs comedy festival in 2000, where I got to go behind the scenes and up front, and got to meet Louie Anderson and Eric Idle. That Live Grudge Match in San Jose was pretty good, too.

Equally amazing, though, are the stories we get from people that tell us our site has had a direct and meaningfully positive impact on their lives. Several of those can be found on this page. Career guidance, forged friendships, and assistance through some very rough spots in life -- we've heard many stories. All I can say is that makes it all worthwhile, even if nothing else came from it. But something else did come from it: I got my own career guidance! When I took the plunge to pursue Grudge Match professionally, it was a bit of a risk for someone with a PhD. But I had a great time and I learned a lot, particularly about marketing, licensing, and negotiating contracts. Well, low and behold, I ended up landing a job that combined both of those avenues: marketing and licensing technologies invented at, of all places, my and my wife's alma mater, Auburn University. It couldn't be a better fit professionally, and I had no idea the field even existed six months before I had the job. There's a lesson there for everyone: find what you're passionate about and go for it. You never know where it might lead. "'Tis better to fail while daring greatly than to live with those cold timid souls that know neither victory nor defeat." -- Teddy Roosevelt (paraphrased)

Now with the serious part out of the way, it's time to reveal my Deepest, Darkest Grudge Match Secret™. Not long after Steve and I rejoined the site after a few years off, I had to wonder: did I still "have it" comedically? I still wrote commentary, but was it still fresh and funny? It was hard to tell. And, sure, I could send in comments like a lot our writers did, but I figured I would make the cut regardless (at least I better!!) and by rule I was ineligible for ROTWs. So where's the feedback in that? So every now and again, I'd send in a response under an alias.

I only did it three times, all under the name "Shaggy", an obscure nickname I had very briefly in college. To my pleasure, all 3 got posted, and two of them garnered Gold Grudge ROTWs, one for Nostradamus v. Dionne Warwick (my personal favorite) and another for M&Ms v. California Raisins, good enough to land me on the all-time responders list.

Of course, some of you may thinking, "But that's not fair!", to which I humbly reply, "PBBBBHHTTT!!" Hey, I was jumbled in the mix along with everybody else, so if you wanted to rise to the top, you should have been funnier. This site is run by Darwinism, not Socialism. But for anyone that may still hold a Grudge (tm) over that, you'll be happy to know that I got royally screwed on my third submission for Rock v. Paper v. Scissors. My essay on physcial laws and the complex intellectual dynamics of a three-way stand-off beaten out by potty humor?! Who edited that response file, anyway? I may have to garnish their wages and give it to the others. OK... maybe there is a little Socialism.

- Brian

Viewer Comments

For this final response file, we retired the Iron Fist™ and let you speak your mind, so these comments are largely unedited. There was that one guy that wrote a rap song that was a little too vulgar and way too personal, but other than that, it's mostly here. And while we hadn't planned on doing ROTWs for this section, one particularly funny response, not to mention our undying love of irony, changed that. We also did several Final Words.

Also, to clarify, the archives will stay up indefinitely.

Thanks for your kind words and your participation. We wouldn't have gotten very far without fans. Although we might have finished grad school a year sooner.


Excerpted from 'O Harley Night: The Rise of 'Comic Book Universe Battles', @2083:

"...And so, by the early 2000s, C.B.U.B. had established a presence on the 'World Wide Web', but had yet to dominate its niche, let alone break out into a wider audience or other markets. Before expanding, it had to overcome 'WWWF,' a rival that aimed for a higher-brow audience. Despite initial vigor, this competitor folded due to exhaustion, but how did this exhaustion come about?

"The more obvious cause was the computer virus unleashed by the Braveheart Jihad (THERE IS NO JIHAD) in the last days of 1999, in the hopes of going undetected amidst the Y2K chaos; although WWWF creators Brian Wright and Steve Levine succeeded in saving the world from this menace, the price of their victory was the destruction of their own media provider (the CI Host), without which their primitive turn-of-the-millenium technology was cut off.

"Documents later recovered suggest that WWWF was thereafter the subject of persistent, if less spectacular, harassment from the vengeful Jihad(TINJ) in the form of mindless fanboy responses by the tens of thousands. This avalanche of banality took its toll upon the editors, making them more lethargic and addle-minded. The first obvious decline was the end of the monthly newsletter in 2003, followed by a shift to a monthly format for the whole site.

"If a peak to the WWWF's quality could be pinpointed, an arbitrary cut-off might be 2/26/01, as this was the last time that they gave a bi-weekly award to Matt Bricker, a regular contributor of exceptional insight, wit, and, above all, modesty. Bricker's ramblinglengthy responses were invariably the result of thorough and painstaking analysis, requiring the entire 2-4 weeks to complete, and this author rarely settled for a half-hearted job. Unfortunately, the worn-out WWWF commentators rarely had enough energy to fully appreciate his last-moment submissions, and he was never to again receive Grudgie-level recognition. In fact, there was a marked decline in his writings even being posted. The Final Word (tm), if one were needed, came in the omission of his brilliant treatise on Care Bears, the id, nihilism, and the nature of evil.

"This final disturbance in The Grudge Continuum even spread into the larger pop-culture media, resulting in a settling of Grudges worldwide. There were free and somewhat-bloodless elections in Iraq, Osama bin Laden made his fateful decision to head the charitable Kumbaya Foundation in the coming spring, British soccer audiences grew as sedate as field mice, and even nemeses Mr. Peanut and the Pillsbury Doughboy had dinner together in harmony.

"And what of the principals? Brian later went on to dismantle the Braveheart Jihad(TINJ) from his post as United-States-Canada Secretary of (Mis)Information under the Jenna Bush administration. Steve began his slow climb up the hierarchy of Exxon-Time-Warner- Microsoft-Honda-Mattel. Paul ruled his local PTA chapter with The Iron Fist(tm). And Mr. Bricker? His remaining years were spent on a never-ending statistics dissertation predicting the outcome of Big Bird vs. his weight in emus, reminiscing of the heady times of WWWF when he 'got published.'"

- Matt Bricker (So long, and thanks for all the fish.)

Silver Grudgie ROTW Silver Medal GrudgieTM

Sure, people may think this is the true and final end of our beloved Grudge Match. Mr. T pities you fools. Nothing as wildly popular as the Grudge Match ™ goes entirely into the Night™ folks. Consider successful franchises, and you will know what's coming:

Spin off shows, crappy and otherwise.
Hotbranch! will go on to star in Branch, a wildly successful website based in Seattle that has the same basic structure as the current Grudge Match, but will feature only sophisticated and specialized topics, such as a match between Pavel and Bazarov from Turgenev's Fathers and Sons. Future Grudge Match, which comes up with hypothetical Grudge Matches of the future (Brainiac 5 vs. the Britney Spears Bot version 2.0!) will enjoy moderate success on DVD. Unfortunately, AfterGrudge, a monthly comic book that holds Grudge Matches, will find any battleground different than the Internet would not be able to capture the Grudge Magic. But none of these options will be available to Brian and Steve. Instead, they will engage in

Yes, Brian and Steve will eventually return to the Internet to give their Legions of Fans™ Minor Disagreements, a website which challenges voters to tell them what rhetoric they think will be used in civilized debate between Grudge competitors before they engaged in all out Grudge Match. The chronicles will get increasingly popular as it tells the tale of how Mr. T came to be the Grudge Match mascot, but will hit a temporary snag in The Phantom Deliberator, which forces on us a dopey CGI commentator named Har Bar Hijinks, a blatant attempt to create a marketable persona for the youngsters. Minor Disagreements, seeing as it takes place in the Future™ with Futuristic technology, will include a fully functioning VR simulator. This may make the original Grudge Match look quaint and old. Indeed, many fans will wonder how Dragon Hamster expects us to believe Grudge Match took place after Minor Disagreements, but that will be solved with

Retooling of the original franchise!
Grudge Match will be remade, once we have the technology, to make it bigger, faster, flashier, with consistent appearances by Ian McDiarmid! Rumors have it that Peter Jackson has the rights to Grudge Match, the Movie™, after he is finished with his Totally Necessary Remake™ of King Kong. But don't get too excited, fanboys. Jackson has dropped hints he will make some artistic changes in order to satisfy his personal vision of the Grudge Match. Webster's going to win, kids.

- B. Katos

Bronze Grudgie ROTW Bronze Medal GrudgieTM (tie)

So. This is it. The final one. The Disney and Microsoft lawyers have shut their briefcases and slithered home. The remaining Hotbranch! 3:16 shirts have been taken to a hole in the Arizona desert and buried. Devin has escaped through his last water-fountain-shaped hole in the mental hospital window. Brian and Steve have closed the doors of the stately Grudge Towers, and entrusted the key to Mr. T.

I never thought I would see the day. You'd expect something like this, through all the ups and downs of internet culture, would hold out forever. Now... it's gone.

For a while, we spoke as gods among men. We took on all targets, all manner of contenders, and we decided for ourselves, "Yes! Gary Coleman would beat Webster! Star Trek must lose! There is no Jihad! And here is the proof!"

All things must pass, my friends. But, I'm not worried. No, so long as there is an Internet, and people have opinions, this site will go on.

For we will have been trained by fire, by the Iron Fist and all its progeny. We will strip our sleeves and show our scars and say "These Grudgies I earned, by sweat and blood and toilet humor", and we will count ourselves among the fortunate, who stood on the digital landscape and claimed this corner for our own.

Grudge Match, end? Maybe, in this form. But we will always keep it alive in our hearts, and keep the mission going. Wherever there's a fight over who would win, Picard or Kirk, we'll be there.

We'll be there wherever people argue over which is the worst movie, "Gigli", "From Justin to Kelly", or "You Got Served".

We'll be there wherever people cite the Babe Factor™, or the Rage™, or punctuate with those little ™'s.

And wherever people engage in imaginative, complex situations to solve simple arguments - we'll be there, too.

Godspeed, Grudgies. Requiescat in Pace, WWWF.

- Tracer "Mother of Mercy, is this the end of Rico?" Malone

Bronze Grudgie ROTW Bronze Medal GrudgieTM (tie)

Grudge Match, you will be missed. As you ride off into the sunset, courtesy of Mr. T's custom 1982 GMC van, know that you've entertained my friends and I for a long time. Also, thanks for finally giving me a Final Word (tm), amidst all of my inane ramblings.

Don't worry about coming back; some retirements are meant to be. But just as everyone tried to be the Next Michael Jordan, someone on the Internet will try to be the Next Grudge Match. Here's to those crazy guys, and hope they'll make it just as much fun as you guys.

And finally, a bow for avoiding a match you couldn't care about to hit a meaningless numerical milestone.

- 32_Footsteps, finally beholding the destruction

Jesus. I tried to come up with a funny, amusing response, but it just sounds hollow. I'm gonna miss you guys. This has been one of the funniest sites I've ever been to, and it just won't be the same without my new Grudge Match fix. Peace.

- mtk1701

Wow... I was barely here, only a couple responses posted and the site decides to leave... this is a sad day on the Internet. You guys provided me with some great moments, and its a shame that it has to go.

While I cast my vote for the Seinfeld-like send-off, in reality, you guys, every single one of you, is more like Futurama. A great site, that's going out with so many matches left untold. So much more potential to be earned. At least FOX wasn't involved in your going out. No, you are going out the honorable way.

So many new things are arriving in the world, many with great Grudge Match potential. How they will fare, I never will know. MEGAS of MEGAS XLR will never show his blue build in the ring to throw down with the Mega-Maid, a.ka. Spaceball One. The Teen Titans will never get a chance for Robin to at the Grudge Match. Many fighters left, their tales yet untold.

For every time the Iron Fist#&153 threw down, for every All Mangled and Killed&$153, for every #&153(#&153) that ever was placed on each contestant of Mentos-level Coolness#&153, for every Jihad#&153 (There was no Jihads)#&153 that came into play, I leave you with this.

May your legacy be known to the denizens of the Internet, Grudge Match. Your intelligence and wit beating every ad-riddled, typo- filled, piece-of-junk net site that is so prevalent today. I honor you and salute you. You truly are one of the best...

- GreenNinja, throwin' all the losers helluva far!

So another great chapter in our Nation's storied history comes to a close. Since the moment I first saw Grudge Match: The Book and purchased it, at a book store chain that I don't even think exists anymore, through the wonderous days of finally getting a response printed, to copping the coveted Golden Grudgie(TM) to the day I captured the almost as equally prestigious Final Word(TM), The Grudge Match has been a regular stop for me when cruising the web. I will miss it, surely, at least as much as The A-Team, though not quite as much as The Simpsons.(Stop living the lie folks: The Simpsons have jumped, and they ain't comming back!)

I regret not the time I spent pondering the matches, writing up responses, shecking the polls, and writing in suggestions for one of the finest web sites in the young history of the world wide web. I regret not one vote, nor reply I submitted in my quest for ultimate Grudge Glory(TM).

I've no regrets save one:




(I'm presently shaking with a RAGE(TM) on par with Kirk in Star Trek II when Kahn burries him, his son, and his away-team alive on the Genesis asteroid, as we speak... GRUUUUUUUUUUUDGE!!!!!!!!!!)

I'm as disillusioned as Brian was when he found out Colonel Sanders wasn't a real Colonel.

Nothing seems real...

- Walker: Plexus Ranger (He could've been one of the greats...)


IT CAN'T BE!!! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO US!?!?! HOW CAN IT END!?!?! If you don't want to do this anymore, why can't you just pass the torch to some new group of devoted grudge-match fans with new ideas and a lot of free time?!? Why does this have to happen?!? WHY?!? Don't end it forever!

Grudge-Match is like SNL, The Simpsons, American Democracy, and the Energizer Bunny. It keeps going and going and going and going, or at least I thought. So much for that.

Thanks for all the matches you did do. We'll miss you.


Seriously. If none of you want to continue on, find younger, more pop-culture knowledgable replacements. You know, like on SNL. Just because some of those people went on didn't mean that they had to cancel the whole show! Why must you take away our Grudge- Match just because some/all of you don't want to continue!

- Dr. B

Well, nothing could top this chain of events if your ultimate goal was for an entire base of fans to kill themselves.

- Smooth Jimmy Apollo - It's from Bill Simmons, dammit!

What?! It's over?! But I had so many more suggestions to make! Underdog vs. Powdered Toast Man! Pikmin Vs. Lemmings! C'mon!

- Cap'n Freed

If I buy the book, will you put this response up so that I may start to organize the STGF™ Version 2.0? I'm just crazy enough to do this man! Wither or not I'm motivated enough to actually do it is another question all together. Click Here To Save the Grudge-Match!!!

- BIGMRG74 - Click the link my friends and together, we can save the Grudge-Match from those Losers who have to start living in the Real World now.

One of my friends introduced me to Grudge Match several years ago. Long after he quit visiting the site, I kept voting month after month, and even got posted in the responses 3 times (my proudest achievement; god, I'm a nerd). Grudge Match is my all-time favorite web site, and I am genuinely sad to see it end. Thanks, Steve and Brian, for all the great memories. And to the rest of you... you did good too.

- Adam Seaton (AKA Adam S, Jaken, Miles Prower)

I really wish this wasn't ending! I feel like I just discovered this site, until I stop and realize I've been following it for three or four years. It hasn't gotten old! Is it possible to simply pass the torch onto younger grad students, or something? I don't want Grudge Match to die!

- Weird Mark

"And now, the end is near, I draw my breath..." Ah screw it.

Grudge Match (tm)... marvellous... blah blah... changed my life... blah blah... how will I cope... why god why... blah blah... must be a scheme of the undead Carrot Top (tm)... blah blah... please don't go... ppppppppppppppppppplllllllllllllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... blah blah (tm)... Simpsons wins here, you guys were always fantastic... Simpsons cannot lose (tm)... duh! (tm)... blah blah (tm)... the escape from the Death Star match and the Skywalker vs Potter match were the best... blah blah (tm)... and that kicking ass match was a long time coming... blah blah... thanks for everything... blah blah (tm)... can you not at least create a message board for Christsakes?!... come on... come ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnn... come on, Star Wars is ending soon, do you really want to doom us all to the horror of going outside??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... blah blah (tm)

- Jonathan Milne

Damn you. Damn you all. I stumbled on this site about two years ago and its been a source of entertainment for me ever since. Every week I check out this site and 8-bit Theater at to tickle my funny bone.

And now you walkin' out on me. If I didn't love you all so much, I'd hate you passionately. Now I'm just going to have to break out the chihuahuas and let them eat you just for old times sake.

You guys are the best. Have a nice meal!

- Kryptonite - Bye HotBranch! Canada loves you...

Well, so long, and thanks for all the fights.

- Rainwoman

Hey guys it was great time, and I really enjoyed it. Please keep the website up.

I guess now CBUB is going to be my main waste of time now. Well at least you had Ash win the last fight. I was hoping that a Crocodile Dundee match would be made, but oh well.

Good luck in your your future tasks

(Bagpipes now playing Taps and Amazing Grace)
Yes I am a bagpiper

- Kilt-Man

Aw geez, man. You are going out like legends, like King Arthur or Michael Jordan. Well, allow me to give you all what happens during the funeral & the aftermath.

(Cut to the Grave of the Legends (tm). The funeral for Grudge Match is set. A sign says "Today: Grudge Match. Tommorow: The rest of Marlon Brando." Steve & Brian prepare their notes, while all the Grudgies make their seats set. The 8 winners of the TOCs come first, with MST3K knowing NOT to riff a funeral. Next comes the 2nd placers in the TOCs (not Death. he was busy looking for Osama); the Tick, MacGyver, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Han Solo, John McClane, Calvin & Hobbes. Next comes Homer Simpson, who other than Mr. T, is Grudge Match's idol. Then all the others, except for the "Mangled & Killed" ones, Dale Earnhardt, & Carrot Top. A young Grudgemeister-in- the-making; one "J Dog, God of Dogs", reads his eulogy before the 11 Commontators meet up. Here it is...)

J Dog: Sniff, it has come to this... you are now gone. I just got here during the Gunnery Sgt. Hartman vs. John Winger match only to see two more. I just have this to say as we lay the toothy bald guy & the website to rest...

"Ah, Grudge Match.

You finally are leaving us after entertaining us mindless boobs for nine years.

After we saw that Mike Nelson, Crow, & Tom Servo can defeat Death & prove to the world that the favorite CAN'T win everything.

After Yoda became your "Uber-Champion", but in his TOC, it showed that Dilbert can defeat a tough man like Duke Nukem.

After Mr. T became your mascot. After Homer Simpson out-ate Norm Peterson. After we learned what happened to Dr. Clayton Forrester. After Willie defied the Braveheart Jihad & crushed William Wallace. After Bart & Calvin both went to TOCs even though Bart won. After Odie survived Bill T. Cat. After... aw heck! I can't go on with this part!

You survived Barney the Purple Dinosaur, Wesley Crusher, the Braveheart Jihad, AOL, Albert Gore, a server crash, Carrot Top, vote stuffs, & all the like. (Cut to Mr. T sobbing & grabbing his gold hankie).

(deep breath) 248 matches. Every last one better than the previous.

Gary Coleman: Whactya talkin' bout, J Dog. My fight was the least important?
J Dog: No. It was the first, so it was one of the best.
Tom Servo: I give that eulogy so far a 8.5.
Mike: SERVO!
Crow: He's right you know.
Mike: CROW!!!
J Dog: Aw crap. I lost my place. I just want you all to know that ...
Homer: (sobs) This isn't happening! THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!!! (he's at the buffet line & they are out of tenderloin, but you get the drift.)
J Dog: I just want you all to know that Steve & Brian did a great job with this site from the 95 Windows software at Cornell University (Go Big Reds!). Here they come. Everyone, Steve Levine & Brian Wright (solumn clapping).
(After a while)
Steve: ... and this is why I will miss all you guys.
(Cut to Devin the Mental House Escapee, Oxymoron, Vlad the Wonder Hamster & all the others huddling each other, trying to comfort each other.)
Brian: Let's put the guy to rest.
(The casket lowers as Willie plays his bagpipe. Everybody starts crying a river so large, it puts the Nile to shame.)

... 5 Hours Later...

(A giant intergalactic ship is launching from Cape Canaveral, with help from Carrot Top's father, a not-so-wicked-like-his-son guy. Inside the ship includes every character (not the guys who couldn't go to the funeral. They were left for dead) from Grudge Match & some from every request that couldn't be get to now, meaning 5,000 robots, animated characters, pop culture icons, idiots, brutes, fans of the website, & commontators.)

(The front of the ship, GM1)
Steve: Who knew Grudge Match's end would doom mankind?
Brian: Beat's me, as well. At least we got all of these guys who wanted to come live with us as we would go from galaxy to galaxy for a new place to live.
J Dog: (walking up) How was that eulogy?
Steve: Good, but about one of those people you chose to come with us.
J Dog: Yeah, the girl from that "Kirby" show (Tiff), well?
Brian: She is fine, but some moron from (Deven711) tried to get her. Of course, he got blasted out of an airlock (recall the Ripley & Alien scene from 'Alien' at the end, with the airlock thing.) That fool.
J Dog: (sneers) The guy was fine, but since he called her a "stupid retard", hell with him. Plus, he's a Red Sox fan.
Peter Griffin: Thanks for getting me here, Homer.
Homer: It's alright. Besides, what are guys who look like me for?

(Watch as the giant ship fades out of the moving camera, as every Grudgie bids goodbye to a zombie Dale Earnhardt-infested world)

- J Dog- Ah, I am SO going to miss you guys!

Hey, I've been here since the beginning. I remember randomly discovering this website while I was in college. I read through every single match, word for word, and then each and every response. I was around for every great match, I was present for each time the response file record was broken. I was there when all the great Grudge traditions started (Rage™, Iron Fist™, There is no Jihad™). I remember the crushing heartbreak when the GrudgeMatch first closed its doors, only to be resurrected by the GroundZero folks. I recall the triumphant return of Steve and Brian. I worshipped at the temple of perhaps the greatest response of all time, from John McClane vs. the Death Star.

I have been an internet user for nearly 10 years, and in all that time I have been more loyal to and more addicted to the Grudge Match than anything else that exists. There is nothing else that captures our love affair with pop culture, celebrities and geekiness nearly as well.

I don't know if anyone else shares my sentiments, but I think that GrudgeMatch is probably the single greatest internet site of all- time.

- Adam B. (no, this is not my shameless attempt at earning that elusive Gold-Medal ROTW Grudgie)

Man, I really can't belive its come to this. I have been viewing this site since I first heard about it (about 8 years ago) and have been watching ever since. Its a shame to see it go, I would have liked to see some rematches that I'm sure the loser would have won (*coughcough* Calvin vs. Bart *coughcough*), but at least I'll still have the memories and the all of the site info. But even still its a big dissapointment to see this all go.

- Siphai

Ah crap, now we'll never see a Master Chief versus Sam Fisher match. Oh well, goodbye fellas. My only regret is that I didn't get a golden award. Thank god you let Godzilla win that match aganist King Kong. Being a an internet junkie is such a lonely existance without these sites. Shall we go out to the strip club then?

- Lizard-Man: Still a virgin

Wow..... just..... wow..... Grudge Match closing up shop. 5 words I thought I would never ever hear.... but.... hey, all good things must come to an end.

My God.... I remember two very distinct moments from my several times of sending in comments:

1) My first time getting my response used: Letterman Vs Leno. After viewing so many Grudge Match matches, I figured: "hey, why not try out a response yourself" so I did... and lo and behold you guys picked mine to be used. That was truly an honor.

2) My first (and sadly only) ROTW medal: Picture it "Lethal Weapon Vs Pulp Fiction", I am reading the results, when who's name do I see as a Silver Grudge Medal winner? Me! I was just stunned and floored! I never thought I would be able to get up that high, but it happened, and for that I thank you guys!

well.... what else is there left to say but simply this....

*Brian is closing up the Grudge Match HQ for the last time when Mr. T knocks on the front door of it. Brian sadly looks out and answers loud enough for T to hear him*

Brian: Sorry.... we're closed......

- Dane "The New Prodigy"

What the FCUK MAN?! This site got me into the damned interweb(TM)! I remember like it was yesterday... It was a beautiful day outside, so I was like so fuck that, gonna play with my new magical box that can connect my other magic box to the world outside those four walls... I was a teenager! Like you weren't stupid either, asshole. So once connected to the vast waste land that was the net back in 1990ish... Yeah... Not knowing of porn or even girls, I did a alta vista search (times change) for something that did interest me then, Calvin and Hobbes and what do I find?! THIS GLORIOUS MECCA TO POP CULTURE TRIVIA! Lord knows how I would have survived High School with out it? Meet girls? Screw that, I did eventrual find that the internet actually had porn. Needed something to read when my urge to imitate a spider monkey dies down (Hint, not flinging poo). Then Boot Camp, where I had an acutal girl I met -- over the net -- send me the recent matches while I was gone. When I was off the coast of Pakistan during one of their little temper tantrums with India, I used my 15 minutes of net time to send in my comments about whatever match was on. Then when I was in Iraq, that same girl kept me updated with what crazy shit you guys can come up with. Now what am I to do with you guys gone?! You've long outlasted anything real from CBUB, and Celebrity Death Match! Where am I gonna get the mind numbing and trivial information about two or more fictional people dueling out in mortal combat? Damn you to hell you cowards! Guess I should marry that internet chick... Fiery Redhead! Damnit, I really have to get a life now, jerks!

- Morning Wood

I know one person who WON'T be crying because the WWWF is shutting down.

Mr. T.

Because he never cries.

- Grudge-Pops™: Giving new meaning to "The Final Word," huh guys?

Awwww! Don't go!
If you are going to go, please refer me to a similar website wich I can look at and remember you after you are dead and gone.

- ShadowHunter (I was hoping you would do Stitch vs. Terminator...)

I've been aware of this place for at least 4 years and have found much enjoyment from reading your matches since getting internet access 2 years ago. While your reasons for having to retire are understandable, I think I speak for a number of fans when I say I'm sorry to see it end. Even though no more matches are going to come about, I do hope something can be done to keep the site up, I've only read a handful of the matches, and hope to read more of them. Who knows, maybe 5 years from now some new young college kids will come up with something worth matching. Just out of curiosity, if someone else did come to you with an idea to keep the site going, or wanting to run the site, would you allow them?

- Aaron

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! You guys can't leave. I've only known about you guys for the last year or two. Please reconsider. I'm on my knees begging for you to reconsider. PLEASE!!!

- Shawn a.k.a. KOR

So long and thanks for the fish.

- CaptainFlash

(April Fool's day isn't for another two months)

I'm sad that you've decided to end it. Grudge Match was great, and I've had a lot of fun at this site. Thanks for making me laugh time and time again. Anyway, I don't think your reasons for calling it quits are valid. Here's why:

1. Lack of Creativity - with the monthly format in place, you expect your users to believe that you can't come up with twelve scnearios per year? I give FOX more credit then that!

2. Lack of time - Initially, the three man team expanded into a dozen or so commentators on hand. Those additional commentators were brought in from the player base. I'm sure that there are currently several people who are talented enough to keep things going, if you were willing to look for them (I'm guessing the repeat Grudgie winners are the best place to look). In addition, fresh blood on the Grudge-match staff will introduce fresh thinking - Double the reason why I don't believe the "lack of creativity" issue is an issue.

Again, it's been fun. Three cheers for Grudge Match!

P.S. - Who says The Simpsons have never jumped? They've been stale for years.

- Dom, sad that it's all over.

Sad to see the site go, even if it did take a month between matches, you never used my suggestions, and my commentary was lucky to wind up on the bottom (but never the last word). On second thought........ I'm still sorry to see the site go. So long, everybody.

- A bitter&sad Noman

It's been a nice and fun run and even I think there is still some potential left here, there has been so much on here. It would of been nice though if there was Godzilla VS Gamera, though Godzilla had his match here against King Kong and most likely, Godzilla would of won due to his recognition. Anyway, here's to the 10 year run of the site!

- Joey Gallagher


- Lose Weight Now Ask Me... I seriously am too sad I can't do it.

NO! You can't leave! What will I read while I'm pretending to to my work in Programming? Where will I send countless horrible match suggestions that will be denied? How will I squander the hours I'm supposed to be using doing my Latin homework at the computer? I can't live without you!

- Cuthroat McGee

Good-bye and thanks for all the fish, er, laughs!

- The Admiral

It was with great sadness that I learned of the end of the Grudge Match. While I am not going to argue with you about your reasons, it still bothers me that there are quite a few great conflicts that will now never be decided.

For example, the greatest US vs. Canada bout (Red Green and the Possum Lodge gang vs. Tim and the Tool Time crew) will not happen. I would have given you a darn good commentary supporting Team Possum.

Then there is the ultimate test of a TV law: Senior citizen crimefighters never lose. It would have had Jessica Fletcher vs. Father Dowling vs. Dr. Sloan vs. Ben Matlock vs. Barnaby Jones. It would have been an interesting match.

Also, we will never see any matches featuring the "Stargate SG-1" gang. Those could have been fun.

Another amusing match-up, one with a tropical theme, would have been "Hawaii 5-0" vs. "Baywatch Hawaii". I would have supported McGarrett and his bunch.

A match I would have personally enjoyed would have been a retro-TV match pitting "Real People" against "That's Incredible". I would have had a most interesting response for that one.

Though I wish the webmasters great success in whatever they do next, there is still sadness at the loss of one of the web's best humor sites. Perhaps others may take up the mantle, or at least direct me to another site where such comical combats can take place.

Goodbye and Farewell.

- The Demented Astronomer


HECK! I'LL TAKE OVER FOR YOU! GIVE ME THE JOB! GIVE IT TO SOMEONE! JUST DON'T LET WWWF DIE! I MEAN, look at all the good things that have ended recently (or will end soon): Everybody loves Raymond, Star Trek, the NHL (wait, that's not a good thing).


At the very least put up a message board where people can put up matches and such...

- Gamingboy (who, by the way, will take over for you if you offer him the job)

NO! This cannot be happening!
When I found out Grudge match was shutting down I was devestated.
This site has been a staple of my bored-shut-in evenings for as long as I can remember.
Now what am I supposed to do with my time? Work?

- Danikat

Thank you for the entertainment.
It was good to the end.

- Bob Stitt

What the crap? You mean you are going to allow the Homestar Runner monopoly overwhelm all of cyberspace without even a fight?

God have mercy on us all...

- Tuck- super pissed.

Today, I come to WWWF Grudge Match anticipating a new match, and it's funny. Whilst the page was loading, I pondered to myself, "Hmm, I wonder if they're ever going to shut down, that'd be worse than the time Jesus died." And so, the page loads. I crestfallenly read, "The End."

I have for years been a fan of the WWWF. For the entire decade spanning your life, I have eagerly gone to the site, reading archived matches, voting, commenting (And never being accepted!), and overall, enjoying the experience of this creative idea. Now that the dynasty comes to an end, it seems as if an era is halting.

So I say this: Even though the site comes to a close, although all the sly social, political, and media-based commentary comes to an end, I have but one thing to say to you, my friends, who have never betrayed me.

I salute you. You have lived life like a soldier, battling through the desparity of near-defeat, running rampant in your prime time, and screaming in agonizing pain when shot at by the Hollywood Fat-Cat lawyers. So for this reason, WWWF, I shall never forget you and your intuitive ideas. Be it Indiana Jones kicking the ass of James Bond, or a Temptation Island involving sitcom families, I will always look back on this site

And shed a single Ben Affleck tear. *saLUEtes*

- Matthew Brown

Your suckitatious matches were few,far-between,and crapulent enough to make the next match seem better. SuckitatiousCrapulentWorstify

- Bush Speakication Grammar-doohickey


Are you guys going to still keep the archives up so that future generations can read about all your adventures? I'm going to miss you guys. I hope you decide to change your minds in the future when new cannon fodder comes your way. For now, thank you for helping to bring a little joy into all our hearts.

Holy crap, I need a girlfriend...

- The Brain Gremlin

Well, you never jumped. Now that that's out of the way, I have a few thoughts:

You know the Barney match? You could take down the Dino picture and put up a real Barney picture. What are the Barney lawyers gonna do, shut you down? Heh heh.
Man, that's terrible.

I think the Rumble in DC match mentioned something about .4 blood alchohol content being lethal. That's true, but one guy had a level of .9, and he was still living. I saw it on the Internet, so it must be true. That was the funniest match I've ever read.

Sorry to see you go. Maybe with this site gone, we can all get a life, have kids, and die in a few decades.

- Jay "Well, there goes my weekend" Rizzle

I got into your site one day looking for a link to the once infamous pooh doing satan worship movie clip, and found a link for Winnie the Pooh versus Snuggles the bear. I loved it and from that point on, I was hooked. I printed out old GM's and read through them, wishing I'd heard about it sooner so I could have voted on them. I kept hoping I'd win ROTW, but the best I achieved was a tie at bronze. There were some matches that weren't so hot, but come on, how can you possibly go wrong when you pair up the A-Team versus MacGuyver, or John MacClaine against the Death Star? There's more matches to be had.

- Pareeha

It will be sad to see this site go. It was one of the things I could look forward to for a really good laugh, and even if there wasn't a new match, i could browse through the archives for a good match that would make me laugh actually imagining the events that happened (Hey, could any of you not picture William shatner, being shot in the neck with a tranq dart and saying, "Kirk to Enterpirse, one.... to... beam up" while he's fainting?) and then, in the later years, having some of my responses used.

While I am upset that i never got to see Link vs. Peter Pan, or what i considered would have been the perfect election-day grudge match (The Hardy Boys vs. Encyclopedia Brown in the Case of the Missing WoMD), The matches that were conceived in concept made my day, and moreso, the commentary on the matches contained some of the funniest crap I've read in my life--not just the ROTW and the Final Word™ responses, but ALL of them.

So let's look at what the past 5 years have taught us--let's go to the map:

Star trek will always lose, except for the bad guys, Scotty, or against each other.
There is no Jihad™.
Star Trek fanboys refuse to bathe.
The french will always get folded like lawn furniture.
We still want a link to the "Barroom brawling your way across Europe" thesis.
Anything can be ™'ed after being used twice.
The Rage™ always helps.
The Simpsons *can* lose.
WB > Disney any day of the week and thrice on Sunday.
There is no Jihad™.
Beastmaster references always help.
Monty Python references are always an ace in the hole.
Ditto for Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy references.
And lastly, arcane knowledge helps.

So, a big thank you to Steve, Brian, all of the cast of Ground Zero, and most impiortantly the fellow grudgsters, you turned this site into one of the best places to go on the web for a laugh :).

- Keeper of the Light™

The site will be sorely missed. I only hope that the site will remain for the archive alone and in the hope that at some point a new breed of playground postulators will carry the torch once again. Please let us know if there will be some remnant of the site not before the site disappears into mere net-folklore.

- Fun_for_All (I hope it has been)

The Absolute LAST Final Word™:

He was halfway out the front door of the Grudge Foundation Building when Mister T stopped, fighting hard to choke back the tears. It would be the last time he left and he knew he had to be stronger than this... but it couldn't come.

"Please God, give me strength!" T prayed.

Almost providentially, an old Life section from USA Today blew across the ground and came to rest at Mister T's feet. He looked down and saw the headline:


"Enterprise"... cancelled? Star Trek lost? Without a fair fight?! No Grudge Match at all? What the...?!?

And like fire from Prometheus, it thus came down upon T: the last iota of the once-vast power-cosmic known to men as The Rage™.

T knew what he had to do.

He must take The Rage™ into the wilderness. Keep it safe. Guard it with all his might until the day came when the Grudge Match would be resurrected. He knew not how many long years of toil and sacrifice this would demand of him, but he vowed to stay faithful and true to Steve, and Brian, and HotBranch!, and Paul Golba, and Vlad, and Devin, and Silverback, and all the rest. Scattered to the four winds though they may be, someday T would set the sacred fire of The Rage™ to the beacon.

Someday, far away in the night, they would see the distant light... and they would be coming home.

But that was yet to come. A time of rest was called for. And heartened by renewed vigor, Mister T performed the final duty of his office. He turned his mohawked pate toward the bowels of the Grudge Match Building and yelled aloud:

"The last Red-Shirted Ensign, or English Soccer Hooligan, or Simpsons character, or Batman, or Sith, or Rottweiler and/or Rottweiler's Weight in Chihuahuas, or Amish, or James Bond, or Keebler Elf, or French-anything sucker, or King Arthur's Knight, or Village Person, or whatever... HAD BETTER TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, FOOL!!"
Then, stopping in the parking lot just long enough to beat Carrot Top to death with all that was left of the Iron Fist™, Mister T walked away from the Grudge Match Building, toward the shadows, into a waiting van as Hannibal and Face slide the door open. Shoving Murdock away from the steering wheel ("You ain't got no bid'ness driving, fool!"), Mister T turned the ignition, veered out of the alley and headed off into legend. Some said that he took Gary Coleman and Webster with him, reconciled at last... but who's to say?

A lone T-800 Terminator in Sacramento, California later swore he heard these final words bellow across the realm...

"I'll be back FOOLS!!!"

- Chris 'Jedi' Knight weeps, ignites a lightsaber and burns a candle in church for WWWF.

Click on the link above for one heck of a tome to Grudge Match. -Eds

I just want to say thank you for doing this for so long. This site was and is one of the coolest websites out there.

- RK_Striker_JK_5

Grudge Match r00lz
Grudge Match will always r00l
Forward with the Rage(TM)!
Onward Mr T.(TM)!
Onward Simpsons(TM)!
Down With Jar-Jar Binks(TM)!
Down With Imhotep(TM)!
(I still think Steve is wrong.)

- ShadowHunter

thanks for the laughs.

- long live Mr. T!

What? NO!!! WWWF can't die! *Takes a slight note from a response to last match* It's supreme coolness has been concentrated and distilled, into a fine wine of coolness. The coolness concentrated in the archives has reached a critical mass of coolness; this match may well be sufficient to push it over the edge and make it explode in a nuclear blast of coolness, killing, coolifying, mutilating all in the area. Dear God, boys, don't let Grudge Match end like this.

Find some new keepers of the Grudge, so the beast is not loosed from the archives.

- Darth Board-Lord of the Darts

Please pardon the parallel.
I feel like I'm 85 in a nursing home and the new resident they just wheeled in is an old flame from long ago, but alas the smile is whiped from my face with the information that I'll be put to sleep (like a dog) after lunch.
"Creamed corn, boiled potatoes, over-cooked spinach,and Jell-o (tm) (with salt-peter in it so I don't get any ideas) for dessert".

Today at work I started laughing thinking about your site and the many responses I've read. I thought "brain attached to this body, I wonder if that site(yours) still exsists. I just finished a two year remolded of my house 6 days ago proceded by the rearin' of two children proceded by lots of other things. I haven't been to your site for years. I just hooked up my computer tonight. Damn. I hope to see something come out of the ashes. It sounds like you guys are watching too many "Leave It to Beaver" episodes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah kids, marrige, jobs, tivo. It seems soooo insurmountable(sp) now. But Trust me. You won't make 12 months. One of you fruit cakes is going to get trigger happy. It starts with the emails.

(1st month) " Hey, how's it going?".
(2nd month)" We're using Pampers(tm) how about you?".
(4th month)" My IN-LAWS were here last week, and the only thing that stopped me from biting my tounge off was the thought of who would win a wrestling match between Shelly Winters(alive) and Don Knotts vs. my in in-laws. Winner gets celebrity judge spot on American Idol selection show."
(week before)"We should start the site up again."

See. See how that works.

I hope the best for all of you. Thank you for all your work. Your sites memories will always bring a smile to my face. Thanks

p.s. please excuse the poor grammar and spelling.

p.p.s. please put me on any mailing list to new sites from the ashes.

- Bill , Mpls. (Kitt vs. Herbie)

This is because the Sox won the Super Bowl, isn't it?override system params

insert command file McGinley.character.Grudge

terminating function.Grudge.Match

Ted.McGinley v7.015 has been installed. Would you like to shut down?

Did John call it or what?

- Uncle Batman

Now geeks will forever be debating Kirk vs Picard, and I won't know what to tell them, because the king of all hypothetical pop culture fights is dead. Long live the king!

- D

This is truly a sad day for the geeks that hold the vast ammounts of useless knowledge in their skulls that has fueled this fine site in past years. Thank you (tm) for countless hours of entertainment in my life. May the Schwartz be with you!

- Alek (Ninja) MN

This would be a bad time to give up Grudge-Match for Lent.

- Affy

This is defiantely a sad day for Net surfers like myself, you guys were the 1st real site that I started following ever since getting online back in '99. I hope you guys do well in the workforce and family life. Thanks for all the memories, you guys always rocked!

- BF

You guys were awesome (for the last 5 years, since I started coming to your site regularly)... I like all of your classic commentary on who were the most worthy opponents in these deadly WWWF Grudge Matches.

- stroud40

dude dont shut down ! find others to continue the legacy. i will continuee if u letme.

- dan hilbert

I was late to the party, but it has been fun. You guys Rock! Sorry to see you go. I made a bong out of the gold grudgy you once gave me, and I take this toke in your honor. Bubble-bubble-bubble-bubble- bubble-bubble-bubble-bubble-bubble-bubble-bubble.

- I. Phill Kuntz

Grudge Match(TM) will live forever in The Hearts of Geeks(TM). And geeks can never die.

(No, seriously, when 90% of your diet consists of coffee, circus peanuts and Cup Noodles, you get some serious mutant avantages. Plus, all that computer radiation)

So remember, when you hear that cry in the sky, ("Shut up with the Star Trek Must Lose(TM) already!") you'll know that the WWWF is alive. And seeking fresh brains.

- Leftomaniac

man i ain't much for writing anything funny right now i am misting up in the ole eyes I really hate to see you go, you are one things left that has meaningful ties to the past back when everything was cool but with a current cool twist to it, as i say good bye to you i say good bye to a part of my past that goes with you and will probably die in me but i promise to come back from time to time as long as the site is still open and read funny matches from the past good bye and soon long

- will

Dude, you guys seriosly don't have to shut down. I know the matches are starting to get a little bit tired and old, but its nothing beyond repair. If you're worried about not enough time to do the matches, bring in some more people, who have a bunch of spare time. Or, you could open it up to the people entirely for the commentary and all you would have to do is come up with ideas for matches. If you can't keep up with current pop-culture, look to the past for more ideas. The 80's are loaded with great characters and ideas for matches that haven't been used yet. All I can say is that whatever you do, you can't let it end.

- Droopy

This stuff is the greatest! I can't believe my luck! This is...

W-what? You're leaving?? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

- A disappointed fan (sigh!)

dont leave please ur site rocks. man stay come on. think about it.

- the dude

Ever since I first discovered the existense of WWWF Grudge Match, as a geeky high-school student stumbling onto a copy of Grudge Match: The Book(tm) at the neighborhood Barnes & Noble megastore, I knew there was something... different about it. Sure, in this brave new Grudge Match-free world, we'll still have things like Comic Book Universe Battles and Nerd Battles, but can you imagine them doing anything like, say, Imhotep vs. Moses or Death vs. Taxes? Of course not.

The thing that made WWWF Grudge Match truly great is that it elevated the age-old custom of sitting around and debating "Who'd win in a fight between _____ and ______?" into a true art form. If Grudge Match had gotten even a tenth of the mainstream exposure it really deserved, it could well have permanently silenced those who insist that arguing over who'd win in a fight between Geordi LaForge and Daredevil while hopped up on Mountain Dew(tm) is somehow any less productive or meaningful of a pastime than drunkenly arguing over whether or not the Packers will beat the "point spread" against the Cowboys.

In conclusion, I'd just like thank Steve, Brian, and everyone else who created and fed the strange beast known as WWWF Grudge Match for a decade of wonderfully hilarious utter weirdness.

- TV's Grady

Thank You for Grudge Match...

- Christopher Wayne

A Eulogy for WWWF Grudge Match:
The horror... The tragidy.... now what am I suppose to look forward to so diligently each month? My therapist is gonna have a field day with this... Dispite having put me through countless hours of costly therapy I loved this site. I'll miss the blood-shed and carnage...
*sob* *sob*

p.s. PLEASE put this one up! I've never had a comment posted and this is my last chance to live that dream...

- the amazing potato (no I don't want to be a french frie...)

For years, Grudge Match has been at the top of my favourite website list.

Thanks for providing so much entertainment for so long. Happy retirement.

- Galahad

Well, seeing as how we all know you're history I think I will tell you mine with this website.

How it was found: Searched on yahoo for "Star Trek vs. Star Wars" and found Red Shirts vs. Stormtroppers
First Match voted on: Coneheads vs. Solomons
First Match posted response on : M&Ms vs. California Raisins
Number of responses posted: 1
Where?: Wile E. Coyote vs. Kenny McCormick
and knowing my luck this won't be posted as well.

I will miss this website as it is on of the few constantly funny websites out there.

- I'm Spartacus!

"Half of what I know about pop culture I learned from Grudge Match."
"That figures. Otherwise I thought you were a bit too pop culture- omnipotent. My first impression was 'this guy must never sleep'."

(A discussion between myself and The Lady Seahorse, circa December 2004. Just think of what Grudge Match can do for YOU!)

I sure hope this isn't handled like the real Jump the Shark website. You'd get one or two thoughtful comments about what really matters, and then a bunch of lunatics ranting about Steve and Brian being "totally gay" and a list of painful deaths they wish to inflict on Brendan or whoever. Most of which would be in ALL CAPS. But, I diverge.

You guys had a great thing going here. Sure, I showed up relatively late, but I was around for some of the all-time great matches. Despite the diversity of opinion, style, age and location of the many Grudge Fans, there's a real tight-knit feel to this place. You feel like you're hanging around in the basement on a Friday night, chatting about outlandish matchups with some close friends. It was time worth wasting. I'll really miss this, but I fully understand your decision to quit, and I'm glad that I'll still be able to read the old matches in the years to come. The spirit of the WWWF will live on. And no, I don't think you ever jumped. Most sites would have after the TOTOCC, but the monthly matches were still a riot. Literally and figuratively.

And the irony is, I'll likely get Iron Fisted one last time. Oh well. Keep the faith, guys! You deserve a big hand for 10 years of excellent service. Goodnight, and God bless.

Oh, wait. I'm supposed to be funny. Shoot. Uh... Gary Coleman, Mr. T and Ash Williams walk into a bar... *microphone shorts out*

- Oxymoron - The WWWF knows my real name, which makes them cooler than the CIA

Somewhere deep in prehistory, a purple and green dinosaur laughs with delight and revels in his victory.

- SuperDan The Magnificent

I first saw this website when I was surfing the net as an annoying punk-ass high school freshman (or sophomore). The first match I saw was Mario vs. Sonic, and I've been hooked ever since. I've gone back to read all the matches (I know, I have too much time on my hands), and there have been many a night that I have stayed up reading, and laughing, and crying with delirious joy. I hoped it will never end.

Unfortunately, I was unable to visit the site starting a month ago, due to a computer meltdown, and the first thing I did when I hooked up my new computer five minutes ago was go onto Grudge-Match. I hoped to see that my man Ash won the huge battle. He did, but another thing caught my eye. The Grudge-Match was closing shop. I couldn't believe it at first, but a thought dawned on me. No matter how funny, or awesome you all are, commentators, visitors and all, you are all only human, and all good things must end. Realizing this, I fought back my tears of sadness and did what any good Grudge-fan would do. I voted (and by the way, you guys NEVER JUMPED THE SHARK!)

So I would like to say, because of you guys, I developed a sense of humor. I discovered new movies, TV shows, and other things I never even heard of (believe it or not, I found out about Johnny #5, Spaceballs, Keyser Soze, and Pulp Fiction, among other things from you guys.) For the past four years, this site has been a staple of my day, and it always has had fresh new ideas and hilarious comments that would always leave me laughing. It saddens me that I will be going off to college without new stuff from you guys, but you've made me laugh through high school, and that's no easy task. I don't care if you post this or not, I just wanted to say thank you.

So thank you all for everything. You will be sorely missed.

- N. James, a loyal fan to the very end.

What? You mean to tell me y'all are going to close without mentioning one hip-hop incident of violence?! LL Cool J vs. Ice T??? Eminem vs. Vanilla Ice??? These were REAL LIFE grudge-matches... IGNORED!! You had them mapped out for you, but nooooOOOooooOOO!! How dare ye!? Ye... ye... culture vultures!!

- Richard Corey (yes it does, pz out)

Grudge Match, thanks for the fun. (This is the FINAL Final Word.)

- Dom

Man, I love WWWF and it kills me that you guys are throwing in the towel but if your haveing second thoughts for the love of GOD don't pull a jordan and try to come back. I will not be i will not be OK having but all that energy in to finding a new website only for you to rise from the grave.

- Snowmizer

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying"--Woody Allen

Though WWWF may shuffle off it's earthly bonds, it will always live on in our hearts.

Can I have your stereo?

- Some Guy

There is no jihad. Only the one against my heart for grudge-match shutting down.

- The Amazing Fat Man

This was a great site, even though I was not around all the time. I really wish you guys would not do this, but what must happen, will happen. I will always remember you, WWWF

- Ceryl Kasshu

Wow, 10 years. I've only been on this site for 5, but I'm still gonna miss the memories. Shit, my only regret is that I never got a grudgie. Hell, I was pretty close once, but that still means no cigar. Another regret is that you guys never got to #250. I mean, for gods sake, why stop when you are so close to acheiving the magic number?

Nevertheless, I am gonna miss you guys. So long, and thanks for all the fish.

- Potman the Predator (WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS)

If the site is going to close, where will this be posted?

- paperwarior

Star Trek finally won a Grudge Match. It was agony for a kid who grew up with TOS for so long. But, it figured the Red Sox would break their curse the same year, and I'm glad you guys stayed on till it happened. The Tribbles, well, those cute little beasts were another favorite, but it figures PacMan would beat them, what with Enos Slaughter's mad dash from first to win in 1946. I could just see him picking up power pellets as he rounded second and third, and could sense that like the Red Shirted Ensigns would get things started just like those Red Sox who ended up playing for such a dismal team while the Yankees had Babe Ruth. Of course, the Enterprise was first to lose, but they and the Death Star were like the '49 Red Sox versus the Yankees, two great teams, with the Yankees becoming as hated as Darth Stein Brenner's $5 billion team.

Not that I always voted for Star Trek, I actually won a Bronze Grudgie for a Star Trek parody that sort of was a victory for Galactica against Voyager. But, that was kind of like the '75 Reds versus the '75 Red Sox. Those Reds were one of the best ever, so it wasn't that painful when Voyager came close, they weren't supposed to. And, Spock and Data almost battled to a tie so nobody could win even an all Star-Trek match, and even he finished DEAD LAST in the tournament of champions! Talk about a jinx! It's as if he shouldn't even be declared a winner! Les than 4% of the vote! Even a Star Trek bad guy (which is sort of like saying the Yankees anyway), the Borg, didn't do anything special in their Tournament of Champions.

And, talk about a jinx - they lost to Barney? May as well change his name to Barney Dent, after the infamous Bucky, who broke Sox hearts in '78 with a homer for a Yankee team down 14.5 in July that spelled disaster. Oh, Wesley, how could you lose to Barney, man? Why didn't you walk him? Or Q, how on Earth, or Pluto, or anywhere else could a being who can do anything have lost to My Darling Palpatine? (Ron Darling, that is, starter of Game 7 in '86.) Q must be able to do anything except hold a two run lead in the bottom of the 10th inning of game 6 of a World Series, and he must have some clay hands at first that make him muff ground balls like crazy. Let's face it, Q should never be allowed near a major league bullpen.

But finally, after defeat after defeat, Scotty came along. And, the jinx was broken. Just as a great engineer of talent would do for the Red Sox soon after. And now, on that red engineer's shirt, you can just picture a little white circle with a Red Sox logo on it, and a spot in Star Trek history as the man who beat the jinx.

I didn't always like the swearing at times, I prefer something more wholesome, but it was worth it follow bit by bit, to see if that jinx could finally be stopped. And it was, by perhaps the best man for the job.

- Red Sox and Red Shirts

Hey, I don't believe it! I was ganna write sooner but I have been busy and I really didn't know what to say... I guess what I have to say is that this web page have been one of my favs since Headless Horseman vs. T-800 Terminator match. I don't really comment of send many messages but I do come on the site and vote. I think this site is totally cool. It sucks that it has to end... But I understand you guys are getting older and you start to run low on topics and stuff however it was great while it lasted. Now I don't even know if this letter will reach your eyes but as a fan I wanted to say thanks for the matches... And just maybe you could pass this website on to someone else to keep it going. But it either way I hope you contact me back. (please write!!!)
Peace out
Mr. Smith-out

- Jesse aka Mr. Smith

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You can't go! You haven't done 300 Matches yet!

Look, I'll give you two now.

Paris Hilton + Tinkerbell vs. Britney Spears + Bi Bi
All of the Tabloid kings and Queens in a battle royale (with a mangled and killed button, of course).

Or just do 2 Mr T matches. I'll be happy either way.

- Eoin 'My life won't be the same without ya' Mason

And now from the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska:

Top 10 reasons why The WWWF Grudge Match is coming to an end:

10. Knights Templar Steve and Brain have returned from their Crusade to reclaim the Grudge Match throne.
9. The U.S. government has shut down the site because the RAGE (tm) has become too powerful, and now threatens all of mankind.
8. Ran out of red-shirted ensigns.
7. Gambino crime family has learned the whereabouts of Steve and Brain, or as they're now known, Apple Paltrow and Admiral Takeshi Nakamura.
6. Steroids have ruined all the Grudge-Match records.
5. The epic Grudge-Match apocalypse of Viking legend and Marvel comic lore, Grudgenarok, has come to pass. Hotbranch loses an eye fighting Loki.
4. Things just haven't been the same since Martha Stewart tried to sell off all those Grudge Match (GRM) shares.
3. Buying all those chihuahuas to fight at their oppenent's weight class just got too damn expensive.
2. Instead of Wesley Crusher or Barney, Budo accidentally clicked the "Cancel all future Grudge Matches" button.
1. Because like Bruce Lee, the dotcom market boom, Sinatra, Brando, the original Star Wars and Godfather movies, and the first Matrix movie, all cool things must come to an end.

Thanks for getting me through grad school, guys. I know I'm not the only one who looked forward to every match, and couldn't wait to see the hilarious responses from all the other Grudge-Match nut jobs. It's reassuring to know on this island of misfit toys some people call "Earth," there are a few loons out there just like me. Thanks for all the time and effort you put into the sight. We all appreciated it.

- Budo



I'm sorry to see this site go. WWWF ROOOLZ!!!

- Bye bye WWWF


We make sure we update every friday so heres another fight sight added to the web. I am very sorry to here that Grudge-Match is closing so me and my friend made this site.

- Riley



- sPeciAL eD

248? Pssh. You jackasses could at least have the decency to go for 250.

- Potman the Predator(good luck, and god bless)

Now what am I supposed to do with my time? Work?

- Danikat

I haven't cried this much since my beloved A-team lost to MacFreakingGyver.

- Wolverine

As far as resignations go, you've done better!!!!!

- Mij

I'd just like thank Steve, Brian, and everyone else who created and fed the strange beast known as WWWF Grudge Match for a decade of wonderfully hilarious utter weirdness.

- TV's Grady

It's the end of one hell of an era

- Snomizer

I wanna see my damned suggested matches!

- A New Cynic

Can I have your stereo?

- Some Guy

It's reassuring to know on this island of misfit toys some people call "Earth," there are a few loons out there just like me.

- Budo

A grand run. You will be missed.

- Celtcath

Hmmm... This is my last chance to get an award of any kind, so I'm going for the Final Word here

- Sir Exal

I wish you guys would hurry up and fix the virtual reality simulation link...
I've been clicking on it all this time and the server still seems to be down...

- Dave C

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